The sun poured in through the windows of my bedroom. The rays landed on my body and warmed me.
What a poor substitute they were for his arms and the warmth I had felt when I spent time with him. I held the blanket tighter around me, burying my head under it and praying silently that morning hadn’t arrived. That it wasn’t time to face another day. If the nights were long and I could sleep more, I would be blessed with feeling nothing. Maybe I could go back to being the old Lily, the lost who had never lost so miserably in her life.
The alarm blared and I sat up straight away. A strange sensation started at the pit of my stomach. It gradually made its way up from my gut, into my chest, and then my throat. All at once, the contents of my stomach threatened to come up the way it went in. I covered my mouth and jumped out of my bed and prayed that I made it to the bathroom.
I heaved and every last bit of my food left me. After a couple of minutes, I finally held m
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The unknown number called my cellphone a couple of days later. The tired voice of Kai evaded my ears. I felt a bubble of expectation bloom inside my heart. “Lily, are you okay?” he asked when I didn’t respond. “Yes,” I said in a low voice. “Why did you call?” He was silent for a moment. “Am I not allowed to call you anymore?” I shook my head before belatedly realizing that he couldn’t see my gesture. “No. I thought you didn’t want to talk to me.” I wanted to ask about the woman he was supposed to marry. But I didn’t. “Absolutely not. I am sorry I couldn’t get back to you on time. Lucas told me you called,” he said softly. “I just finished talking to my family and called you immediately.” I shuddered. “Oh.” “Can we meet? We really need to meet,” he insisted. I hummed. “We need to talk about things, Kai,” I told him firmly. I had to tell him. And telling him over the phone was downright degrading. “I understand. I
He, then, proceeded to push past me into my apartment. I watched with mild horror as the President looked around my room with a small but smug smile on his lips. “I have to say… If Kai really knows you and wanted to meet you, why didn’t he just come over to your place? Why hide you so tightly and sneak you into his room? It seems he doesn’t put in much effort to meet you. What do you think is the reason for that?” he questioned. The seed of doubt had been placed in my mind long ago, and this just made it fester. I willed myself to not let it overtake my rationality. I pushed down the humiliation that seeped through me at his barbed dig. “Please, Mr. President. I need to speak to your son. As you said, it’s a matter of urgency.” His father huffed. “Urgency,” he repeated coolly. “May I ask what is so urgent?” My jaw ticked with frustration. “As I said, it is personal.” “Personal,” his tone was biting. It made the word sound like an obsce
I had no choice whatsoever. I was going to give up on the man I loved so that I could raise his baby and keep my family safe. Maybe, one day when his dad wasn’t the president with enough power to make me disappear, and if he had it in his heart to forgive me…We would be together? No, that was not possible.Kai would never forgive me for what I was about to do. And it wasn’t like I had a choice in this matter.The best I could hope for was that he would want to play some part in the child’s life.It has been a couple of days since I stood him up and I had received a few calls from him since. The first one was the night of our supposed meeting. From a blocked number. Similar to his previous calls. I just stared at the phone, my hand shaking as it hovered over my cell. I knew that if I answered, he would hear that there was something wrong with my voice. And he would convince me to tell him everything. So, I let him call and call un
It was the morning of my first sonogram. I nervously looked up at the ceiling as I lay on the cold exam table. My dad and my friend Brittany bounced in their seats. I rubbed my stomach absentmindedly. It had only just started to show and a smile crawled into my lips as I felt a faint flutter.Brittany chuckled at that. “Oh, I saw that. That right there is a football player.” She rubbed her own stomach. She, herself, was pregnant and we had bonded over it.“Brit!” my dad chuckled. “We don’t know if it is a boy or a girl.”We laughed until the doctor walked in and greeted us.“Well, Lily, are you ready to see your baby?”She turned on the ultrasound machine and shot out a cold jelly over my stomach. She rolled the device over my belly with gentle pressure.My heart thumped rapidly as I took in the black and white screen and expected to struggle. But it wasn’t. She could see it clearly
The next day I was in bed, revising the second draft of my new book when an acute kick knocked the wind out of me. I gasped sharply and looked down at my stomach, which was uncovered because my tank top kept riding up over it. A sharp peak protruded from my left side, rising up like a hill. There was a strange tightness that accompanied it. It was a different kick from any I had felt so far, and my baby's foot or arm or whatever body part it simply remained protruding.Dad came out of the bathroom and I chuckled as I pointed to it. “Look at that, dad.”He narrowed his eyes curiously and smiled. “What in the world is that?”“One of the limbs. It feels strange.”A couple of weeks later, Brit and I had returned home from a walk and we were both sitting across the sofa, talking, when I felt it again.I whined and Brit looked over.“What the hell?” she exclaimed.“It’s these stran
When my water broke one morning, I was home alone. Dad had gone out to the next town for the farmer’s market, sure that I needed organic products freshly picked from the farm to have a smart baby. Brit and Ken were at work. And I had no one else who I really spoke to during my pregnancy.The due date was three weeks later and I was the one least expecting it. Terrified, I called them.Dad was as calm as ever. “Right. Hold that baby in for a few hours, Lilith.”I snorted in response.“I’m serious,” he said. “It is going to take me time to get there. Did you call the others?”“No,” I said immediately.“Do you want to call them? Brit and Ken should be at work…”“I am not making any more calls,” I growled.“Got it. I will call everyone. You take care until I get there.”.Dad got us to the hospital in ten minutes and
“Mommy, mommy. You have to be there. It’s the President!” I whipped my head around so fast that I thought I would fall off the stool at the kitchen tabletop. “Who?” I asked quickly, shocked at those words. “The President. They told us we have to call him Mr. President if he talks to us. He’s coming to judge us on our environmental science projects.” “Environment,” I enunciated softly for Kaiden. “Mm. Environment. Brittany helped me and Brie while you were working, and she told the teacher that you’d be able to be there today to see who wins.” Kaiden was almost jumping up and down with excitement. “Right. So, it’s the President?” I clarified. How did I not know the President was coming to Kaiden’s school? My heart hammered in my chest as I tried not to think about the last time I had met a President. It had been nine years ago. I swallowed back the tears as memories flashed through my mind. “Okay,” I said. “I’ll be there. What t
“Is he…” he trailed off, suddenly realizing that he was surrounded by people. Kai looked at his son for only a brief moment before turning his head back to me. His eyes closed for a few beats too long as he processed the news. I realized that he knew for certain in those very moments.“You two know each other?” The principal asked.“Yes, Lily and I have met,” Kai replied harshly, his eyes never leaving hers after he opened them.“Wow. You knew the President, mommy?” Kaiden looked up at me in wonder. I stifled my reaction and smiled.“Yes, honey,” I replied softly as I ran my hand through his hair. “But it has been a really long time since we have met each other.” I paused. “He is not the President… not in the way you thought,” I informed.“Mr. Rivera, it’s time to head out to the garden.” At that moment, I wanted nothing but the princ