Eliminating the pressure of having an agenda in our marriage brought Brett and me back to where we'd been pre-baby craze. It didn't change the fact that every time my period came, I wondered whether it was a fertilized egg that was unable to implant in my uterus-an unrecognized miscarriage so early on we weren't aware it was a pregnancy-but at least that was only once a month. We tried to resume our social life and just enjoy each other. We spent more and more time with Dan and Lissa, and I had fast developed a strong bond with Dan's girlfriend.We spent most weekends with them, and those we didn't, I talked to Lissa regularly. Dan and Brett joked about how dependent we'd become on each other, but the truth was, I had really connected with her. She knew just about all there was to know about me, except what happened with Will. She knew the gist of it but didn't have any details. Even after all these years, sharing his story still felt like a violation, so when his name came up, I only
The next morning, I remembered little of the night before, but I felt every sip of it. Holy crap my head was throbbing. As I peeked through the tiny slits between my eyelids, attempting to avoid the light of day, I rolled into a wall of Brett. I had no idea if everyone else felt the way I did, but I hoped for their sakes they had stayed sober. Cheap wine had not been good to me. When Brett groaned in pain, I realized my husband had followed me down a drunken path. I couldn't remember much about what we'd done after we got home last night other than started drinking. I knew they had put some movie on, but Lissa and I were yapping, and the wine flowed, and before I knew it, I had delved into stories about my past. Oh God, as bits and pieces came back to me, I wondered if Brett and I even still had friends and why my husband hadn't left me.His large hand found my hip and pulled me to him. "Do you feel as bad as I do?" he croaked with his head under the pillow."Worse. What were you t
Lissa was just as much a lightweight as I was. She hadn't bothered coming in when she honked in the driveway. I put on enormous sunglasses and a hoodie and met her at her car. When I got in, she lifted her dark shades to express her irritation with the day, and I burst out laughing."We're two peas in a pod. I feel as bad as you look like you do." "I'd still be in bed if Dan hadn't forced me to get up. He's like some Herculean drinker or something. They drank just as much as we did, and Dan acts like it's just another day. How was Brett?""Giving me advice on how to handle a hangover." I rolled my eyes to express my irritation with my husband who had revived after a shower and measly cup of coffee. "He swears we need grease and another cocktail.""Holy crap, Dan, too. Do they share a brain?" She'd pulled out of my driveway and onto the street. I didn't know where we were going but trusted we'd agreed on something since she seemed to have a destination. "You haven't figured that
The knock startled me. I almost never closed my office door, and if I did, no one ever knocked, they just opened it and barged in. I was having a hard time focusing on the mounds of reports on my desk with the noise in the DC and had hoped to eliminate some of the racket."Come in," I called out.Dan opened the door and peeked his head around."Why are you knocking?""You never close the door, so I didn't know if maybe you had a private guest you might be entertaining." He wagged his brows at me like an idiot."The only private anything I'd have would be Annie, and that doesn't happen here.""Well, maybe not now. But it did."I threw my pen at the asshole. He was screwing with me and thought he was funny."Speaking of your better half, have you guys considered Lissa's offer?" The joking stopped instantly, and his face took on a serious expression. Dan swung the heavy metal door open far enough to allow his giant frame to pass through before shutting it behind him.I hadn't ans
"Sweetheart?" I called as I closed the front door.Her car was here, but that hadn't meant much recently. She and Lissa were virtually inseparable and were always doing something together. Dan had been hounding me for days to talk to her. I was afraid if I didn't do it soon, he'd show up with Lissa and corner her himself. His determination had caught me off guard. Dan hadn't let up, and he'd brought Lissa in for reinforcement. I'd gotten emails and texts from her asking if Annie had reconsidered. She'd even had Dan transfer her to my extension two days ago in an attempt to convince me how important this was to her.But I couldn't figure out why. I knew she and Annie were close, they spent tons of time together, but realistically, they'd only known each other a little over six months. Annie had friends she'd known for decades who didn't even know about the second miscarriage, much less offer to carry her child for her. Yet here Lissa was, offering herself to us as a sacrifice. She l
Finding a lawyer to do the paperwork was the easy part, the surrogate process was much more complicated than I'd realized. Once we identified a specialist Annie and Lissa both liked, it wasn't just a matter of taking my sperm and her eggs and putting them in with a turkey baster. Lissa's job was considerably harder than just letting a baby grow in her uterus. When we'd gotten all the information about preparing her body for pregnancy, we asked her to think about it for a few days. If she didn't want to proceed, we understood. Annie hadn't committed in her mind this was going to happen, so now was the time to back out.Thirty-seven hours later, Lissa brought all the signed documents back to our lawyer's office and called Annie when she left. My wife was still cautiously optimistic. This was a huge commitment on Lissa's part. There would be tons of doctor's appointments before she ever even got pregnant. Annie wanted to go to all of them with her; she wanted to be a part of everything L
I'd gotten so caught up with Lissa and talking about surrogates I'd slowly stepped back from Gray. When I heard from him, I tried to respond to his messages but kept my distance. The guilt weighed heavily on me knowing he needed a shoulder to lean on and had reached out because we had history, but I couldn't engage in his issues. For the first time in my adult life, I'd chosen myself over someone else, someone I cared deeply for. I was selfish and went after what I wanted. It was terribly uncharacteristic of me, but there was no guarantee this would work, and there sure as hell wasn't a guarantee Lissa would go through this again. So I'd chosen us.I hadn't expected to have to make another choice in the middle of the night, but when my phone rang at two, I ignored it. The noise started over again, Brett reached over me to grab it and answer the incoming call. The sound of the fan overhead was the only noise in the room until Brett barked out a groggy "hello."I had no doubt who was o
I'd been poked and prodded more than any one human being should be in the last few weeks. Lissa had been a trooper, never once complaining, and I'd vowed if she could tough it out, I would as well. But at that point, I was tired and cranky, and overly emotional as it was from all the hormones and crap I'd been injected with to make my ovaries work on overdrive. Gray's shit last night wasn't necessary and only served to sour my mood even further. Brett's silence was not what I had expected, but he'd gotten up this morning and acted like it was another day. Well, not another day. He was ecstatic we were making progress with the baby, but he didn't mention the incident with Gray. This was the one portion of the process Brett and I were doing alone. We hadn't seen a need for Dan and Lissa to be here and promised to update them when we left. Now I wished Lissa was here to gossip with. Anything to calm my nerves.My leg jumped, the nervous anticipation starting to get to me. Brett simply