Chapter 10

My heart seems to relax a little as I listen to his words and stare into his eyes. His last words feels a little like a stab to the burnt outside of it, though, making me flinch. I try to move my head, but he won’t let me. He holds my head in place, and he keeps staring into my eyes. He’s way too intense for me to handle right now, even though I’m glad I’m already on my knees. His smoldering eyes would bring me down if not. He’s everything I’ve ever wanted, and everything I never knew I liked, in a man, but he won’t get me this easily. I still need to leave.

“Why don’t you try to focus on the feelings you have when you’re a wolf?” he suggests, still staring at me.

“Uhm,” I utter, trying my best to word my feelings as a wolf. “I’m free? I don’t know, honestly. I never remember much.”

I clear my throat and look down at his chest. My voice is barely above a whisper, and I don’t know what the heck to do or say next.

“That’s okay,” he says softly. “The smells, then, can you remember any of those?”

His mood swings will give me a whiplash, I swear.. Just a few minutes ago he was yelling, and now he’s running his thumbs across my cheekbones, staring at me like I’m the only thing that matters to him. Which can’t be true, we only met this morning. It hasn’t been an hour, even.

I close my eyes to focus on what he’s asking me in stead of him. I take a deep breath, and feel the skin on my cheeks tingle as he keeps touching me, but I try to zone it out. Images from my memories flash before me, images of me running through the forest, on my four paws. I’m feeling happy and free in the memory, and the smells are amazing. I can smell the wildflowers around me, the damp moss on the ground, and the blueberries growing against the tree stems.

“Yeah, just like that,” Azaire whispers. “Open your eyes.”

I don’t really want to, but I do it anyway. My vision is suddenly kind of blurry, and quick, like my mind can’t really follow where my eyes go. My breathing starts to quicken, and I’m feeling a tightness in my chest I haven’t felt before. I grab onto Azaire’s forearms, holding tightly as I try to find somewhere to look.

“Look at me,” he prompts.

And I do. My eyes move to his, and I feel a lot calmer already. His thumbs keep stroking my cheeks, and he smiles a little. Even though it’s just a small tug on one of the corners, it’s still a smile, and I absentmindedly return it. That makes his grow a little, which in turn makes mine grow even more, and I let out a giggle as my vision turns normal and I can see his teeth between his slightly parted lips. The second I hear my own giggle, I clasp my hand over my mouth and widen my eyes.

“I love that sound,” he says, still smiling. “You know what you just did, right?”

“No?” I question, and I clamp my eyes shut as I realize my hand is still in front of my mouth.

“You just used your wolf-eyes, and you had claws come out, too. You almost hurt me when you grabbed me like that.”

I look down at his arms, and notice his skin is red from my hold. I lower my hands and stroke my fingers over the red marks.

“Sorry,” I mutter.

“No, don’t be,” he says reassuringly, “I’m proud of you, little mate. We’ll keep doing this, and you’ll be a pro wolf in no time.”

He leans closer, and presses a soft kiss to my forehead. Again, my whole body is covered in small bumps, and the hairs are standing out as my spine shivers. He smiles as he pulls back, and then he looks down at me.

“I’m not dangerous, and my family isn’t bad,” he says. “We’re just as scared as you are about this situation. Except for my mom, she’s already totally in love with you, to the point where I was actually jealous when she went up to your room with breakfast this morning.”

“Jealous?” I question, as his hands slide down from my face.

He grips my hands tightly, entangling our fingers, and I look down at our hands together. His are much bigger than mine, but it still feels like they’re made for each other. My small hand inside his big one, as if he’s meant to protect me from everything bad around me. I shake the thought away. I can take care of myself, I don’t need no man.

“Yeah, I kinda want you all to myself,” he says. “Please don’t lie about your feelings again. I saw in your eyes that you were in pain, and I’m sorry for yelling, I just.. It hurt to watch you like that.”

I nod slowly, looking at him like I’m a huge question mark.

“You’ve got the mood swings of a pregnant lady,” I tell him, grimacing a little.

He laughs. Oh, wow, what a wondrous sound that is.

“Don’t tell my sister that,” he says, grinning.

Probably a good idea.

I take another deep breath, and look down at the ground between us, before I meet with his eyes again.

“Azaire,” I start, but then I regret speaking, so I keep my mouth shut. I’m not even sure where I was going with that..

“Yohanna?” he retorts, arching an eyebrow at me.

Well, I guess I can tell him what’s on my mind, then.

“I’m not sure about this ‘mate’-thing,” I say, making air quotes when I say the word, and then I bite my lip a little.

“I know,” he sighs, and his head falls. He looks devastated, and I feel so guilty about it, but there’s no pain in my chest right now, so I guess I’m telling the truth. And if it is, in fact, true, he deserves to know. “I really don’t want to force this on you, but you’ve got to remember that we’re in this together.”

“Are we?” I ask him, longing for his eyes to meet mine. “I feel like you just want me to stay because we’re mates. You wouldn’t look twice at me if not.”

“Of course I would,” he defends, raising his head to look at me. “You’re fucking gorgeous, Yohanna.”

“No, I’m too skinny, and my bones are sticking out. I’m not pretty,” I state, and then I get up. I let go of his hands, and sniffle a little. I’ve found a way to distance myself from him, and I’m going to use it for what it’s worth. “You deserve better. Everyone deserves better. So I’ll get out of your hair.”

I send him a soft smile, ignoring the glare he’s giving me, before I turn around to walk back towards his house. Alone.

My ears are still focused on him, and I sigh as I hear him standing up, too, as well as a growl. He’s fucking growling at me.

“You can’t just fucking leave because it’s inconvenient for you to share a real bond with someone, Dani. I don’t know you, but you’re an idiot if you’re walking away now. Don’t think I won’t find you and make sure you know you’re better than this. I won’t let you reject me, little mate. Do you hear me?! I’ll make you care about something other than yourself!”

A tear runs down my cheek as I pretend not to listen to his words. I hear them as clear as day, even though I’m already far away. This wolf-hearing is really making me insane, especially when I can’t control it.

I’m gonna pack my backpack and get the hell away from here. Away from him. Love only brings heartache, soulmate or not.