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33RD HEARTBEAT
Last Updated:
2023-03-07 03:36:56
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The Badboy's Heartbeat 34TH HEARTBEAT
XAVIER ROCKWELLHow many times have I fucked up in this lifetime? Definitely a lot of fucking times. If I’m going to count those times that I’ve fucked up with my fingers, I’m going to need more fingers and even more toes at that. Even so, this was the one time that I didn’t want to fuck things up. After what happened the first time, I swore to myself that I’m never going to fuck shit up with Jordi. I quickly repaired the bridge right before it collapses but things just went south right now and I might have actually burned that same exact bridge.I should probably kill myself right now. There’s no point in breathing more oxygen when I know I’ve already destroyed my relationship with Jordi just by simply doing nothing at all. The mere fact that I never did anything to stop or even at least distract Chad from pouring that soda right on Jordi’s head or even forcing Jordi to kiss his shoe was an unforgivable crime.When Chad showed up out of the blue, I almost want to grab Jordi’s hand an
Last Updated : 2023-03-08The Badboy's Heartbeat 35TH HEARTBEAT
XAVIER ROCKWELLI feel like a plastic bag drifting through the wind and I just want to start over again but it’s not going to happen. I feel like I’m stuck in the middle of the sea and there’s no one there trying to rescue me other than myself.As the rush of alcohol entered my system, I began to feel like the entire world was plotting against me. For starters, I never wished to be born in a family that’s brazenly defined by the word complicated. Not only that my dad’s a cheating spineless bastard but my mom’s also a sunken shipwreck and that leaves me, a fucking mess. To make matters even worse, I’d have to live my life like I’m always out for myself.Life’s really quite an unpredictable rollercoaster riddled with ups and downs and spirals, and perhaps I’m taking that ride with my mom. In spite of that, I feel like I’m all alone on this ride.To be perfectly honest with myself, I haven’t met someone that I truly liked before and that’s until the moment I got trapped in Jordi’s mouth.
Last Updated : 2023-03-10The Badboy's Heartbeat 36TH HEARTBEAT
XAVIER ROCKWELLWhen I got home, I had this pre-existing thought that it was already the end of the emotionally draining day that I’ve had. I’m finally having a moment to lie down and let my thoughts run through my already stressed out head. However, I was instantly vexed when I learned that I still have to fucking deal with my mother and her new boyfriend. Apparently, my mom thinks she could just bring a new guy home just because Hector’s gone. I haven’t seen the guy quite yet because they locked up the single bedroom that we share as if they were teenagers doing something unimaginable.I was pretty sure the guy inside the room wasn’t Dondozzo mostly because of the deep baritone voice. Dondozzo’s voice doesn’t really sound like that and I know that for a fact because I loathed his voice when he’s singing.I ended up spending the night on the couch and when I woke up the following morning, I saw a youthful chocolate-skinned guy coming out fresh from the shower. Not even I can’t imagin
Last Updated : 2023-03-12The Badboy's Heartbeat 37TH HEARTBEAT
JORDI ADKINSThe weekend passed very unbearably sluggish for me. Before the recent disaster that had occurred last Friday, I really thought I’m living a bit of a difficult life with Xavier and the rest bullying me. I was slightly wrong about that. It turned out that there are people even worse than Xavier and as much as I wanted to hate him for literally doing nothing, I could only hate myself.I should’ve said no when Xavier asked me out. It’s true that I’m starting to see the real Xavier hidden behind the tough facade and I would admit that I’m slowly falling for the stupid guy. However, the stars above do seem like they have an entirely different plan for either of us. If I had said no, then things would’ve been much easier for me to handle. I could’ve spent my weekend without having to overthink about a lot of things.The mental and emotional turmoil that ensued from last Friday got me writhing with anxiety. On one hand, I kept on having a lot of what ifs and it wasn’t very pleasa
Last Updated : 2023-03-13The Badboy's Heartbeat 38TH HEARTBEAT
JORDI ADKINSWhen I finally walked out of school, I was more than surprised to see a very familiar car stop by right in front of me. The windows subsequently rolled down and there was this hot boy looking like a Herculean god with his biceps unwittingly flexed. It was Zacheus Riley and he was wearing his pearly white matinee idol smile. A lot of girls chiefly admire this handsome guy, including me obviously but I just don’t understand what’s going on.“Hi.” Zach greeted waving his hand.“Zach?”“Hop in, Jordi. I’m going to give you a ride home.” Zach intoned vocally. He’s clearly not asking me about it, he’s clearly giving me an order that I may not be able to refuse.In my head, I’m sure I didn’t want to add anything more to what I’m currently going through. However, there’s a huge part of me that wants to be distracted and this was a perfect distraction.“Just so you know, I’m not going to just hop inside a stranger’s car.” I leaned over and thought of playing. “My grandma always sa
Last Updated : 2023-03-14The Badboy's Heartbeat 39TH HEARTBEAT
JORDI ADKINSIt’s been over a week ever since the last time I encountered Xavier Rockwell and that’s basically a record for me and him, I guess. So far, I’ve been having a great week and my life’s not been intentionally bothered by anyone. Xavier has not tried to push me in one corner or confront me Xavier style or shove me into the janitor’s closet. He never even attempted to show up at my house unannounced. We are both basically together in a lot of classes and so far, he’s pretty much back to his old habits. If he’s not sketching something at the back of his notebook, he’s always taking a careless nap and at some points, I could see him stealing glances over me but every single time that happens, I basically act as if I never caught him.I don’t want to admit it to myself but a small part within me still feels like it wants Xavier to be up in my ass. Not in a literal way but I’m still hoping he’d try to approach me even though the biggest part of me wants nothing to do with him. Wh
Last Updated : 2023-03-15The Badboy's Heartbeat 40TH HEARTBEAT
XAVIER ROCKWELLI have never been so overwhelmed with guilt in my life ever since Jordi arrived crashing right in front of the doorstep of my heart. Even when I just robbed a store for some food a few days ago, I’m still not guilty about that. I’m rather thinking about what could I do in order to bring Jordi back in my life. Losing the person who showed enough attention towards me felt like I’ve lost a huge part of me.I’m not going to lie; I’ve been missing Jordi and it’s making me feel less than a person. The thought of him hating me for life was just killing me from the inside out. I just want to hold him by the arms and kiss his tender lips and hug him as tight as I could. I just want to see his face and tell him how much he meant to me. I have a lot of things that I wanted to say and do but I don’t know if I deserve it. I don’t know if I deserve Jordi.When I got to school, I was still visibly frightened of approaching the guy who deserved every single speech of apology from me.
Last Updated : 2023-03-16The Badboy's Heartbeat 41ST HEARTBEAT
XAVIER ROCKWELLI made my way to sex ed. in a visible daze. I haven’t had any good night sleep in over a week mostly because my mom had been very disrespectful to me. We sort of swapped places; she was the fucked up teenager who’s trying to figure out life while I became the grown person who’s been trying to understand her shitty actions. After taking home that young man named Jackson, my mom hooked up with two other men and it was as if she’s just using them to wash away her thirst. One of them was just about her age which was fine for me and the other one was basically an old man in his late fifty’s.“Thank you for joining us Mr. Rockwell.” Mrs. Harding said in a disparaging tone. The funny thing was, there’s a picture of an anus flashed right in front.I didn’t even realize when I first walked in that the class had already started. I hurried to my seat realizing that fact that my head’s not in a right place.“Now, as I was saying earlier, the anus or as some of the gays out there c
Last Updated : 2023-03-17
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The Badboy's Heartbeat THE 100TH AND FINAL HEARTBEAT
JORDI ADKINSThe stars have gone out their way to align just for Xavier and I. That’s how I’ve been thinking for the past week ever since he agreed to be my prom date. Recovering our relationship wasn’t as easy as eating a slice of a fraudulently healthy carrot cake or travelling a path where you have already traveled before but it did happen. Xavier just lost his mom but it ended up becoming the reason for us to reconnect and come back even stronger. We bonded over losing one of the person that we love the most in the milky way.For him, it was his own mother and for me, it was my own grandmother. It’s clearly not a similar situation but there’s a clear path where it converges at the very center and it a very endearing moment where we just talked about how life is short and that you should live like there’s no tomorrow. Live like there’s no tomorrow, love intensely as if you don’t have anything else to give and laugh hard to your heart’s content; that’s what Xavier taught me.“Oh my
The Badboy's Heartbeat 99TH HEARTBEAT
JORDI ADKINSEver since the unfortunate passing of Xavier’s mom, he has been such a fun type of lad to hang out with quite surprisingly. It was initially difficult and confusing for me to adjust from this new whole new Xavier but I will admit, I am loving it as much as how I fell in love with the old Xavier.When my grandma passed away, I was in the longest state of shock and sorrow but eventually, I ultimately I learned how to recover from such loss. Xavier on the other hand, while I’m aware that he had cried a lot during his mother’s passing, he bizarrely took a hard left in probably the most positive way that I’ve seen of him. He said he’s going to live his best life and I don’t even have anything bad to say about his decisions in life.I took the ride with him and it has been the most fun and carefree adventure that I’ve ever had in my life. Initially, I had lots of doubts and confusions about Xavier’s intensely positive behavior but ultimately, as time passed by, I ended up falli
The Badboy's Heartbeat 98TH HEARTBEAT
XAVIER ROCKWELLThe day of the funeral came just as quickly as I lost my own mother and honestly speaking, I wasn’t, in any means, ready to get up from my bed and slip unto something somber and black. I only had a two hours of sleep because I spent the entire night quietly sobbing inside my room. After all, it is the only time that I could cry and cry and really cry hard without thinking about nobody.I couldn’t stop thinking about my mom and how I should’ve been present for her. I am absolutely aware of the lingering fact that she was struggling and I was entirely glad that she finally decided to checked herself into a rehab. However, you don’t really know what’s going on inside people’s mind even if they say they’re fine and they say they’re ready for a change. I don’t really have any sort of idea if my mom just gave into the temptation of the outside world or if Hector somehow managed to talk her out if or even possibly bribed her with something or if she just missed sniffing powde
The Badboy's Heartbeat 97TH HEARTBEAT
XAVIER ROCKWELLHugging Jordi Adkins for the first time in a very long while was just the thing that I needed at this point in my life. At first, Jordi was clearly astounded when I first yanked him over into a desperate hug but eventually, he returned the favor and it was just as soothing as I expected it to be. It’s the kind of embrace that I’ve been longing for and I’m finally having it. It felt good to be here with Jordi because I don’t know if I could take what’s happening around in my life anymore.It’s been a while since I’ve been treating Jordi like he does not exist in my very own universe. I tried to fix it with him when I met the couple Dominic and Valentine but since then, I haven’t really had the best time to even focus on getting Jordi back. When I went to Jordi’s house, I felt super disappointed by the fact that he’s already going out with someone else just a few weeks after I ended things with him. It was mindboggling to be perfectly honest. And when I got back home, th
The Badboy's Heartbeat 96TH HEARTBEAT
JORDI ADKINS“X-xavier?” Nikki was taken by a huge surprise just as she recognized the guy inside the yellow sports car.“Oh my god, it’s Xavier.” Jane whispered behind my ears but I was already having a lot of mixed emotions swirling up inside of me.My heart began to beat twice as fast and I don’t know if I was ready to see Xavier just as early as now. It’s true that I missed him so badly and I don’t even want to admit that to myself because I’m trying to get past him. Apparently, I have a long way to go now that I saw him today. I feel like I’m about to throw up but I also feel like I’m about to pass out at the very same time.Xavier looked amazingly different and that was the part of me who’s still hoping that we could fix this speaking on my behalf. He dyed his hair black and he looked bizarrely different but still hot as ever. I felt a slight pang on my chest and it seemed that my tongue got cut off.“I’m sorry, Nikki.” Xavier uttered.“Oh, shit. You dyed your hair black?” Nikki
The Badboy's Heartbeat 95TH HEARTBEAT
JORDI ADKINSI woke up with the slow golden light of midday filtering through my window. I forgot how many days it has been until I walked out of my room and then I realized today was already the twenty-fourth. It seemed to me like it was just a blink of an eye but I guess that’s all because the days were pretty much uninteresting. I’m doing nothing but showing up for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I’ve been sleeping for so long that it became an underlying concern for my protective mother. She said that sleeping for more than eight hours was a simple sign of sorrow that could lead to depression. I guess she was right about it. I am really that much depressed and she completely knows why. I don’t even know why I’m getting so mopey when I’ve been trying my best to block Xavier’s unrelenting presence off of my mind.It was just a few hours left before Christmas and this year, one thing is for sure, I’m not much excited as I was last year or the year before that and the year before that ye
The Badboy's Heartbeat 94TH HEARTBEAT
JORDI ADKINSIt was the smell of alcohol evaporating from my body mixed with a banging headache that got me running towards the toilet when I woke up from going to that house party Nikki invited us into. I was throwing up so badly that I almost felt like I’m going to start barfing all of my insides. I was hugging the toilet bowl as if it was the only friend I have in this trying times.I spent almost half an hour on the bathroom floor thinking I’m dying up until the moment my mom knocked on the door. I instantly felt good when I heard her screaming out my name. There seemed to be some sort of a healing power coming from her voice that made me stand up from hugging the toilet seat.“Jordi, Are you okay in there, sweetie?”“Yes, mom. I’m just throwing up, I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.” I yelled back.“Oh, I’m not worried about you, sweetie. I’m just knocking to remind you that you need to clean up your mess up in there. That’s what you get for overdrinking. I told you to drink moderat
The Badboy's Heartbeat 93RD HEARTBEAT
XAVIER ROCKWELLXander’s birthday party was well prepared for and it was as grand as the MET gala that there’s even a photoshoot at the gate for every person arriving. I was just taking a peek on my window but I could see everything. I don’t think I’ve celebrated a birthday like this in my life. Though, to me, the way I see things panning out, this was going to be the last birthday that Xander was ever going to celebrate in this household. Xander mentioned that he’s going to be kicked out of the house once this party was over and I felt slightly bothered and sad by that.The outfit that was given to me to wear was draped on the bed and it was just waiting for me to slip on them for the entire hour. It was a yellow suit with touches of black and a few sparkling stones. I don’t even want to be invited to this party and that’s all because I’m developing such laziness. I’m very lazy to go out there and meet new people.Right after slipping on the suit that was provided for me, I looked ov
The Badboy's Heartbeat 92ND HEARTBEAT
XAVIER ROCKWELLThe dinner with my dad’s family did not go well just as I was expecting it. The tension within the family was very much evident from the get go. I may have unconsciously observed everything.My dad and his wife Rachel doesn’t have the best relationship of husband and wife and anyone could’ve guessed that right away. They weren’t very subtle with how they’re treating each other even right in front of their children. In fact, I do remember my dad somehow loved my mother in a very different sense than what I just witnessed between him and his original wife and the mother of his three children. In this world, while it’s very much common that patriarchy is ruling, I have sensed Rachel was also after the money.Xiomara was that one member of the family who just doesn’t know how to adjust and is charged up with built-up anger and some nasty attitude. She hated everything and everyone. I’m personally giving her the benefit of the doubt because I don’t have any idea of the thin
