Emily POV My body is rigid. All I feel is the coolness of the floor against my face. The apartment is silent, a sign that Jacob and Liam haven’t returned yet. I have no idea how long I’ve been passed out. When I look through Jacob’s bedroom window, the sun is setting in the sky. It takes me a while to move, my joints aching from being in this position for a while. Somehow I must have tripped, lost my balance and fallen on my head. I put my hand on the part of my scalp where it hurts and feel a bump. How did I get here? And then I remember my confrontation with Nancy. The black and white photo of Jacob and Jocasta when they were kids is still on the bed, a reminder that Nancy was right all along—I can’t compete with the memory of a ghost. I sit on Jacob’s bed with the photo in my hand, wondering if I close my eyes long enough, this will all go away. But when I open them again, there it is. The truth in black and white. I tell myself not to jump to conclusions; it’s just a photo.
Jacob POV This is not how I wanted Emily to find out. The anguish in her voice tells me I might have blown my last chance with her. How could I have been so foolish to hold onto that photo? There was no way I could explain the meaning behind it to Emily, not over the phone. And now that I might have the whole picture, it makes it that much harder. “Mr Collin, I have the results you requested,” says a short, freckled man with a lab coat on. I take an unmarked envelope from him. “Thanks Scott, I really appreciate you fast-tracking this,” I say. “And could you bill this to my personal account and not the hospital’s?” He nods in response and walks away. I don’t want any of it to show on Sacred Heart’s records. It would only raise suspicions and right now, I can’t have anyone knowing about this. That day with Thaddeus and Emily, a thought dawned on me. All I needed was a strand of hair from each of them. With Emily, it was simple—while she was showering one morning, I plucked some
Emily POV Going through Jacob’s address book, Ruth is the only familiar name I’ve come across. Leaving Liam with Mason is not an option. If he’s in cahoots with Jacob, the first thing he’ll do is let him know that I’ve left. So I take a chance and call Ruth. She answers almost immediately. “Helloooooo.” “Hi Ruth, it’s Emily,” I say. I expect her to put the phone down, but her voice bellows over the line, “Dear Emily, how lovely to hear from you.” I’m completely caught off guard with her friendly greeting. It’s not the Ruth I know. But then again, those were under very different circumstances. “Ruth, I know it’s very short notice but I have a huge favor to ask of you,” I say. “Of course, how can I be of help?” she asks politely. It’s as if she’s a robot that’s been reprogrammed to say “yes” to my every command. “I need you to look after Liam for a few hours,” I beg. “For when?” she asks. “For now?” I say more as a question than an answer. She doesn’t hesitate and immediately
Olivia POV Sitting across from Emily, I think she has everything she’s ever needed; a man that loves her, a kid that simply adores her. This thing with Jacob will pass. It’s just another stumbling block in their relationship. Nobody said it would be easy. Just because she’s wearing his ring, doesn’t mean the hard work stops. Now it only begins—for both of them. Every day, they have to prove to each other that they are worthy of the other’s love. I can’t say the same for Mason and me. I would define our affair as something of a stalemate. After that night at the bar, I thought it better to let him cool off. It’s been a few weeks and I guess the cooling off period is done. But all this time on my own has given me a chance to think, an introspection of sorts. I’ve come to the conclusion that he’s better off without me. Mason and I are from two different worlds. He can’t see that now, but the contrasts will be as glaring as night and day when he introduces me to his friends, or even w
Emily POV I’ve been thinking a lot about Liam these past few days. All the things that have happened to me since he died go back to him—the birth of Liam, falling in love with Jacob, and now this little person growing inside of me. The only other connection I have to him is my Aunt Evelyn. The last time I saw her was the day after Liam’s funeral. Since then, I haven’t had the strength or will to initiate a conversation with her, unless it’s over text. And even then, the tension is palatable. She doesn’t have to say it, but I know she blames for his death. For a long time, so did I. But I think I’ve healed enough to realize it was no one’s fault. And this strange affinity I have for Jocasta just won’t settle down, even after seeing that photo of her and Jacob. The connection to her feels so strong; I’m like a moth being drawn to a flame. Every time I feel like I’m getting closer to figuring out the puzzle, I’m left even more frustrated. There are so many similarities between her
Emily POV “Look, there’s your little baby’s heartbeat. Would you like to hear it, Mom?” asks the obstetrician. She’s a friendly, little lady with graying hair and a massive smile on her face. Instantly after meeting her, I took a liking to Dr. Goodman. Maybe it’s the fact that she looks like she could be anyone’s grandma or that she reminds me of Dr. Ruth. Either way, we’re the perfect fit. She turns up the sound on the ultrasound machine and lets me listen to the heartbeat. “Doo-doo, doo-doo.” “You’ve got yourself a healthy little fighter there,” she says. “Looks like you’re two months along, but it’s still too early to tell the gender.” I can still hear the heartbeat like the melody to a song, bringing tears to my eyes. “And there’s nothing out of the ordinary?” I ask. “Nope, your baby is developing like it should. I reckon this pregnancy should be an easy one,” she smiles. “Any preference on what you want the gender to be?” I shake my head, “I really don’t want to know, as
Jacob POV Emily’s been gone for almost a week. With her not here, it feels like I’ve lost a limb—a part of me can’t function without her. Thaddeus said she needed space, and I’ve respected her wishes thus far, but knowing that there’s a chance I’ll see her today, I can’t promise that anymore. I know that if I can get her alone for a few minutes, we can work all this out. No, scratch that idea. I suppose a wedding isn’t the perfect place to tell someone that they’ve been living a made up life for more than eighteen years. During the drive to Mason’s folks’ place in Carnegie Hill, I mentally prepare myself for the day ahead. I’m happy for Mason, but there’s a part of me that also feels envious. A few weeks ago, this could have been Emily and me. Now, everything hangs in the balance. Cher’s “If I Could Turn Back Time” starts playing on the radio, and I smile at the irony of it all. ‘Ain’t that the truth, Cher,’ I think while singing along to the song. The Olwens are one of the few
Emily POV Early the next morning, there’s a knock on the door. I think it’s Thaddeus and shout from the room, “It’s open.” Looking like something the cat dragged in, Olivia lets herself in. “Helloooooo,” she hollers from the foyer, “Anyone home?” I’m surprised to see her considering she just got married the night before. “What are you doing here?” I ask her. “I was in the neighborhood and decided to stop by,” she slurs her words. She smells like she just bathed in a vat of whiskey. “Are you still drunk?” I ask. “Maybe just a teeny tiny little,” she smirks. She’s alone. I wonder where Mason has wandered off to. “I thought you were supposed to be in the Bahamas by now?” I ask. “Nope, that’s only in a few days’ time,” she hiccups. “And where is your groom? Or have you already discarded him?” I joke. “He’s probably still fast asleep. I doubt he’ll be up before 2pm,” she laughs. “By the way, what happened to you last night? I didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye.” After m
Hope starts clapping at the sound of her name, getting Charlotte’s attention. “Oh my gosh, she’s beautiful,” she gasps. “What are you doing here, Mother?” asks my dad. His agitation is a sign that he’s done playing a welcoming party. “I’ve missed so much, haven’t I? And I only have myself to blame,” she says. Hope clamors to get out of Jocasta’s arms and she puts her down on the grass. Slowly, she lifts herself up and her chubby legs begin the unsteady walk to Charlotte. Charlotte breaks her fall with outstretched arms as she comes crashing down. “There’s a good girl,” she says. “You’re a feisty one, just like your mother.” “You haven’t answered Matthew’s question, why are you here?” asks my wife. Charlotte looks at her, “I suppose I’ve come to make a mence and ask for your forgiveness.” “Don’t you think you’re a few years too late?” asks Matthew. “You’re right, I am. But I wanted to say sorry for all the horrible things I’ve done to all of you,” she coughs. “I know my words of
Epilogue (One year later) Jacob POV Jocasta cuts up paper-thin slices of watermelon, Liam’s favorite. “Thanks, Mommy,” he says, grabs the bowl from her and dashes outside. The house is quiet and I take advantage of having her to myself for a few seconds. Switching on the old kitchen radio, a slow song plays across the static. She’s clearing up the watermelon peels on the kitchen counter, and I take her by the hand and give her a twirl. She has a daisy in her long hair - a gift from Hope who insisted on putting it in her mouth instead of giving it to her mama. “What are you doing?” she smiles. “I’m serenading my wife,” I say and hold her close while we slow dance with the song. She giggles, “We’re going to be late.” “They can wait,” I say and inhale her sweet scent; she smells like the ocean and baby powder. While the soft male voice is singing about giving a little love this time, I dip her low and kiss her on the mouth. A moan escapes her lips and she kisses me back. Little
Jacob is stunned. It’s the first time he’s heard this too. We don’t say anything for a few seconds and wait for the heartbreaking news to settle in. “We have Liam and Hope,” I say. “They’re more than we could wish for.” He takes Hope from my arms and cradles her, whispering into her ear, “Yes, much more than we could wish for.” Liam wants a piece of the action and attaches himself to his dad’s leg, “My turn.” We laugh and Jacob bends down and grabs Liam by the scruff of his T-shirt, “Okay Buddy, your turn.” With both of them in arms, Jacob is finding it hard to balance them, “Yep, I think two are enough.” That night I dream of my mother, the dream as vivid as an oil painting. All my past memories are coming back. It’s as if being given a second lease on life had somehow unlocked a part of my brain I had buried for years. I remember playing in the courtyard garden at Mellon Estate and going on holidays with my folks. And then there’s the memory of that photo - it’s the very first
Emily/Jocasta POV Imagine a door opening between life and death. Which one would you choose? The answer’s not that simple, is it? Death would finally bring me peace, stilling the chaotic world around me. Life is for the living as Liam once told me. But where would that leave me? My fate has been assigned - I am to die from a disease that will ravage my body. Soon, my limbs won’t obey my commands, and I’ll slowly start to lose my mind. That is no way to live. The incessant wail of a baby is calling me, beckoning me to make a decision. It’s the sound of my little girl telling me time is running out - choose now or forever hold my peace. I’ve made up my mind - I choose love. --- I’m laying on a cold, steel table. There’s a commotion all around me. Someone shouts, “We’re losing her!” and I feel something hard putting pressure on my chest. The shock of an electric current jolts my body back to life. I’ve returned to the land of living. “She’s awake! She’s awake!” When I look around m
I’m in the conservatory with Liam. Dust motes are floating in the sun’s rays while we sit side by side, both of us with a notebook.He’s making squiggles on a page, round and round until the pencil pierces through to the next page. “Do you think Mom loves us?” he asks.“Why do you ask that?” I glance at him and stop drawing. I’m trying to sketch gladiolus flowers from memory but I keep on getting stuck on the intricate detail of the petals. This is my third attempt. I tear the page from the notebook and throw it onto the heap of pages collecting next to me.“Last night she told me I’m not a good boy after I wet the bed. I can’t help it, Emily. Sometimes, it just comes out,” he grimaces.“It’s not your fault, you do know that?” I add. “Mom just gets upset really fast.”“I know, it’s that when she gets like that, I get scared,” he says.I move closer to him, “Do you know, when I get scared, I just tell myself that soon it will be over. Mom doesn’t stay angry for long. You just have to w
Emily/Jocasta POVYou know when people describe their near-death experiences as walking towards a bright light? Mine was nothing like that.For me, it was falling into a vat of creamy liquid and being suspended between space and time. The protection of the womb-like state offered me comfort and reassurance that I would be fine.Why would I want to go back to a world of uncertainty and sorrow when everything I want is right here?Memories are flashing through my mind, firing off like sparks from a fire, But they are muddled up and confusing. I can’t tell which ones are Emily’s or Jocasta’s. It’s hard to concentrate on just one at a time.I close my eyes and focus on one in particular; it’s of a beautiful woman cradling a baby in her arms. She’s standing in a nursery, and there’s a quilted blanket in the crib.She starts singing a lullaby, and it’s the same one Ophelia sang months ago when I first discovered my real identity. I gasp in recognition - it’s my mother.She can’t see me, but
The parking garage is quiet and empty. None of the day shift staff have arrived yet. I stand against the cold wall and gather my skittled thoughts.I was wrong to get angry at Thaddeus. None of this is his fault. If there’s anyone to blame, it has to be me. I’m the only one that’s known about Jocasta’s diagnosis.“Jacob,” shouts Thaddeus from the emergency exit. He jogs towards me and tries to speak but struggles to catch his breath.“Look, I’m sorry. I was so desperate for her to get better, that I may have been too hasty to get her on the treatment,” he breathes. “I honestly thought it was going to work.”“I don’t blame you,” I say. “I was angry and lashed out at you.”“Blame me if you want, because I blame myself,” he says. There’s a dejected look in his eye.“No, I should have told her the truth,” I admit.“The truth about what?” he asks and strands upright.This lie is killing me, I can’t let it destroy my wife and baby as well. Maybe if I confess my sins, my punishment might not
Jacob POVI am woken up by the buzzing of my phone on the nightstand. When I answer, it’s Dr. Richards on the line, “Mr. Collin, you need to come to the hospital now.”My brain sends signals to my limbs to move into action. Like a robot, I mechanically get dressed in the dark and rush to Liam’s room. He’s fast asleep, but I need to get him into the car. I can’t afford to lose precious time by calling someone over to babysit, so I bundle him up and carry him into the elevator.While we’re on our way down to the parking garage, he opens his eyes, “Dad, what’s going on?”I shush him back to sleep and he’s back in dreamland.The drive to the hospital is excruciating. Dr. wouldn’t have called me at this hour if it wasn’t an emergency. My mind keeps on playing different scenarios, all of them leading to the same end results.Keeping my concentration on the road is proving difficult and I struggle to keep to the speed limit, scared that I may get there too late.When I get there, I leave the
One evening I got a surprise visitor. There’s a knock behind the door and a wispy brunette peeks her head through the crack; it’s Ophelia.“Helloooo,” she smiles. She’s come bearing gifts, carrying a huge bunch of roses.“Wow, are those for me?” I ask.“Yes, she says. “But if you don’t like them, I can give them to the lady down the hall. I walked into her room by mistake thinking it was yours.”I respond by snatching the flowers from her, and joking, “Give them here!”“I’m glad to see you’re in good spirits,” she adds. “Thaddeus says you’ve been feeling very tired.”I sit upright and say, “That’s an understatement. Let’s just say I may fall asleep while you’re gossiping, so you better make it extra juicy.”Ophelia looks nervously around her, “Then I got nothing for you, I’m afraid.”She takes a seat opposite my bed. I can see something’s bothering her. “Hey, what’s up?” I ask her.“It’s Astrid, I haven’t heard from her for the past few months,” she says. “The last time I spoke to her