Prologue

Lucas

"Sarah, can you just sit down let's talk about this," I said, trying to calm her down. I knew my wife well, and I knew the only thing that would help was talking to her. You could never force Sarah to do anything. 

"Lucas, what do you want to talk about, I'm carrying a child," she said, still pacing up and down the large sitting room. "A child Lucas, do you even know what that means for my career?" 

"Baby, you should be happy, we're going to receive the best blessing of our lives in a few months." I stood up and went in front of her to stop the pacing.

"What the fuck do you mean by that Lucas? What about my career that took me so long to build huh, what about that?" she snapped and started crying, for the second time this morning. 

I cautiously put my arms around her waist, careful not to make any sudden movements. For the past few weeks, she had been cranky and highly irritable, now I knew it was all these hormones messing with her. I had to be careful not to say or do anything that would irritate her any further. 

"Hey, don't cry," I whispered, running my hand through her thick brown hair. She easily melted into my arms, and I rocked her gently against my body.

"I'm sorry, I'm just so scared." her words were muffled, as she sobbed gently against my chest. 

"You don't have to be baby, let's sit?" I asked

She nodded, and I brought her to the sofa I had been sitting on earlier. She wanted to sit next to me on the sofa, but I held her back and patted my lap gently. She took the hint and sat on my lap instead.

She rested her head on my shoulder, crying softly, and I wrapped one hand around her and used the other to stroke her hair. I knew all of this stress was not good for her in the first trimester, and it broke my heart to see her cry this way.  

"I don't know what to do," she said, still crying. 

"We'll figure it out baby, I promise we will. I know how much you love your career, and I would never force you to do anything that'll ruin your career, you know that right?" 

She sniffed and gave a small nod. 

"I just want us to give this a chance, and you know how children always bring so much happiness to a family, I'm sure this child will do the same for us," I said, putting my hand and her stomach. 

Her stomach was still flat, and it did not look like anyone was growing in it, but I knew our child was in there, no matter how small he or she was.

"But we are happy." she raised her head from my chest and looked at me. 

I knew I had to tread carefully, or that look could easily change into a glare. " Yes, we are, but we can use an extra source of joy in the house, can't we?" 

She was silent for a while, and I waited patiently for her to think about her answer. 

After almost a minute, she spoke. "You're right, I'm being selfish, a child would complete our small family and make us perfect." 

"No baby, you're not being selfish. It's okay for you to think about your career, you worked so hard for it." I drew small circles on her back with the hand that was wrapped around her. 

She had stopped crying, and the redness of her cheek had reduced. A streak of dried tears formed from her eyes to her chin. She reached a hand out to my face and stroked my face gently, her eyes never leaving mine. 

"Why are you so perfect?" she asked, still stroking my face.

"You make me perfect baby," I held her head and brought her forehead to my lips. "I love you so much, and I hate seeing you cry."  

The sad expression on her face changed into a small smile, and she kissed my lips. "I love you too, so much." Now she was fully grinning, and I was happy that I was able to make her smile so much. 

She snuggled back in my arms, and soon after, we both fell asleep in each other's arms.   

*** *** ***

"They're twins?" Sarah yelled at the doctor who was conducting the ultrasound. 

It had been a little more than 2 months since we found out our little angel —now angels— would be coming to us soon. Every day I woke up elated and filled with joy at the thought that I was going to be a dad very soon. I could not say the same for Sarah though, every day she was sulking and upset. I tried to convince myself that it was just the hormones, but I knew there was more.

She did not want the child. 

Sarah was one of those people that could not hide their emotions, and even if she could, I knew her well enough to know how she felt about the child growing in her womb. 

I found it hard to understand how she could not feel all the happiness this child —children— who had not even come yet was already giving us. 

She was about to say something to the doctor again, but I held her hand, and she didn't say anything anymore. She looked away to the other side of the room. 

I looked at the doctor apologetically and mouthed "hormones."

He nodded, with a smile and mouthed, "I know."   

He grabbed the file from the table and straightened his coat. "I'll leave you to change back into your clothes," he said and walked out of the room. 

I was happy that he knew Sarah and I needed to talk and gave us some time. But as I opened my mouth to speak, she raised her hand to stop me. "I do not want to talk to you. " 

She climbed down the ultrasound table, ignoring the hand I held out to her. She picked up her dress from the chair in the room and struggled to zip it close. I stepped closer to help her close the with the zip, but she turned around quickly and scowled at me. 

"Why are you even mad at me? I blurted. I was getting pissed at her indifference, and it did not seem fair, that she took it out on me. 

"I don't know, maybe because I am carrying your freaking child Lucas," her voiced boomed across the room and I was afraid she would disturb other patients. "it was bad enough when it was only one, now there's two of them, how am I supposed to how witrh that?" 

"Sarah, you can't talk about our unborn children like that," I said, not bothering to hide how furious I was. I had been as understanding as a man could be toward his pregnant wife, but now she was crossing the line. 

"I am not going to have this conversation here in a hospital where everyone can hear us." At least she was rational enough to remember that. 

I helped her zip her dress up, and the doctor came back into the room to give us a few instructions and some prescriptions for her. 

On our way back home, we did not say a word to each other. She faced the other side of the window, and I faced mine as the driver drove us back home. 

Over the next few months, our relationship grew more strained, and Sarah turned down all my attempts to fix it. With each day that her belly grew, she resorted to self-hate. She would look at herself in the mirror with so much disgust, and it broke my heart every time. 

She would not even allow me to assure her of how perfect she was in my eyes and how carrying our babies made her more beautiful. We hardly spoke, and she only talked to me when she needed me to go with her to the hospital. 

Her attitude only got worse after childbirth. She became neglectful and would spend hours sulking and crying over her scarred body. 

I did not mind that the kids had to feed from a bottle as she refused to breastfeed. But the fact that she completely neglected them and acted like they did not exist was more hurtful than anything.

It got to a point I could not take it anymore. It had been a few months since our children were born, and her attitude had not improved. I decided to confront her about it. 

"Sarah, we need to talk," I said, banging the door shut as I entered the room. 

She just came back from a meeting with her manager, and she was on the sofa with a half-full glass of scotch. The faint smell of cigarettes filled the room, and it pained me to see that she was smoking again. 

"I thought you quit smoking?" I asked, stopping in front of her

"That's none of your business Lucas, what do you want." 

"What I want is to talk about our lives, and about our family that's slowly falling apart each day," I said, my voice pleading. The only thing I could do was plead with her to see a reason to come back to her senses. 

Nothing had been right since the day she found out she was pregnant, and I was wrong to think that our little bundles of joy would bring her joy back. She would not even look at them. 

I did all the work of taking care of them, despite the fact that I had to assist my dad in running the company. I thought of bringing a nanny, but she refused, and the only person that was there to assist me was Mia by little sister. 

She had been a better mother to the twins than Sarah had been to them since they were born. 

"Well, I also want to talk you know," she got up from the sofa "I got a lot of shit to say." 

Finally, I thought, she was going to talk about what was eating her up so badly, she no longer cared about our family. 

"You know I'm always here to listen Sarah, I just want to know why you're so upset at kids, all they have ever done is bring us joy." 

"Like hell they have, I have only had 3 shoots since I got pregnant, and all of them were pregnancy-related shoots. I look in the mirror, and I do not recognize the scarred monster I see." 

I winced at her choice of words, it pained me so much that she thought so low of herself. But she was not done yet.

"I'm only 23 Lucas, and my modeling career was just on the brink of reaching new heights, but then I had to get pregnant. I lost it all, do you understand that I lost it all, and it's all thanks to them." she broke down in tears and sank to the floor with her hands covering her face. 

I blamed myself for not doing everything to assure her of how perfect she was even after giving birth. But not anymore, I had to tell her how I felt about her or risk losing her. I sank to the floor and waited patiently for her to cry it all out.

I thought of wrapping her in a hug, but the last time I did that, she got even more upset. She eventually stopped crying and looked at me. 

I wanted to say something, but she beat me to it and spoke first. "I need to get away from here, I need to breathe and be myself again." 

"That's fine baby. I'll plan a vacation for you, just tell me where you want to..." 

"No," she stopped me, "you don't get it." she sniffed and stood up, and started her nervous pacing. 

I got on my feet too, following her with my eyes. I was careful not to get too close. 

"Every time I see the kids, I'm reminded of what I lost, okay. And I can't do it anymore. I don't think I can ever love them, and I want out." 

Her words struck me like lightning, and I had to hold on to the nightstand to stop me from falling back. "Sarah, what do you mean by that? I know you're hurting, but we can't just 'want out' of taking care of our children." 

She stopped pacing and walked to me. It was the first time in months she had come to me on her own. She held my hand and brought me to the bed. 

As she made me sit on the bed, she sat by me, holding my hand as she spoke. "Look, I found this couple, they want a child but don't have any, they'll do anything to get a child, and we have two that we don't even want." 

"Speak for yourself." I snapped, removing my hand from hers.

"Okay, I'm sorry," she apologized, and I knew she didn't mean it, "but look at it this way, if we give the kids up for adoption, our family would be happy again and perfect like it was before, just the two of us." 

I stared at her in horror, unable to believe everything she was saying. "So you want to give up our kids for money?" 

"Of course not, we have more money than we could ever need, I just think that family would love them more, and everyone would be happy again."

"You're drunk Sarah, sleep over it, when you wake up, you would realize how crazy you sound right now." I stood up to leave, and she followed suit. 

"No, I'm very sober. I only had one drink, just listen to me please," she said as she hugged me from behind. It felt like ages since she was this close to me. And that was enough to stop me from leaving. 

She turned around and came in front of me, not letting go. I tried to look away from her, but she took one hand and forced me to look at her. "Don't you want us to be perfect again? Like how we were before, no Aiden, no Abigail, just us." 

She snuggled into my neck, kissing me up to my chin. I knew I had to put up a fight to make the right choice with her this close to me. There was a time when just her presence was confusing to me, and we were going back to that time. 

I wrapped my arms around her waist, and she tilted her head, bringing her lips just a few inches from mine. "Don't you love me anymore?" she asked, brushing her lips against mine. 

"I do, Sarah, you know I do." I did not even realize she had unbuttoned my dress shirt more than halfway, and I could feel the bulge rising in my pants. 

"Then please do this for me, this is the only way I'd ever be happy again. Don't you want me to be happy?" she easily slid a hand down into my pants and stroked gently.

"I do," I groaned and threw my head back.

"Then please, let's give them up for adoption." 

The word adoption was enough to snap me back to reality. I quickly pushed her away and buttoned my shirt up. She looked confused as she raised her brows. 

"What is wrong with you Lucas?" her confused expression had changed to a frown. 

I finished buttoning my shirt, "Nothing is wrong with me, but if you think I would give my kids up to satisfy you and make you happy, you've gone psycho." I brushed past her to the door. 

"Then choose." her words were pained, and they stopped me in my tracks.

I turned around to face her again, making sure there was enough distance between us. "What?" 

"You heard me, it's me or it's them, you either give them up for adoption or divorce me," she paused to wipe her tears, "tomorrow."

I was sure my heart missed a beat when she said the word divorce. But I quickly recovered. She was obviously drunk, that was the only reasonable explanation. "Sarah, you're drunk, get some sleep." 

I turned to leave, but she stopped me. "Lucas, I am not joking. You only have two options, and if you walk out that door, I will leave tonight." 

I could not believe she was going to throw 5 years of marriage away just like that. I loved her more than anything, but I also loved my children, and I could not give them up even if my life depended on it. I had never been one to cry, but I could feel the bile rising in my throat. 

Sarah was still watching me expectantly. She had changed so much from the sweet and caring model I had fallen in love with. 

"I don't know you anymore Sarah," I took a few steps towards her, "please don't do this..."

"Save it," she raised her hand to stop me and turned her face to the window "make your choice."

Nothing I said would change her mind, and I knew at that point that I had lost her. Feeling defeated, I managed to put my hand in my pocket and squared my shoulders.

I took one last glance at her and pivoted toward the door. I held the doorknob for a few seconds hoping she would change her mind and come to her senses, but she did not even spare me a glance.

As I opened the door, I said the words I never thought I would ever say to the woman I loved most. "My lawyer will send you the divorce papers in a few days."