The next morning, I remembered little of the night before, but I felt every sip of it. Holy crap my head was throbbing. As I peeked through the tiny slits between my eyelids, attempting to avoid the light of day, I rolled into a wall of Brett. I had no idea if everyone else felt the way I did, but I hoped for their sakes they had stayed sober. Cheap wine had not been good to me. When Brett groaned in pain, I realized my husband had followed me down a drunken path. I couldn't remember much about what we'd done after we got home last night other than started drinking. I knew they had put some movie on, but Lissa and I were yapping, and the wine flowed, and before I knew it, I had delved into stories about my past. Oh God, as bits and pieces came back to me, I wondered if Brett and I even still had friends and why my husband hadn't left me.His large hand found my hip and pulled me to him. "Do you feel as bad as I do?" he croaked with his head under the pillow."Worse. What were you t
Lissa was just as much a lightweight as I was. She hadn't bothered coming in when she honked in the driveway. I put on enormous sunglasses and a hoodie and met her at her car. When I got in, she lifted her dark shades to express her irritation with the day, and I burst out laughing."We're two peas in a pod. I feel as bad as you look like you do." "I'd still be in bed if Dan hadn't forced me to get up. He's like some Herculean drinker or something. They drank just as much as we did, and Dan acts like it's just another day. How was Brett?""Giving me advice on how to handle a hangover." I rolled my eyes to express my irritation with my husband who had revived after a shower and measly cup of coffee. "He swears we need grease and another cocktail.""Holy crap, Dan, too. Do they share a brain?" She'd pulled out of my driveway and onto the street. I didn't know where we were going but trusted we'd agreed on something since she seemed to have a destination. "You haven't figured that
The knock startled me. I almost never closed my office door, and if I did, no one ever knocked, they just opened it and barged in. I was having a hard time focusing on the mounds of reports on my desk with the noise in the DC and had hoped to eliminate some of the racket."Come in," I called out.Dan opened the door and peeked his head around."Why are you knocking?""You never close the door, so I didn't know if maybe you had a private guest you might be entertaining." He wagged his brows at me like an idiot."The only private anything I'd have would be Annie, and that doesn't happen here.""Well, maybe not now. But it did."I threw my pen at the asshole. He was screwing with me and thought he was funny."Speaking of your better half, have you guys considered Lissa's offer?" The joking stopped instantly, and his face took on a serious expression. Dan swung the heavy metal door open far enough to allow his giant frame to pass through before shutting it behind him.I hadn't ans
"Sweetheart?" I called as I closed the front door.Her car was here, but that hadn't meant much recently. She and Lissa were virtually inseparable and were always doing something together. Dan had been hounding me for days to talk to her. I was afraid if I didn't do it soon, he'd show up with Lissa and corner her himself. His determination had caught me off guard. Dan hadn't let up, and he'd brought Lissa in for reinforcement. I'd gotten emails and texts from her asking if Annie had reconsidered. She'd even had Dan transfer her to my extension two days ago in an attempt to convince me how important this was to her.But I couldn't figure out why. I knew she and Annie were close, they spent tons of time together, but realistically, they'd only known each other a little over six months. Annie had friends she'd known for decades who didn't even know about the second miscarriage, much less offer to carry her child for her. Yet here Lissa was, offering herself to us as a sacrifice. She l
Finding a lawyer to do the paperwork was the easy part, the surrogate process was much more complicated than I'd realized. Once we identified a specialist Annie and Lissa both liked, it wasn't just a matter of taking my sperm and her eggs and putting them in with a turkey baster. Lissa's job was considerably harder than just letting a baby grow in her uterus. When we'd gotten all the information about preparing her body for pregnancy, we asked her to think about it for a few days. If she didn't want to proceed, we understood. Annie hadn't committed in her mind this was going to happen, so now was the time to back out.Thirty-seven hours later, Lissa brought all the signed documents back to our lawyer's office and called Annie when she left. My wife was still cautiously optimistic. This was a huge commitment on Lissa's part. There would be tons of doctor's appointments before she ever even got pregnant. Annie wanted to go to all of them with her; she wanted to be a part of everything L
I'd gotten so caught up with Lissa and talking about surrogates I'd slowly stepped back from Gray. When I heard from him, I tried to respond to his messages but kept my distance. The guilt weighed heavily on me knowing he needed a shoulder to lean on and had reached out because we had history, but I couldn't engage in his issues. For the first time in my adult life, I'd chosen myself over someone else, someone I cared deeply for. I was selfish and went after what I wanted. It was terribly uncharacteristic of me, but there was no guarantee this would work, and there sure as hell wasn't a guarantee Lissa would go through this again. So I'd chosen us.I hadn't expected to have to make another choice in the middle of the night, but when my phone rang at two, I ignored it. The noise started over again, Brett reached over me to grab it and answer the incoming call. The sound of the fan overhead was the only noise in the room until Brett barked out a groggy "hello."I had no doubt who was o
I'd been poked and prodded more than any one human being should be in the last few weeks. Lissa had been a trooper, never once complaining, and I'd vowed if she could tough it out, I would as well. But at that point, I was tired and cranky, and overly emotional as it was from all the hormones and crap I'd been injected with to make my ovaries work on overdrive. Gray's shit last night wasn't necessary and only served to sour my mood even further. Brett's silence was not what I had expected, but he'd gotten up this morning and acted like it was another day. Well, not another day. He was ecstatic we were making progress with the baby, but he didn't mention the incident with Gray. This was the one portion of the process Brett and I were doing alone. We hadn't seen a need for Dan and Lissa to be here and promised to update them when we left. Now I wished Lissa was here to gossip with. Anything to calm my nerves.My leg jumped, the nervous anticipation starting to get to me. Brett simply
I was supposed to be on Lissa duty for the next few days, but I'll be damned if Dan wasn't acting like an overprotective, overbearing, ass. We didn't even have confirmation of a pregnancy, we'd only done the embryo transfer, but her being put on bed rest to give them the best chance at implanting had sent him into overdrive-and I was over him. "Lissa, I'm going to get out of here and leave you with Hovering Harry over there. If he goes home, call me, and I'll gladly come back." I winked at her, so she knew I was playing but didn't give Dan the satisfaction.Lissa groaned, but I knew she was eating up the attention from Dan. This was exactly how I'd always envisioned Brett being had I been able to get pregnant. There was a part of me that was envious, but the excitement far superseded it. I called out my goodbyes over my shoulder as I left Lissa's house. The two of us had been together non-stop since the embryo transfer. I was looking forward to getting home to Brett, and a night a
Our story didn't stop at the courthouse. We had dinner with Brett and Annie that night and hovered around their kitchen table. My best friends allowed me to share Joshua with them and gave life to his memory. I showed them the only pictures I still had while holding Alissa in my arms. She smiled up at me as if she knew. That tiny human connected with me on a level she may never understand, but somehow, she knew-without Joshua, she wouldn't be here. Watching her run around with her friends as we celebrated her birth five years later, I couldn't help but think how foolish it would have been to walk away from all of this. Dan and I would never have children, but what we had was far better for us. Annie and Brett were more like siblings than friends, and their kids were amazing. We got to spoil them, take them anywhere we wanted, and send them home. We had family at holidays and special occasions, and we never missed out on anything either Grayson or Alissa were doing. But at the end of
I had called repeatedly, but each try had gone straight to voicemail. Either his phone was off, or it died without being charged overnight. I didn't want to speculate about which it was. I drove as quickly as I could and slammed the SUV in park in the first spot I could find before racing into the courthouse. I followed the signs to the Justice of the Peace, but when I reached the office, completely out of breath, Dan was nowhere to be found. The clock on the wall read 10:11 am. My eyes scanned the room, making sure to identify each person as a stranger before moving on to the next face. Surely, he hadn't left after ten minutes. He had to know I'd come. A guy slammed into my shoulder in his haste to rush out of the office, not even bothering to apologize for nearly knocking me over. But standing stock-still in the middle of the doorway probably wasn't the best idea. I just couldn't believe he'd left. I waited for hours for Matt to show up at the hospital, but Dan hadn't waited ten lo
My night had been restless, and just as quiet as the evening after Dan and I had gotten out of the bathtub. He left after dinner and went to Brett's house, but I didn't have the courage to ask him what he'd done while he was there. He returned in the same mood he'd left in, the one he was known for. To an outsider, he appeared unwavering-but I knew with time to think about it, he'd decide he couldn't stay."Did you want to get a new dress for tomorrow?" "For what?""To go to the courthouse? Or do you want to do the whole thing off the wall and wear jeans?" He kept unloading the dishwasher like he had asked what I needed from the grocery store. "I didn't think we were still doing that?" Maybe he'd taken up drinking.He turned toward me suddenly, dropping a dishtowel he'd used to dry his hands with. "What are you talking about? You said Monday. Tomorrow is Monday.""Dan...""No, don't Dan me. Has something changed that you don't want to marry me now?"Oh, for the love of God. I
I stood in the spot he left me in when he returned with towels from the dryer. He set them on the counter, turned off the water in the now full tub, and removed his clothes. I watched in a trance until he was before me with nothing on. With my hand in his, he stepped over the side of the bathtub and then helped me in. The garden tub was made for two, and I nestled myself between his legs while he leaned back. The bubbles created a cover, hiding our bodies except for the parts of us not under the water. My fingers fidgeted nervously with the white foam until he took my hand and wound his fingers between mine.He might have been waiting for me to start, but I didn't know what to say. The silence was painful, and I ran through the scenarios of how this might play out...none of which ended well."What was his name?" The words of inquiry fanned out against my skin like a warm blanket. They were gentle and softly spoken, inviting me to open up about a piece of me I hadn't shared with anyon
We walked into the sanctuary with two minutes to spare. Brett quickly found Dan, and Annie was in a tizzy. Alissa was nestled into a cradle her dad had created with his arm completely unaffected by her father's helpless panic. "Dude, slow down. What's wrong?"I held Dan's hand in front of Brett, but Alissa had my attention. Just as Brett started to answer Dan's question, Annie came around the corner. Her face was flush, and if I had to bet, I'd say she was roughly two minutes from pulling her hair out.I hadn't heard anything Brett said to my fiancé. The moment Annie got close enough, I saw why she was distressed. Grayson had spit up all over his christening gown...and it stunk, even from here.People started to fill the pews. "What do you need me to do, Annie?"Brett stepped in, suddenly relieved and in control. "Nothing. We're good. Dan went to get stuff out of the car."My brow scrunched in confusion. I had no idea what was going on or how Dan was helping."Seriously, Lissa.
The time on my phone couldn't be right. There was no way it was a quarter to eight. Somehow in my haste to get to sleep I either hadn't turned on my alarm or had turned it off an hour ago when it rang. I threw the covers back and practically fell out of bed. The thud of my body on the floor woke Dan whose concern, while well intended, only slowed my progress out the door."Let me go. I have fifteen minutes to get to Annie's house, and I had planned to shower before I went."He didn't relinquish his grasp on me once he got up. "Lissa, calm down. You aren't going to do anyone any good in a panic." I relaxed until I felt the tension in his arms subside and then made my break. "I'll be back. Can you get the gifts out of the closet and throw them in the bags on the kitchen counter? There's tissue paper there, too.""Sure, where are they?"I raced around tearing my pajamas off to put on a bra and some real clothes. As much as I loved Brett, I wasn't interested in him seeing any more of
"You look like shit, Lissa. Did you have a baby that keeps you up at night, and I missed it?"I swung my attention to Annie to find her giggling to herself. "You don't look so hot yourself, heifer." The wink I shot her direction ensured she saw my playfulness. "I haven't slept all that well the last couple nights." I didn't need to tell her why."Bad dreams?" She'd become a pro at this whole parenting gig. She never missed a beat with either kid and managed to hold completely coherent, adult conversations while breastfeeding one and changing the other. Anyone else would need more hands but not Annie Ryann. "I don't know what it is. Just not getting a lot of rest."She stopped what she was doing and gave me the eye. The one that told me she didn't believe a word I said. I scooped Alissa up and ignored her."Spill it.""There's nothing to spill. I'm just not sleeping well.""Are you nervous about getting married?"Her question was natural, based on the fact that event loomed jus
I'd spent most of the summer with Annie, Alissa, and Grayson while Dan and Brett worked. As my vacation neared its end, I got excited about returning to work. I couldn't wait to be around my students again and the music. I dreaded seeing Rob, but hopefully, he'd be somewhat human now that some time had passed. I hadn't heard from him in the time I'd been off except for the email he sent out to the department today about meetings over the next couple weeks. It would be strange being away from the kids. Annie and I were more like co-mothers, with her taking the lead and the long nights. But I'd spent several of those with her as well. I knew how exhausting one infant was...I couldn't leave her alone with two, and Brett still had to work. Maybe it was an excuse to feel like I was an important part of their lives and their team. Maybe it gave me a piece of what I'd lost years earlier. Either way, I found myself having to be pried away from them. When I told Annie to let me know if I got
The addition of Alissa Danielle to our tribe had been profound. I loved being able to walk across the driveway to relieve my friend in the morning so she could shower, take a nap, or whatever else she was in the mood to do. I didn't care what it was. I'd help her with laundry, cleaning, anything to keep her from experiencing the sleep deprivation that had caused the end of the world I knew. It was twice as bad for her because with each passing day, she became more pregnant and less able to move...or stay awake. I took advantage of the time she granted me with Alissa and tried to maintain the bond the two of us shared. I knew it would change over time, but I hoped as she grew older it would strengthen in different ways. I wanted to be her friend, her confidant, her second mom. In the few weeks she'd been alive, Dan and I both had fallen head over heels for her. But at the end of each day, we got to go next door, have sex as loudly as we wanted to, stay out until all hours of the night