CHAPTER FOUR

Lessons in Shadows

Emerald sat stiffly, trying to listen as the woman in her room explained the details of Lena's life, but her mind kept drifting to the thought that with each word her own identity was slipping away. The room itself was quiet, peaceful even, but she felt anything but relaxed. Instead, a feeling of tightness settled into her chest, the same feeling she'd had since she stepped into this new life.

The woman who'd been assigned to teach her, Mara, had a patient look in her eyes as she went over the instructions, but her tone was firm, showing this wasn't just a lesson-it was a command. Emerald made herself listen.

She was a healer, a doctor for the pack, Mara began. Gentle with everyone, especially children; never raising her voice, she had this calming effect on the most anxious souls. Mara paused, her gaze razor-sharp as she looked at Emerald. Joel expects you to be just like that: kind, calm, sweet.

Emerald nodded resentfully but swallowed it. She wasn't here to question or resist. She was here to obey, to mime, to be someone she had never even met.

"Lena did not like bitter foods. She always picked on the sweetest things on the table," Mara said, her face relaxing at the memory it seemed, of Lena herself. "She only wore white. For her, it was the color of purity and peace. So from now on that is what you'll wear."

Her hands had curled around the white dress she wore, chafing slightly at how plain it was. She had always liked colors that made her feel alive and unique. But here, she was supposed to be no more than a memory.

"Now, you have to remember the rules of the pack," Mara continued, "You are supposed to respect all those ranking higher than you and never speak out of turn. You bow when you address the Alpha; that is Joel now. Never wander too far away from the grounds without permission, and always address any person with politeness-with a soft tone and a soft smile. Understood?" 

Emerald managed to force herself to nod. "Yes, understood."

"Good, Mara finally replied, her expression softening. Her eyes were tinged with a tiny bit of pity, but she continued anyway. "Remember, it was Joel who chose you for this position, so he won't tolerate any disobedience. Try and please him.

The words twisted at Emerald's heart, the chains unseen binding her closer. She was no longer herself but a person-shaped into expectations, a ghost of a shadow. She let the frustration inside her subdue; after all, there just wasn't an escape from this. This is my life now, and resisting it will only lead to nowhere.

More lessons dragged on through the day, each chipping at the girl she once was. She memorized Lena's favorite foods, her daily routines, the preponderance of her walk, and the warm smile she gave pack members. Mara tutored her in speaking softly and melodiously, always to be meek and agreeable. Heavy-hearted, Emerald made herself learn from lesson to lesson. She was stiffer, her life caged in that of another, but she had no option. She had come to be Lena.

By evening, Joel arrived, his dark clothes only adding to the coolness of the aura surrounding him. He motioned to her to follow, and she followed, hanging a little back as he walked away across the pack grounds.

The air was cool, and as they passed several pack members, she saw the staring eyes, the hushed conversations with hands to shield them. She could feel the shock on their faces, some were even startled to stare at her, perhaps drawing a comparison between her and the real Lena. She wanted to shrink away, but she kept her gaze forward, following Joel in silence. He didn't say anything to her; his face was hard and unreachable, but his presence was heavy, filling the space around them.

As they strolled on, they came to the quieter part of the grounds, a small clearing with a gentle river meandering through. The sound of the water trickling over rocks filled the air in a silent lull. Small animals stirred along the riverbank, rabbits hopping around, twitching their noses curiously, and a few ducks swimming close to the shore.

The sight melted Emerald's heart; the tautness melted away as a small smile crept onto her face. The animals were so innocent, so gentle, and without thinking, she hurried forward, drawn by them. She knelt, reaching out to a small rabbit that cautiously approached her. She let out a soft laugh as the little creature nudged her hand, its fur warm and soft. Maturity for the first time in days, she felt real happiness, a small moment of peace.

Lost in the happiness of that moment, she stroked the rabbit tenderly while oblivious to the eyes of Joel, who was watching her closely. She didn't notice intense eyes, eyes which softened when looking at her. In his mind's eye, it was Lena, and this memory was alive, courtesy of Emerald's movements, and her soft smile. He watched her with a tenderness he rarely allowed himself to the kind of look that spoke volumes about longing and pain.

Then, in one swift moment, he was upon her. Emerald didn't even have time to react, blinded by the shock of his actions, as Joel reached out and tugged her up onto her feet and into his embrace. She gasped, startled, looking up at him; but he didn't say a word. He leaned down, and his lips found hers in a kiss that captured her in fierce and possessiveness.

The first instinct of Emerald was to push him away, hands pressed to his chest as she tried to break free. But his hold was firm, almost desperate as if he were clinging to something he couldn't bear to lose. Slowly, despite the resistance from the beginning, she felt herself giving in, her hands relaxing as she let the intensity of his kiss take her. Her heart pounded, and her mind spun, caught between confusion and a strange feeling of warmth.

For a moment, she had forgotten everything, the lessons, the expectations, the fear. She was just… here with him, feeling his strength, his warmth surrounding her. She closed her eyes and surrendered to the moment.

But then, as abruptly as it began, Joel pulled away, his eyes cold glass as he stared at her, flashing with something dark, weighted, like being pulled from a dream, until he looked away, his face unreadable, his eyes landing on the little animals near the river.

In that low, almost broken voice of his, he muttered, "Lena.

This all sank into Emerald's heart. She felt her cheeks flush with realization as she found he had not seen her, not really; he had been seeing someone else, loving someone else. The kiss hadn't been for her—it had been for Lena, the woman who still haunted his every thought.

Stepping back, Emerald was overwhelmed with the swell of sadness and frustration. She was only a shadow, an imitation of a love that was never hers in the first place. The kiss was so real, so intense, really just a hollow imitation meant for someone she could never actually be.

That one word and she felt her hopes crumble, leaving her more alone than before.