It's not as if I don't want to see him, I want to, it just felt awkward because I feel like I don't have the right to know the truth because what am I to him? Who am I? What's the role I have with him? "Sulli, you're staring into blank space. What are you thinking?" I blinked and realized I'm still at the library with these two, Trevor turned to me and flipped the page of the book he was reading, it feels like he was boring a hole into my soul but I don't know what he was thinking. Until Richard asked him a question, he never cut our eye contact, but he told him the answer. "You're really smart, Trevor. You even know this."Last time I checked, Richard's course was engeneering, though he needs to learn a bit of labor law and some sorts of obligation and contracts, I don't think it's necessary for him to delve deeper. "Alright, I think you're caught up Richard, let's go home." Trevor stood up and closed the book he had, Richard stretched his arms and collected his things on his ba
What was that? You said you won't get tired. My head was spinning on that thought the whole night. I couldn't sleep and was just pretending to so that Lucia wouldn't be disturbed. When the morning came, we were packing our bags because tomorrow would be our flight to the country that would host the World Cup this year. I'm helping Lucia in her room and was wondering why she packed a swimsuit in her luggage."Are we going swimming?" I wondered and raised the orange one-piece with Swarovski crystal on the waistline. "Oh no, that's for emergency purposes, you know, if we ever get a stop-over to a tropical country." My mouth went agape. "But Lucia, it's winter season now." Also, I thought it was just a one-way trip we were doing because, obviously, we were just getting a free ride, but maybe our definition of stop-over differs from one another. Lucia's stop-over meant intentionally riding a whole plane and getting to a tropical place for days. "What if Sulli, it's what if, don't y
I’m not gonna be a queen.That’s what I vowed years ago, but mistakes lead to another mistake, then another, and another one. I have a five-year-old now. Was it really better if I didn’t birthed him? Will everything won’t be like this if I followed what Trevor’s mom said? Will I have the treatment comparable to a queen? Staring at my son’s sleeping face makes me want to hit myself for thinking that, it’s a mistake, it’s been done, the only thing I could do now is become an adult and make the best out of it. Richard reached the goal I used to tease him with. He married Lucia, and they're even expecting now, but I didn’t. My light dimmed, and I had his child but not his heart. “Ma, aren’t you going to speak to my father?” Levi was playing in his train track in his playground disguised as a living room. I was wiping down the dinner table, we just had our lunch, and I’m really greatly that I met Tripp and happy that he achieved his dream of becoming the owner of his own school. I gla
I'm never really going to tell them the whole truth, I'm just going to pick some scenarios and twist and turn them until they're convinced.But I ended up saying everything and crying in front of them. I thought I was not going to be like my eldest sister who went to a room followed by my mom and aunties and said that she had not graduated college, it broke our hearts because they were already celebrating, there was cake and balloons and fried chicken only to get killed by the truth. I swore I wouldn't be like her, so I took up education, the course I thought would make me graduate and finally went to law school to appease my second sister who has hot blood whenever she sees me. "That's so unfortunate, honey. I'm sorry I'm not there to comfort you." Mom comforted me with her touch, the one I needed the most in this sad time."Mom, it's why I chose to run away and not go home, because I don't want you to worry," I replied, resting on her chest while my face was cupped by her. "So, w
"Sulli."Trevor was like Levi when he was a baby. He approached me like someone with a yearning as if I'd been gone for a long time when, in fact, I only worked as a call center agent the whole night. Times like that made me realize how wonderful it is when you have someone who yearns for your return. It means you always had someone who loves you forever. Trevor hugged me the second he saw me come out of the gate. "You've been gone." He was breathing heavily, and I could feel his body vibrating. His cold touch made me want to warm him up. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I said that to you, there’s been a lot on my plate lately, and you've been away, I don't know what to do, I realized what it is, you left me last time because I asked you too, but not this time, I'll never ask you to leave!" His eyes were wet, and he was holding my hand the whole time. My thin, scarred, white hand. I didn't know I'd become like a skeleton that's haunting the cemetery every Halloween. My long black hair did
"What? Why are you not saying anything? You don't want to marry my daughter?" Dad asked, in a more fatherly way as possible. It touched my heart to hear that, but it doesn't feel right. "No!" Trevor protested. "No?" My sister snapped in a higher pitch than before. "Trevor, it's okay," Mom breathed. She placed her hand on his back. "It's okay if you don't, just please be good to your son and not make him your illegitimate."Trevor looked at her with a confused look. "I meant no, ma'am, and sir, I want to marry your daughter, to have our family, you know my goal from the start, but the decision is going to be hers, don't you think?" "Right, she's the one getting married to you, after all," my sister agreed, putting her hand under her chin. "Okay," Ma said, then turned to me, "Child, don't think of this as if we're forcing you to get married to one another, we're just helping you solve your misunderstanding.""Because we surmised, that's why you're here, you get into a misunderstand
When I came to New Zealand, my sister married Thomas, and they were trying to have a baby, I came to them knowing full well I was pregnant. "What? So you're going to have a baby before me?" My eldest sister gushed, astonished at the news I dropped. "I'm sorry, sis, I'm not together with the baby's father," I croaked. She placed her hands on my baby bump and smiled. "I don't care, I'm not asking for that. What's good right now is that you're having a baby, a baby is a blessing, you know." I'm glad my eldest sister understands me so well. She's like my second mother, who stands with me all the time and supports my decision, and I think she became more motherly than mother. No kidding. "Oh, sis, I'm sure once you have a baby, you'll be an amazing mom." "Oh yeah, let me introduce you to my husband. His name is Thomas." My elder sister said when his husband walked into the room. I smiled and shook hands with him, Thomas was really tall, he had a beard shaved around his face and had
"It's fortunate that the truck only bumped us from behind, I might suffer from serious injury at that and split my head open," I ended my story with a smile. But the man in front of me still can't calm down. He still wouldn't meet my eyes and kept on shaking his leg while the doctor looked over my head. Levi was with Nurse Lucia in the pediatrics section, and I'm kind of embarrassed because I don't need a VIP room. "I'm fine," I insisted. I just hit my head, and the scar I believed was cured already isn't, so they have to re-stitch it and do some sort of other things all while I'm awake. It feels like I'm a cloth that they stitched, I'm calmer, though, than the first one where I balled my eyes out with tears. I kept what really happened a secret and just went with the story Thomas made up, it hurts but he didn't do that again after that accident, and after that, my sister became pregnant and I finally got out of the picture. Levi's old enough to be left alone in the house, so I d
"Hey Sulli, marry me?" I opened my eyes and a ring was right in front of me. Trevor was holding it while he was kneeling on one knee. Was he proposing again? Right. I don't know how many times he has done this, but I know where it started– on our great times years ago, the first time he proposed.It was my third year in law school and Lucia was working hard just to get her degree, they've done the pinning ceremony and chose to work in a hospital far away, ignoring their chain of hospitals that would probably treat her like a princess.Lucia was far from being a princess, or so that's what she thought, I think the opposite, I still think she was, sometimes I envy her for having lived with a diamond spoon despite being not born as one. To be sent far away was Lucia's decision, oblivious to the fact that I'd live alone in her apartment if ever, but the days flew by so fast and we started our journey. A week later, Trevor came in
When afternoon came, I got the chance to walk away from Trevor because his secretary calling him on something.I happily walked him to the exit of the hospital. "Are you sure you can go home on your own?" Trevor asked, full of worry, his eyes glanced at my left hand where they put the needle of the IV drip and has a small patch now."Oh," I hit him lightly on his shoulders and proceeded to the exit door. "Don't worry, I can manage, I'll go home on my own." I smiled, reassuring him that everything would be fine, but really, at the back of my head, I was planning my guise on how to talk to Damien and told him that he just misdiagnosed me. "Okay? You can ask our driver to pick you up here." "No, no, no," I waved my hand and noticed a black car stopped in front of us and a man in black bowed and opened the backseat. "Don't bother the driver, Trevor, I can go home on my own, I'm an adult now, what do you treat me for? A five-year-old?" I bit my lip to suppress my laughter behind my i
"Don't you need to be early at your work?" I asked after he parked the car in front of the bakery and unbuckled his seatbelt as if he were going with me to the bakery. "Who said? Sulli, do you think I work?" he replied and opened the car's door. I was in awe, but I followed and he opened the car door for me and helped me get out of the car. "Where do you get your billions then?" I can't help but inquire. It's nice that we have something to talk about when driving here, even if it's just gossip about another person, it feels nice. I feel like a wife talking about anything with his husband. Few people were entering and going into the bakery, it was a small one, in front was the shop, and at the back was I guess their house. "No, it's definitely on quadrillion now. Don't believe in the search results online." The conversation was still ongoing. I scoffed and he slid open the door. "You're bluffing me right now."The f
A gentle rendition of an upbeat song was playing in the four corners of the room. Multi-colored lights were dancing together with the disco ball in the middle. Tripp and Trevor finally settled on the huge couch but were now having a drinking session. After Tripp said that Trevor was so pissed, he pulled me away from Tripp before he could touch me. Now, he wants to smack the hell out of Tripp but wasn't able to do so because I'm watching them. I'm sitting at the far end of the couch enjoying a cocktail. "Dude, may I remind you, you had a six-year relationship with another girl! What are you saying?" Trevor started strong by drinking a glass of rum and looking at Tripp with furious eyes. I frowned at him and placed down my drink, trying to warn him not to lay a finger on poor drunk Tripp. The butler informed us that Tripp had been waiting for a couple of hours. It's obvious that he was drunk already and was not in his right mind. "Uughh," Tripp groaned, "I don't care about that, S
The dinner at a three-star restaurant went well. He ordered different foods after scolding him not to order the whole menu because we're not going to finish it anyway, we do have separate take-outs for the people in the house, and that's enough. I don't have much appetite these days anyway, and Trevor unfortunately noticed that. "Why are you not eating much? Finish what's on your plate. Are you sick?" Trevor frowned. Our round table had a big window that overlooked a great view of the man-made pool, we're on the top floor of the restaurant, which was situated around a chain of hotels that I'm not surprised was owned by him. I bet even this restaurant, one word from him, and then every server was agitated. I made a face at him and forced a smile. "I'm not. What are you saying?" He did not reply instead he studied me for a while, my son's in my peripheral vision enjoying his food, he's beside his father which I find annoying but it's more convenient that way, sooner or later he ha
"How come Miss Tomoya is so close to the president of the school?" I had to wait behind the cubicle door when I heard two girls having a conversation while retouching their make-up in the sink. "Don't you know? She's a slut! A man-hungry woman who can't live without boys, I heard she already has a son but still dares to snake our president." From the little creek of the cubicle, I squinted my eyes and saw two teachers in their tight-fitting uniforms applying lipstick and mascara while looking in the mirror. My heart squeezed like someone purposedly did so. I never gave that a thought, I thought it was just a trivial matter because I knew that was not true. It's not true, of course, I'll be kind to Tripp because he's also kind and nice.I don't nicely treat people just because they're higher than me, I treat people based on how they treat me. I received kindness from him, it's natural to return that kindness. Unlike these poor teachers who don't know I'm in one of the cubicles bef
People say you can't bring back the past, all you can do is accept it and move on, but they forget that you can reminisce then cry over it and regret it until you become numb all over. Just like what I did last night, after our conversation, my thoughts kept me up all night. I slept in the guest room, and I still don't have the willpower to feel at ease; I still feel awkward and uncomfortable. I guess this was what I reaped after all these years: I don't deserve to be happy. The result of overthinking last night was that I hadn't slept even a wink. I arrived at school in the earliest as possible and sunk my nose into whatever work time put me. Being a teacher wasn't my plan at all, but it was written as my third choice in my college application, so maybe I did add it to my plan. So when I was studying education, I was at a loss, because that's not really what I wanted to study, but then again, after I had my degree, I aimed to be at law school, I pushed my luck and called myself th
"Don't deny it, it's written all over your face."Trevor was so close that I got lost, his eyes gleamed as I nodded in agreement. I admit it, no need to consider my pride, it would end with me nowhere in the picture anyway. "Really?" Trevor pushed back a little and stared at me in awe, "You're not denying it?" "There's no need for that," I said and squirmed in my seat, trying to make up some space. It's been so long, Trevor and I have known each other since college, we've learned about each other, fallen in love then fell out of love. I'm not the same immature and childish girl as before, I'm a mom now, and I should take responsibility and I'm going to die, I think it's the right time to set things in their right places, so that when I leave, Levi won't be alone. The thought humbles me, and with all the nice people I'll leave soon flashed through my mind. I guess it would be a shame if I don't give them a nice memory of me at least. "Say, Trevor, since we're at that," I mumbled
"But I don't feel anything weird, doc?" Why do I sense that they're all trying to persuade me into something that would make me feel ashamed of myself?"Here, take this Sulli." Damien got his business card and gave it to me with a smile. "You can call me anytime if you want assurance." I can't help but think there's a hidden meaning behind his last sentence. I looked at his business card just to avoid looking at him. "Ms. Tomoya, if you want we can run some tests again, and maybe have an understanding of your disease, after all, I'm a great oncologist." Doctor Rea beamed. My eyes lit up and I wanted to hug Doctor Rea right then and agree but my peripherals caught a glimpse of Damien looking so gloomy. I'm not one to trample on the pride of others, especially if it's right. For sure, Damien didn't become a doctor easily, he had to build brick by brick the title he has now, and it's going to look so bad if I asked Doctor Rea for a second opinion in front of him. I have to lower m