Chapter 1 - Escape

KHIANA's POV

"LIFE WAS NEVER KIND TO ME"

Sometimes, I think that maybe I did something bad in my past life. Maybe that's why I am unfortunate in this life. My problems piled up enough to fill a whole truck. As I gazed up at the sky, my eyes were drawn to a cluster of clouds that were slowly but surely morphing into a somber shade of gray. The once vibrant cerulean sky was now fading into a dimmer hue.

Oh shit!' I blurted inside my head.

"Uulan pa nga..." Narinig ko na sabi ng katabi ko naghihintay ng masasakyan.

Hindi ko in-expect na uulan ngayon kaya wala akong dalang payong. May mga dala pa akong importanteng papeles. I'll be very dead if the rain suddenly pours down. What a mess!

Mabilis akong sumakay ng jeep para makauwi na. I am out of budget. Bukod sa shoulder ko lahat ng gastos ng pamilya namin ngayon ay nag-ipon ako para sa anniversary namin ni Levi. He's my boyfriend. The love of my life.

"Once a year lang naman ang anniversary. Pwede na 'to!" bulong ko sa sarili ko habang sinisilip ang brown paper bag na nakasabit sa braso ko.

Ilang minuto rin ako nagtiis sa init ng sinasakyan ko. Ang tanging nasa isip ko lang ay kailangan ko magtipid. Sobrang short na ng allowance ko para sa linggong 'to.

Pagkababa ko ng jeep ay agad na binuksan ko ang pulang gate ng bahay namin. Wala pa ako sa pintuan ay naririnig ko na ang palitan ng masasamang salita at sigawan. The screams were loud enough to almost break my eardrums. It was my parents, yelling to each other as if they can't hear each other.

"Wala na akong pera! Pahingi ng pera!" sigaw ng mama ko.

"Wala nga rin akong pera! Hindi ka ba makaintindi?" sigaw pabalik ni papa.

Nakita ko na napahilot ng sentido niya si mama. "Paano ba naman kasi panay ang pag-iinom mo!"

"Hoy!" Dinuro ni papa si mama. "Ikaw 'tong panay ang waldas sa sugalan!"

Hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin ko. Litong-lito na ako sa kanilang dalawa. And to be honest, no one was better between them. Both of them forced me to live my life like this... boring and colorless.

I had always been aware of the fact that life is not fair. I was forced to act like an adult at an early age and take on the role of being the primary provider for my family when I was just twenty years old. My father was an alcoholic who squandered all of his money on consuming alcohol. My mother was a gambler who was unable to retain a job for more than a few weeks. I was left to pick up the pieces after they both caused a lot of trouble in our family. I was left to do the obligation that they both had neglected.

"Oh nandito na pala ang anak natin. Khiana, pahingi ng pera."

I can't believe that's how my mother welcomed me. I mean, sanay naman na akong ganyan sila sa akin, wala naman silang pinagkaiba ni papa. But I still can't help but to feel hurt and sometimes wondered if the time that I'll be treated right will come. Nakakapagod na rin kasi minsan.

"Ma, wala pa po akong sahod."

"Ano? E katapusan na ah? Ba't wala ka pang sahod, ha? Baka naman pinagdadamutan mo na kami!" sigaw niya sa akin. Ang boses niya ay naghi-hysterical na. "Ganyan ka na ba ngayon?"

"Ma, binayad ho sa mga utang."

I didn't lie.

Totoo na marami akong binabayaran na utang, kasabay pa ang mga bills. Todo nga lang ang tipid ko ng mga nakaraang buwan dahil nga may pinag-iipunan ako para sa anniversary namin ni Levi. Gusto ko siya i-surprise bukas ng gabi after ng shift ko.

"Heto ho, five hundred. Iyan lang extra ko ngayon," sabi ko at nilagay ang five hundred pesos bill sa lamesa. Pagkatapos ay agad ko silang tinalikuran para magpahinga na sa kwarto ko at marami pa akong mas importante na aasikasuhin.

Bago ako makaakyat sa second floor ng bahay namin ay narinig ko pa ang pagtatalo nilang dalawa kung kanino dapat mapunta ang five hundred pesos.

"Akin na 'to!" sigaw ni mama.

"Nababaliw ka na ba? Akin dapat 'yan! Ipangsusugal mo lang 'yan eh!" sigaw ni papa pabalik.

"At ikaw naman ay ipang-iinom mo lang ng alak!"

Naiiling na lang ako habang paakyat ako sa kuwarto ko. Pagkapasok ko ay agad akong dumapa sa kama. People always say that you can't choose a family and you only have one family, that's why you must love them. But what if it's your family that is pulling you down? The one who tears you apart? Ain't it valid to ask to escape from this?

Hindi ako robot na walang nararamdaman, nasasaktan din ako. At kapag magpapatuloy lang si mama at papa na ganito, masasaktan lang ako at ang mga kapatid ko.

Sinilip ko ang cellphone ko upang tignan kung may message sa akin si Levi. Pero wala akong nakita.

"He's not replying. Busy ba siya?" bulong ko sa sarili habang kunot-noong nakatitig sa cellphone ko.

Nakahanda na ang surprise ko para sa kanya. Sana talaga ay magustuhan niya.

"Aalis ka na?" tanong ni mama sa akin.

Kagabi ay hindi ko namalayan na nakatulog na ako sa kama habang katabi ang cellphone ko. Nakatulog ako kahihintay sa reply ni Levi pero wala naman ako nakuha. Now, I have to go to work. Then later, I'll go to Levi's condominium to surprise him. 'Today is our anniversary! I can't wait.'

"Opo."

Pagkababa ko ay lumapit siya sa akin. Binuka niya ang kanyang palad niya sa harapan ko. "Pahinging pera. Kinuha ng papa mo 'yong five hundred kahapon."

"Sorry, Ma. Wala na ho talaga akong pera. Pamasahe ko lang po ito."

"Ano? Imposible! Nagdadamot ka lang eh!" sigaw niya sa akin.

Huminga ako nang malalim bago ako kumuha sa pitaka ko ng five-hundred peso bill. "Last na po 'yan sa budget ko Ma,"

Agad niya kinuha ang pera at tinalikuran ako ng wala man lang sinasabi.

Huminga na lang ako nang malalim para pakalmahin ang sarili ko. Siguro sa condo muna ako ni Levi matutulog mamaya. Bukod sa anniversary naman namin ay gusto kong huminga. Nakaka-suffocate na rin kasi dito sa bahay.

Buong working hours ko ay wala akong ginawa kundi ang tignan ang orasan. I'm so excited to be with Levi.

"Tapos na shift mo, girl?" tanong sa akin ni Eliz na katrabaho ko.

"Yes, mauna na ako. See you, tomorrow!"

"Gora!"

I immediately fixed myself and grabbed a taxi to go to Levi's condo. I am very excited for this night. I had planned the perfect surprise for Levi. I had gone above and beyond to make our anniversary memorable by purchasing him presents and organizing a romantic evening for us. However, when I arrived at his condo, I was the one who was taken aback by the unexpected turn of events.

'Fuck...' I muttered an obscenity to myself.

Biglang kumabog ang dibdib ko nang napakalakas. Hindi ko gusto ang pakiramdam ko. I don't like this feeling. I don't want this feeling.

As soon as I opened the door—the door was freaking opened, the volume of the noises increased. I was in the living room when I heard noises coming from the bedroom. When I walked into the room, I thought that Levi was just watching television; nevertheless, to my utter surprise, I found him naked in the company of another woman.

'Oh God! Fucking hell!'

"What the fuck is going on? Tangina! Ano 'to, Levi?" I let out a scream as I felt the fragments of my heart fly about my chest.

"T-This is not... This is not what you think it is..." Levi tried to explain to me.

"Then, what is this? Ginagago mo ba ako, Levi? You want me to believe na nagbabahay-bahayan lang kayo? Na prank lang ito? Hindi ako bobo!" malakas na sigaw ko sa kanya. At that moment, I couldn't contain the emotion inside my chest.

Levi made an effort to talk some sense into me, but I was beyond reason. I began to insult Levi and the other lady, calling them names and demanding to know how they could treat her in such a manner. I also demanded to know how they could do this to her.

"Look, listen to me—"

I cut him off.

"Napakawalang-hiya niyo ng babae mo! Malalandi! Mga imoral! Lalo ka na, Levi! Napakahayop mo!" siagw ko sa kanya at sinalubong siya ng suntok sa dibdib.

"Stop it, Khiana!"

"No! Fucking no!"

Then, suddenly, normally even-keeled Levi became enraged in a short amount of time. "I said stop it, Khiana! You have no right to talk to her like that!" and pointed to the other woman.

Levi's scream took me completely by surprise. "What do you mean, I do not have the right?" I continued with emphasis on his face, "You were cheating on me!"

Levi drew in a long breath before addressing me with a stern expression on his face. "Khiana, our relationship was nothing more than a bet. A meaningless game, which I triumphed and won. I never loved you," he murmured, his words like knives in my heart.

"N-Nagbibiro ka ba, ha?"

"No!"

'Tangina! Ang sakit...' That's the only thing inside my head.

I felt like the earth had dropped out from beneath me. I found it impossible to believe that the man I loved, the man to whom I had dedicated my life, could be so callous. I couldn't believe what I was hearing from him and I stared at Levi with tears streaming down her cheeks.

I hushed, "Y-you're. . . you're lying," in the hopes that he would retract his statement and say that everything was a mistake.

"Khiana..."

"You're lying..." I whispered again.

But Levi's face never showed any sign of warming or softening. "I'm not lying, Khiana, you were nothing more than a game to me. Nothing more," he murmured, his words penetrating me like a scalpel through butter.

At that moment, I felt like everything in my universe had been flipped upside down. I had given Levi everything, but he had taken advantage of her and made her seem like an idiot. I knew as I walked out of his place that her life would never be the same again and that it would be forever changed. Because the one person I believed she could trust the most had lied to me, I was unsure whether or not I would ever be able to love again.

After that happened, I was never the same. Sinubsob ko ang sarili ko sa trabaho para makalimutan ang ginawa ni Levi sa akin. Para hindi ko na rin maramdaman iyong sakit ng sugat na iniwan niya sa akin. I want to prove to myself that I can live without him. That I don't need him.

Days had passed and here I am, still sobbing uncontrollably as I sat on the sofa and watched the television in a daze. Good thing at parehong wala si mama at papa dito sa bahay ngayon. Mabuti at ako lang mag-isa, I can have a space for myself.

Tears ran down my cheeks. I had just ended my relationship with Levi, the person I considered to be the love of my life, and I felt as if my heart had been torn out of my chest.

'Fuck this pain!'

Suddenly, I sighed in exasperation as I heard the doorbell ring. Hindi ko alam kung sino ba ang pwedeng dumalaw sa akin. I had no desire to interact with anybody, particularly not at this time.

However, as I opened the door, I was greeted by my good friend Tiffany, who was standing there with a broad grin on her face.

"Hey, girl, how are you doing?" Tiffany asked me. Pinapasigla niya ang boses niya, maybe to make me feel a bit better.

As I gave my friend a hug, I fought back the tears that were welling up in my eyes. "N-Not so good," I said under my breath.

Tiffany sent a worried glance in my direction. "Aww! It's okay, everything will be alright. I am here for you especially during this difficult time. And I have something that might make you feel better," she said.

"Huh?" naguguluhang wika ko.

"Tadah! Plane ticket!" winagayway niya pa ang hawak niya.

"A ticket for the airplane? Bakit kailangan niyan?" kunot-noong tanong ko sa kanya.

"Sis, para sa Vista Verde Resort 'tong ticket na 'to. It's a place you should not miss," Tiffany started with a smile. "It's a breathtaking beach resort, a paradise and I thought it might be the ideal setting for you to relax and heal."

'A paradise, huh?'

As I took a glance at the ticket, I couldn't help but sense a ray of optimism. Previously, I had turned down Tiffany's invitations to go out and do things on several occasions; but, this time, I felt as if I needed to do something just for myself.

"Ano na, sissy?"

"Okay. Gusto ko rin naman ng peace of mind."

Tiffany embraced me again. "Bongga ka d'yan, sis! I guarantee that you will have a good time, and when you go back, you will feel like a completely different person."

How lucky am I to have a person like Tiffany. Isang kaibigan na laging nasa tabi ko at laging nagbibigay ng positive vibes sa akin.

I was unable to stop myself from thinking about Levi and what he had done to me as I was packing my things. I had feelings of rage, hurt, and betrayal—a mix of emotions I can't completely understand.

Maybe, this is the time that I badly need. To go to a place to unpack and to leave all the baggage I am carrying inside my chest.

I want this.

I really want this. I want to be away from my family and from Levi. From everything that reminds me of him. For this time, I want to prioritize myself. Is this selfishness? Maybe... maybe not. But for now, I wanted to be selfish. Because this selfishness is the only thing that could save me.

I want to be selfish...

And, I really want to escape from everything that breaks me...