5. I do not want you this way.

EUDORA.

I was blatantly naked and Conan was still standing by the opened door, hand on its Knob while he looked at me. I didn't know at first–that I was naked, since my thoughts had been preoccupied with the distasteful sight of my wolf. I didn't know it until Conan snapped his head to the side. 

“Shit!.” he raised his hands in surrender, “I didn’t see anything.” 

It was then that I looked down at myself and I yelped in panic, covering my bare parts with my hands as a first instinct. It barely enclosed the revealed flesh. My second instinct was to run behind the drapes by the window and hid behind them, wrapping the soft silk around my body while my heart was consistent on beating like a drum. 

I cussed in my head. At my wolf for leaving without a warning and at myself for letting my guard down in the presence of Conan. I’d forgotten that the most important part of being a shifter is knowing the point when you would shift back into your usual shape and preparing for it. I didn't make a connection with my wolf yet and so it was expected but I was quick to know what kind of personality my wolf had. She was a snob and clearly doesn't take bad compliments about herself well. 

I didn't care. I have taken harsher words all my life, why does it matter if she shares a little of it? And why does it matter even if it comes from me? What mattered right that moment was that she wasn’t the secret I had thought she would be anymore. 

Just when I was about to vow never to shift again. Never to put myself in the position where people would make mockery of me or think me weird. It was impossible now, Conan had seen her. He was the last person I wanted to see me this way. 

How ironic? I’d always dreamt of him being the first person I’d show my wolf to since he seemed to care about my eighteenth birthday more than I did. Just the mere thought of it seemed like it excited him and I have always wondered why. In the end, I ruled it off as him just being him. The caring and supportive type. 

I wanted none of his care and support now. I wasn't even deserving of them anymore. We were no longer mates. But in the end, I was still vulnerable to him. I couldnt escape him.

And worse, he probably saw me naked right before he took the decency to look away from me. That was even more appalling. If I thought being around him after being rejected would be the most awkward thing ever, him seeing me naked when we meant nothing to each other anymore would probably have me avoiding him for the rest of the days I have here in the Bluecoven before I’m tossed away. 

Why was he even here in the first place? 

I wanted to leave the window and go searching for something to cover my nakedness but even with him looking away from me, my body squirmed uncomfortably. I cleared my dry throat, swallowing a non-existent lump down it. 

“Could you…huh…could you wait outside?”  I licked my lips, “Please?” 

He turned around slowly, his large hands palming his face. 

“Sure…I’ll stay out the door.” He said and just like that, he walked out and closed the door. 

I let out the air I had lodged and scurried towards my closet. I rummaged through it, falling a lot of clothes to the floor in the process but my mind was set on a particular one that was way bigger than I was and made me feel protected when I slept wearing it. I found it and hurried it on before inhaling and exhaling sharply. 

I turned back to the door, “You can come in now.” 

I wanted him to leave. Whatever he was here for, I didn’t want to hear it. Maybe it was because deep down, I already knew why he came here. To show pity. 

The door creaked open slowly and he peeped in as if to be sure I was really dressed up. 

He opened the door all the way and stepped in, slowly closing it behind him. He took a step forward into my small room while I wanted to take one back but one more step from me and I’d be hitting my closet from behind. That’s how far I stood away from him.

I could tell he didn't enjoy the distance and i Knew he could eat it up in two strides of his legs but I prayed he wouldn't. For once, I wished he would stay far away from me. For once, I wished he wasn’t an Alpha who could do whatever he wanted like command me to come closer to him right then. 

He rubbed his palms together and allowed his eyes to settle on me, raking them slowly over my usual night wear. I wanted to hold myself. I fought the urge to because for some reason, I didn't like his eyes on me anymore. I didn't like the eyes that served me betrayal so cold I almost became ice even when all they have ever done in the past was provide me warmth and longing. 

It was still hard to believe that mere moments ago, I was mated to this man. It happened like a dream and ended just the same way. Faster than i could even open my eyes or revel in the beauty of the moment.

“Your wolf, it’s…it’s amazing. I’ve never seen anything like that, Eudora. You really are special aren’t you?”  He said with a smile. 

I couldn't bear it. Not the compliment. Not the smile. Maybe my wolf could. 

“What do you want?”  My question didn’t come off rude, nor did I snap at him. I wasn’t even capable of that. In front of an Alpha, an Omega is a bigger wussy. It is natural for us to be compliant and submissive and so no matter how much pain I was in or how much I wanted to yell at him, I couldn't even do it. I asked the question because I was genuinely curious about why he was there after the rejection. 

“I caught your scent when you came in. I’d been waiting in the living room for you to show up.” He had a resigned look on his face, “I was worried, Eudora.” 

Why was he doing this to me? Why couldn't he just keep up his betrayal to the end? Why was he still able to look me in the eyes after blatantly rejecting me? 

“Why?” I asked and it made his brows furrow, “Why were you worried about me?” 

“You ran out the house, Eudora. It took everything in me not to go looking for you. I was worried you would go past the borders  and you know how unsafe it is out there.” 

And his parents. It probably took his parents too. It took them holding him back and probably telling him to not go in search of me.  I didn't say that though, I just looked at him. Stared. 

Then he sighed and stepped forward. I took one back and I was right when I said my back would hit my closet. Hurt swirled in his eyes but it was gone faster than I could blink and he took a step back. 

“Eudora, I’m sorry things have to be this way. I didn't want to reject you, Eudora. I waited 7 years for you to turn eighteen and feel the mate bond. I wouldn’t just let you go like that.” 

I was confused. He saw it and chuckled wryly. 

“I have known you were my mate since I turned 18. I can’t explain it but I guess it’s one of the perks of being an Alpha. I didn't tell my parents because I was scared I would have to reject you. I thought things would change when I am older but I guess not.” 

That was what he meant when he said he waited for me. He knew I was his mate while I was still a growing Omega yet he remained fond of me. My heart was torn between detesting him for promising me only to reject me later and knowing that he had wanted me despite all of my flaws.

I didn't know when I let my guard down because he was already in front of me in a swift motion. It must have been when I was still trying to process my thoughts. I couldn't back away now and it isn't just because I was trapped between him and my closet. He towered over me and yet again, I felt smaller than I really was in front of him. I hated things I saw in his eyes. 

Pity. sympathy. Mine probably bore self-loathe and pain that I wished he couldn't see but there was no other place to look. 

“I want you, Eudora…I always have but this is for the pack’s good, they can’t have an Omega as a Luna.” 

There. He said it. I interpreted his words as, ‘It doesn't matter how much I care about you, you can’t be fully mine.”

Then he dared to step even closer. 

“But I can fix this…” He whispered. 

“Ho–w?”  I croaked. 

He didn't say. 

He slowly brought a hand to brush all of the  stray of black and white hair matted by sweat from running , away from my face and bringing it to the side of my ear. There, his hand stilled before slowly brushing my neck and in turn, gripping it slightly. It was a simple touch that didn't cause me pain but it caused my breathing to itch and it caused me confusion. I’ve never been this close to him. So close that I could hardly breathe because his original scent took up all of the space in my lungs. I have always like him

His hand on my neck forced my head up to crane my neck to look at him. His gaze was intent on me, the dark pupil obscuring the blue that circled them,a little too much. 

“We can still be together. You can still be beside me, Gummy bear. I can arrange it.” 

Was he thinking of defying his family? The pack? Was he suggesting running away with me? I don't think there was anything that could be done in our situation. 

“What are you going to do? Are you going to run away with me?” I asked a little too naively. I think I got a little too excited too. Maybe it wasn't over yet, I thought. Maybe was willing to fight for me after all, he said he has waited so long for me to finally be his. 

“You know that’s impossible.” His gaze dropped to my lips. My heart dropped. 

“Then what do you plan to do?” 

“I’m going to make you mine, Eudora. It’s what you have always been. I would have you by my side.”  He said, his lips dangerously touching mine. 

“Conan…” I was…terrified. He was going to kiss me. And knew I shouldn't kiss him. I knew we shouldn't create a bigger burden. I shouldn't kiss a man who had only just rejected me but I couldn't stop him, could I? 

He pressed his lips against mine and kissed me so tenderly I almost melted like butter in his hands. He gripped my neck even tightly and kissed me even harder than when his lips first touched mine. I wanted to push him away but I couldn't not when he bit the seams of my lips, pushing for entrance into my mouth. I wanted to push him even harder when control slipped and he gained access into my mouth, plunging his tongue into it. Then he kissed me like a ravenous animal, holding me tighter against himself, feeling my body up. I think that was what made me snap–that and the pain his tight grip caused me. 

I pushed him away with all the strength and self control I could muster as I backed away. His eyes were still very much dark when he looked back at me. 

“Don’t you want me?” 

When have I ever stopped wanting him? 

I shook my head. “We are no longer mates, Conan. You will take a Luna soon. Nothing would change, not even defying your parents to be with me.” 

“Who said anything about defying them? How does me taking a Luna affect us?”  he pointed in between us and stepped forward, “affect this?” 

It was then that it clicked. I had it all wrong when he told me he could arrange things. He wasn't going to arrange for me to be his Luna or mark me.I was going to be his plaything. 

A toy he would have on the side to play with. I didn't make the cut for Luna but I did for a compliant and submissive Omega to give out the pleasure a Luna can’t give.  

“You are going to keep me on the side for your pleasure?” 

His brows raised to his hairline. 

“What else would you be good for? Eudora, I waited so long for you. It would be a loss for me to have you tossed into the hands of another Alpha. Or would you rather like that? To become a slave to some perversed male who wouldn’t care about you as much as I do?” 

I looked deep into his eyes. He wasn’t the boy I used to know. Not even the man I knew mere seconds ago who told me how much he waited for me. He had kissed me and it was my first kiss and even though I have always imagined my first kiss being with him, It didn't play out the way I wanted. And even though I have always wanted to be his like he claims, I didn't want him this way. 

“And let’s face it…I am the only one who can accept you anyway.” 

That was it. That was the last straw that broke me before he inched even closer, darkness fully clouding his eyes. 

“So, tonight and from now onward, I am going to make you mine.”