Chapter 6

I was not myself for a long while.

My mind was in a disarray and my whole body was one second away from exploding from excitement.

I tried gulping down various drinks that usually calmed me – Remy Martini and the likes – but today, it seemed the alcohol percentage in this one bottle was less than the usual 40%.

I even tried my Cuban cigars which I had received from Mark last year, but those too seemed ineffective today. Giving up in frustration, I took the elevator to the rooftop and got inside my heated pool, hoping to feel much more relaxed than I did.

Since the phone call with Aunt May that afternoon, my organs seemed to be performing their functions at faster paces than normal. If this happened without reason, I would have had my house manager phone my doctor and term it a fatal emergency. But today, there was the reason. And the reason was Charlotte Manning.

I did not like this kind of anxiety.

It was Lucas Benjamin.

I was always in control.

I was aware of things before they even happened. That is the sole reason I went into business, did better than the previous legends, and managed to build such an empire for myself, by myself. In business, I could be in control. I could foresee the potential risks, evaluate my options, and make informed decisions. In business, I knew the outcomes before they even occurred. 

In my short relationships, I could foresee a woman’s expectations. I could tell her wishes and desires just by looking at her. I could then go ahead and fulfill all of them, and even more.

Always in control.

But with Charlotte Manning, I was a kite in the wind. I had no control over my feelings or hers. I could not tell what she wanted, what she would say, what she was thinking. I could not read her mind, and more often than not, my emotions betrayed me.

Hence why I was feeling this way.

I glanced at my Rolex watch and was shocked at the time. It was 1:26 am.

I had stayed in my thoughts for far too long. She would be on the plane by now, a few hours from arriving.

Coming to me.

The thought felt nice in my mind, and when its whispers escaped my mouth, I smiled. T felt even better out loud.

“Charlotte is coming to me,” I said to no one exactly.

Normally, I was a rock of a man. The only person who could make me vulnerable was Aunt May. I had grown to love her ever since I was born, and that love only grew stronger when I was under her care. She cared for me more than my mother ever remembered her caring for her as a child.

She loved me more than she loved herself. Aunt May would often tell our neighbors the story of how I found it hard to say ‘grandmother’ when I was young, and instead called her by any name that rhymed with mother, most of which she said sounded like insults.

That’s when we settled into ‘Aunt May; as it was an easier word for a seven-year-old to say.

And she became Aunt May to everyone else.

Aunt May taught me everything there is to know about love. And thanks to her, I knew how to love Charlotte as a friend.

Until one day I realized that what I felt towards her was not just amiable love,

It was something more.

How my heart palpitated when she stood close to me. How I smiled whenever she rocked her head back during her long deep laughter. How she embraced me every morning we met for school and jumped happily on me when we met for our evening walks back home. It was how I would have tears in my eyes whenever she came to me crying, that proved to me that she was not just my friend.

I was in love with her.

I was in love with Charlotte Manning.

As I drifted back to the rumbling of the heating water, my anxiety came back. I was ready to see her again. I wanted to see her again.

I lit up another one of the Cuban cigars, as I glanced at my watch again.  

5:14 am.

Only two hours till Charlotte’s flight landed. That was enough time to prepare me for her arrival.

I took a few puffs of the cigar, set it down on the marble bowl next to me, and took a final lap in the pool. Without permission, my mind drifted back to the last day I had seen her.

***

I had been told by Aunt May that my mother was coming for me, but I did not tell her. I did not see the need of breaking the news to her so early, so I kept postponing it till it was too late.

That morning, we had gone for a hike with her and her siblings, and I kept looking for the perfect moment to tell her about it. Things did not go as planned, however, which resulted in me losing another opportunity to prepare her for my leave.

When we got home, there was an unfamiliar red saloon car in front of our house. Both Charlotte and I stopped in our tracks and stared at the car. A few seconds later, she found her steps and moved quietly towards the car. I, on the other hand, stayed in my position as if the ground had held me tightly. I knew what this meant, and the look that Charlotte gave me made me think that she too knew what was going on.

My mother was here.

The dreaded moment was here.

I was leaving Charlotte.

Ten years later, I was leaving her.

I did not want to believe that I was actually leaving. For one, I really loved my life in Atlanta. I was due to graduate from senior high the following week, and I could not imagine missing the great ceremony with Charlotte and the few friends I had made. I also could not imagine living away from Aunt May. Our bond had grown stronger over the ten years, and having the same relationship with my mother seemed impossible.

Most importantly, I did not want to leave Charlotte.

My Lotte.

My love.

I had not garnered the courage to express how I felt, and already, I was leaving. What difference would it make if I told her now? Told her how much I loved her. Told her how much I cared for her. Told her that I was leaving.

So, I did not tell her.

That would have been selfish of me. That would have hurt her. I was the only person who did not hurt her, so why start now?

I did not tell her.

” Charlotte, I am leaving for New York!” was all I said. And the teary eyes that looked back at me broke my heart.