Chapter 1

Wearing only my bathrobe, I went on my condo's balcony. The wind blew. It rippled my damp hair. I embraced myself in the middle of the cold night as I watch the city lights in front of me.

I sighed and blinked emphatically. The coldness I am feeling was familiar. But I didn't stop myself from tasting it again.

The memories of that dark night flashed on my mind again. Whenever I'm alone and embraced by the cold, I still can't help but think of all that. I still can't help but look back on what happened. The pain I went through. Those days that I lose my sanity. The nights that I spend crying. And the days I thought of ending my life.

When they said that Mama was gone I did not immediately believe. Aunt Alandra even had to take me to the morgue for me to believe. I didn't accept it. I lost consciousness there because I couldn't. I was confined in the hospital for weeks because there wasn't a day that I didn't faint or hallucinate things.

According to a specialist, I am suffering from a traumatic disorder. Every time I suddenly see Damian, that's not true. Those were just in my brain. Nor is it true that someone is choking me. It is just my mind who was in control of everything. So they were very hard on me Tita.

That time, after I saw my mother's corpse, I felt like there was no reason for me to live anymore. I was unresponsive and oblivious on all that's happening around me. I no longer eat well and are silent on anything.

I also become violent whenever hallucinations attack me. And all those who approach me, are just women. From nurses and doctors. Because everytime a man comes near me, anyone else, I lose sanity. My body trembles and I start hallucinating a possible danger.

So even Livius, didn't get close to me. But Sage and I were often there in the hospital. But they will only see me for a while from a distance and then they'll leave right after.

Later, the doctor suggested that I be admitted to a mental hospital. But Tita Alandra strongly disagreed with it. So are Rose, Brenda and Aunt Susie who always visit me. I know what's happening around but sometimes, due to my trauma, I lose my rational mind. What I do sometimes that I am not aware of.

I feel guilty for the people I hurt, be it a doctor, a nurse or the people who watch over me.

So I once attempted to end my sufferings by jumping on the window. But that didn't work out because a nurse stopped me. When Tita heard that, she assigned people to take turns guarding my room. That's how it was set up until he took me home to their house.

My life stopped from revolving. Everything became meaningless to me. I was violated. My mother died while trying to save me. Who can think sober there?

"Kaia ... Please, speak up. I don't want you to be an idiot in a corner ..." Rose said while crying. But my gaze remained in emptiness. I can no longer feel anything. I felt numb. All parts of my body.

"And you're not eating! Don't you want to live anymore, huh? You're losing weight! Eat well and be sure! We're worried about you a lot! It's just that others can't get close ..."

Days went on. Months passed by. I have not changed. If anything, it's that I'm already eating but still not speaking. I just feel so tired of everything. Especially when I lose myself and I hurt others. I don't want a life like that.

For almost a year, my life stopped. The life I cherish. The mother I love the most ... She just disappeared into the air like a bubble. It was like a dream I would never go back to.

A week after the incident, the four men including Damian was declared to be dead. The car they were riding in exploded into a ravine. Burnt bodies were found there and the group was identified. I didn't hear much of it. Tita didn't even include me in the conversation. Maybe they are thinking it will worsen my mental health.

But even when I heard of their deaths, the pain and hatred did not go away from me. The pain was too much. That kind of pain won't subside easily. It's not easy especially every time I close my eyes Damian's touch on the private parts of my body is what I remember.

Those are my horrors. And after years, that nightmare is still haunting me.

With the help of regular counseling with a pyschiatrist, I gradually recovered. I only have hallucinations once and every time a man approaches me I don't lose myself. I just shiver when there are triggers in my brain about that thing. But now, I can manage to interact with men in events without trembling or hallucinating.

Mama was cremated. Tita was busy with me and handing over Damian so she decided to just cremate Mama.

For the past years, she never left my side. So did Aunt, Rose, Brenda and Georgia. They were the ones who were with me. Livius didn't see me after I was discharged in the hospital. So is Sage. Not that I want to see him, though.

I haven't thought about them yet. Especially Sage. There is no point in me even thinking about him. I don't care anymore. And as the months and years went by, I completely forgot about him as if he had never been a part of my life.

"My goodness! What is this issue with you and Zeus Philips ?!" Luke once landed on his iPad in front of me.

I took off my heels and put on slippers. I went to my room to escape from my manager's rants but he just followed me inside. I was tired all day because I had just returned from a mall show and the opening of a branch of a cosmetic company of which I was the endorser.

I sat in front of my vanity table. I took off my dangling earings. I heard Luke's exaggerated sigh behind me. I could see his frowning face in the mirror. He was still holding his iPad while throwing me dagger looks.

"What? You're dating Zeus? Isn't this just one of the issues so you're not answering?"

"Come on, Luke! That's just nothing! You know paparazzi are everywhere. It just so happened that Zeus and I were in the same place yesterday. It's just nothing. Don't mind it."

"How can I not mind it, huh? E, your picture is already widespread on social media! The issue intensified because you were smiling there! It's the first time that you were photographed with a man and you were smiling! That's a big catch, Kaia! It would be okay if it would improve your image! But just a month ago, Zeus was issued to the model Elen and the director of his new movie! See? Who wouldn't worry about that?"

People nowadays. Even very small things are magnified.

"So rumors broke that the two of you are dating!" Luke added before crashing down on the couch.

"Rumors are just rumors. It will die down like the previous ones. Don't understand that. How about you rest? We're early tomorrow. Just have your beauty sleep and let me have mine, too."

"Ugh! I hate you, K! You're just giving me a headache! Fine! I'm going to sleep! Just make sure you don't have an issue to add to it! You'll be the cause of my early death, eh! "

I laughed and shook as he marched out of my room. I removed make up and took a shower.