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81ST HEARTBEAT
Last Updated:
2023-05-07 23:27:01
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The Badboy's Heartbeat 82ND HEARTBEAT
XAVIER ROCKWELLI have been under absolute distraught all freaking day. One part of me is feeling rather guilty that I ignored Jordi yesterday even though he appeared desperate and was covered in sauce. But then the other part of me, the part that’s heartless seemed to have won the battle and ended up choosing to ignore Jordi. I don’t know why that part of me won maybe because I don’t want to feel sorry for myself.When I got home from that day, I was unpleasantly surprised to have received more text message from that very same anonymous person who sent me the video. I guess now, I know who this person was mostly because I know where the video was taken. But what she said in her texts made perfect sense when I tried to connect the dots. She just told me Jordi’s been some sort of a player and initially, I wasn’t even convinced but that’s until she sent me proof. I am eventually convinced that Jordi’s been playing both Zach and I. Aside from the video, she also sent me pictures of Jordi
Last Updated : 2023-05-08The Badboy's Heartbeat 83RD HEARTBEAT
XAVIER ROCKWELL“I know you’ve already watched the video.” Jordi’s voice reverberated from behind as I was pulling a clean shirt to wear. He finally decided to start the topic.I closed my eyes, paused and took a quick breath before eventually agreeing to what he just uttered. “Yes, I did.”“I was drunk that night, Xavier. A-and I don’t know what I was doing.” Jordi went on pulling the I’m-drunk-and-I-didn’t-know-what-I-was-doing card on me. “I gave in to the temptation and I am very... very... very sorry for what I did.”I turned around looked at him in the eye with a straight face and it’s as if I wasn’t affected by what he was confessing to me. I started slipping on my shirt. “Of course I know you were drunk. You’re at a party. You should be drunk.”Jordi was staring at me and I don’t what was going through his head because I’m not giving him any sort of emotion. “You sound like you’re...”“Like what?” I immediately cut him off knowing he’s about to describe my current situation. I
Last Updated : 2023-05-09The Badboy's Heartbeat 84TH HEARTBEAT
JORDI ADKINSI don’t how things are going to be better after this or if things are even going to get better. It’s just how or if. That is the hovering question.Am I going to be okay right after this?I asked the question to myself obviously not having any idea for an answer. It was surely a difficult thing to accept the lingering reality that Xavier Rockwell just ended our relationship over what I did. It was a short-lived one per se and I guess that’s part of the reason why I’m having a hard time to let his words sink in.“We’re done. Get over it.”I was still on the bus trying to calm myself down from crying but Xavier’s words kept on bouncing back and forth inside my head. This was the very first time that I have fallen in love with someone and it’s the kind of love that I’ve been dreaming of. The tight hugs and warm kisses, the stolen glances every time we are in class together, the aggressively unbridled display of affection every time we are alone. All of those things, I’m goin
Last Updated : 2023-05-10The Badboy's Heartbeat 85TH HEARTBEAT
JORDI ADKINSI think it was the popular Disney star who turned into a popstar Miley Cyrus who sang such quote “misery loves company”. I don’t remember exactly what song was that but she put it out there and it was a hit. It hit me right through the core. Looking at my current situation right now, I might have to agree with her. It’s been over a week since I was joined by the unpleasant company of misery and so far, I’m still breathing though my head still feels like it’s submerged underwater.I never would’ve thought having a real heartbreak for the very first time was going to be this tough, depressing and somehow restricting. When I was young, I may have felt heartbroken each time my mom forbids me to play with the other kids outside. I thought someone snatching my lollipop out of my hand during third grade was another heartbreak. I thought I got my heartbroken when my mom doesn’t want to buy me the snacks that I want. During middle school, someone knocked me over for walking so slo
Last Updated : 2023-05-11The Badboy's Heartbeat 86TH HEARTBEAT
XAVIER ROCKWELLDealing with heartbreak was not the easiest thing in this world and I may have just learned the true power of your heart being shattered into smithereens. My mother knew that all along. I just wished she would’ve been the good mother that I’ve always wanted her to be and warned me about the dangers of falling in love and getting your heart broken. I may have gone through a lot of breakups in the past but they weren’t as agonizing as this one and that’s most probably because I wasn’t truly into women before.Ending things with Jordi Adkins seemed to be the beginning of the real deal. As far as I’m concerned, it hasn’t been that easy to be me and to be surrounded with people who simply does not care about me. The days have gone and passed and while I have been trying my best to ignore Jordi’s entire existence, I couldn’t deny the utter fact that I’m still feeling shaken every time I see him in class.How was he doing?How was he holding up?Did he found someone else to r
Last Updated : 2023-05-16The Badboy's Heartbeat 87TH HEARTBEAT
XAVIER ROCKWELLWhen I inched my way to school the following, I saw many kids wearing most of their expensive attires, some are in colorful dresses, some are wearing their expensive sneakers and also, most of them are wearing their wide widest and most excited smile. It seemed to me that they couldn’t wait for the day to be over and they’ll be on their way to embark on their holiday adventures. Well, except for me. I’m not really excited because school’s the only place where I know I could kill my time. The last day of school this year shouldn’t be this hard. In fact, it should be the happiest day but I guess that’s only for most people. I’m not most people.The very same day, last year, I wasn’t very much excited for the dawning of the holidays and that’s mostly because I’m entirely aware of the fact that I’m going to spend the rest of those days selling stuff for Hector. Also, I know I’m going to spend the rest of those days running for my life whether away from our tiny apartment,
Last Updated : 2023-05-17The Badboy's Heartbeat 88TH HEARTBEAT
JORDI ADKINSThe spirit of Christmas was already upon us and comes along with it was the coldest breeze to ever grace my skin. I took a moment to shiver and adjust from such nippy brush of the wind that just passed by. I had to quickly take my jacket out and wear it before I could even freeze to death. I was probably one of the few people who decided to run for the door once Principal Sanders closed the show. I thought I was suffocating because of the level of oxygen being too low for people like me and when I got outside, I was slapped with such coldness.The school auditorium was truly heated in both ways that I could ever imagine. Not only that there are a lot of people warming up the air but what happened at this year’s play was also heated and quite frankly, controversial. It will probably go down in this school’s history as one of those night who changed the course of the universe. I guess those straight mostly white people who think they’re holding the supremacy were all shook
Last Updated : 2023-05-18The Badboy's Heartbeat 89TH HEARTBEAT
JORDI ADKINS“Hey mom,” With shallow breathing, I began speaking once my mother answered my call. This was going to be the very first time that I’m going to ask permission from her to go to a party without any sort of occasion like a Halloween party and whatnot. “Are you home already?”“I’m still at work, sweetie. I’m doing some overtime to finish all the jobs before I get off for holiday. My boss is such a whack. he does not want me to go on a holiday without finishing everything. Why? What’s the matter sweetheart? Are you in some kind of trouble? Did something horrible happen to you? Do you want me to pick you up?” The woman over the other line went on seemingly rapping everything. She might think she’s some kind of Lauryn Hill.“Mom, calm your ass down. I’m totally fine. Nothing happened.” I was looking over at Nikki and Jane and the look painted on their faces was nothing worry. They’re probably thinking my mom doesn’t want to let me go.“Oh, so what is it then, sweetheart?”“I’m
Last Updated : 2023-05-18
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The Badboy's Heartbeat THE 100TH AND FINAL HEARTBEAT
JORDI ADKINSThe stars have gone out their way to align just for Xavier and I. That’s how I’ve been thinking for the past week ever since he agreed to be my prom date. Recovering our relationship wasn’t as easy as eating a slice of a fraudulently healthy carrot cake or travelling a path where you have already traveled before but it did happen. Xavier just lost his mom but it ended up becoming the reason for us to reconnect and come back even stronger. We bonded over losing one of the person that we love the most in the milky way.For him, it was his own mother and for me, it was my own grandmother. It’s clearly not a similar situation but there’s a clear path where it converges at the very center and it a very endearing moment where we just talked about how life is short and that you should live like there’s no tomorrow. Live like there’s no tomorrow, love intensely as if you don’t have anything else to give and laugh hard to your heart’s content; that’s what Xavier taught me.“Oh my
The Badboy's Heartbeat 99TH HEARTBEAT
JORDI ADKINSEver since the unfortunate passing of Xavier’s mom, he has been such a fun type of lad to hang out with quite surprisingly. It was initially difficult and confusing for me to adjust from this new whole new Xavier but I will admit, I am loving it as much as how I fell in love with the old Xavier.When my grandma passed away, I was in the longest state of shock and sorrow but eventually, I ultimately I learned how to recover from such loss. Xavier on the other hand, while I’m aware that he had cried a lot during his mother’s passing, he bizarrely took a hard left in probably the most positive way that I’ve seen of him. He said he’s going to live his best life and I don’t even have anything bad to say about his decisions in life.I took the ride with him and it has been the most fun and carefree adventure that I’ve ever had in my life. Initially, I had lots of doubts and confusions about Xavier’s intensely positive behavior but ultimately, as time passed by, I ended up falli
The Badboy's Heartbeat 98TH HEARTBEAT
XAVIER ROCKWELLThe day of the funeral came just as quickly as I lost my own mother and honestly speaking, I wasn’t, in any means, ready to get up from my bed and slip unto something somber and black. I only had a two hours of sleep because I spent the entire night quietly sobbing inside my room. After all, it is the only time that I could cry and cry and really cry hard without thinking about nobody.I couldn’t stop thinking about my mom and how I should’ve been present for her. I am absolutely aware of the lingering fact that she was struggling and I was entirely glad that she finally decided to checked herself into a rehab. However, you don’t really know what’s going on inside people’s mind even if they say they’re fine and they say they’re ready for a change. I don’t really have any sort of idea if my mom just gave into the temptation of the outside world or if Hector somehow managed to talk her out if or even possibly bribed her with something or if she just missed sniffing powde
The Badboy's Heartbeat 97TH HEARTBEAT
XAVIER ROCKWELLHugging Jordi Adkins for the first time in a very long while was just the thing that I needed at this point in my life. At first, Jordi was clearly astounded when I first yanked him over into a desperate hug but eventually, he returned the favor and it was just as soothing as I expected it to be. It’s the kind of embrace that I’ve been longing for and I’m finally having it. It felt good to be here with Jordi because I don’t know if I could take what’s happening around in my life anymore.It’s been a while since I’ve been treating Jordi like he does not exist in my very own universe. I tried to fix it with him when I met the couple Dominic and Valentine but since then, I haven’t really had the best time to even focus on getting Jordi back. When I went to Jordi’s house, I felt super disappointed by the fact that he’s already going out with someone else just a few weeks after I ended things with him. It was mindboggling to be perfectly honest. And when I got back home, th
The Badboy's Heartbeat 96TH HEARTBEAT
JORDI ADKINS“X-xavier?” Nikki was taken by a huge surprise just as she recognized the guy inside the yellow sports car.“Oh my god, it’s Xavier.” Jane whispered behind my ears but I was already having a lot of mixed emotions swirling up inside of me.My heart began to beat twice as fast and I don’t know if I was ready to see Xavier just as early as now. It’s true that I missed him so badly and I don’t even want to admit that to myself because I’m trying to get past him. Apparently, I have a long way to go now that I saw him today. I feel like I’m about to throw up but I also feel like I’m about to pass out at the very same time.Xavier looked amazingly different and that was the part of me who’s still hoping that we could fix this speaking on my behalf. He dyed his hair black and he looked bizarrely different but still hot as ever. I felt a slight pang on my chest and it seemed that my tongue got cut off.“I’m sorry, Nikki.” Xavier uttered.“Oh, shit. You dyed your hair black?” Nikki
The Badboy's Heartbeat 95TH HEARTBEAT
JORDI ADKINSI woke up with the slow golden light of midday filtering through my window. I forgot how many days it has been until I walked out of my room and then I realized today was already the twenty-fourth. It seemed to me like it was just a blink of an eye but I guess that’s all because the days were pretty much uninteresting. I’m doing nothing but showing up for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I’ve been sleeping for so long that it became an underlying concern for my protective mother. She said that sleeping for more than eight hours was a simple sign of sorrow that could lead to depression. I guess she was right about it. I am really that much depressed and she completely knows why. I don’t even know why I’m getting so mopey when I’ve been trying my best to block Xavier’s unrelenting presence off of my mind.It was just a few hours left before Christmas and this year, one thing is for sure, I’m not much excited as I was last year or the year before that and the year before that ye
The Badboy's Heartbeat 94TH HEARTBEAT
JORDI ADKINSIt was the smell of alcohol evaporating from my body mixed with a banging headache that got me running towards the toilet when I woke up from going to that house party Nikki invited us into. I was throwing up so badly that I almost felt like I’m going to start barfing all of my insides. I was hugging the toilet bowl as if it was the only friend I have in this trying times.I spent almost half an hour on the bathroom floor thinking I’m dying up until the moment my mom knocked on the door. I instantly felt good when I heard her screaming out my name. There seemed to be some sort of a healing power coming from her voice that made me stand up from hugging the toilet seat.“Jordi, Are you okay in there, sweetie?”“Yes, mom. I’m just throwing up, I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.” I yelled back.“Oh, I’m not worried about you, sweetie. I’m just knocking to remind you that you need to clean up your mess up in there. That’s what you get for overdrinking. I told you to drink moderat
The Badboy's Heartbeat 93RD HEARTBEAT
XAVIER ROCKWELLXander’s birthday party was well prepared for and it was as grand as the MET gala that there’s even a photoshoot at the gate for every person arriving. I was just taking a peek on my window but I could see everything. I don’t think I’ve celebrated a birthday like this in my life. Though, to me, the way I see things panning out, this was going to be the last birthday that Xander was ever going to celebrate in this household. Xander mentioned that he’s going to be kicked out of the house once this party was over and I felt slightly bothered and sad by that.The outfit that was given to me to wear was draped on the bed and it was just waiting for me to slip on them for the entire hour. It was a yellow suit with touches of black and a few sparkling stones. I don’t even want to be invited to this party and that’s all because I’m developing such laziness. I’m very lazy to go out there and meet new people.Right after slipping on the suit that was provided for me, I looked ov
The Badboy's Heartbeat 92ND HEARTBEAT
XAVIER ROCKWELLThe dinner with my dad’s family did not go well just as I was expecting it. The tension within the family was very much evident from the get go. I may have unconsciously observed everything.My dad and his wife Rachel doesn’t have the best relationship of husband and wife and anyone could’ve guessed that right away. They weren’t very subtle with how they’re treating each other even right in front of their children. In fact, I do remember my dad somehow loved my mother in a very different sense than what I just witnessed between him and his original wife and the mother of his three children. In this world, while it’s very much common that patriarchy is ruling, I have sensed Rachel was also after the money.Xiomara was that one member of the family who just doesn’t know how to adjust and is charged up with built-up anger and some nasty attitude. She hated everything and everyone. I’m personally giving her the benefit of the doubt because I don’t have any idea of the thin
