Chapter 44

I was startled when someone swiftly yanked my hand and tugged me. I turned to see who it was, and there was Gunther.

He did not take a moment to glance at me and just continued pulling my arm with a restrained face. I am not sure where he's planning to take me, but my body deliberately stopped resisting and simply allowed him to drag me inside the elevator.

I don’t know why… But I seem to be waiting for Jaxson to start chasing me as the elevator closes.

Yet I know damn well that will never happen.

I solely turned my eyes away when the door eventually closed. As soon as I felt scorching tears running down my cheek, I hurriedly crouched down to wipe it and hide from Gunther.

Why does it hurt this much… Why does my chest feel like someone is clutching it strenuously, giving me an excruciating pain resulting in overflowing tears..? I don’t like how this feels…

I just came to the realization that my tears kept on coming to the point that it was difficult to hold back them.

The moment the door opened, I was struck by the grandeur of the roof garden. This place is spectacular, it’s so beautiful but why is this making me cry even harder?

I really lost control of my emotions. It seems like lately, I can no longer truly understand who I am… or how I must feel. Everything was just a mixture of sensations that submerged me.

Why did I even believe that Jaxson had a enough grudge against Daniella that’s making it impossible for him to forgive her. Why on earth did I assume that all he wants is to avenge and retaliate what they have done to him. Did I just believe that Jaxson was trying to forget about her?

But… how did all of it come to be this way? Why did I end up like this..?

“Why do I feel so… betrayed..?”

“You feel betrayed because you gave him more trust than your naive self should. You surrendered everything.”

I did not realize that the words in my mind had already slipped out of my lips.

Fortunately, the only person that can hear me right now is only Gunther and no one else.

“You are hurt because you love him.”

I was distracted by the words he came out with.

“— You are in so much pain right now because you just saw the person that you love with another woman in a room together. You feel cheated and heart broken. You feel like your world would come crashing down and you can’t do anything but watch it shambles. This shit hurts.”

Even struggling, I tried to gaze at Gunther’s face with my eyes blurring by the tears that had accumulated in my eyes.

“Look at yourself right now. If you weren’t that affected by what you saw, you wouldn’t be running away from them, confused on where to run. If you don’t love him, you wouldn’t be in pain and cry like a baby.” He added.

I averted my eyes off him and shifted to stare on the ground.

“I can’t love him…” I murmured. “It’s so ironic how I am going to marry that man tomorrow, whom I can’t even love...” I flashed a bitter smile.

“Only you can tell whether you will love someone or not. It is your decision, not them. Loving someone doesn’t mean that the person should love you back. Don’t you know that?” Gunther talked in a tranquil voice. “Loving someone unconditionally without requiring them to love you back is pure fondness.”

My eyes draw back to him slowly, as my hand ran on my cheek to wipe my tears away.

“I can’t be his lover, Gun…” I murmured.

_________________

We have been here for almost a few minutes but none of us intend to speak. We could only hear the gusts of wind as we both watched the sunset.

“Are you calmer now? Should we go down already?”

My gaze returned to Gunther who was also gaping at my face. I nodded at him as a smile flashed on my lips.

I looked down for a moment when I noticed that he was handing something to me. When I had a glimpse of what it was, I saw that he handed me a handkerchief from the packet of the suit he was wearing.

“Wipe your face.” Gunther voiced. “I can't stand seeing your tears any longer.”

I immediately accepted the handkerchief that he offered with a soft chuckle and I wiped it on my damp cheeks and eyes as well as some of the parts of my face that had dried tears already.

“I like how caring you are to me.” I uttered softly as my eyes redirected to watch the sunset. “I just hope that every time you are genuinely concerned, the outcome will always turn out great. Just like how you calmed me down today. I just want to apologize and say that I’m not really mad at you— It’s just like you know, you’re… maybe… a little bit annoying?” I jokingly let out with a weak laugh.

I appreciate how even though we were in a fight yesterday and I screamed at him, he still got worried about me and somehow ease my heart. It’s enough for me. Just having someone to talk to and share a moment whenever I am feeling down like this and confused on what to do next, it heals me.

I miss my Charles… If he’s here seeing me cry like this, I know that he will hug me tightly and let me cry on his shoulders.

I can’t deny that whatever it is that I witnessed in Jaxson’s office completely devastated me. It irritates me to think that I completely assumed that I should be here to constantly protect him because of how Lance and Daniella treat him. Well, looks likely that I am no longer needed to do that anymore. And maybe, by just going with Jaxson here in Ruegold will just hinder their forbidden love.

“Uhm, in my defense…” Gunther murmured with a tinge of tenderness in his voice. “I never want that to happen. I despise myself for pushing you to consume all those, thinking that it will make you healthier rather than giving you stomach pain.”

I giggled. “Don’t worry about it. You just redeemed yourself today.” I patted his shoulders lightly. “Thank you for bringing me here. You just showed me a place where I could spend my time here.” I let out a loud sigh as I put down the handkerchief to his hand. “I don’t know what will happen next when I go down there. I’m not even sure if I’ll be able to stare directly into his face and talk to him. I couldn’t understand why thinking about the situation of facing him is giving me so much anxiety and weird emotions. If only I had a choice to just go out right now and not talk to him because I am disgusted with what he has done. But I also know that I couldn’t and I have no choice. Everything in my mind right now is tangled. It’s such a mess… I feel like I’m going crazy...”

Gunther was silently listening to my words as his eyes were fixed on the sunset.

I couldn’t help but to capture the beauty of the sunset and quickly took my phone out. I took only one shot for it to be so special, and uploaded it directly to friendsbuck.

“You can go down now, Gunther.” I said. “I’ll just wait until it gets dark before I go down there and face him. I just need more time to breathe.”

“What about your wedding? The coordinators are probably in Mr. Madrigal’s office and waiting for you to come.”

“I don’t wanna go…” I let out in a hushed tone. “If Jaxson gets mad at me for not attending, then I’ll just let him. I don’t think I am in my right mind right now to face them and speak as if nothing just happened. Jaxson is probably wondering why I reacted like that. He knows that I have no right to feel so because we are not real—” I was astonished at the words that slipped my mouth. “Wait a second…”

“What is it?” He replied.

“Y-You…”

Does Gunther know about the fake marriage contract?

I shook my head, as I gape to his eyes.

“No, no, I don’t think so...”

Gunther made a soft chuckle which befuddled me to the moon and back.

“What? That I know everything about the two of you? And that your engagement are all just an act?”

I let out a weak gasp. “Really..?”