Chapter 41

Thinking back, my graduation party had been the moment of truth. I moved out of Jenny's apartment that same weekend and had time alone where I did nothing but analyze my relationship with Gray over the past couple years. I'd forced myself to acknowledge Gray and I were really done. It was a painful realization, but I resigned myself to accept it, surrendered to the disappointment. When it hit me, my heart felt as though it had lost its ability to beat. It kept constricting but never released, painfully tightening in my chest. I missed him, and there was no joy left in my life. A whopping hole of blackness crept in. Gray took my desire to live. I wasn't suicidal; I was completely apathetic. I couldn't find the energy to wash my hair, had no yearning for company, no craving for food; I couldn't even be roused by drugs-Jenny had tried. Living on my own again, my friends allowed me time to grieve, initially, but after two months of doing nothing but going to work, Jenny and Lynn intervened