CHAPTER I

CHAPTER I

Saturday, 2:00 pm in     

Bosnia and Herzegovina time zone.

A drop-dead gorgeous, dark hair young man walking down the stairs heading towards his car. His car looks expensive.

 His long black coat glistens in the late afternoon sun. His appearance reveals that he belongs to a wealthy clan. Probably his a billionaire.

 His face displays a strong confidence but in his eyes there is a deep sadness.

 The moment he reached his car his cellphone chirped and vibrated in his pocket. He pulled it out and stared at the screen.

In his messenger. " ? "

The message contains only a question mark.

He nodded. Trying to recall who the message sender is and what is the missing link. And as far as he remember, it is just an inquiry about his post on social media which at present he is no longer connected. Then he decided to reply.

“You inquire on my post and that was years ago” he replied.

“Sorry but I don’t remember your post, what is that all about?" the sender replied.

“No worries, I’m no longer connected to that business, not anymore." he replied.

"Okay. Where are you from?" the sender asked.

"I'm from Bosnia and Herzegovina" he said.

"Sorry, I’m not familiar" the sender replied.

“It is in Europe." he said.

"Okay." the sender said.

“How about you where you from?" asked the young man.

He get inside his car while waiting for the reply.

Few minutes had passed. Still no answer.

He decided to go for his friends are waiting for him at the nearby restaurant        .

On the other side of the world,

In the country where the sender resides is already evening.

They have different time zone.

The message sender is sleepy now and decided not to reply that’s why the young man got no reply from her.

 The massager is a woman. A woman who is older than him. She decided not to reply when she read the young man's country name. For in her mind there are flashes of memories which she cannot explained. As if she's been there before, but what she knew is not and that is impossible.

And when she open the profile of the young man and saw his photos, he looks familiar but she cannot remember where or when and how they met. And maybe not. Or maybe yes but a long time ago that she can hardly recall. She’s unsure.

Suddenly, because of that thoughts she got headache.

She decided to get some sleep to ignore her thoughts about the young man.

"Those things are impossible. It never happened." she whispered.

And then again she is talking to herself.

"I'm just a little unwell today. I have to get some sleep and maybe tomorrow might be good."

And then she fall asleep with that thoughts in her head that result to a bad dream.

It’s not so surprising that she behave like that for she has a psychological disorder which is called personality disorder.

Personality is the way of thinking, feeling and behaving that makes a person different from other people. An individual’s personality is influenced by experiences, environment (surroundings, life situations) and inherited characteristics. A person’s personality typically stays the same over time.

A personality disorder is a way of thinking, feeling and behaving that deviates from the expectations of the culture, causes distress or problems functioning, and lasts over time. Personality disorders are long-term patterns of behavior and inner experiences that differs significantly from what is expected. The pattern of experience and behavior begins by late adolescence or early adulthood and causes distress or problems in functioning. Without treatment, personality disorders can be long-lasting. Personality disorders affect the way of thinking about oneself and others, the way of responding emotionally the way of relating to other people, and the way of controlling one’s behavior.

There are specific types of personality disorders. One of them is the so called Borderline Personality Disorder. Person with BPD have trouble regulating their emotions effectively. They may experience splitting, which is a term that refers to seeing things as all good or all bad.

Frequently sees things in black and white terms, which means things and people are seen as either all good or all bad.

They don’t believe good people can be bad sometimes or can make mistakes, which can lead to becoming consumed with anger toward people.  For them, things, experiences, and people were either all bad or all good, totally wonderful or totally worthless, completely positive or completely negative.

Splitting is considered a coping mechanism that helps a person with BPD avoid getting hurt. It allows them to discard things and people they have decided are all bad.

Splitting is an unconscious attempt to safeguard ego and prevent anxiety. A defense mechanism commonly developed by people who have experience early life traumas, such as abuse and abandonment.

In essence, people with BPD are often terrified that others will leave them. They have an intense fear of abandonment. However, they can also shift suddenly to feeling smothered and fearful of intimacy, which leads them to withdraw from relationships. The result is a constant back-and-forth between demands for love or attention and sudden withdrawal or isolation.

Intimacy avoidance describes the degree to which an individual withdraws from close emotional contact from a relationship partner.

As a result an intimacy phobic person, even if she or he did stumble across their ideal partner, they wouldn’t choose them. Intimacy phobias are after one thing, and that is to avoid being hurt.

This suggests that romantic relationships with people with BPD are more likely to end in a breakup.

People with borderline personality disorder (BPD) often have rocky relationships, both romantic and platonic.

They experience constant changes in emotions.

In short, in a person have BPD, everything feels unstable: relationships, moods, thinking, and behavior—even identity.

Self-image, goals, and even likes and dislikes may change frequently in ways that feel confusing and unclear.

 In addition, people with BPD often experience a profound lack of self-image and self-concept. They may feel like they don’t know who they are, and their perception of their own identity may vary widely over time. They might even have trouble seeing their past self, present self, and future self as the same person. They change who they are depending on their circumstances and what they think others want from them. Their thoughts and feelings change to match the current situation.

And sometimes they has experienced mild forms of dissociation from time to time. The experiences that go along with dissociation, includes amnesia.

The type of temporary amnesia that last hours, days, weeks, months, or longer. It involves wandering or unplanned travel, in which the person may establish a new identity in a new location very different from their old life. This involves people being unable to recall specific information about themselves, often due to a traumatic event or intensely stressful situation.

And that is exactly what happened to the message sender. She wandered and developed a new identity in her new home which is very different from her old life.

So maybe or maybe not the young man is part of her past but she cannot recall who he is, how they met and where the specific place is.

She can hardly recall.

But maybe there will be a chance that she will remember her past for all is temporary.

And then she fall asleep with that thoughts in her head, about the young man that result to a bad dream. Her dream is about what happened a long time ago in her life ….