Jacob POV I know the way to Ruth’s house. I could drive there with my eyes closed if need be. I pull up outside, and a sense of dread washes over me. The little two-bedroom cottage is at the end of a quiet cul-de-sac among a neat row of other cottages. The home was a gift from my dad to say thank you to Ruth for raising me. Now, standing on her porch, I feel a mixture of emotions wash over me. But before I play devil’s advocate, I have to know Ruth’s side of the story. She opens before I ring the bell. “Jacob, how lovely of you to visit,” she says, genuinely excited to see me. She takes me in a warm embrace, and I smell the scent of potpourri and coffee, bringing back childhood memories. I learnt how to ride my bike in this very lane. There’s a chestnut tree on the sidewalk. Ruth would take a ladder and instruct me to climb to the top so we could get the best nuts. I’m not the passive aggressive type, so I would prefer if we could hash this out like grownups. Knowing Ruth, she wo
Jacob POV Learning that the person you trusted the most has betrayed you has a different kind of hurt to it—the betrayal cuts deeper. On my way to Collin Estate, I try hard to control my anger, but I can feel it seeping through my skin like last night’s alcohol. No matter how Charlotte spins it, there’s no forgiving what she’s done to Emily. The house is quiet—as if it’s holding its breath. I march up to Charlotte’s room and there she is, with Nancy. If I wasn’t so distracted by my anger, I could swear the two of them were plotting something. The moment I enter, they stop talking. “Grandmother, if you don’t mind, I’d like to talk to you privately,” I say without looking in Nancy’s direction. Without a word, Charlotte motions for her to leave the room. “Yes, dear, now you have my undivided attention,” she says, and inhales deeply from her e-cigarette. “I’ve just returned from Ruth,” I say. She doesn’t look the least bit surprised and keeps on looking at me. “She’s told me everyt
Chapter 28 Nancy POV While Jacob and Charlotte are having it out, I find myself in a lovely sunny corner on the landing. I can hear their entire argument. It’s not my fault that their voices can be heard throughout the house. From what I can gather, this Emily woman is proving to be a problem. I have to find a way to get rid of her before Jacob calls off the engagement. I will not allow this stupid woman to come between me and what is rightfully mine. I’ve worked too hard for it. Grabbing my bag, I head out and make my way to the city. Nancy needs to play. By the time I make it to Queen’s, a gay bar in the meatpacking district, the sun has already set. I need a drink and meaningless sex with a stranger I’ll never see again. The advantage of Queen’s is that no one knows me here. Like a chameleon, I can slip in and out of character, and then disappear without a trace. It’s a life I’ve been living for the past ten years. The bar is packed with writhing bodies on the dancefloor, sli
Jacob POV When I get home, Liam is already waiting at the front door. “Dad! Dad! Did you find Mommy?” he asks, a distraught look on his face. “Not yet, buddy. But I’m working it,” I say as I take him in for a big bear hug. Mason comes into the hallway, signaling that he has news for me. “Hey, why don’t you go get your bike and we can go down to the park for a ride?” I say and wait for him to leave the room. “Please say you have good news for me,” I say when Liam is out of earshot. “Yes and no,” he says. “My contact said he saw her going to her apartment, but he can’t be sure if she’s there now.” After Mason informed me that Emily had gone, I asked him to get someone to stake out her place in case she went there. “Okay, tell him to keep you posted. The minute he sees any movement, he has to text you,” I instruct him. Mason nods his head in return and gets on his phone. Liam appears with his bike and helmet, impatiently waiting for me. The three of us take a walk to the park,
Emily POV As I make my way to Liam’s grave, a light drizzle starts falling. I got sidetracked on the way here and stopped to buy him a bunch of flowers—gladiolus, his favorite. When we were younger, there was a field of gladiolus behind our house, growing wild as far as the eye could see. Our mother hated us playing there, and she’d try to scare us with stories of snakes and spiders. So, we’d run away and sit there for hours, making flower crowns and chains with the dainty petals. It feels like a memory that now belongs to someone else—implanted in my mind and giving the illusion that it’s real. Like every other memory from my early childhood, it feels like it’s fading with time. Maybe if I hold onto it for long enough, it will burn itself into a part of my brain that cannot be erased. Strange, I could never remember anything before the age of ten. My mother used to say it’s because I had a nasty fall, resulting in a brain concussion. Imagine losing a part of your memory, woosh, g
Emily POV Everything that happened after that was a blur. I remember hailing a cab with Jacob at the cemetery. On the cab ride back to the city, I got little snippets of his conversation, just nodding in response to everything he said. Next thing, we’re standing in a toy store, buying a gift for Liam—a birthday do-over, as Jacob explained. Standing in the toy store, I can’t imagine what to get for a little boy that has everything. Jacob notices me, still as a mouse, standing in a puddle of rainwater. Covering me with his damp jacket, he asks, “Hey, are you okay?” “Yes, I’m fine, but I have no idea what to get for Liam,” I say. He smiles and says knowingly, “He’ll love anything you get for him because it’s from his mom.” Coming from his lips, that word has a new ring to it. I’m a mom to the most amazing kid. Soon, I’ll be bombarding complete strangers at dinner parties, showing them pictures of Liam. “Have you seen my son? Isn’t he beautiful?” I never used to understand moms lik
Emily POV When we arrive downstairs, the lights are turned down to a warm glow. The dining room table is set for three. I hear music playing, but it’s not coming from the speakers—it’s a violinist standing next to the baby grand piano, playing Brahms’s Violin Sonata No.3. Liam looks like he’s on cloud nine as he runs over to her and watches in silent astonishment. In the kitchen, a chef is preparing the first course, and my empty belly instantly responds with gurgling sounds. Even over the sound of the violin, Liam hears it and starts giggling. Jacob calls us over to the dinner table, and the chef brings over the first dish. I have no idea what it is, but it smells divine. In his thick French accent, he introduces the first course. “Thiiisss hereee is da salmon trout tartare with a dash of red wine vinaigrette. Pleaseeee enjoy,” and back to the kitchen he goes. The minute the chef turns his back, Liam pulls up his nose. “I don’t think I’ll be eating this,” he moans. Jacob, ever
Emily POV October runs into November, and the leaves in Central Park turn golden brown. After much convincing, I finally gave notice on my apartment and moved all my things into Jacob’s place. Packing everything up was a bitter-sweet moment, especially when it came to clearing out Liam’s room. Liam accompanied me on his insistence that I needed protection, but I just think he wanted to keep me close to him in case I did another disappearing act. While packing up the last of the stuff in my room, he comes walking in with his ultrasound in his hand. “What’s this?” he asks. “Is it a photo?” “It’s a kind of a photo,” I say. “It’s a picture of you when you were still in my belly.” “It is?” he asks, in awe of the piece of paper he’s clutching. “It sure is. You were smaller than a pea when this was taken. It was my very first time meeting you. When I saw you, I waved at the screen, and the doctor thought I was being silly. But I knew you could feel me, just like I felt you growing insi
Hope starts clapping at the sound of her name, getting Charlotte’s attention. “Oh my gosh, she’s beautiful,” she gasps. “What are you doing here, Mother?” asks my dad. His agitation is a sign that he’s done playing a welcoming party. “I’ve missed so much, haven’t I? And I only have myself to blame,” she says. Hope clamors to get out of Jocasta’s arms and she puts her down on the grass. Slowly, she lifts herself up and her chubby legs begin the unsteady walk to Charlotte. Charlotte breaks her fall with outstretched arms as she comes crashing down. “There’s a good girl,” she says. “You’re a feisty one, just like your mother.” “You haven’t answered Matthew’s question, why are you here?” asks my wife. Charlotte looks at her, “I suppose I’ve come to make a mence and ask for your forgiveness.” “Don’t you think you’re a few years too late?” asks Matthew. “You’re right, I am. But I wanted to say sorry for all the horrible things I’ve done to all of you,” she coughs. “I know my words of
Epilogue (One year later) Jacob POV Jocasta cuts up paper-thin slices of watermelon, Liam’s favorite. “Thanks, Mommy,” he says, grabs the bowl from her and dashes outside. The house is quiet and I take advantage of having her to myself for a few seconds. Switching on the old kitchen radio, a slow song plays across the static. She’s clearing up the watermelon peels on the kitchen counter, and I take her by the hand and give her a twirl. She has a daisy in her long hair - a gift from Hope who insisted on putting it in her mouth instead of giving it to her mama. “What are you doing?” she smiles. “I’m serenading my wife,” I say and hold her close while we slow dance with the song. She giggles, “We’re going to be late.” “They can wait,” I say and inhale her sweet scent; she smells like the ocean and baby powder. While the soft male voice is singing about giving a little love this time, I dip her low and kiss her on the mouth. A moan escapes her lips and she kisses me back. Little
Jacob is stunned. It’s the first time he’s heard this too. We don’t say anything for a few seconds and wait for the heartbreaking news to settle in. “We have Liam and Hope,” I say. “They’re more than we could wish for.” He takes Hope from my arms and cradles her, whispering into her ear, “Yes, much more than we could wish for.” Liam wants a piece of the action and attaches himself to his dad’s leg, “My turn.” We laugh and Jacob bends down and grabs Liam by the scruff of his T-shirt, “Okay Buddy, your turn.” With both of them in arms, Jacob is finding it hard to balance them, “Yep, I think two are enough.” That night I dream of my mother, the dream as vivid as an oil painting. All my past memories are coming back. It’s as if being given a second lease on life had somehow unlocked a part of my brain I had buried for years. I remember playing in the courtyard garden at Mellon Estate and going on holidays with my folks. And then there’s the memory of that photo - it’s the very first
Emily/Jocasta POV Imagine a door opening between life and death. Which one would you choose? The answer’s not that simple, is it? Death would finally bring me peace, stilling the chaotic world around me. Life is for the living as Liam once told me. But where would that leave me? My fate has been assigned - I am to die from a disease that will ravage my body. Soon, my limbs won’t obey my commands, and I’ll slowly start to lose my mind. That is no way to live. The incessant wail of a baby is calling me, beckoning me to make a decision. It’s the sound of my little girl telling me time is running out - choose now or forever hold my peace. I’ve made up my mind - I choose love. --- I’m laying on a cold, steel table. There’s a commotion all around me. Someone shouts, “We’re losing her!” and I feel something hard putting pressure on my chest. The shock of an electric current jolts my body back to life. I’ve returned to the land of living. “She’s awake! She’s awake!” When I look around m
I’m in the conservatory with Liam. Dust motes are floating in the sun’s rays while we sit side by side, both of us with a notebook.He’s making squiggles on a page, round and round until the pencil pierces through to the next page. “Do you think Mom loves us?” he asks.“Why do you ask that?” I glance at him and stop drawing. I’m trying to sketch gladiolus flowers from memory but I keep on getting stuck on the intricate detail of the petals. This is my third attempt. I tear the page from the notebook and throw it onto the heap of pages collecting next to me.“Last night she told me I’m not a good boy after I wet the bed. I can’t help it, Emily. Sometimes, it just comes out,” he grimaces.“It’s not your fault, you do know that?” I add. “Mom just gets upset really fast.”“I know, it’s that when she gets like that, I get scared,” he says.I move closer to him, “Do you know, when I get scared, I just tell myself that soon it will be over. Mom doesn’t stay angry for long. You just have to w
Emily/Jocasta POVYou know when people describe their near-death experiences as walking towards a bright light? Mine was nothing like that.For me, it was falling into a vat of creamy liquid and being suspended between space and time. The protection of the womb-like state offered me comfort and reassurance that I would be fine.Why would I want to go back to a world of uncertainty and sorrow when everything I want is right here?Memories are flashing through my mind, firing off like sparks from a fire, But they are muddled up and confusing. I can’t tell which ones are Emily’s or Jocasta’s. It’s hard to concentrate on just one at a time.I close my eyes and focus on one in particular; it’s of a beautiful woman cradling a baby in her arms. She’s standing in a nursery, and there’s a quilted blanket in the crib.She starts singing a lullaby, and it’s the same one Ophelia sang months ago when I first discovered my real identity. I gasp in recognition - it’s my mother.She can’t see me, but
The parking garage is quiet and empty. None of the day shift staff have arrived yet. I stand against the cold wall and gather my skittled thoughts.I was wrong to get angry at Thaddeus. None of this is his fault. If there’s anyone to blame, it has to be me. I’m the only one that’s known about Jocasta’s diagnosis.“Jacob,” shouts Thaddeus from the emergency exit. He jogs towards me and tries to speak but struggles to catch his breath.“Look, I’m sorry. I was so desperate for her to get better, that I may have been too hasty to get her on the treatment,” he breathes. “I honestly thought it was going to work.”“I don’t blame you,” I say. “I was angry and lashed out at you.”“Blame me if you want, because I blame myself,” he says. There’s a dejected look in his eye.“No, I should have told her the truth,” I admit.“The truth about what?” he asks and strands upright.This lie is killing me, I can’t let it destroy my wife and baby as well. Maybe if I confess my sins, my punishment might not
Jacob POVI am woken up by the buzzing of my phone on the nightstand. When I answer, it’s Dr. Richards on the line, “Mr. Collin, you need to come to the hospital now.”My brain sends signals to my limbs to move into action. Like a robot, I mechanically get dressed in the dark and rush to Liam’s room. He’s fast asleep, but I need to get him into the car. I can’t afford to lose precious time by calling someone over to babysit, so I bundle him up and carry him into the elevator.While we’re on our way down to the parking garage, he opens his eyes, “Dad, what’s going on?”I shush him back to sleep and he’s back in dreamland.The drive to the hospital is excruciating. Dr. wouldn’t have called me at this hour if it wasn’t an emergency. My mind keeps on playing different scenarios, all of them leading to the same end results.Keeping my concentration on the road is proving difficult and I struggle to keep to the speed limit, scared that I may get there too late.When I get there, I leave the
One evening I got a surprise visitor. There’s a knock behind the door and a wispy brunette peeks her head through the crack; it’s Ophelia.“Helloooo,” she smiles. She’s come bearing gifts, carrying a huge bunch of roses.“Wow, are those for me?” I ask.“Yes, she says. “But if you don’t like them, I can give them to the lady down the hall. I walked into her room by mistake thinking it was yours.”I respond by snatching the flowers from her, and joking, “Give them here!”“I’m glad to see you’re in good spirits,” she adds. “Thaddeus says you’ve been feeling very tired.”I sit upright and say, “That’s an understatement. Let’s just say I may fall asleep while you’re gossiping, so you better make it extra juicy.”Ophelia looks nervously around her, “Then I got nothing for you, I’m afraid.”She takes a seat opposite my bed. I can see something’s bothering her. “Hey, what’s up?” I ask her.“It’s Astrid, I haven’t heard from her for the past few months,” she says. “The last time I spoke to her