SamanthaWhen I woke up the next morning, I briefly wondered if I’d died and gone to hell.That’s how shitty I felt.My head was throbbing, and my stomach churned.I thought I was going to be sick, and I struggled to build up the energy to even get out of bed.At length, I forced myself to open my eyes. Flinching at the muted sunlight coming in through my thin curtains, I slowly pushed myself so I was sitting upright. Slipping my feet to the floor, I sat on the edge of the mattress for a moment as I fought not to vomit on my floor.After several seconds, I felt stable enough to stand, and I staggered to my bathroom. I reached the toilet just in time and emptied my stomach into the porcelain bowl.It took me a while to feel stable enough to push back up to my feet. I washed my face and brushed my teeth, then went back into my room and got dressed.Feeling somewhat normal again, I made my way downstairs to the kitchen and started brewing a pot of coffee. I needed to finish sobering up b
RyanI heard the sound of little feet and a child’s voice rushing toward the kitchen.Sam shoved me away with wide eyes.Henry was home, and I was still there. It was not what I’d planned, and it was definitely not what Sam wanted. I watched as her shock quickly turned to panic. She grabbed the front of my shirt and shook me.“You can’t say anything,” she insisted in a hiss, her gaze a little crazy. “You can’t say anything to Henry about who you are, okay? Please, Ryan. Promise me!”I was stunned by how anxious she was. It was almost fearful.Not wanting her to lose her shit completely, I nodded.“Okay, I promise,” I assured her. “I won’t say anything.”She closed her eyes and released a breath of relief. Opening her eyes again, she pushed away from me and slapped a big smile on her face.At that moment, a little boy came barreling into the kitchen.“Mama! Mama! Grandpa and I went fishing yesterday! I caught three!”The boy, Henry, stopped next to Sam and I. He beamed up at his mother
SamanthaI watched as Henry led Ryan out of the kitchen. My chest tightened at the sight, and once again, I found myself trying to push away any thoughts about what could have been if anyone had known that Henry was Ryan’s.It didn’t matter now, though, as I couldn’t go back and change the past. I knew the best thing for everyone going forward was for me to let those thoughts go and focus on the here and now.My parents didn’t stay much longer and didn’t ask me any questions about Ryan, which I was thankful for.Once they’d left, I made my way upstairs. I was curious to see what Ryan was like with Henry. I could hear my son chatting as I neared his bedroom door, and when I peeked inside, I couldn’t help but grin.Henry had Ryan sitting on the edge of his little, twin-sized bed and was holding up one of his trucks to show it off as he explained every single feature of it in detail.“When you back it up, you have to say beep, beep, beep, so everyone knows, okay?” the little boy said in
I wanted to believe him. I really did, but the wound he’d given me was soul-deep, and I wasn’t sure how to heal it completely.However, I didn’t want to completely shut the door to any opportunity for Ryan to have a relationship with Henry.After seeing him interact with my boy all day, I couldn’t deny that Ryan was good with our son. He might deserve a chance, but I had to figure out how to forgive him for the past first.“I need to think about it,” I told him at length. “I’m not saying no, but there are things I have to work through before I say yes.”I glanced up at him, and my heart thumped in my chest when I saw the hope shining in his gaze.“Okay.” He nodded. “That’s fair enough. Thank you, Sam. Even that much means the world to me.”I was feeling overwhelmed with emotion as he spoke, and his touch was doing funny things to me. Part of me wanted to take my hands away from his, but another, stronger part wanted him to touch other parts of me.Holy crap, what was I thinking? I tol
RyanI couldn’t sleep.I’d been tossing and turning for hours, but I couldn’t get my mind to calm down enough to actually allow me some rest.I couldn’t stop thinking about Sam and Henry.After leaving her house, I had returned home frustrated and confused but as much with myself as with her.Waking up that morning, I’d never have guessed the day would have taken such an incredible turn.Not only had I finally met Henry, but I’d gotten to spend so much time with him…with my son.I knew I’d never be able to go back to the way things had been before. I needed to find a way to keep Henry in my life. I needed to convince Sam that I wasn’t the same guy I’d been seven years ago.For a short period of time, I thought I might have done just that.When she was writhing beneath me, consumed by lust and desire, I’d thought I’d finally broken through with her.However, I had to remind myself that it was one thing for a woman to entrust a man with her body. It was a completely different story when
Samantha“Oh, good, this one fits much better. What do you think, Sam?”I looked over my reflection in the large trifold mirror in front of me and nodded to Mary, the owner of the town’s dress shop.“It’s perfect,” I told her with a relieved smile. “Thank God. I was trying not to panic, but it was cutting it really close.”Mary patted my shoulder. “I’m still not sure how the mix-up happened with the dress sizes, but I’m going to figure it out, so we make sure it doesn’t happen again. Thankfully, they were able to ship this one right away, and it doesn’t look like it’ll need any tailoring other than a little hemming at the bottom of the skirt. Nothing I can’t finish up before the wedding, though.”I released a breath I hadn’t realized I’d been holding. “Great. The last thing I wanted to do was tell Mandy that my bridesmaid dress didn’t fit two days before the wedding.”Mary chuckled, but the sound was strained. I could see her shoulders sag as the stress of the situation drained from h
RyanI drove to Sam’s house to pick her up for our date, and I was more nervous than I’d ever been to take a woman out.Sam wasn’t just any woman, though, and winning her over meant way more than just another notch in my bedpost. I didn’t want to mess this night up.When I arrived at her house, I parked the car in the street, got out, and made my way up to her front door. I took a moment to take a deep breath and steel my nerves before I hit the doorbell. I told myself to play it cool, to use my charm.Finally hitting the doorbell, I held my breath. A few moments later, the door opened, and that breath left my lungs in a rush.“Sam, holy shit…”She was stunning in a black bodycon dress that hugged her curves. It had a sweetheart neckline that showed off a tasteful amount of cleavage, and she’d let her dark brown hair fall loose around her shoulders. She was gorgeous, and I could only stare at her with my jaw dropped for several long moments.Her cheeks turned pink, and she gave me a s
I hadn’t expected that question, but I’m kind of glad she asked it. It was the elephant in the room, and it was best that we just get it out of the way.Folding my hands in front of me, I leaned a bit closer and answered, “I was scared. I wish I had a better explanation, but I don’t. I was young and scared and stupid. It’s the biggest regret of my life.”She appeared to consider my words for several tense moments.Slowly, she questioned, “Were you scared of me?”“Not of you,” I admitted. “I was scared of my feelings for you.”Her lips parted. “Your feelings for me?”I let out a self-conscious grunt. “Yeah, I hadn’t realized what I felt for you until that night. I always thought you were just Jason’s little sister, but that night, I realized just how attracted I was to you. How much I wanted you. It was so intense, it terrified me.”“Why didn’t you say anything to me? Why didn’t you ever come back?”I rubbed at the back of my neck and shrugged. “I’m a coward, plain and simple. I though
I held the door for her to get into the car. My dad picked up Makayla so she could give Deira one last hug while I walked around to get into the driver's side. We waved at everyone, and I drove away. As we wove through the grounds of the estate, I kept looking over, stealing glances at Deira as the dappled sunlight flitted over her, turning her hair gold and making her skin glow. I could feel heat pooling in my groin and a desperate need coursing through my veins. I thought again at how long it would be until we got to the hotel that night, and decided it was simply too long.Instead of turning toward the main road, I looped us around toward the back of the estate. I remembered a particularly secluded spot that was perfect for what I had in mind. A few minutes later, I pulled the car to a stop."Is something wrong?" Deira asked, looking over at me curiously."Nothing's wrong," I replied with a wicked grin. "I just don't want to wait until we get to Hawaii." When she realized what I me
CASSIUSThree Months LaterDeira made a beautiful bride.Watching her walk down the aisle toward me, with all our family and friends present, I knew that I had made the right choice in asking her to marry me. In fact, I knew that every choice I had made since that moment I decided to step into that steam room, despite it unexpectedly being occupied, had been the right choice.It was a simple ceremony, because once I'd proposed and she'd accepted, we both wanted things to move quickly. Neither of us saw a reason to wait. So, our whole wedding party was just three people. Scott was my one groomsman, and Dani was her one bridesmaid, and Makayla was the flower girl. In fact, Makayla was something of a flower empress, having demanded to be put in charge of all the floral decisions for the wedding. When that happened, Deira just laughed and looked at me."She gets this from you, you know," she had said, smirking.For my part, I thought she had made great decisions. The flowers looked beauti
A few days later,I was standing outside a hospital room, fidgeting with my dress. Cassius took my hand, pulling it away from the floral garment."You look great," he whispered. "Don't worry." We were about to go into his mother's hospital room, where his parents were waiting to meet Makayla and I for the first time. Makayla was bopping excitedly beside me. She had been on cloud nine ever since Cassius and I had explained that she had grandparents, and they were waiting to meet her. I, on the other hand, was very nervous."Ready?" Cassius asked. I took a deep breath, and nodded.It turned out that I didn't have anything to be nervous about. Cassius's father immediately stood up and gave me a warm hug, and his mother insisted I come sit by her so she could hold my hand and talk to me. They both were very kind to me and, more importantly, to Makayla. Just as she'd been with Cassius, Makayla seemed instantly at ease with them. It didn't take long before she was chatting away to them, talk
DEIRALeave it to Cassius to make a dramatic entrance, I reflected as I stared at him from afar. Whether it was barging into my steam room or crashing into my car or running through the airport yelling my name, he never did anything subtly. I looked at him, standing there breathing heavily. Had he run through the airport looking for me?I glanced back at Dani, and she raised an eyebrow. She didn't have to say anything more for me to understand the question she was asking. That raised eyebrow said, well, what are you going to do? It might as well have said, well, Deira, what do you want? I hadn't expected to have to answer that question at the airport, right before we went through security, but apparently, that's what was happening. Now I had two choices.I could turn my back on Cassius, take Makayla's hand, and walk through the security gate toward a totally new life, or I could go over to Cassius and ask him why he was here. I could give him one last chance to be part of my life. It
CASSIUSThough my mother was doing well, I still spent the next week or so in the hospital. Now that I'd reconciled with my parents, I wanted them to know that I was there for them. But also, I knew that once I returned to my real life, I would need to talk to Deira, and I wasn't ready. Not because I wasn't sure what to say—in fact, the opposite. I knew that I wanted Makayla and Deira to be part of my life now, and forever. But we'd had such a rocky path, I was a little scared of how Deira would respond to me.So, I put it off for days, until my mom finally prodded me to leave the hospital."You've been here forever," she said. "Go home, get a shower, and get a good night's sleep. And then, once you're refreshed, maybe talk to your girlfriend about us meeting our granddaughter." She winked at me."She's not my girlfriend, Mom," I protested, feeling like a teenager."But you like her, right?" my mother asked, and all I could do was grin in response. "See," she continued. "You have to g
The next morning, Dani took Makayla to school on her way to work, letting me sleep in. I laid around her apartment all morning in my pajamas, then went for a quick run before getting myself some lunch. I was very consciously not thinking about work, or Cassius, or anything else. I had half-expected him to call me at some point, but he didn't, and I couldn't help but be relieved. I didn't think I could talk to him until I decided what to do about Mr. White.In the afternoon, I picked up Makayla from school and took her to the park to play. That night, the three of us made pasta and played board games. It was nice to have some time to just have fun, without thinking about all of the stress of the past few months. The next day, after dropping off Makayla at school, I found myself thinking about my blog. I hadn't thought about it in months. I went to the home page and started looking over some of my past entries. Before long, I found myself writing down ideas for new posts. It had been ye
DEIRA I had hurried inside after getting out of Cassius's car, but I didn't want to go back to Dani's apartment when I was so upset. I waited until I saw Cassius drive away, and then I went back out to take a walk around the neighborhood. I had meant to calm down, but I found myself reliving our conversation and soon I was crying. Cassius not believing me about Mr. White hurt even more than I had let on. I'd let out all my anger on him, but beneath the anger was a deep pain and a sense of betrayal. Why did he think I would make something like that up? What did I have to gain from that? And did our relationship mean so little to him that the word of an employee he barely knew was better than my word? That last part stung more than I wanted to admit. For all the ups and downs of our relationship, it had never felt meaningless to me, but it seemed for Cassius this always came second to his job. He believed Mr. White over me, just like he had taken a business call instead of watching
After I got my dad calmed down, I went to find the doctor. I wanted a clear understanding of the accident and my mother's injuries. The doctor confirmed that the coma appeared to be because her body had been through a trauma, and that there was nothing worrying on the scans. All her other injuries were minor, especially considering the severity of the accident, but we wouldn't know her true status until she woke up. I made sure he understood that I was the point person now, and that my mom was to want for nothing. He nodded and reiterated that there was nothing to be done but wait. The waiting was excruciating.I found myself wanting to call Deira, but remembering the look on her face as she'd slammed the car door, I didn't think that was a good idea. I called Scott instead. He offered to come to the hospital, but I asked him to take care of the business instead. That way, I could concentrate on taking care of my parents."Of course, man. Whatever you need. Anything else I can do?" he
The address wasn't far, and I made it there in twenty minutes. Deira was just taking Makayla inside when I pulled up. I waited in the car and a few minutes later she emerged. I was going to get out and meet her, but she walked right to the car and got into the passenger seat."I can't talk long," she said. "But I realized storming off like that earlier wasn't helpful, so I wanted to try to explain." She fidgeted, like she was nervous."I did talk to Mr. White," I said, wondering if what he said was true, and now she was nervous because she regretted her actions. At his name, she glanced over at me sharply."Did he admit what happened?" she asked, seeming surprised."He told me his side of things. Why don't you tell me yours?" At the phrasehis side of things, her face fell. She looked down at her hands and took a deep breath. Finally, she spoke."He accused me of sleeping with you to get my job," she said quietly."What?!" I hadn't been expecting that at all, and I was so shocked I fel