Jacob POVSix weeks later and I still can’t get her out of my mind. If I concentrate long enough, I can still smell her hair. The very thought of her sends my insides melting into a congealed mess.My grandmother comes waltzing into my office. She has big news—I can tell by her Cheshire cat grin.“Darling, I had to tell you straight away. Our surrogate is pregnant!” she says, and she comes over to give me an awkward hug—displays of affection are not exactly her strong point.I am at a loss for words and blurt out, “That’s great news, Grandmother.”She looks at me and says, “I thought you’d be more excited? What has gotten my dear Garth down?”I’ve grown tired of her secrecy and games.“Grandmother, who is she?” I ask without breaking eye contact.She’s playing for time, and looks confused when she asks, “Whatever do you mean?”Desperate for an answer, I probe her again.“Who is the woman having my child? I have the right to know.”She’s not making this easy for me. “What does it matte
Jacob POVThe text came through just as I was wrapping up the last meeting for the day. We had the deal in the bag, and I was just about ready to fly back home.I read it three times over just to make sure.“You have a healthy baby boy, weighing 5.5lb. Congratulations!”It can’t be. The surrogate is only due in two months.Eager to get my grandmother on the phone, I dial furiously. The second she answers, she says, “Isn’t it amazing! You’re a father now, dear.”I struggle to get a word in as she harps on.“Wait, isn’t the baby only due in a few months?” I ask.“Yes, but we don’t have control over these things. The good news is that he’s healthy.”The realization slowly sinks in. I’m a dad now! Within a matter of hours, I’m on a private jet, heading back home. The hours tick by in a slow progression of seconds.I try sleeping, but when I close my eyes, all I see is our beautiful baby boy. I wonder if he looks like her. And then it occurs to me. I have no idea what the color of her eyes
Jacob POV“Dr Brook, please have a seat,” I say as I shake his sweaty hand. “I believe you were the attending physician for Liam Adams.”Dr Brook looks nervously around him. “Yes, that is correct. Sad that he didn’t survive after all he’s been through,” he says.“And why do you think that is?” I ask pointedly.“Mr Collin, what are you insinuating? I don’t like the direction this conversation is going,” he says, looking more and more uncomfortable.I take Liam's folder and throw it in front of him.“I am not insinuating anything, Doctor. I just want to know the facts.”He squirms like someone in the hot seat, but states in an authoritative voice, “The fact is, we couldn’t offer medical intervention because his guardian, meaning his sister, couldn’t afford the treatment.”“Why did this not come to my attention? I’m struggling to understand why you didn’t present this boy’s case before the board of directors,” I say.He shrugs his shoulders in response. “I didn’t think it warranted going
Jacob POV“Look, Dad, I caught one!’ says a beaming Liam. A little fish wriggles on the line, gasping for air.“What shall we call him?” I ask.“Who says it’s a he?” he smiles back.“Okay, what shall we call her?”Curiously looking at the fish, his eyes light up and he responds, “Nemo.”“Nemo? Out of all the names you could choose from, you chose that?” I ask.He starts laughing as I tickle his belly. “You ready to go back now, buddy?” I enquire as I reel back my line.We’re on a small paddle boat in the middle of Lake Tahoe. The waters are a deep green, reflecting the last of the afternoon light. All around us there is silence, broken by the occasional sound of a bird squawking. Instead of going all out for Liam’s third birthday, I wanted us to spend some time alone.He’s never been to the lake and responded with a dizzy excitement when I suggested it to him.Charlotte was mortified when I told her, saying something about a boy deserving a big ’ol bash for his third birthday. She had
Jacob POV“I absolutely love it here. Don’t you just love it here?” Nancy ask no one in particular.Conversations with her are awkward and one-sided. Not like she notices—most of the time she’s talking about herself or her friends, neither of which I have any interest in.And yet, here we are.She’s been flaunting me around town like some kind of rag toy as soon as news spread that we’re engaged. Yes, I have a fiancé now. Am I happy? No, but that’s the price you pay for being a Collin.“Jacob, you haven’t touched your food, sweetie,” she harps.I look over at her plate, and she’s hardly eaten a thing. It’s just a bunch of leaves and salad dressing.“So, I’ve been thinking about where we should have the wedding. Your grandmother suggested we do it at the estate in the Hamptons. What do you think?” she asks again, not really asking at all.“Sure, whatever you want, Nancy,” I say, trying to feign interest.“You’re not listening to a thing I’m saying. This is your wedding, too. Also, we h
Emily POV“So, what are your plans for the night?” asks Olivia as she takes another swig of wine. She doesn’t normally drink on the job, but it’s been a slow shift.“Oh, I don’t know. Figured I’d stay here and keep you company,” I say while going through Instagram on my phone.Grabbing my phone out of my hand, she hollers at me.“Boring! You’re a single 27-year-old in one of the best cities in the world. Go out and snare a man in your trap. The night is but a fetus, the world is your oyster, que sera, and whatever else,” she says and points towards the exit.Olivia has a point. Ever since Liam’s death, I haven’t allowed myself to have much fun, except for that one time when we went on a girls’ weekend to Vegas—her idea, by the way.As an attempt to get my mind off things, she sprung the surprise weekend on me. I felt bad because she had already maxed out her credit card to pay for the plane tickets, so I agreed to go.From the moment we landed, it was one disaster after another. First
Jacob POVHonestly, I didn’t think she’d show up. And here she is, a vision in her tight jeans and strappy heels.“I didn’t think you’d come,” I say.Smiling, she confesses, “Neither did I.”I ask if she wants a drink.“I think I’ve had just about enough,” she says, and she lets out a little hiccup.We both start laughing. She moves to the sofa and slips off her heels. I spy a tattoo of a seashell on her left ankle. She sees me looking at it and blushes before crossing her legs and covering it up with her hand.“So this is the penthouse suite. I’m afraid to ask what it is you do,” she teases.“If I tell you, will it scare you away?” I flirt back with her.“It depends. If you’re in the business of selling body parts, then I’ll have to draw the line,” she says.“It’s worse than that,” I say.“How much worse?” she asks.I wave my hands around me and say, “The reason I can afford all of this is because people pay to see my feet on OnlyFans.”She gawks in response. “Really? Show me?” she a
Emily POVWhat happens after a one-night-stand with someone you don’t know? It’s the second time I’ve found myself in this situation, and now I have to deal with the awkwardness of making small talk the morning after. Maybe if I get up very slowly, he won’t notice. Oops, too late, he’s already up. Now I’ll have to do the walk of shame.In the daylight, he looks completely different—almost like someone I know. Like a star colliding into the sun and exploding into tiny pieces, it hits me.The naked man standing before me is Jacob Collin.His blue eyes search mine for confirmation, but I refuse to give him the satisfaction that this will be non-confrontational chat.I feel nauseous, with last night’s hamburger and fries threatening to make an appearance. The room starts to spin. This is not how I imagined our next meeting would go. I hear his voice from far away.“Emily, please.”I can’t be in this room with him. I can’t even look at him. The realization of last night dawns on me. I let
Hope starts clapping at the sound of her name, getting Charlotte’s attention. “Oh my gosh, she’s beautiful,” she gasps. “What are you doing here, Mother?” asks my dad. His agitation is a sign that he’s done playing a welcoming party. “I’ve missed so much, haven’t I? And I only have myself to blame,” she says. Hope clamors to get out of Jocasta’s arms and she puts her down on the grass. Slowly, she lifts herself up and her chubby legs begin the unsteady walk to Charlotte. Charlotte breaks her fall with outstretched arms as she comes crashing down. “There’s a good girl,” she says. “You’re a feisty one, just like your mother.” “You haven’t answered Matthew’s question, why are you here?” asks my wife. Charlotte looks at her, “I suppose I’ve come to make a mence and ask for your forgiveness.” “Don’t you think you’re a few years too late?” asks Matthew. “You’re right, I am. But I wanted to say sorry for all the horrible things I’ve done to all of you,” she coughs. “I know my words of
Epilogue (One year later) Jacob POV Jocasta cuts up paper-thin slices of watermelon, Liam’s favorite. “Thanks, Mommy,” he says, grabs the bowl from her and dashes outside. The house is quiet and I take advantage of having her to myself for a few seconds. Switching on the old kitchen radio, a slow song plays across the static. She’s clearing up the watermelon peels on the kitchen counter, and I take her by the hand and give her a twirl. She has a daisy in her long hair - a gift from Hope who insisted on putting it in her mouth instead of giving it to her mama. “What are you doing?” she smiles. “I’m serenading my wife,” I say and hold her close while we slow dance with the song. She giggles, “We’re going to be late.” “They can wait,” I say and inhale her sweet scent; she smells like the ocean and baby powder. While the soft male voice is singing about giving a little love this time, I dip her low and kiss her on the mouth. A moan escapes her lips and she kisses me back. Little
Jacob is stunned. It’s the first time he’s heard this too. We don’t say anything for a few seconds and wait for the heartbreaking news to settle in. “We have Liam and Hope,” I say. “They’re more than we could wish for.” He takes Hope from my arms and cradles her, whispering into her ear, “Yes, much more than we could wish for.” Liam wants a piece of the action and attaches himself to his dad’s leg, “My turn.” We laugh and Jacob bends down and grabs Liam by the scruff of his T-shirt, “Okay Buddy, your turn.” With both of them in arms, Jacob is finding it hard to balance them, “Yep, I think two are enough.” That night I dream of my mother, the dream as vivid as an oil painting. All my past memories are coming back. It’s as if being given a second lease on life had somehow unlocked a part of my brain I had buried for years. I remember playing in the courtyard garden at Mellon Estate and going on holidays with my folks. And then there’s the memory of that photo - it’s the very first
Emily/Jocasta POV Imagine a door opening between life and death. Which one would you choose? The answer’s not that simple, is it? Death would finally bring me peace, stilling the chaotic world around me. Life is for the living as Liam once told me. But where would that leave me? My fate has been assigned - I am to die from a disease that will ravage my body. Soon, my limbs won’t obey my commands, and I’ll slowly start to lose my mind. That is no way to live. The incessant wail of a baby is calling me, beckoning me to make a decision. It’s the sound of my little girl telling me time is running out - choose now or forever hold my peace. I’ve made up my mind - I choose love. --- I’m laying on a cold, steel table. There’s a commotion all around me. Someone shouts, “We’re losing her!” and I feel something hard putting pressure on my chest. The shock of an electric current jolts my body back to life. I’ve returned to the land of living. “She’s awake! She’s awake!” When I look around m
I’m in the conservatory with Liam. Dust motes are floating in the sun’s rays while we sit side by side, both of us with a notebook.He’s making squiggles on a page, round and round until the pencil pierces through to the next page. “Do you think Mom loves us?” he asks.“Why do you ask that?” I glance at him and stop drawing. I’m trying to sketch gladiolus flowers from memory but I keep on getting stuck on the intricate detail of the petals. This is my third attempt. I tear the page from the notebook and throw it onto the heap of pages collecting next to me.“Last night she told me I’m not a good boy after I wet the bed. I can’t help it, Emily. Sometimes, it just comes out,” he grimaces.“It’s not your fault, you do know that?” I add. “Mom just gets upset really fast.”“I know, it’s that when she gets like that, I get scared,” he says.I move closer to him, “Do you know, when I get scared, I just tell myself that soon it will be over. Mom doesn’t stay angry for long. You just have to w
Emily/Jocasta POVYou know when people describe their near-death experiences as walking towards a bright light? Mine was nothing like that.For me, it was falling into a vat of creamy liquid and being suspended between space and time. The protection of the womb-like state offered me comfort and reassurance that I would be fine.Why would I want to go back to a world of uncertainty and sorrow when everything I want is right here?Memories are flashing through my mind, firing off like sparks from a fire, But they are muddled up and confusing. I can’t tell which ones are Emily’s or Jocasta’s. It’s hard to concentrate on just one at a time.I close my eyes and focus on one in particular; it’s of a beautiful woman cradling a baby in her arms. She’s standing in a nursery, and there’s a quilted blanket in the crib.She starts singing a lullaby, and it’s the same one Ophelia sang months ago when I first discovered my real identity. I gasp in recognition - it’s my mother.She can’t see me, but
The parking garage is quiet and empty. None of the day shift staff have arrived yet. I stand against the cold wall and gather my skittled thoughts.I was wrong to get angry at Thaddeus. None of this is his fault. If there’s anyone to blame, it has to be me. I’m the only one that’s known about Jocasta’s diagnosis.“Jacob,” shouts Thaddeus from the emergency exit. He jogs towards me and tries to speak but struggles to catch his breath.“Look, I’m sorry. I was so desperate for her to get better, that I may have been too hasty to get her on the treatment,” he breathes. “I honestly thought it was going to work.”“I don’t blame you,” I say. “I was angry and lashed out at you.”“Blame me if you want, because I blame myself,” he says. There’s a dejected look in his eye.“No, I should have told her the truth,” I admit.“The truth about what?” he asks and strands upright.This lie is killing me, I can’t let it destroy my wife and baby as well. Maybe if I confess my sins, my punishment might not
Jacob POVI am woken up by the buzzing of my phone on the nightstand. When I answer, it’s Dr. Richards on the line, “Mr. Collin, you need to come to the hospital now.”My brain sends signals to my limbs to move into action. Like a robot, I mechanically get dressed in the dark and rush to Liam’s room. He’s fast asleep, but I need to get him into the car. I can’t afford to lose precious time by calling someone over to babysit, so I bundle him up and carry him into the elevator.While we’re on our way down to the parking garage, he opens his eyes, “Dad, what’s going on?”I shush him back to sleep and he’s back in dreamland.The drive to the hospital is excruciating. Dr. wouldn’t have called me at this hour if it wasn’t an emergency. My mind keeps on playing different scenarios, all of them leading to the same end results.Keeping my concentration on the road is proving difficult and I struggle to keep to the speed limit, scared that I may get there too late.When I get there, I leave the
One evening I got a surprise visitor. There’s a knock behind the door and a wispy brunette peeks her head through the crack; it’s Ophelia.“Helloooo,” she smiles. She’s come bearing gifts, carrying a huge bunch of roses.“Wow, are those for me?” I ask.“Yes, she says. “But if you don’t like them, I can give them to the lady down the hall. I walked into her room by mistake thinking it was yours.”I respond by snatching the flowers from her, and joking, “Give them here!”“I’m glad to see you’re in good spirits,” she adds. “Thaddeus says you’ve been feeling very tired.”I sit upright and say, “That’s an understatement. Let’s just say I may fall asleep while you’re gossiping, so you better make it extra juicy.”Ophelia looks nervously around her, “Then I got nothing for you, I’m afraid.”She takes a seat opposite my bed. I can see something’s bothering her. “Hey, what’s up?” I ask her.“It’s Astrid, I haven’t heard from her for the past few months,” she says. “The last time I spoke to her