Chapter 56

This is the first night that I will sleep on the same bed with Jaxson beside me, and I don't know what just happened to my body that made me so stiff this much. This is also the first time that I’ll be laying in the same bed with some guy that’s not even my brother, Charles. 

I don't even remember how to breathe right now, all I can think of is that this man laying beside me, in my own little bed, is my husband and we are going to spend the night together.

What will we do?

The blanket almost tore because I was clinging to it so tightly to cover my entire body. My bed is so small that if I make a small movement our skin will touch together and when that happens, I don't know if my heart can handle it and if I will wake up in my right mind.

I am breathing the hottest air in the entire planet as my body also feels the heat rising up from my feet.

It is so quiet in my room that the only thing you can hear is my loud series of sighs and my heart beating as quickly as it can.

I don’t know what to do.

What do newly married couples usually do on their first night except that only thing?

"Are you uncomfortable?" I heard Jaxson mutter in his raspy voice.

Uncomfortable? I am dying!

“U-Uh… H-Huh?” I stammered because of how tensioned I am. It gives me shivers every single minute. Of course I am too timid to say that this situation that I am lying in bed next to my husband is killing me. This even almost feels like the last time I talked to Jaxson sober in the car the day he picked me up from the University.

Jaxson sighed as he propped his elbow so he could turn his body sideways, facing me.

It was as if my body became a statue when I felt his direct gaze on me.

"I-I... never imagine even once that I will have a man next to me in the bed where I can lie alone for a long time... So..." my head slightly moved away from him because I felt ashamed of what I said. I feel like all the blood in my body rises up to my cheeks that makes it really hot and I know that I look like a rotten tomato.

“So, you’re saying… You work in a club, wear that mini dress and yet have no experience with a man?”

I nodded softly.

“I’m impressed…” I felt his lips as he moved closer to me. 

I was shocked when he acted to lay on top of me.

“Aaah!!” I screeched, jolting away from the bed.

I heard Jaxson's feeble chuckle. “Maybe a couple of pillows can help you be comfortable.”

I felt the bed move as he got up to get an extra pillow and then placed it between the two of us. He adjusted its alignment so that there was a barrier between us.

The pillows he put were a big help because my gaze could no longer reach him in the corners of my eyes and the pounding in my chest seemed to have lessened because I didn't think too much about Jaxson being here.

I couldn't look at his face because of the pillows that were blocking his face, so I just kept looking at my blank ceiling.

"You know, Jax... We are not a real couple, so this really shouldn't be a big deal. It's just one night." I said confidently, knowing that it's a lie.

"Right." He replied quickly.

"Right..." I muttered in response.

I think it was about two minutes of silence and only a series of sighs could be heard inside the room.

"When I was younger, my mom took me to a huge mountain and left me there alone thinking that it would teach me to be independent and brave."

I chuckled because of what information he suddenly told me. It is so out of nowhere.

"I'm sorry for laughing, but that's kinda..." I giggled.

"But you know what? Instead of being independent and brave, I felt more like… alone.”

My giggles halted when Jaxson continued with his story.

"My mother left me by myself in the wild and it taught me nothing but being afraid to be alone. And that is exactly how I felt when she left me. She should've taken me with her when I even cried, begging her to take me with her. The day she left me alone in the mountains was also the day of the car crash. Imagine... a little boy like me, fighting for his life to get out of the suffocating place, only to find out that my mother has left me forever..."

I can hear Jaxson's pain in his voice. I know that just like me, he is just looking at the ceiling right now. Maybe it's moments like these that he can't stop remembering his mother. I can imagine the excruciating pain he is feeling right now. And to think that he didn't even get a chance to give a proper goodbye to his mother is really sad. The little Jaxson who thinks about seeing his mother after getting out of the mountain, has no idea that it would be the last moments of them together and he was crying, begging his mother to take him with her. If she ever did, I wouldn't be with this man right now.

"You have only collected sad moments throughout your life. Don't you have even one happy memory?" I ask, because it seems like Jaxson's life has been very sad since he was a child.

"I do have moments like that." He uttered. "As an example, spending time with you. I know you will never believe me, but you make my days much brighter now. Do you even know that you look like my mother?"

Both of my eyebrows rose because of what he said which I did not expect.

"Don't scold me. He says it's impossible. Your mother is beyond beautiful!”

"And so are you."

"W-What..?" I stammered.