Chapter 1

TRIAL

Lana’s POV

I woke up to an empty silence. The weight of my thoughts crushed me, making it hard to breathe. My chest felt heavy like a boulder was sitting on it, suffocating me. I couldn't shake off the feeling of sadness and hopelessness that had become my constant companion. The one thing I desired most in life, the one thing that seemed to come so effortlessly to others, was the one thing I couldn't have - children.

I blamed myself for this predicament. Why was I born with a faulty body? Why was I cursed with infertility? The questions swirled in my head like a vortex, pulling me down into the long depths of sorrow. I felt like a failure like I was less of a woman because I couldn't perform the one function that was expected of me.

While I lay there in bed, tears began to fall, streaming down my face like rain and uncontrollably. I had imagined what it would be like to hold a tiny hand in mine, to feel a small kick in my belly, to see a miniature version of Donovan and me running around our house. The longing was almost too much to bear.

Just then, I felt a gentle touch on my shoulder. Donovan. My rock, my haven. My husband. He slipped into bed beside me and wrapped his arms around me, holding me close.

“Hey, what's wrong?” he whispered, his voice soft and soothing.

I tried to speak, but the words got caught in my throat. I just shook my head, feeling the tears fall harder now.

Donovan held me tighter, his warmth seeping into my bones. “You're thinking about it again, aren't you?” he asked, his voice filled with understanding.

I nodded, feeling a lump form in my throat.

“Lana, we've talked about this. We'll get through it together. We have options - adoption, surrogacy... there are ways to build our family,”

“I don't want that for us. For myself,” I said tearfully, turning my face away

But then he reached out for my face, grabbing it. “Lana, whatever means we use in making babies changes nothing. I honestly think you should cut yourself some slack,” he said softly

I knew he was trying to reassure me, but the pain ran too deep. I felt like I was failing him like I was depriving him of the one thing he truly wanted - to be a father.

“I just feel so useless,” I whispered, my voice cracking.

Donovan pulled back and looked me straight in the eye. “You're not useless, Lana. You're an amazing woman, and I love you more than anything. This doesn't define you. We'll face this together, as a team,”

I let out a heavy breath, my eyes growing mistier.

“Let’s go for a health checkup. Let’s run a thorough test,” I bawled

Donovan gazed at me for a while. For a moment, I could see uncertainty flash through his eyes. It was more or less like he was unsure of what reply to give me. He let out a soft sigh as he ruffled his hair, adjusting a little bit on the bed.

“Lana, we have been here before. We have done this countless times and all efforts put in were fruitless. Why do you keep hurting yourself by harboring ridiculous hopes regarding this?” He queried, his voice coming off as a scold rather than a statement.

I was taken aback, with fear almost gripping me. “I…” I stammered

“We’re not seeing the doctor. That’s not even an option,” he stated

What was happening? Why was he being hell-bent on not letting me have my way anymore? We sure did visit the hospital recently and of course, it was the same result as what we had been getting for five years, precisely that we had been married but then we would never know if things changed if we didn't visit.

“Please, Donovan,” I begged in hot tears as I squeezed his hand. “One more time,”

He was mute, making the silence in the room deafening. I felt like I was drowning in it. But I didn't let go of his hand. I didn't give up.

And then, slowly, almost imperceptibly, he nodded. Just a slight tilt of his head. But it was enough. I knew he was saying yes, even though he didn't want to.

I felt relieved instantly. “Thank you,” I whispered, tears streaming down my face. “Thank you, Donovan,”

He still didn't look at me, but he squeezed my hand back gently. It was a small gesture, but it spoke volumes.

Donovan used to be my enemy back then in college. I had no idea what happened and how it happened which made us become friends and lovers to the extent of being tied with marriage vows. My parents were against us but I just couldn’t listen to them when I knew how much it’s almost impossible not to live without him. We’ve shared much within the years of our marriage except the cries of our children and it has constantly put me in a sad state.

“I will be done in a couple of minutes,” I stated, getting out of bed and making my way into the bathroom.

“Schedule an appointment, please” I yelled, making sure he heard me.

After a not-so-long hour of preparation, I finally slipped into my black pretty leather sandals, grabbing my clutch and yanking it on my shoulder.

I was ready. But then my phone suddenly chimed, drawing my attention. Looking closely at the screen, it was a text message from my team manager at work. I was a real estate agent and my humble profession gets tougher by the day.

The message read:

Lana, we really need you at the office immediately.

My heart skipped a beat and I suddenly became so worked up. This wasn’t the usual prank Liam pulls off on me each time he just needs me and my services in the office. Because it actually seemed like something was wrong.

Donovan swung the day open, walking in in his pair of jeans and quality off-white polo. His handsome look and cologne that brushed my nostril had me fall in love once again, ugh.

“You ready?” He queried, pulling me out of my trance.

I hesitated. “Umm…” he paused, waiting patiently to hear my response but the words weren’t coming so he spoke up instead.

“Is it a rain check?” He asked, his voice almost giving away his excitement. How can he be excited about something like this? Yes, we’ve been in and out of Doctor George’s office with the same result every time. Thus, he got tired of trying but then if he should give up, how about me?

“No no no, it’s not a rain check,” I brushed it off immediately. “I just have an urgent few things to tidy up in the office. You should go ahead, I’ll meet you there,”

I concluded, dashing out of the room without waiting for his response. Driving out of the premises, I drove with precision, headed to the company where I worked— Coastal Cove Realty.

An hour later, I got to the company, figuring out the reason why I was urgently needed— a new listing. It happened to be that a new property had been listed, and I needed to take photos, create a listing, and also conduct a virtual tour.

I sighed heavily, realizing how long that would take. I was about to start typing up the description when my phone rang. I saw Donovan's name flash on the screen and my heart skipped a beat. I answered, expecting him to ask about my day but he went on to ask about the situation at hand. So impatient.

But instead, he said, “Hey, are you ready to come to the hospital now? I'm with the doctor,”

“I...I'm so sorry, Donovan. I still have a lot to do,” I stuttered.

But before I could continue, I heard the doctor's voice in the background. “I'm sorry, your status remains unchanged and different from your wife's. I honestly suggest you should talk to her about it,”

My world stopped. I felt like I'd been punched in the gut. What did the doctor mean? What status does Donovan have that is different from mine?

I tried to speak, but my voice caught in my throat. I wanted to ask what was going on, but the words wouldn't come out.

And then, just as suddenly as it had started, the call dropped. I was left sitting there, staring at my phone in shock.