5 - Dark past of Jairus

Either love changes people or it usually is the guilt. Something similar happened to Jairus too.

[Jairus’ POV] 

I don't know what's happening to me, everything seems to have changed in just a blink of an eye. Just a few days ago I loved to spend much time with my friends, used to hangout at various times till late night. But now I am sleeping before midnight from past five days, which have changed my whole darn life drastically. I don't know what is happening but I think I am doing this to avoid my friends so they would not inquire about that night from me.

Actually not them perhaps I am restraining myself from going to clubs bars and pubs again. So, I would not end up doing something horrible like that once again. I have already been regretting that till today. I don't want to do ‘that’ again, what if the next woman would be same? The chances are slimmer but not null, right?

Then I will be sinful once again and I don't want a double weight on my shoulders. No matter how much of a bad guy I am or how much of a beast I am in this game, but deep down I am a gentleman who cannot fuck a pure girl just to fulfil my desires. That is against those rules I have been following my whole life and due to one woman I have started questioning. 

I have been in numerous physical relationships with many women but they were those who threw themselves in front of me. It always have bene a mutual and a consensual thing, the women also desired and wanted to be in the bed with me. But that woman? She had something which enticed me, something which made me forget that I am someone who should not get romantically involved with others.

I am a man, a normal and healthy man and fully aware that I might be playful at that times. I accepted their offers and did what those women wanted because it had been their profession. Perhaps I wanted that too since gradually I started to love the way they all tasted and felt to my skin. Why wouldn’t I?

I don't know how it started, although the only thing I remember is that day.

My father was on an abroad tour and my stepmother was taking care of me, I was alone in my room drawing and colouring when she came to me and caressed my cheeks. I thought of it as motherly love like every other naive child who had never had a mother’s touch before to know the difference. However, it was not what I initially thought it was and that day changed everything.

I was twelve at that time, didn't know what she was doing or how to even comprehend the intentions of others. She used to come to me when father was not at home, smiling at me she used to sit besides me. I still shudder at the recalling of how she used to slip her fingers over my thigh bare in my shorts. Moving her hand in my shirt she used to pinch me at my nipple, sending strange waves in my body which I did not know how to translate. 

Unfortunately those days, those years left a huge impact over my life.  I used to sob a lot when she rubbed my thigh close to my crotch and then pull my nipples with her teeth. Somehow I was still coping up with that heinous treatment but then one day she did what she should not have. A child’s innocence was lost. Everything changed that day. The vision of life, the perspective about opposite gender, life goals. Especially what type of people I should keep close. 

My mouth was stuffed with a cloth and my body was hot, I could feel her hovering on me. Everything started going blurry when she bit my nipple and gave way to my organ inside her body. A sharp pain and a strange kind of warmth ran in my lower abdomen which makes me disgusted till this date.

I cried and recalling it vividly I cried a lot after that. After that i grew used to remain alone, became quiet, afraid, and rebellious. Most importantly I started hated women. It was when I became heartless, decided that I would become strong enough to be able to run this specie called women. Why did it change everything in me drastically? Because when I told my father about all that he denied and didn’t believe me.

Instead of believing his own biological son, he blamed me that I should stop watching such filthy movies which are spoiling me. I remember that lady, my stepmother started crying upon the whole matter, that cunning woman. The whole quarrel boiled me to my ears, I stomped and left for my room. 

After that my father left with his wife for abroad, till this date I have no clue how did she manage to convince my father to leave his own child. Nonetheless, he gave me in care of miss Ruby, my caretaker, gradually she became my mother and my everything. Infested with all the nonsense fed by my stepmother, my dad used to come twice in a year to meet me. When it did not satisfy him he separated me from my younger brother too to whom I barely met all these years.  He hated me for turning out a disgrace to the family, his dislike grew gradually that. I got shunned by everyone.

 As I grew up, I came across many woman who were same. They wanted me either for money, sex or other similar favours. It was the day I decided to take revenge on every woman, starting from befriending and toying with them to end up fucking, breaking their hearts and dumping them. That was the end of my game, always. 

But that day at nightclub with thata virgin prostitute, my life changed again. Another horrible thing happened, I felt like re-living my own childhood where I was spoiled by my stepmother. It drove me insane and guilty with the constant recalling how bad that woman must have been feeling. What if she had been there by mistake, that would explain her being a virgin. And now she had been destroyed by me, there was no difference between me and my stepmother.

I have went through that stage of pain and that was why I could feel her emotions. Although I still don't know how it happened but it had been done now and nothing could be change. Even after five fucking days I have been feeling sorry for her. Every day, every moment her face comes to haunt me. 

That night. Oh, I can't get rid of those memories. It changed me a lot. But why? I don't have any answer of that. My friends asked me out numerous times in past days but I have refused. They came to fetch me for night clubs but to their dismay I had a list of excuses to avoid them. The change in me was evident and they had been feeling it but did not dared to ask anything.

Every time I see any nightclub on my way back to home my mind clicks on that night, that girl. My hands begin to tremble, sweat pops out from my body. My latest prey__Genevieve came twice in these five days. She wanted me to fulfil her lust, no doubt the woman was a complete package, a cunning Fox indeed. But I resisted her, refused and scolded her. She left with broken heart after splitting with me. Not that I care about it. 

I don't know why I did not cater her lust, after all she was a wealthy prey for me and could aid in my potential deals ahead. But whenever she appeared in front of me the image of that bar girl flashed in front of my eyes. Somehow my guilt was overcoming me and I could feel the utter change in myself. 

I may have been a cold, heartless person in the eyes of others. It is because I just don't want anyone to find my weakness which is a crucial thing to disclose to others. Once I was weak perhaps I still am vulnerable but I don't want anyone to find out that. I am a ruthless man everyone fears all around the globe and I intend to carry this mask with me.

However, now I am afraid., afraid of many things. I told miss Ruby to replace those jasmine flowers in my room because it reminded me of that girl's scent. Moreover, I requested her not to use white bed sheets, I replaced my room's golden lights with white. Fright, guilt, and insomnia had become my friends from past five days.

Oh, I'm feeling myself at that point again when I went through all this myself. What if the girl remembers my face, then she will come for me. Would I be able to help her in any way? What if she demanded something absurd? What if it all was planned? Oh my goodness! Most importantly what even was that spark which I felt upon touching her? What if she don't have any glimpse of me? In that case should I try to find her myself?

I spent these five days in this confusion, questioning myself. Even became aggressive towards my employees, this whole thing was frustrating. Actually I was unable to analyse what was happening that's why I vented it on my every employee even fired my secretary upon breaking my coffee cup!

[Resuming the book. Daily updates.]