Ryan
“Come on, girl. You liked me yesterday.” I hike Lexa up and set her on my shoulder so her legs are around the back of my neck, my arm bent and extended so I press my hand against her back. She immediately fists my hair and stops wailing, her sad sniffling turning to quiet excitement. A small giggle leaves her lips as we pass one of the ceiling height windows in the hallway I’ve been walking her up and down for the past thirty minutes.
Aviva would tell me this is dangerous to do with her at only four months old, but I can’t help it. Tossing this baby around is getting her ready to wrestle, which is what I often tell my wife before she stops my fun, but right now, we’re completely alone.
I turn a corner, find another hallway, and walk down it with no plan nor destination in sight. In fact, I’m not entirely sure what I’m supposed to be doing right now other than keeping Lexa happy, and current
AvivaThe packhouse is always full to the brim. Four impossibly long tables and benches rest in the center of the wide, wood-lined space in rows where not a single seat is unaccounted for. Children dart from group to group, finding friends to play with while their parents dine. I’m at my usual spot at the head of the left-most table, surrounded by the other young, mated, new mothers while our mates move from group to group of men, chatting over pints of home-brewed ale. I bounce Lexa in my lap as I fork another piece of meat into my mouth, glancing down the table where Misty and Cole are seated together, unaccustomed to the noisy, damn near riotess shared evening meal. Misty seems especially affected, which strikes me as odd, given that she spent two weeks here last year before she went back to school… but that was before everything happened. Her eyes are empty, which worries me. I thought I was the only one having an existential crisis, but apparently… I’m not. Freya leans over,
*Isla*Rain pounds my back as I follow Alpha Ernest up the wide marble steps to a home I never expect to see in real life. I look around quickly, but he is walking fast, and I don’t have much time to see the outside of the mansion. I only know it resembles a castle. The dreary sky seems fitting, considering my bleak outlook.Likewise, this castle is fitting for an Alpha King.Under the wide porch, there is a bit of shelter from the wind. I pull my thin cloak around my shoulders. When Alpha Ernest’s fist pounds on the door, I jumped. Everything about this day is unexpected and has me on edge.The door opens a bit and a man with a thin, long nose gapes out at us. He is wearing a butler’s suit, and I relax only slightly.Not that I expected the cruel king to open his own door, but I am thankful not to be faced with him right away.“Greetings! Greetings!” Alpha Ernest says in his jovial, exceedingly loud voice. He laughs in the back of his throat, his gruff tone as raspy as the thunder in
*Maddox*I hear the word come out of Alpha Ernest’s mouth, watch his gums flap as his fat cheeks shift into a smile, his greasy mustache dancing as he tips his head up and blinks at me.He’s like a shoddy used car salesman, trying to convince me to take something I don’t want or need.Something that’s broken and doesn’t even work correctly—something that will never serve its intended purpose.What he doesn’t know is that I’ve already been considering finding a breeder for the last few months. I just haven’t had the time to try to find a woman who would fit the requirements.Everything he’s said is true. I certainly don’t ever want to marry again, no matter what. Even thinking about my wife makes my heart tighten up and my eyes begin to water. I have to immediately push her beautiful face from my mind. No, I will not ever take another bride.That means, in order to have an heir, I have to find a woman who’d be willing to carry my child knowing that there are no strings attached.That s
*Isla* The head maid lets go of me when we hear a male voice demanding to know what she is doing. She turns to address him as I cover my face, pain radiating through my cheeks and nose. “Beta Seth,” she begins, “this girl was being careless with the king’s belongings and disrespectful to me. I was simply teaching her a lesson, the same way I would teach any new servant a lesson, sir.” I wipe a bit of blood from my upper lip with the back of my hand and turn to see a handsome man walk into the room. He is tall with dark blond hair and white shoulders. His green eyes are focused on the other woman in the room, and his intense stare has her rigid stance wavering. “How dare you?” he demands. “You were asked to show Miss Isla to her room, Mrs. Worsthingshorethinshire. No one asked you to teach her anything. I can’t imagine she did anything careless. What could she have possibly done? I didn’t see anything broken between here and the king’s offices.” I watch as the woman’s throat moves
*Isla*I sit on the bed in my new room, not sure what to do, grasping my bag. I look around, but I’m not sure what to do.Why am I here?If I touch anything else, will someone come flying out of the closet and slap me again?Beta Seth has assured me that this is my room, and I can do whatever I want, but I am still hesitant. I can’t help but think that this is all a huge mistake.Mrs. Worchestshire or whatever her name was had mentioned that she thought I was meant to go to the maids’ quarters, and while Beta Seth said that wasn’t right, I can’t help but think maybe someone will come and take me there soon.If I get too comfortable in here, I will just have to go.And this is the nicest room I’ve ever seen.I haven’t been sitting here too long when there is a knock at the door.I look up, and a girl with brown hair and wide hazel eyes is staring at me, just her head sticking in the door. “Hello, Miss,” she says. “May I come in?” “Yes, of course,” I say, starting to get up.“Oh, no, d
*Isla*I sit on the edge of the bed for a few minutes after Poppy leaves, contemplating what to do. She’s turned the bathtub on, so I know I have to go into the bathroom eventually or else the tub will overflow.I want to take a bath. It sounds luxurious. I can’t remember the last time I did anything like that for myself. For the last few years, everything I’ve done has been for my family.But… the idea of taking my clothes off and soaking in the tub in this amazing room seems frightening and foolish.All of this has to be a mistake, and when they find out about it, shouldn’t I at least be dressed?Still, if I take a quick bath, maybe I can be in and out before Poppy returns. If there’s one thing I’ve learned about this castle it’s that it is huge.Setting my bag down on the chest at the end of the bed, I head into the bathroom and take my clothes off, hanging my wet, dirty clothes on a hook on the door, embarrassed by my old underwear and bra that doesn’t really fit me correctly. I d
*Isla*“Miss Isla? Miss Isla, are you all right?”The sound of Poppy’s voice has my eyes flying open, and I realize I haven’t quite blacked out, but I have come close. I blink a few times and note she has her arms around me, and I have one arm on the bed. “I’m fine,” I tell her, blinking my eyes as I try to clear my head. “I’m fine.” I try to push myself up onto the mattress but find myself floundering, unable to get my limbs to cooperate.“Here, lie down for a moment. I’ll get you some water.” She begins to lift me up onto the bed, which is so tall, it’s nearly waist-high on me.“I can manage,” I assure her, and she lets me go. Somehow, I manage to climb up onto the bed, and Poppy heads into the bathroom, muttering under her breath that it’s taking far too long for them to bring my food.I sit there for a moment, staring at the door that King Maddox has just left through. My cheeks heat just thinking about him.That was the king!I feel like such a fool. I should’ve known that it was
*Isla*“I’m… what?”I need to sit down. I find a way to sit on the bed, struggling to catch my breath, the pajamas I was getting ready to put on forgotten on the bed next to me since I’ve heard Poppy’s words.Poppy is looking at me from across the bedroom, a puzzled expression on her face.“You… didn’t know?” she asks me. “How is it that you didn’t know? How did you get here?”“I…” I feel my face flush as I lean back against the pillows, trying to process everything.How is this possible?That’s what Alpha Ernest sold me to Alpha Maddox to do?To be his breeder?“I’m so sorry,” Poppy says, coming over and resting her hand on my leg. “I just assumed that you either had done this before or had taken it upon yourself to make this into your career. I had no idea you had no idea, dear. And don’t think that I was judging you because of it! I mean… who wouldn’t want to be a breeder for Alpha Maddox?” She smiles at me and waggles her eyebrows, and I know that she’s trying to make me laugh, bu
AvivaThe packhouse is always full to the brim. Four impossibly long tables and benches rest in the center of the wide, wood-lined space in rows where not a single seat is unaccounted for. Children dart from group to group, finding friends to play with while their parents dine. I’m at my usual spot at the head of the left-most table, surrounded by the other young, mated, new mothers while our mates move from group to group of men, chatting over pints of home-brewed ale. I bounce Lexa in my lap as I fork another piece of meat into my mouth, glancing down the table where Misty and Cole are seated together, unaccustomed to the noisy, damn near riotess shared evening meal. Misty seems especially affected, which strikes me as odd, given that she spent two weeks here last year before she went back to school… but that was before everything happened. Her eyes are empty, which worries me. I thought I was the only one having an existential crisis, but apparently… I’m not. Freya leans over,
Ryan“Come on, girl. You liked me yesterday.” I hike Lexa up and set her on my shoulder so her legs are around the back of my neck, my arm bent and extended so I press my hand against her back. She immediately fists my hair and stops wailing, her sad sniffling turning to quiet excitement. A small giggle leaves her lips as we pass one of the ceiling height windows in the hallway I’ve been walking her up and down for the past thirty minutes.Aviva would tell me this is dangerous to do with her at only four months old, but I can’t help it. Tossing this baby around is getting her ready to wrestle, which is what I often tell my wife before she stops my fun, but right now, we’re completely alone.I turn a corner, find another hallway, and walk down it with no plan nor destination in sight. In fact, I’m not entirely sure what I’m supposed to be doing right now other than keeping Lexa happy, and current
AvivaI’m the biggest baby in the entire world. Not only did I freeze the moment Ryatt announced he was making me a commander, but I went so pale that the excited look on his face–his eyes shining with pride–shattered with concern. He took one step in my direction, and I burst into tears… in front of every man in the room. I ran. There wasn’t anything else I could do, honestly. The only man I’ve ever cried in front of is Ryan, and even then, I hate it. I’m supposed to be tough. Hard. Unbreakable. I skirt around the lake in my wolf form, my paws beating the rocky shore. Morning sunlight breaks over the mountains, splitting the sky with ribbons of pure gold. The pretty sage dress I fussed over this morning is caught around my neck and in shambles, which only adds fuel to the fire of my despair and desperation. I can’t untangle the dress, just like I can’t untangle my thoughts. A year ago, I would have been honored to be given this position. I would have jumped at the opportunity.
AvivaThe last time we were in Moonrise was for Lexa’s birth. Four months have passed in a blur, which I assume is normal when you have a baby for the first time. Pile on our responsibilities as Alpha and Luna of Silverhide, let alone the rulers of all the Deadlands, and time is merely a construct in our lives that I’m keen to ignore as long as possible.Still, when Kenna arrived yesterday morning, chipper and excited to see us and Lexa, I felt a weight begin to press into my chest. Whatever Ryatt wants with me comes with a cost–which will be the end of our somewhat quiet, cozy life.I spent the entire day in Kenna’s company while she made her rounds checking on every baby and mother in Silverhide. Ryan went off to do Alpha duties, like making sure James, his Beta, had what he needed to take over for a few days in our absence. His mate, Dahlia, is pregnant again–with twins this time–but Kenna seemed h
AvivaIt’s just after dawn when I slide Lexa into her sling and head out of the house into another warm, later summer morning. The sun stretches across the pastures, casting golden light as far as the eye can see. Lexa–who I’ve taken to carrying on my back lately–coos softly as she uses my hair as reins, her chubby fingers tangled in the sloppy braid I managed to throw together just after I woke up, alone in bed, in a quiet house.I stare at the road leading into the forest–out of the valley of Silverhide. It’s empty. No wolves trot in my direction. I grind my teeth as the crippling unease that’s been coasting through my body for days nearly chokes me, but I turn toward Freya and Andrew’s house.Andrew built Freya a shopfront earlier this spring while they waited for their son, Samuel, to make his arrival. It’s cozied up beside his blacksmith shop, and her gorgeous tapestries and wov
MistySome days I don’t think about the war.Some mornings I wake to sunshine and Cole’s arms around me while I cradle Adrian in my arms and don’t think about how the three of us came to be. I think of clean sheets that smell like lavender, not the smell of Richard’s bloody war room where I’d healed that cursed wolf. I sip coffee while watching my mate–my husband–the love of my life rush around the kitchen packing his bag for another long shift at the hospital instead of watching him don that black cloak.We have a house instead of shared spaces. Our home is safe and full of love instead of constant stress and the crushing weight that, at any moment, our safety will end.But some days I have to remind myself that we made it out. That we’re here, and whole, and together.Today is one of those days.Mom peeks into the massive library at the castle of Cr
AvivaThree month old Lexa’s dark blue eyes are wide and round as she grips Mercy’s arm. Her eyes go glassy as her lower lip begins to tremble, her little face twisting with pitiful sorrow. “I’ll be back tomorrow morning,” I try to assure her, but my voice wobbles with sudden heartbreak. I look at my sister, desperate and unsure. “It’s too early, isn’t it? Leaving her like this?”Mercy rolls her eyes. “You’re going to be gone for like… ten hours, Aviva. She’s fine. She has plenty of milk–”I take a single step away, and Lexa wails. We’re attached, that’s clear. I’ve been wearing her on my chest since the day she was born. We’re rarely apart, and if we are, Lexa firmly believes she’ll never see me again. She wants nothing to do with Ryan recently. It’s not that she doesn’t like him, or can’t find comfort in his arms but… I’m her mother. I smell familiar, feel familiar….“I’ll be back very soon, love,” I croak, trying not to burst into tears myself. Lexa gives me the most heartbroke
MistyTwo weeks after Georgia asked me to be her matron of honor, technically, at her wedding next fall, I wake up with a start–alone–in the cottage I share with Cole. It’s the middle of the night, and Cole’s at the hospital. His side of the bed is cold when I stretch my arm across it, pinching the sheets between my fingers. Echoes of pain drift in waves over my belly. My muscles are painfully tight as I roll onto my side, curling around the swell of my stomach. It hurts enough that it’s hard to catch my breath, and when I finally do, I feel… a pop, deep within me. “Oh, Goddess,” I rasp, sliding out of bed as my water breaks, soaking the sheets and falling onto the floor. My hands tremble, and my mind goes completely, utterly numb while I take the comforter off the bed and waddle to the laundry room where I do a load of laundry like… like this isn’t happening. I change my clothes. I pull my hair into a bun and brace myself on the bathroom sink before turning to leave the bathroom,
MistySpringCrescent Falls has erupted with spring blooms. The weather is soft and fair, which has been great, because this past winter royally sucked. I sigh heavily, tilting my face toward the warm sunlight dusting through the library at my parents’ castle and breathing in the warmth, letting it flow over my skin. It’s been six months since the war. The war that hasn’t yet been named, hasn’t yet become text in some new editions of our history books. The wounded memories of my time in Tarsian are still fresh enough to send chills licking up my spine if I think about them too deeply, but lately, there’s been a shift–something tangible. Something I can taste. Grief has turned to resignation, and resignation turns to conviction while I rise from one of the tables in the library and slip the books I’ve been studying into my messenger bag. I’m going to learn how to read the Book of Whispers because I won’t allow what happened last year to ever, ever, happen again. I pad downstairs, w