Prologue

Have you ever wished you hadn't lived?

I know it's wrong, but if there were only one misery in the world, I would have wished I hadn't lived.

I've never wished to have this pain. This is not the life that I expected, and I couldn't stop asking the universe why? Why was I even born when they left me this too soon? I do not deserve this life. I am only 17 years old and yet, I feel like I've experienced all the worst things that the world has. I was born without having my dad. It hurt, but I couldn't do anything because he had left me. He died in an accident, and now... my mom followed.

Seeing her lying down in her coffin shattered my heart into pieces. I still remembered those times she would tell me ...

"It’s okay baby if you don’t have a dad. I will be your dad and mom! Isn’t that great?!" She laughed, as I.

"'But you are too soft to be a man, and you are a woman not a man," I told her, so her brows furrowed.

"Am I?"

I nodded my head in response.

"Yeah."

"Don't say that Savvy, because you can be a woman and beat a man, you can be a woman and but braver than a man, you can be a woman and still do things like what a man does. Baby, you can be whoever you want regardless of your gender.”

"So, can you be a father?" I asked innocently.

"Of course, I can! It's possible!"

I became so happy and felt less envious of the other kids since Mama made me feel like we were a whole family with a mom and dad. However I never imagined that I would lose her too soon as well.

"Ija, eat that."

I looked up and saw mama's friend, aunt Martha. I turned my gaze back to the coffin and spoke.

"I'll be there later, I'll just watch over mama."

"But you haven't eaten much since yesterday." She insisted.

"I'm okay. Thank you so much."

A visitor came and almost everyone was looking at them. I stood up and waited for them to come inside.

"The Lincolns."

"What are they doing here?"

“They are too rich to be here.”

A lot of whispers now engulfed the whole place when they finally came in. I didn't even expect them to visit my mom since mom was just their helper when she was alive. Yes, I knew them because mama once worked with them and she even took me to their mansion. Indeed, they are too high to reach, thus it is shocking to see them in this squatter area. 

However, maybe they only just want to empathize with my situation because they were all wearing white as they were walking in my direction, while those bodyguards were just left outside.

"Good evening, young woman," Mr. Lincoln greeted me as they stopped in front of me.

I smiled wryly, and then I bowed my head.

"Good evening too, sir," I responded politely. Mr. Lincoln was half-German and half-Filipino. He stood 6 ft tall, his hair was blonde, and his skin was white as pale snow. He was wearing a Rolex watch and a thick gold necklace. Meanwhile Mrs. Lincoln and Gabriella were just wearing white dresses with some luxury items on their body. They all looked so expensive.

"I am truly sorry to hear about your loss. I am honored to have known your mother, and I will always be grateful for the support she gave us."

Then, he signaled the man from the outside. Three men entered with their bouquets. Then, they put it under Mama's coffin.

"Thank you so much, what can I do to help you? Come on, sit first." I asked right away and was about to give him a chair but he stopped me.

"It is really fine. I am actually here to give you this."

My brows creased when I saw the envelope he handed me.

"What is this?"

He nodded his head in response, saying I should grab it now.

"Gosh, is it still long?" We looked back and saw how Bridget was disgusted.

"Bridget!" Mrs. Lincoln glared at her, so she rolled her eyes.

"Take this." Then my gaze shifted to Mr. Lincoln. He took my hand and put the envelope on it. 

My eyes widened as I felt how thick the envelope was. Then, I peeked and almost swollen my eyes because of the sheer size of the amount.

"Oh, sir. This is too much," I said tearfully as I was thinking that one of my problems right now is the money to pay for all the expenses.

I would be a hypocrite if I said I don't need it anymore because I need it so much. But I also knew in myself that I wouldn’t run out of it so I just took what I thought I could.

I was about to give him the half but he stopped me again.

"Keep it. We are sorry that we won't be staying here for a longer time. Please know that you have the same support as I support your mom. I'm sorry again for your loss and I have you in my thoughts." Then he bowed his head.

Mrs. Gabriella also smiled at me and spoke. "Condolences."

Then they turned around and left me speechless.

"Thank you!" I chased after them as they were already in the car. I even ran so they stopped and looked at me.

"Can I ask for your number, sir? So that I will contact you when I pay."

He chuckled a little bit and that made us stop talking.

"You are your mom. You like paying for free things."

Mrs. Gabriella glared at what he said, so I looked away because of the tension. "It's really fine. You don't have to pay for it,” he added.

I was still skeptical when he started it because I was extremely shy. So, I looked him straight in the eyes and spoke with so much determination.

"No, sir. I will pay for it. Please give me your information on how I can contact you."

His brows raised.

"You really want to pay for it?" he asked.

I, then, immediately nodded my head.

"Wait for my secretary to come here, and she will tell you. For now, don't worry about it. Give yourself time to grieve and rest. Your mother needs you today."

Then, his driver closed the door and drove away.

I just tightened my grip on the envelope and gasped.

Mom's lucky because she has a boss like Mr. Lincoln. This is too much for me, but somehow, I am still thankful that God sent me an angel today.

A few days have passed and I still have no news from the Lincolns. I also forgot to reach them out. I was so depressed about losing my mother that I got to the point where I couldn't eat anymore because I had no appetite. It’s just so painful because at such a young age I don't know if my life still has purpose anymore, or where can I pick myself up so that I can start all over again? Sadness visited me every day and I don't know if I would continue with life's challenges when life had already given me the hardest challenge. A challenge that I would give everything up just so I could not lose them but they were already lost. Now, tell me, how can I still fight when the people I would fight for are gone already? 

There was no purpose for me to live here in this world. Maybe… maybe it is better for me to be gone as well.

"SAVANNAH! WHERE ARE YOU?!" I was just closing my eyes when I heard Martha yell. Martha is my Mama's friend who adopted me after her burial. I thought she would help me or somehow would comfort me, but turned out to be a maid in their house. Though, it was not a problem if that is my situation since she gave me shelter and food, however, never have I imagined that I would be treated this badly to the point that she would always grab her belt to hit me. 

I got up from bed, stood up, and put my slippers on. She kicked my door and entered with so much anger in her eyes.

"OH, SO YOU ARE HERE?! YOU'RE STUPID! THE RICE IS BURNING!” she shouted so loud.

Then, she ran toward me and pulled my hair.

"Ouch! I’m sorry, Martha! Ouch! Stop!"

“Stop what, huh?! You're wasting rice! Who's going to eat that?! No customer will eat at the cafeteria when it tastes so bad! What are you doing here?! We are busy down below!! Come here!" Then, she dragged me downstairs just pulling my hair.

As I bear the pain she was causing, my eyes welled up. Then, she pushed me into the sink when we got to the kitchen.

"Aunt, I was just having a rest because I got a headache earlier. I am sorry, stop hurting me,” I started to cry as she let me go.

"Ah, you're still answering! You're a young philosopher! You are an irresponsible woman like your mother!”

My heart broke. It pained me even more when I considered that she was my mom's friend and that they were so close, but why couldn’t I see that she was my mom's friend? Was she really a true friend?

She was about to speak again, but Mark, our server, suddenly entered the kitchen so we looked at him.

"Ma'am, someone is looking for Savvy."

We were both taken aback and shared confused stares.

"Why?!" She growled at Mark, but he just shrugged.

"I don't know, he didn't say anything either, she was just looking at her. He even bought ice cream from us."

Marth, then, fixed her gaze on me.

"Did you report my abuse to you?! How dare you report me!"

I shook my head quickly because it wasn't true. And besides, I haven't even gone out yet and don't have a telephone or a friend.

"Remember, I've been feeding you for about a month, therefore I have the right to punish you, especially when you're at blame! So don't ever complain or perhaps even appeal because I'm your parent now!”

I nodded at her immediately because she was right. She was my parent now since she was feeding me.

"Mark, tell him that she's not here."

"What?” I protested immediately.

“Maybe he needs something from me—"

"NO BUTS! You're not here!” She pointed her fingers at me and then at Mark.

“Mark! Tell him that she's not here!"

"Who was not here?" We were caught off guard by the strange man. He was around 5’6 ft tall, and he was wearing a formal suit. He didn't look that old or young, he was in between. All I can say is he still has the looks even though he is in his adult stage. I assumed he was in his 40’s.

"I'm sorry, I've already entered here because your cashier stated the CR is here, therefore I was genuinely looking for the CR," he innocently said. Then, his eyes widened as he glanced at me, so he immediately reached into his pocket and got something out of it. It was a picture!

"Savannah? Savannah Klaire Ramirez? Is this you?" And he showed me the picture that made me confused because I was there with my mom.

"Yes!" I answered instantly.

"Nice!"

I was able to leave Martha's territory for the first time. Since we didn't know him, Martha didn't want to give me to him first, but I insisted so she strictly let me talk to him with limited time and not far away from the place.

I couldn't get away from it because I still had a job, so we sat at the far end of the carinderia where there were few people eating. The man instantly smiled as we sat down.

"I am Brandon, ija. You can call me just Brandon, I am the driver of Lincoln Family," he introduced himself.

I smiled at him as well and introduced myself. "I am Savannah Klaire Ramirez. Lory’s daughter.”

After my speech, there was a little pause since he was awaiting more information. But since I only know my name and my mother's background, that's all I can say about myself. Yes, it was brief because again, I don't have any other information about myself. That’s just me. Plain and boring.

"Oh, okay, okay. Great!” he awkwardly laughed.

“Yeah, Lory, I’ve known her but we were not that close because I was only working for about five months now so yeah, we never got the chance to become friends,” he chuckled, but I could still feel the awkwardness.

“Sorry for the inconvenience, but I have to give this to you personally because Mr. Lincoln doesn't want others to read this." He became serious, then, he took something from his pocket. A white letter envelope.

He gave this to me so I took it from him.

"What is this?"

"Just open it after your work is done because it seems like your aunt is waiting for you now," he answered as he was staring at my back, so I turned around to see my aunt Martha glaring at us.

"And I suggest you should hide that from her." 

My brows furrowed by what he said, I was about to ask why but he stood up and smiled again at me.

"Anyways, got to go now. Please don't hesitate to call me if you need help or if you decide already. My number is at the back. Thank you so much, and see you soon."

I immediately kept the envelope in my pocket. Even though I didn't understand what he was saying, I still smiled at him and nodded my head.

"Thank you so much also, you take care."

"You too."

Then, I courted him outside and watched him go. As soon as he was out of my sight, I took a deep breath and went back to the kitchen. Only to find out that Aunt Martha was at my back, waiting for me. 

"What did he say? Did you tell him about us?" She asked with her brows creased.

I instantly shook my head.

"Nothing .. hmm," I paused and remembered what Brandon said. 

"And I suggest you should hide that from her." 

"What?" Aunt Martha asked again.

"Nothing, he just asked me if I'm okay because .. ahm .. ahm he is the cousin of my mom! Right." I lied.

My heart keeps beating so fast since this is the first time I lied to anyone. It seemed like she was convinced by what I said because she just rolled her eyes and turned her back on me.

"Okay! Now clean!"

Then, I nodded my head and continued what I was doing earlier.

We were done at the Carinderia after several hours. I had a long tiring day, but I had no choice but to work here because Martha is providing me with food, lodging, and clothing. I couldn't complain any longer because no matter how much I complained, still, nothing changed. After all, it had already happened. I didn't have a choice but to live my life. Besides, I've been thinking that I want to do what my mother wanted for me, which is to finish school and get a degree. I still want Mom to be proud of me, even if she passed away. All I ever wanted to do was make her happy, and this was the least I could do.

I was about to sleep when I remembered that I had this envelope earlier. So, I got up from bed and went to my bathroom to pick up the pants I wore this afternoon. I smiled as I took the envelope and went back to my bed.

I immediately opened it and saw a letter inside. So I was right earlier, it was a letter envelope. But why am I having this?

Because of curiosity, I opened the letter and read it silently.

"To Savannah,

I've known Lory, your mom, for several years. She has been close to me, not because she was our helper, but because she became a good friend of mine when we were in our young adult years. She was sweet, kind, and generous. She brought out the best in me when she was serving us. She saved me from a lot of things I didn't know I needed to be saved. I have a lot to say about your mom, but for now, allow me to tell you the reason why I am writing this letter.

Because your mom has done so much for us, I would like to adopt you as my daughter. You will live in my house, you will enroll in a prestigious school, you will have the things you want, and you will live the life you deserve. Please allow me to have you in my family and treat you as my daughter. This is the least that I could do to your mom. I know that she will be happy that you will be in a good place.

Best regards,

Monsieur Lincoln"

I gulped as I finished reading the letter. My heart couldn't stop beating so fast. I do not know what to say or react to. I'm at a loss for words and reactions. Is this happening? Is he inviting me to his house? Does he want me to be his daughter and him-- to be my father?

I clutched my chest with the letter in my hand. I didn't realize I was crying until my cheeks were wet.

Maybe... maybe I am just happy because finally, someone wants to be my dad.

Finally, I am having a dad.