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52ND HEARTBEAT
Last Updated:
2023-03-31 20:56:03
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The Badboy's Heartbeat 53RD HEARTBEAT
XAVIER ROCKWELLOpening my eyes and setting my sight on the person that I enjoy cuddling with made complete sense with my fantasy. This is way too good to be true but the universe hasn’t been that good to me so I know I deserve it. For years and years, I’ve been hoping for someone who would love me for whatever I am, regardless if I was a total asshole and here he is, still in deep slumber right beside me.I stared at Jordi’s serene face and thought, maybe the universe has some other plans for me. I used to bully this guy just for being openly proud of himself not fully realizing the underlying truth that I was actually attracted to him. I have suppressed that part of me because I just thought it wasn’t real, that I can’t be attracted to men. I just realized it now that there have been some occasions in my life where I was truly attracted to boys.The first time it happened was when I was nine, my mom took me to the mall for her weekly dose of shopping. I would very much say that she’
Last Updated : 2023-04-02The Badboy's Heartbeat 54TH HEARTBEAT
XAVIER ROCKWELLIf the universe will give me the chance to change one thing in my life, I’m pretty sure I won’t be able to think of anything to change. One, I have so many unwanted stuff that I would want to change. And two; I personally think that I’m already used to how life has been fucking me over and over that I’m basically not able to let go of every single emotion that’s pent up inside of me. But if I would rephrase the question, it would be a different thing. If there’s one thing that I won’t change with my current life, that would be my father. I was hoping that he would stay out of my life. He has already ruined everything for me and now he’s trying to wiggle his way back when I personally said I don’t want anything to do with him. Better yet, I would certainly change the fact that he’s my father.I’m going to be honest with myself, I did not feel any single strike of relief when Coach Millstone revealed to me that my dad called the school to pay for my shit. I felt rather p
Last Updated : 2023-04-03The Badboy's Heartbeat 55TH HEARTBEAT
JORDI ADKINSI sat on my usual chair during sex ed. and for the most part, Xavier and I kept on exchanging stolen glances between each other. It’s as if we were both secretly in love and we just don’t want to admit it. That’s crazy to think of but that’s how things are basically rolling off right now. It was pretty much difficult to be in the same room as the person you love but you can’t even express how you feel about that person. But what can I do? This is what I agreed to and while it’s restricting, I’m still glad to have Xavier in my life.How would I describe this pulsating feeling? I was initially against the idea but when I finally understood Xavier, I finally realized it’s pretty hard to be so out and proud while the other one’s still pretty much hiding in the closet. It’s like a classic story of homosexuals falling in love while the world is completely against their entire existence. No matter how far the community has progressed in the recent decade, still, it isn’t enough
Last Updated : 2023-04-04The Badboy's Heartbeat 56TH HEARTBEAT
JORDI ADKINSMy heart was dropping at such a rapid speed and I thought I was going to lose consciousness as well until I realized Xavier’s father was already here screaming out loud. It started to sink in to me that everything’s actually happening in real time. As soon as the bearded guy saw Mr. Rockwell rushing, he quickly woke his bald friend up. They both rushed back inside their car and eventually drove away like it was nothing.“XAVIER!!!” Mr. Rockwell sat down on his knees and checked Xavier for his pulse. He looked very much flustered.Gritting with agitation, I quickly rushed to their side and I was already overwhelmed with panic. “Xavier. Oh my god.” It was hard for me to breath and I could feel tears streaming down my face. I could blood dripping out of Xavier’s waist and I know I just had to toughen myself out.“Stay calm, kid.” Mr. Rockwell muttered and I could clearly tell it in his eyes that he was figuring things out himself.“I-I can’t.” I cried out.Mr. Rockwell held
Last Updated : 2023-04-06The Badboy's Heartbeat 57TH HEARTBEAT
JORDI ADKINSI couldn’t bring myself to sleep the night that I came home from the hospital. I’m still shaking on the inside even after everything has gone down to a calm. Though he was already stable and was rescued from the brink of death, Xavier was still unconscious when my mom showed up to pick me up. As much as I want to stay the night and watch for the poor guy, his dad was there for him and I thought I wouldn’t be that person.In this universe, I guess there’s always this wide empty room for this certain thing called forgiveness. Only a few people are using that room, I guess. I was just reeling in about this certain thought in my head about Xavier forgiving his father. This is probably a chance given by the universe. I’m not saying I’m trying to invalidate Xavier’s feelings about his old man. Of course his pain and anger are very much valid no matter what sort of perspective you are trying to view it from, however, the clear question is up until when? Until when is he going to
Last Updated : 2023-04-09The Badboy's Heartbeat 58TH HEARTBEAT
JORDI ADKINSHearing Michiko’s fake soft good girl voice felt a lot more like someone just banged a gong right next to my eardrums. It was giving me a banging headache and I thought I was going to go full throttle with her. I thought I had the right courage to jump towards her and grab her by the hair before pulling her out of the room but I was more like a poor human petrified by Medusa. I had my foot planted on a certain spot and I was just thrown into this state of intrusive thoughts.I can’t fucking believe Michiko just told Mr. Rockwell that she’s Xavier’s girlfriend for Pete’s sake. That’s not fucking true and I would’ve disrupted her but I felt like my tongue’s left frozen. I was just standing in the corner clearly aware that I don’t have any say over what’s going on. Mr. Rockwell doesn’t know what’s going on between me and his gorgeous son and I know for sure that he doesn’t know his son’s made out of rainbows and unicorns.Am I even going to allow myself to out Xavier to his
Last Updated : 2023-04-11The Badboy's Heartbeat 59TH HEARTBEAT
XAVIER ROCKWELLI woke up in a daze or so that’s how I felt the moment I opened my eyes. My head’s feeling a little cranky, my vision was fuzzy and for some reasons, I feel like I’m floating on mid-air. It felt like I just had the longest slumber of my life and I was erratically confused to wake up in my bed at our tiny little apartment. I took some time breathe in and breathe out and then I suddenly heard a loud screaming and banging coming from the outside. I slowly propped myself up and sat on the bed as I quickly noticed myself dressed in a hospital gown. I slowly got up and then walking seemed like the easiest as if there’s some sort of wind carrying my own weight.When I brought myself outside to check on the ruckus, I was stupefied to see my mom and Hector going at each other’s throat. They were both yelling at the top of their lungs seemingly arguing about something I can’t even be
Last Updated : 2023-04-12The Badboy's Heartbeat 60TH HEARTBEAT
XAVIER ROCKWELLSometimes being alone effectively helps with your own thoughts and sanity. Even just for a sweet hour or half a day or even a full night. The utter silence feels like the widest and warmest embrace too and I’m glad that I’m spending the night alone in this hospital. It was my own choice and I’m very glad that I fought for it. My dad tried to assert his dominance over me trying to stay here with me but I already know what I want and I was even more adamant than him. In the end, he ended up letting me win the argument mostly because he’s a smart man and he knows he’s starting on his path to earning my forgiveness.Lying like a rock on my bed, I’m definitely starting to feel sore. It’s been two nights that I’m lying here basically doing nothing and I thought there was going to be no drama but I was dead ass wrong. Drama seemed to keep on finding me for some reasons
Last Updated : 2023-04-13
Latest chapter
The Badboy's Heartbeat THE 100TH AND FINAL HEARTBEAT
JORDI ADKINSThe stars have gone out their way to align just for Xavier and I. That’s how I’ve been thinking for the past week ever since he agreed to be my prom date. Recovering our relationship wasn’t as easy as eating a slice of a fraudulently healthy carrot cake or travelling a path where you have already traveled before but it did happen. Xavier just lost his mom but it ended up becoming the reason for us to reconnect and come back even stronger. We bonded over losing one of the person that we love the most in the milky way.For him, it was his own mother and for me, it was my own grandmother. It’s clearly not a similar situation but there’s a clear path where it converges at the very center and it a very endearing moment where we just talked about how life is short and that you should live like there’s no tomorrow. Live like there’s no tomorrow, love intensely as if you don’t have anything else to give and laugh hard to your heart’s content; that’s what Xavier taught me.“Oh my
The Badboy's Heartbeat 99TH HEARTBEAT
JORDI ADKINSEver since the unfortunate passing of Xavier’s mom, he has been such a fun type of lad to hang out with quite surprisingly. It was initially difficult and confusing for me to adjust from this new whole new Xavier but I will admit, I am loving it as much as how I fell in love with the old Xavier.When my grandma passed away, I was in the longest state of shock and sorrow but eventually, I ultimately I learned how to recover from such loss. Xavier on the other hand, while I’m aware that he had cried a lot during his mother’s passing, he bizarrely took a hard left in probably the most positive way that I’ve seen of him. He said he’s going to live his best life and I don’t even have anything bad to say about his decisions in life.I took the ride with him and it has been the most fun and carefree adventure that I’ve ever had in my life. Initially, I had lots of doubts and confusions about Xavier’s intensely positive behavior but ultimately, as time passed by, I ended up falli
The Badboy's Heartbeat 98TH HEARTBEAT
XAVIER ROCKWELLThe day of the funeral came just as quickly as I lost my own mother and honestly speaking, I wasn’t, in any means, ready to get up from my bed and slip unto something somber and black. I only had a two hours of sleep because I spent the entire night quietly sobbing inside my room. After all, it is the only time that I could cry and cry and really cry hard without thinking about nobody.I couldn’t stop thinking about my mom and how I should’ve been present for her. I am absolutely aware of the lingering fact that she was struggling and I was entirely glad that she finally decided to checked herself into a rehab. However, you don’t really know what’s going on inside people’s mind even if they say they’re fine and they say they’re ready for a change. I don’t really have any sort of idea if my mom just gave into the temptation of the outside world or if Hector somehow managed to talk her out if or even possibly bribed her with something or if she just missed sniffing powde
The Badboy's Heartbeat 97TH HEARTBEAT
XAVIER ROCKWELLHugging Jordi Adkins for the first time in a very long while was just the thing that I needed at this point in my life. At first, Jordi was clearly astounded when I first yanked him over into a desperate hug but eventually, he returned the favor and it was just as soothing as I expected it to be. It’s the kind of embrace that I’ve been longing for and I’m finally having it. It felt good to be here with Jordi because I don’t know if I could take what’s happening around in my life anymore.It’s been a while since I’ve been treating Jordi like he does not exist in my very own universe. I tried to fix it with him when I met the couple Dominic and Valentine but since then, I haven’t really had the best time to even focus on getting Jordi back. When I went to Jordi’s house, I felt super disappointed by the fact that he’s already going out with someone else just a few weeks after I ended things with him. It was mindboggling to be perfectly honest. And when I got back home, th
The Badboy's Heartbeat 96TH HEARTBEAT
JORDI ADKINS“X-xavier?” Nikki was taken by a huge surprise just as she recognized the guy inside the yellow sports car.“Oh my god, it’s Xavier.” Jane whispered behind my ears but I was already having a lot of mixed emotions swirling up inside of me.My heart began to beat twice as fast and I don’t know if I was ready to see Xavier just as early as now. It’s true that I missed him so badly and I don’t even want to admit that to myself because I’m trying to get past him. Apparently, I have a long way to go now that I saw him today. I feel like I’m about to throw up but I also feel like I’m about to pass out at the very same time.Xavier looked amazingly different and that was the part of me who’s still hoping that we could fix this speaking on my behalf. He dyed his hair black and he looked bizarrely different but still hot as ever. I felt a slight pang on my chest and it seemed that my tongue got cut off.“I’m sorry, Nikki.” Xavier uttered.“Oh, shit. You dyed your hair black?” Nikki
The Badboy's Heartbeat 95TH HEARTBEAT
JORDI ADKINSI woke up with the slow golden light of midday filtering through my window. I forgot how many days it has been until I walked out of my room and then I realized today was already the twenty-fourth. It seemed to me like it was just a blink of an eye but I guess that’s all because the days were pretty much uninteresting. I’m doing nothing but showing up for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I’ve been sleeping for so long that it became an underlying concern for my protective mother. She said that sleeping for more than eight hours was a simple sign of sorrow that could lead to depression. I guess she was right about it. I am really that much depressed and she completely knows why. I don’t even know why I’m getting so mopey when I’ve been trying my best to block Xavier’s unrelenting presence off of my mind.It was just a few hours left before Christmas and this year, one thing is for sure, I’m not much excited as I was last year or the year before that and the year before that ye
The Badboy's Heartbeat 94TH HEARTBEAT
JORDI ADKINSIt was the smell of alcohol evaporating from my body mixed with a banging headache that got me running towards the toilet when I woke up from going to that house party Nikki invited us into. I was throwing up so badly that I almost felt like I’m going to start barfing all of my insides. I was hugging the toilet bowl as if it was the only friend I have in this trying times.I spent almost half an hour on the bathroom floor thinking I’m dying up until the moment my mom knocked on the door. I instantly felt good when I heard her screaming out my name. There seemed to be some sort of a healing power coming from her voice that made me stand up from hugging the toilet seat.“Jordi, Are you okay in there, sweetie?”“Yes, mom. I’m just throwing up, I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.” I yelled back.“Oh, I’m not worried about you, sweetie. I’m just knocking to remind you that you need to clean up your mess up in there. That’s what you get for overdrinking. I told you to drink moderat
The Badboy's Heartbeat 93RD HEARTBEAT
XAVIER ROCKWELLXander’s birthday party was well prepared for and it was as grand as the MET gala that there’s even a photoshoot at the gate for every person arriving. I was just taking a peek on my window but I could see everything. I don’t think I’ve celebrated a birthday like this in my life. Though, to me, the way I see things panning out, this was going to be the last birthday that Xander was ever going to celebrate in this household. Xander mentioned that he’s going to be kicked out of the house once this party was over and I felt slightly bothered and sad by that.The outfit that was given to me to wear was draped on the bed and it was just waiting for me to slip on them for the entire hour. It was a yellow suit with touches of black and a few sparkling stones. I don’t even want to be invited to this party and that’s all because I’m developing such laziness. I’m very lazy to go out there and meet new people.Right after slipping on the suit that was provided for me, I looked ov
The Badboy's Heartbeat 92ND HEARTBEAT
XAVIER ROCKWELLThe dinner with my dad’s family did not go well just as I was expecting it. The tension within the family was very much evident from the get go. I may have unconsciously observed everything.My dad and his wife Rachel doesn’t have the best relationship of husband and wife and anyone could’ve guessed that right away. They weren’t very subtle with how they’re treating each other even right in front of their children. In fact, I do remember my dad somehow loved my mother in a very different sense than what I just witnessed between him and his original wife and the mother of his three children. In this world, while it’s very much common that patriarchy is ruling, I have sensed Rachel was also after the money.Xiomara was that one member of the family who just doesn’t know how to adjust and is charged up with built-up anger and some nasty attitude. She hated everything and everyone. I’m personally giving her the benefit of the doubt because I don’t have any idea of the thin
