23 - I Don't Want My Mate

LUCY'S POV: 

He really just asked me that. Do I want my mate?

I couldn't tell if Seth started being nice because he knew Leon was my mate or if my honesty and answering some of his questions had helped him open up to me.

We were now standing on the porch before the giant mansion-like cabin.

I was trying to find the right words to explain my feelings towards mates that would reveal less of what I hadn't said. The truth was, I didn't want a mate for far more than my dad killing my mom.

Years of emotional, physical, and sexual abuse at the hands of different packs, especially Alphas, had caused trauma I hadn't even tried to deal with yet.

Would anyone want me after they found out how many men had already had their way with me? It made my stomach flip and turn sour from the thought.

'Tell him,' Nia encouraged. 'Are you crazy?' I scoffed. 'You told him you'd be honest with all his questions,' she retorted.

She loved reminding me of this. She liked Seth and Dax. She trusted them, and I was trying. I really was.

Seth patiently stared down at me, his hands clasped before him. I couldn't tell what he was feeling, as he often held a stoic expression. I was taking too long to respond.

"I don't." I did say I would be honest, but I didn't say I'd choose to explain myself.

Seth arched his left eyebrow at me with a small, playful smirk on his lips.

That was not the reaction I was expecting.

He turned toward the door, opening it for me. I walked in, feeling uncomfortable because he didn't say a single word in response to my admitting not wanting my mate.

'Mates' Nia corrected me. 'He doesn't know that!' I hissed back. 'You're obviously in denial too,' Nia scoffed.

We passed Jason in the living room. He briefly peered up from the book he was reading and smiled at me like he didn't overhear our conversation on the other side of the wall. I followed Seth into the dining room like a lost puppy needing validation for a cool trick I just did. 

"Sit," Seth said, gesturing to one of the chairs around the dining room table.

This had become our unofficial office space. There was an actual office in the cabin, but I don't think Seth felt comfortable using Leander's space. I didn't either.

I sat down awkwardly, looking around while he sat across from me. I could feel his eyes on my side view before I finally returned my gaze to his.

"Leon," he said with a small chuckle, "he isn't who he seems to everyone around him." He narrowed his eyes into the distance as if he were thinking hard. "Liam seems like the soft, emotional type, right?" he asked, throwing the subject and me completely off guard. Why is he bringing Liam up all of a sudden?

"Uh, yeah, I guess I would consider him the softer one between the two of them," I said with a shrug.

I mean, I really didn't know them all that well. I had heard many stories from listening to other people's conversations and spent a day and a half with them.

"I'm not saying that Liam can't be a softy at times... but with Leon, not everything meets the eye, Lucy." He sighs with this response before clasping his hands together on the table.

"I don't understand what you're trying to tell me. Are you saying Leon is soft where I can't see him?" Oh Goddess, the word choice was instantly regrettable, and my cheeks heated as I realized how weird it sounded.

Seth burst into a loud belly laugh. "Yeah, if you want to put it that way. Look, understand that Leon guards himself really well." He looked at me thoughtfully as he added, "Just like you do." 

Ouch. I swallowed hard at the obvious call out.

'Burn,' Nia said, rolling around with her tongue lolling in satisfaction.

I was tapping my foot nervously on the ground, now staring at the table in front of me. I wasn't sure how to respond. I tried hard to be honest with Seth, but this topic made me uncomfortable for numerous reasons.

"Leon can come off rough and grumpy on the outside, but I can assure you that he is nothing like your father, Lucy. He has the same softness as Liam but hides it for his own reasons. I think Leon would cherish and love his mate better than even the best wolves." Seth's response caused my head to whip up the moment he mentioned my father. 

Our eyes connected, mine burning from the sudden tears I held back. Why would he say that? Did he know more than I had thought?

Could Leon really be the kind, gentle type? I doubted it. He was so rough and short with me, and I had never done anything wrong to him.

I swallowed my feelings and pushed my tears back while taking a deep breath.

"Seth, I just need to deal with my dad first. Speaking of which... I've been holed up here for days and still don't know why. Have you talked to Alpha? What did my dad say about me not being in the dungeon? Does he even know? What crime is he accusing me of?" I guess the rapid succession of questions was becoming a habit of mine.

Seth shut his eyes hard, keeping them closed for several seconds before opening them again. His eyes were looking straight into mine. He has always been very hard to read.

"Alpha didn't trust that Alpha Kragen, your dad, wouldn't find a way to take you back with him that very night. He said Kragen was acting weird. He could tell he was mind-linking someone or multiple people after discovering you were in the pack. He was getting aggressive in every conversation, whether or not it had anything to do with you. That was why he had me come back, help you escape, and bring you here. Does he know that Leon is your mate?" Seth said in a serious tone.

"NO!" I shouted so quickly that he leaned back slightly at my outburst. "Sorry, no, he doesn't know. Please don't tell him that yet, either," I begged, staring at him with pleading eyes.

"Well, they have postponed the mating galas while dealing with this whole issue." His response made me groan. 

Everywhere I went, I was one gigantic burden.

Nia growled deeply at my thoughts. 'Woah, Nia, look, I know you're upset with me, but please calm down a little bit,' I said desperately. 

I started feeling extremely overwhelmed without my wolf to help calm me.

'You are never a burden. You are purpose, love, unity, everything this world needs.' Nia spoke aggressively. She was not going to let me pity myself anymore. She was going to give me tough love. I needed it, but it was hard.

Seth leaned over the table, softly placing his hand on top of mine. I instinctively pulled away rapidly, looking at him bewildered, my stomach curdling from the unexpected physical contact.

"As I suspected," Seth said, shaking his head regretfully.

Wait, what?