Talking About It

Gerard's POV

"It hard to sleep bro, I keep seeing those flashbacks every time I close my eyes. I thought it was going to help if I moved out for a while. I couldn't sleep in our room and even take a shower. Her presence overwhelm me the moment I close the door. I tried moving into one of the guestrooms just to runway from her presence. But her energy still reached me in every room of the manor..." 

I complained to Sydney, my closest friend, he has always been there through all my highs and lows. Our friendship is deeper than our pockets, we each other's troubles and success in everything.

As expected, he was there for right when I need him. He was complaining to him about my situation for hours and he was listening, waiting for me to finish talking like he always does. 

"No offense bro, but a part of me is happy that the bitch had the guts to runaway when she had the chance to. I had missed the old you before she came to brainwash you, she had you believing in love like some little bitch. I hope this will make you understand that love is for the poor and lonely motherfuckers who can't afford fuck beautiful models. 

So if you want my honest opinion about what you should do, I'll tell you just leave the bitch and start fucking around pretty bitch that comes your way. Let's face the facts bro, your silly girl ran out on you at the altar, and you still want to talk so you can get back together. 

Pssh that's fucking ridiculous man, if I was you I would go back to my roots. And I would start with fucking one of her close friends just to ruin her circle..." Sydney bubbled his casanova nuisance. 

I change the topic feeling out of touch, he was not in tune with my interests, he is still stuck in his world of sleeping around with different ladies every night. His moral values are parallel from mine and all his suggestions were the contrary of what I was looking for. I wanted someone that was going to help me talk things with Laura. We talked about other things before we went to bed. 

I was sleeping at Sydney's mansion cause home was haunting me. Everything at the manor reminded me about her, the memories hit me all at once the minute I get there. The familiar atmosphere there just doesn't feel the same without her. 

I filled the wine glass with aged whisky, I put down the glass wrinkling my face as the liquor burns my throat making its way through my chest. I walked to my bed hoping the last shot will helped me blackout as I was already drunk. 

I sat by the edge of the bed taking off my shoes. My head facing down as my hands slack over the shoes laces. It took me a while to take off the shoes. I felt a familiar breath on my shoulder when I sat upright. 

I turned only to see the empty king size bed waiting for me to climb on it. My heart ached at the thought of how Laura use to usher me into sleep. I sigh blocking out the flashbacks. My eyes got heavy for me to keep them open. The whisky quickly took over and I didn't feel myself go to sleep. 

The embarrassment was too much for me to bear I wanted to go after as she ran out of the church building but Sydney held me back. I felt worthless seeing her leave the building. People's comments suffocated me making it hard for me to stay any longer. 

I busted out of my sleep breathing heavily, flashbacks of my failed wedding have been haunting me in my sleep. I really need to talk to Laura. I know what is bothering her but we can work it out, whatever it is. 

I just can't afford to lose Laura, especially not like this. She is the only one that made me believe in love again. I comb my hair sitting by the side of the bed. 5 AM, I check the watch, I lost sleep. I wonder what she is doing now? I sigh thinking of what I'll do next.

I've been trying to reach Laura through Metor but that bitch won't allow to talk to her. I hate to call her that but she is acting lile one right now. Laura's our friends are also not directly contacting her, they're all going through her mother. Metor is the only one with her and she is being annoying.  

I patrolled the room thinking of how I can get to Laura. After exhausting all the options I had, I remained with only one way to get to Laura. I had been avoiding it, but it seems I don't have an option now. 

I can't go there with the scent of liquor reeking on me. I got in the shower to have a quick bath. Close to an hour later I was on the road. Sydney was still asleep and I didn't want to bother him, and he also wouldn't have accepted to escort me even if I had told him about where I am going. 

I got at her place still not sure what I'll say to her but I just know that she is the only person most likely to help me talk to Laura. I stepped out of the car looking at the beautiful small manor. The landscape is beautifully customized to her taste. The house is also classy in its way. 

Seems like Mr Wesley had some taste. I thought admiring the architecture of the manor as I walk close. I was at the Wesley house, Laura's mother, Tatiana Wesley is my last option. If she also stops me from talking to Laura then I don't know who else I can talk to that can help me out. 

I rang the door bell expecting a quick feedback. I had noticed the house keeper walk into the house when she saw me from a distance. I put on my shades so Tatiana doesn't see the hangover in my eyes. 

A minute later I heard steps advancing. I quickly composed myself ready to be on my best behavior so she can help me out. 

The door opened and my eyes instinctively face the entrance. I froze up in a split second, it was totally unexpected. Laura was holding the door looking all beautiful and fine like nothing happened. 

"Get in." She broke the silence noticing my short of words. 

I stepped in feeling anxious, wonder if she will accept to get back today. 

I sat on the comfortable sofa in the living room, and she sat in the sofa opposite to mine. The distance between us is disturbing me. Like is she sitting far from me? Just a few days ago she used to enjoy sitting on my laps and now she is treating me like a stranger. 

"How have you been?" I asked wondering if she has also been thinking about me like I've been thinking of her. 

"Not good, how about you?" She grabbed a pillow pulling it into her embrace.

"Worse." 

"What happened that day?" 

I didn't want to ask bluntly like that but I also couldn't help it, I really want to know what the fuck it is that ruined my wedding day. 

She breathed deeply looking a bit nervous. 

"I don't think it will make sense for you." She said hesitantly.

"Just tell it, I don't care if its logical or not. I just want to know what freaked you out that day." I do my best to hold back my wry replies. 

What the fuck does she mean it might not make sense to me? She ran out on me on our wedding day and she wants to say her reason for doing that might not make sense to me. That's fucked up! We were supposed to be somewhere on a beautiful island by now, but thanks to her incomplete reason she left me standing at the altar like a fool. 

Her reason for leaving better add up. We were about to get married, it wasn't like one of those fancy dates that you can just ditch out when you realize that you forgot something. 

"I know it will sounds stupid but I had a nightmare a week before that day. And umh-ah in the dream you were very abusive..." She timidly said holding her pillow.

"Are you being for real Laura, you deserted me on our wedding day because of a silly dream?" I gasped in disappointment at Laura's excuse. 

There is something is hiding, I believe the excuse of her nightmare. I've known her long enough to argue that she is stronger than that. I've seen her nonchalantly stare at chaos with her head high, I used to worry for her until I realized that she is stronger than most women. 

"There's something that you did in the dream that made me catch cold feet." She stuttered. 

"This ridiculous, and what did I do in your dream that frightened you that much that you aborted our wedding?" I chuckle playing along with her fake excuse before she tells me the real reason why she freaked out.

"We had an argument, then you got abusive and it ended with you looking at me my dead body with bloodthirsty eyes..." She insisted with her bizarre dream. 

"Okay that's enough about the dream, now tell me the real reason why you left." I requested getting impatient. 

"Don't tell me you abandoned me because you had a fucked up bizarre dream. Even when you know that I can never do that to you, you still decided to believe the stupid dream over me?" 

Her timid face said it all, she wants me to believe in her fucked up story that she had a premonition, and that it disturbed her a lot. 

We argued about the reason to why she freaked out at our wedding. The talk escalated as we started using our past mistakes on each other. Laura tried to justify herself by blaming me for her decision. She claims that lately I've been turning into a possessive, control freak and that's what made her believe that her premonition might actually happen. 

I tried to reason with her in the most polite way I could, but she refused to get back with me saying that she is scared of her premonition happening to her. My patience ran out on me, I was a moment away from storming out, if I stay any longer I might end up saying something that I will regret later on. 

Disarray is describes a fraction of what I was feeling. Laura was avoiding eye contact, and in the short instances when our eyes meet, I could see the hurt in her eyes. This tearing her apart as much as it doing to me. 

Driven by the moment I got on my knees to ask for her forgiveness for how I had been acting lately. Tears danced in her eyes as I apologized. Seeing her tears coming close I beg her to give me a second chance and I promise never to be controlling or possessive of her. 

"Am sorry Gerard, but I can't risk it." She was timidly shaking her head as a tear rolled down her face. 

Words can't express the hurt and heartache I was feeling. Even after I went against my vow to never beg for a woman's love, Laura still rejected me. My heart boiled with hate for her. That's enough, I've had it humiliating myself for her. Am not going to let her embarrass me anymore. 

I got up on my feet looking down on her in the couch. Seems like she is decided that we should break up. And it doesn't matter what I say to her, she still won't get back with me. 

"Feels like you don't want me in your life and I'll leave, if that's what you want. But if I can't have you, then no one else will. Soon or later you'll beg for me to take you back." I saw myself out of the house thinking of what I had wrong to deserve such a thing happening to me. 

"Fuuck!" I pound the steering wheel with the bottom of my fist.

I got back at Sydney's manor pissed, my face looked like I felt and I wasn't going to pretend. I went straight to the shelf of liquor in the living room. I just want to get drunk and forget about everything. So I get two bottles of the strongest whisky on the shelf and head for the backyard going to fried my liver. 

Sydney joined me in the backyard. He didn't have to ask me what was wrong, he just took a sit filling his cup and I started telling him what happened. He made fun of me bragging that he had warned me earlier.

I spent the afternoon drinking until sun down. Sydney left me to go attend to an emergency at one of his companies. I took the party to my room. 

The moment when I knelt for Laura replayed in my mind. Regret soaked my heart, I felt humiliated and insulted. Faint memories of when I vowed to never beg for a lady's attention haunted me. I gulp a sip to drown the hurt but it only gets worse. 

The most disturbing memories that I tried to burry in the darkest corner of my mind resurfaced. The most disturbing moment I've ever seen replayed in my mind. The day I swore to get rich and never beg for a lady's attention.

Tears danced in dad's eyes as he watched mum take off in another man's car. He didn't want to breakdown in front of me but I still vividly remember the immense sadness in his eyes. Suicide was written all over his face, it didn't surprise me when he did it a few weeks later. 

"Fuuck!" I threw the glass to the wall.

"Laura is going to pay for this, I swear on my poor dad's grave, she is going to pay for clowning me like am some lowlife." I repeatedly think out loud laying on the bed.