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74TH HEARTBEAT
Last Updated:
2023-04-27 18:24:54
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The Badboy's Heartbeat 75TH HEARTBEAT
JORDI ADKINSAs the holiday rolled to an end, I was already having a mild hangover for the event that had transpired during thanksgiving. I still couldn’t believe my parents were fine with me being gay and they were very much expressive about it. I think my fear and uncertainly stemmed from every horrible story that I’ve heard of from people like me. I know it’s hard being hidden in the closet and choosing to come out to your parents is an undeniably rough journey for most. The mundane world riddled with different beliefs carefully made everyone believe that the default gender is male and female. What if there’s a world where people don’t have to come out?I think I’m very much lucky to have a family that don’t give a single shit if I was gay or not, or if I were to wear a gown or a suit, or if I choose to gawk over at naked men rather than naked women. My grandmother started the ripple and I am unbelievably fortunate to have the parents that I have. I still can’t believe they knew wh
Last Updated : 2023-04-28The Badboy's Heartbeat 76TH CHAPTER
JORDI ADKINSThroughout the entire half of the day, I have been riddled when so much anxiety that I just want things to freeze so I could give myself some time to think and breathe. Michiko got her dirt on me at such a pretty good timing and I eventually became a bona fide fool for actually falling right into her dangerous trap. To be fair, I don’t have any idea Michiko was such a bitch and so full of herself that she had to plant hidden cameras to gather some dirt on unsuspecting people. But Lala did warn me not to attend the party and I should’ve just blindly followed her. She never really did impart some very specific deets as to why.I couldn’t find Xavier anywhere and that alone was making me queasy and absolutely uncomfortable. There’s no denying the absolute fact that he saw the video of me making out with Zach. I’m just creating all of these thoughts inside my head but my gut was also feeling it. Michiko’s not a dumb bitch like every other girl, she’s actually smarter than mos
Last Updated : 2023-04-29The Badboy's Heartbeat 77TH HEARTBEAT
XAVIER ROCKWELLNo one ever told me wanting that something could this be detrimental. Definitely, it was not easy to be in my current situation no matter how I try to look at the bright side. Even though I wasn’t fully ready to go with it, I truly wanted to get introduced to my dad’s family because I want to know who my half siblings are. However, I wasn’t given any sort of hints that my asshole of a dad would introduce me to an entire clan. I thought that’s the only thing that’s dreadful and appalling but it turned out it was just the tip of the iceberg.I’m not even going to deny my true feelings about it. That was the worst thanksgiving dinner that I had attended in my entire seventeen years of existence. It’s even far worse than having dinner with Hector and my mom.I thought I’m going to get something positive in this dinner but yeah, my dad wasn’t really thinking about me, my welfare and my feelings. Getting to know the members of his family was just an exhausting process. My da
Last Updated : 2023-04-30The Badboy's Heartbeat 78TH HEARTBEAT
XAVIER ROCKWELLMy heartbeat was rising almost steadily as I keep on staring at the message. I could feel my heart going berserk on my chest and it’s not even on a positive note. I’ve been playing this video that was sent to me by an unknown person and I’m slowly getting convinced that the person I was watching was Jordi. He said he was in drag last time and I’m definitely seeing him under this wig and this gorgeous head-turning make up. He looked absolutely snatched and painted for the gods and instead of feeling rather excited to see him in this full on regalia, I was more than disappointed to watch what happened. What I was watching was truly world shattering, heartbreaking, tear jerking and many more.Jordi just kissed Zach Riley. If it was just a simple kiss I would’ve probably be fine with it since I know Zach’s the hottest guy that I know and also, Jordi’s probably had a cup of alcohol or two. But when I started to notice it wasn’t just a kiss, I felt hurt. Jordi kissed Zach so
Last Updated : 2023-04-30The Badboy's Heartbeat 79TH HEARTBEAT
XAVIER ROCKWELLThe next morning was definitely the worst. Yes, I may have drowned all of the rotten thoughts and the anguishing emotions that I have been feeling last night on that unprecedented drinking spree. Yes, I may have forgotten about the predicament that my dad’s fucked up family announcement has given me. Yes, I may have drowned the agonizing feeling that I obtained from watching my boyfriend Jordi kiss another guy. But all of those are only just spent in a fleeting moment.I woke up on the doorway where I unconsciously fell asleep last night. I don’t know how the fuck did I not crawl my way towards the bed but I guess I may have cried myself to sleep. Just as expected, I have a banging hangover and I feel like I’ve been tortured by the FBI because my muscles felt sore. As soon as I opened my eyes, the brightness coming from the sun rising towards the horizon just slit through my eyes adding such intensity to my already existing headache. Whoever designed this condominium,
Last Updated : 2023-05-02The Badboy's Heartbeat 80TH HEARTBEAT
JORDI ADKINSThe bathroom floor became my ground for solace once again. I thought I have already moved past this era of my life but this day proved I haven’t and I don’t think I will. High school is without a doubt, an extra messy era in everyone’s life. On one end, it could be the happiest years of your life and could be filled with wild and ecstatic adventures. But for most people, it could be the shittiest rollercoaster of a lifetime. One day, you could be giggling and erupting with love bubbles of rainbows and butterflies and then when you wake up the next day, you are shedding tears and wishing the world was a better place. This day was just another one of those shitty days that I have to live through. I feel really cheated by the universe.The cold water trickling from the shower wasn’t enough to equalize whatever anguish I was feeling on the inside and surely, it wasn’t enough to alleviate it. And as I emerged from the shower forty-five minutes later, I was still panicking abou
Last Updated : 2023-05-06The Badboy's Heartbeat 81ST HEARTBEAT
JORDI ADKINSI feel miserable but as I locked my eyes on my target, I became even more determined to iron this rift. I created this mess myself and I don’t expect anyone to fix it for me because that’s not how life goes. Besides, I don’t want Michiko to have the last laugh. She may have outed me to my mother, I still had the last laugh with that. I’m going to make sure she’s not going to win with ruining my life.Xavier walked out of the school premises and as he continued to walk on foot, I imagined those times we used to meet in clandestine. Those were the times when loves flourishing that even when we are hiding from the world, we were still feeling the heat and passion and the giddy moments all at once. Sadly, for me, someone decided to take that away like they have the right to bring chaos into my life. I know I’m part of that reason but I could easily have avoided this mess if it’s only on me.Xavier eventually got to the stop and took the bus going home. I had enough pinch of b
Last Updated : 2023-05-07The Badboy's Heartbeat 82ND HEARTBEAT
XAVIER ROCKWELLI have been under absolute distraught all freaking day. One part of me is feeling rather guilty that I ignored Jordi yesterday even though he appeared desperate and was covered in sauce. But then the other part of me, the part that’s heartless seemed to have won the battle and ended up choosing to ignore Jordi. I don’t know why that part of me won maybe because I don’t want to feel sorry for myself.When I got home from that day, I was unpleasantly surprised to have received more text message from that very same anonymous person who sent me the video. I guess now, I know who this person was mostly because I know where the video was taken. But what she said in her texts made perfect sense when I tried to connect the dots. She just told me Jordi’s been some sort of a player and initially, I wasn’t even convinced but that’s until she sent me proof. I am eventually convinced that Jordi’s been playing both Zach and I. Aside from the video, she also sent me pictures of Jordi
Last Updated : 2023-05-08
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The Badboy's Heartbeat THE 100TH AND FINAL HEARTBEAT
JORDI ADKINSThe stars have gone out their way to align just for Xavier and I. That’s how I’ve been thinking for the past week ever since he agreed to be my prom date. Recovering our relationship wasn’t as easy as eating a slice of a fraudulently healthy carrot cake or travelling a path where you have already traveled before but it did happen. Xavier just lost his mom but it ended up becoming the reason for us to reconnect and come back even stronger. We bonded over losing one of the person that we love the most in the milky way.For him, it was his own mother and for me, it was my own grandmother. It’s clearly not a similar situation but there’s a clear path where it converges at the very center and it a very endearing moment where we just talked about how life is short and that you should live like there’s no tomorrow. Live like there’s no tomorrow, love intensely as if you don’t have anything else to give and laugh hard to your heart’s content; that’s what Xavier taught me.“Oh my
The Badboy's Heartbeat 99TH HEARTBEAT
JORDI ADKINSEver since the unfortunate passing of Xavier’s mom, he has been such a fun type of lad to hang out with quite surprisingly. It was initially difficult and confusing for me to adjust from this new whole new Xavier but I will admit, I am loving it as much as how I fell in love with the old Xavier.When my grandma passed away, I was in the longest state of shock and sorrow but eventually, I ultimately I learned how to recover from such loss. Xavier on the other hand, while I’m aware that he had cried a lot during his mother’s passing, he bizarrely took a hard left in probably the most positive way that I’ve seen of him. He said he’s going to live his best life and I don’t even have anything bad to say about his decisions in life.I took the ride with him and it has been the most fun and carefree adventure that I’ve ever had in my life. Initially, I had lots of doubts and confusions about Xavier’s intensely positive behavior but ultimately, as time passed by, I ended up falli
The Badboy's Heartbeat 98TH HEARTBEAT
XAVIER ROCKWELLThe day of the funeral came just as quickly as I lost my own mother and honestly speaking, I wasn’t, in any means, ready to get up from my bed and slip unto something somber and black. I only had a two hours of sleep because I spent the entire night quietly sobbing inside my room. After all, it is the only time that I could cry and cry and really cry hard without thinking about nobody.I couldn’t stop thinking about my mom and how I should’ve been present for her. I am absolutely aware of the lingering fact that she was struggling and I was entirely glad that she finally decided to checked herself into a rehab. However, you don’t really know what’s going on inside people’s mind even if they say they’re fine and they say they’re ready for a change. I don’t really have any sort of idea if my mom just gave into the temptation of the outside world or if Hector somehow managed to talk her out if or even possibly bribed her with something or if she just missed sniffing powde
The Badboy's Heartbeat 97TH HEARTBEAT
XAVIER ROCKWELLHugging Jordi Adkins for the first time in a very long while was just the thing that I needed at this point in my life. At first, Jordi was clearly astounded when I first yanked him over into a desperate hug but eventually, he returned the favor and it was just as soothing as I expected it to be. It’s the kind of embrace that I’ve been longing for and I’m finally having it. It felt good to be here with Jordi because I don’t know if I could take what’s happening around in my life anymore.It’s been a while since I’ve been treating Jordi like he does not exist in my very own universe. I tried to fix it with him when I met the couple Dominic and Valentine but since then, I haven’t really had the best time to even focus on getting Jordi back. When I went to Jordi’s house, I felt super disappointed by the fact that he’s already going out with someone else just a few weeks after I ended things with him. It was mindboggling to be perfectly honest. And when I got back home, th
The Badboy's Heartbeat 96TH HEARTBEAT
JORDI ADKINS“X-xavier?” Nikki was taken by a huge surprise just as she recognized the guy inside the yellow sports car.“Oh my god, it’s Xavier.” Jane whispered behind my ears but I was already having a lot of mixed emotions swirling up inside of me.My heart began to beat twice as fast and I don’t know if I was ready to see Xavier just as early as now. It’s true that I missed him so badly and I don’t even want to admit that to myself because I’m trying to get past him. Apparently, I have a long way to go now that I saw him today. I feel like I’m about to throw up but I also feel like I’m about to pass out at the very same time.Xavier looked amazingly different and that was the part of me who’s still hoping that we could fix this speaking on my behalf. He dyed his hair black and he looked bizarrely different but still hot as ever. I felt a slight pang on my chest and it seemed that my tongue got cut off.“I’m sorry, Nikki.” Xavier uttered.“Oh, shit. You dyed your hair black?” Nikki
The Badboy's Heartbeat 95TH HEARTBEAT
JORDI ADKINSI woke up with the slow golden light of midday filtering through my window. I forgot how many days it has been until I walked out of my room and then I realized today was already the twenty-fourth. It seemed to me like it was just a blink of an eye but I guess that’s all because the days were pretty much uninteresting. I’m doing nothing but showing up for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I’ve been sleeping for so long that it became an underlying concern for my protective mother. She said that sleeping for more than eight hours was a simple sign of sorrow that could lead to depression. I guess she was right about it. I am really that much depressed and she completely knows why. I don’t even know why I’m getting so mopey when I’ve been trying my best to block Xavier’s unrelenting presence off of my mind.It was just a few hours left before Christmas and this year, one thing is for sure, I’m not much excited as I was last year or the year before that and the year before that ye
The Badboy's Heartbeat 94TH HEARTBEAT
JORDI ADKINSIt was the smell of alcohol evaporating from my body mixed with a banging headache that got me running towards the toilet when I woke up from going to that house party Nikki invited us into. I was throwing up so badly that I almost felt like I’m going to start barfing all of my insides. I was hugging the toilet bowl as if it was the only friend I have in this trying times.I spent almost half an hour on the bathroom floor thinking I’m dying up until the moment my mom knocked on the door. I instantly felt good when I heard her screaming out my name. There seemed to be some sort of a healing power coming from her voice that made me stand up from hugging the toilet seat.“Jordi, Are you okay in there, sweetie?”“Yes, mom. I’m just throwing up, I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.” I yelled back.“Oh, I’m not worried about you, sweetie. I’m just knocking to remind you that you need to clean up your mess up in there. That’s what you get for overdrinking. I told you to drink moderat
The Badboy's Heartbeat 93RD HEARTBEAT
XAVIER ROCKWELLXander’s birthday party was well prepared for and it was as grand as the MET gala that there’s even a photoshoot at the gate for every person arriving. I was just taking a peek on my window but I could see everything. I don’t think I’ve celebrated a birthday like this in my life. Though, to me, the way I see things panning out, this was going to be the last birthday that Xander was ever going to celebrate in this household. Xander mentioned that he’s going to be kicked out of the house once this party was over and I felt slightly bothered and sad by that.The outfit that was given to me to wear was draped on the bed and it was just waiting for me to slip on them for the entire hour. It was a yellow suit with touches of black and a few sparkling stones. I don’t even want to be invited to this party and that’s all because I’m developing such laziness. I’m very lazy to go out there and meet new people.Right after slipping on the suit that was provided for me, I looked ov
The Badboy's Heartbeat 92ND HEARTBEAT
XAVIER ROCKWELLThe dinner with my dad’s family did not go well just as I was expecting it. The tension within the family was very much evident from the get go. I may have unconsciously observed everything.My dad and his wife Rachel doesn’t have the best relationship of husband and wife and anyone could’ve guessed that right away. They weren’t very subtle with how they’re treating each other even right in front of their children. In fact, I do remember my dad somehow loved my mother in a very different sense than what I just witnessed between him and his original wife and the mother of his three children. In this world, while it’s very much common that patriarchy is ruling, I have sensed Rachel was also after the money.Xiomara was that one member of the family who just doesn’t know how to adjust and is charged up with built-up anger and some nasty attitude. She hated everything and everyone. I’m personally giving her the benefit of the doubt because I don’t have any idea of the thin
