Chapter 4: Past

"Kalilah. Right, it's you!" Anthony said. 

 

I can still see the shock in his eyes; his eyes are a little red, maybe because of the alcohol he drank. His lips parted as he looked at me as if amazed at what he was seeing.

 

"Do you know him, Kali?" Angelo asked me.

 

I couldn't speak right away because even I was shocked by what was happening now. I knew Anthony and I would meet again, but I didn't expect it in this way and in this place.

 

Anthony looked at me from head to toe, as if he had seen something very alluring. Of course he did. I'm in front of him now, and I know for myself that I'm beautiful.

 

"Is that really you? You look better now," he said in a disbelieving voice.

 

Of course, I'm better now because my condition was very bad when we were together, especially when he left me alone while I was pregnant.

 

"Angelo, let's go," I said to Angelo.

 

I had no intention of talking to Anthony or prolonging our interaction there, so it was better for me to just leave. Also, I don't have time to say hello to him. We saw each other again, which is enough.

 

"Kali, wait!" it calls me.

 

I hurried to leave there, but my chest heaved when he caught up with me. He even held my hand just to stop me from leaving, which is why I immediately looked at it.

 

"Let me go," I ordered him.

 

"You look like a different person now, Kali. Can I invite you tonight?"

 

"No, I'm not interested. So, take your hand out of me," I answered. That's why he stopped talking.

 

"You've changed," he said.

 

His hand kept holding me, which is why I felt annoyed because of that. How dare he touch me after all? I tried to remove my hand from his grip, but he was stronger than me, and it seemed that he had no intention of removing it until I was allowed to join him tonight. Until now, nothing has changed in his behavior because he always wants to be the one to do what he wants.

 

"Bro, let her go," said Angelo, who was behind me.

 

Anthony looked at Angelo, and it was obvious to him that he was already drunk.

 

"And who do you think you are to command me?" Anthony asked Angelo arrogantly.

 

"Wow," Angelo said softly.

 

I immediately turned to him and signaled to him not to argue with Anthony. I've known Anthony for a very long time, and even though five years have passed, I'm sure his attitude is still the same. He's still a war freak.

 

"Are you her new boyfriend?" Anthony asked. 

 

When I was annoyed, I removed his grip on me with all my might. He was surprised when I got away from him, so I turned to Angelo again to pull him away from there.

 

I don't know where Anthony gets his courage from after everything that happened between the two of us before. He accused me that the child I was carrying belonged to another man and not to him. He kicked me out even though he knew I had no other place to stay. He brought a girl to the house where we were staying just to make me look like I was worthless and he only wanted my body.

 

I then felt as if there was a lump in my throat as I remembered the past that almost destroyed my life.

 

"Kali, are you alright? Do you know that guy? Did he hurt you?" Angelo asked me one question after another.

 

I let go of his hand a while ago when I got away from Anthony. I didn't even realize that I was outside the bar because there was no noise there. To this day, I still can't get Anthony and his hand that held me tightly out of my mind. I feel that it left a mark because of the tightness of his grip on me. He has hurt me physically before, and it is not unlikely that it will happen again now. That is why I am afraid.

 

"I'm sorry, Angelo, but I have to go," I said.

 

I didn't wait for Angelo to speak, and I immediately turned around to get out of there.

 

"Wait, wait! Where are you going?" he asked me.

 

I stopped walking and turned to him before speaking.

 

"At the hotel. I'll go there first. Please just tell Claire when she looks for me," I said, then I continued walking.

 

"Then, I'll go to the hotel with you too." It's already late, and it's dangerous to go home alone," Angelo told me.

 

He was by my side and walking with me, so I just shook my head at him.

 

"We are in another country. No one will try to harm me here," I answered t

 

"I know, but I just can't go back to the party knowing that you're on your way to the hotel alone," he answered me.

 

I just shrugged my shoulders and let him do what he wanted. I continued walking as my mind wandered. Why do I have to see him again? For what? To remember the hurts I suffered in the past? To hurt me again and trigger my trauma?

 

"I'm sorry, Kali. May I know who that man is? Why did he just refuse to let you go earlier?" Angelo asked. 

 

No one knew who Agatha's dad was, and I didn't tell anyone about my past apart from Aunt Cindy and Eunice. Even one of those who became close to me and became my friend did not know anything about what happened to me in the province.

 

I have no intention of telling others what I suffered in my last relationship, how I was hurt so much, how I fought, and how I coped alone just so I could continue my life.

 

"He's just an old friend," I answered, and I couldn't help stuttering.

 

"Old friend or ex-boyfriend?" Angelo asked again.

 

"Both," I answered sparingly.

 

"It looks like he hasn't moved on from you yet," Angelo said.

 

"That's impossible," I said, then laughed softly.

 

He just saw that I've changed, so he wants to talk to me again, but if I'm still the same as before—nothing and not pretty enough—I'm sure he'll just laugh at me again.

 

We reached the hotel, and I rested there immediately. Angelo said it was up to him to message our companions who were left at the bar and were unaware of our departure. I was suddenly nervous because I wondered what they would think about us.

 

I was just dumbfounded in the hotel room, trying to get Anthony out of my mind. We haven't seen each other for a long time, and I don't know any other information about what has been happening with him for the past five years. The last time we met was when he kicked me out of the apartment because I couldn't contribute to paying the rent. He is currently rebelling against his parents, so we became living partners at that time.

 

I used to have a job, but my salary was small, so it ended up just eating for the two of us while he was busy with women. When he could no longer use me, he kicked me out.

 

I was so young and naive at that time. I thought that when someone was always there for you, they loved you. I thought that when you give all the love, you will receive a lot more, but I was wrong. Love is not like that, because true love makes you both feel happy even when you both have nothing. True love will make you realize that you are important, that you deserve everything, that you will be treated right, and above all, that you will have some love left for yourself.

 

Self-love is what I forgot to save for myself during those times because I was afraid that no one would love me, so I poured all my love into him. I just didn't think that with all the love I gave and felt for the man who thought he loved me, he would just fool me in the end.

 

I did not notice that I was already crying. It still hurts every time I remember how stupid I was back then. If only time could be turned back, I would correct my mistake of loving that man.

 

The next day, I found Claire sleeping in the other bed. I didn't realize that she came home last night, and I don't even know how I fell asleep because of my crying. Why did I cry last night? Why do I have to cry for that man again? I want to be annoyed with myself for being weak again.

 

I got up to take a shower right away. After that, I put the things I took out of my suitcase. I didn't have much stuff with me, and I didn't take it out of the bag yesterday because it would be difficult to put it back.

 

I was wearing a pink dress because I was going to take pictures outside later. I had just finished what I was doing when someone knocked on our door, so I immediately went there to open it.

 

"Good morning!" Angelo greeted me enthusiastically.

 

I smiled and remembered him coming home with me last night. I don't know if our companions have said anything because of the loss of the two of us last night.

 

"Good morning, Captain. Claire is still asleep; it looks like they drank too much last night," I said to him.

 

Angelo has also taken a shower while wearing a plain white shirt and black pants. I could also smell his manly perfume.

 

"Oh, yeah. I think they got home at one in the morning, so the others are still asleep," he answered me.

 

"Second officer Enrico and Miss Diane are already awake. So, I think we should have breakfast with them first?" He added me.

 

I bent down and looked at my feet because I wasn't wearing anything on them.

 

"Yeah, sure! I'll just wear my sandals first," I told him.

 

I took my sling bag before I finally left the hotel room. I found Angelo standing outside, waiting for meotel room. I found Angelo standing outside, waiting for me. As Angelo said, only four of us are still awake. There are eight of us together, so basically four are still asleep.

 

"Do you have plans for today? We'll be back in the Philippines later tonight. We can still go around and go shopping," Angelo said suggestively.

 

"I'll go shopping later, Capt. It's almost my mother's birthday. I'm with Ria, and you guys can go with us too," Diane answered.

 

"How about you, Kali?" Angelo asked me.

 

"I have no plans except for taking a picture of myself later. So, I'll just go wherever you guys go," I answered, then shrugged my shoulders.

 

That's what we talked about while we were eating breakfast. Enrico and Diane had already left, so I was left with Angelo at the table. He hadn't finished eating yet, and Diane left immediately to take a shower, while Enrico was going to wake up the others.

 

"Shoot! I forgot my phone in the room," I said when I opened my sling bag and saw that there was no phone there.

 

"Is that what you will use to take pictures? I have my DSLR here; I can lend it to you," said Angelo.

 

I looked at his side and just now noticed that he was also carrying a bag. I shook my head before speaking again.

 

"No, it's okay. It's a shame if I borrow it; I don't know how to use it," I replied to him.

 

"No, that's not embarrassing. Okay, if you don't want to borrow it, I'll just take your picture and be your photographer so you don't get in trouble," he said.

 

Instead of being embarrassed by his suggestion, I suddenly got excited. That's one of my dreams—to have someone take a picture of me with an expensive camera. That's why I agreed with him.