Chapter 6

Logan's pov

Monday 31st October 2022

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Me and Rachel are going to her friends Halloween party tonight so I'm currently looking at the tiny black shorts she bought me and wondering how my dick will fit in them. She's in the bathroom getting her costume on because she wants it to be a surprise for me. She got me a playboy bunny outfit, tiny black shorts, suspenders, a bow tie, white gloves, and bunny ears.

"I'm ready baby!" She says loudly before the door opens and she walks out.

Fuck. She's wearing black lingerie that barely covers her body with thigh high boots and white bunny ears on a headband.

"What do you think?" She asks innocently.

"You look amazing," I say as I walk to her and put my hands on her waist.

"No touching handsome, we can't risk you having a boner in these shorts," she says and points to the tiny black shorts on the bed. I groan and pick up the shorts to slip them up my legs. They're very tight, it takes a lot of adjusting and pulling them up to get them seated comfortably on my hips. Rachel watches with an amused face as I push my bulge down to try and make it less noticeable.

"Now accessories and then we can get going," she says and I stand still while she puts the bow tie and everything else on me. I slip my black combat boots on and then put on a jacket for the drive so I'm not practically naked.

We get her car and she drives us to her friends house, my anxiety increasing as I realise I have to meet her friends.

"Do you think they'll like me?" I ask and she does a small laugh.

"Don't worry babe, you're too hot to not like you," she says and I roll my eyes. I know I'm hot, that's not the problem. The problem is my insecurities around my personality and overall likability. There must be a reason all my relationships fail and it's hit my self confidence hard.

"We're here, just smile and look pretty," she says and cups my cheek to kiss me. I kiss her back gently and watch as she gets out of the car. I take a calming breath and follow her into her friends house, wiping my sweaty hands on my shorts.

When we get inside I notice all the alcohol on the low coffee table and am reminded of parties I went to as a teenager.

"Rachel! You look stunning!" A girl wearing a skimpy white dress and angel wings says as she hugs my girlfriend. I plaster a smile on my face when she looks me up and down. "And this must be the boyfriend."

"This is Logan, babe can you get me a drink of water from the kitchen? I'm feeling thirsty," Rachel says and I nod and wander to the kitchen of the unfamiliar house. It's weird she wants me to get her some water when we're here to drink alcohol but I brush the thought aside and get her the drink. I walk back into the living room and Rachel motions for me to sit down then sits on my lap.

"Thank you baby," she says and kisses my cheek. My heart feels like it stops for a moment when I notice some white powder around her nose. She wipes it away casually and doesn't realise I saw so I keep my mouth shut.

I didn't know she did drugs. Am I okay with her doing drugs? She seems fine it's not like she's addicted to them, I know people who do drugs socially and they're good people. She's an adult and it's her life I suppose so I keep my thoughts to myself and wrap my arm around her waist.

"Well trust me, my boyfriend beats you all in that department," Rachel says smugly and I realise I zoned out for a moment.

"Huh?" I say and she looks at me and giggles.

"Jack was saying he's got the biggest dick but I said you do," she explains and I feel myself blush to my ears.

"Oh, yeah," I try to say modestly.

"Show us then," Jack winks and I let out a small laugh. Rachel speaks before I can and what she says knocks the air out of my lungs.

"Just because you're a fag doesn't mean you get to see my boyfriend's dick," she says and her friends laugh.

What the fuck. Jack doesn't seem offended by her calling him a slur so I don't say anything to avoid an awkward situation. I'll speak to her about this later. I understand friends are like that but it makes me so uncomfortable that she can just say a slur like that without a second thought.

"Anyways," the girl who greeted Rachel starts. "I think we should play spin the bottle!"

Everyone agrees they want to play and I just go along with it as Rachel makes us both a vodka lemonade and hands me mine. We're already sat around the table in a circle so someone clears it and puts a bottle in the middle to spin.

Rachel sits beside me instead of on my lap as we watch Jack spin the empty beer bottle. It points at one of the girls that I don't know the name of and they kiss quickly, Jack pretending to be disgusting that he kissed a girl.

The game goes on with neither me or Rachel ending up with the bottle landing on us until it gets to my go. I spin it gently and watch as the end points at Jack. He smiles widely and leans over so our faces are inches apart. I close the kiss and am surprised when he tries to slip his tongue into my mouth. I laugh at his attempt and sit back down next to Rachel.

"Come outside with me," she says sharply in my ear and I follow her to the garden, confusion clouding my mind.

"What's up?" I ask and she crosses her arms across her chest.

"Why did you kiss Jack?"

"Because the bottle pointed at him?"

"I just think it's weird you're kissing a guy, you're not gay are you?" She asks seriously and I pause for a moment.

"I'm bisexual. I thought you knew this," I say calmly and her face drops.

"You're what?"

"I like men and women," and I say with a small smile because I think she must be joking.

"That's bullshit. You either like one or the other. So what you'd rather be with a man than me?" She accuses and I frown.

"Of course not. I chose to be with you, the fact I like men has nothing to do with that."

"Have you ever had sex with a man?" She asks accusingly.

"I have. I've been with a lot of people before you and I've told you that," I explain.

"I thought you meant you'd been with a lot of women before me! Not men!" She shouts.

"I don't know what you want me to say? I'm bisexual I can't change that and it doesn't affect our relationship at all."

"Yes it does! I don't want to date a guy whose had sex with men and who likes men! It's disgusting!"

"You've got a gay friend!" I shout back.

"Yeah but I'm not dating him! It's different!"

"I'm going home, call me when you're thinking clearly," I say calmly but she grabs my arm to stop me leaving.

"No way! Stay here and tell me why you lied to me about being straight."

"I didn't say I was straight! You never asked and I assumed you knew!"

"Fuck you Logan! I can't believe I ever let you have sex with me," she seethes and I close my eyes to think for a second.

"Just calm down. I don't see why it's such a big deal," I say as she starts shouting at me and out of nowhere slaps me across the face.

"Go home then! Go jerk off to gay porn or whatever it is you homos do!" She screams and then stomps back inside. I hold my stinging cheek and slowly walk out of the gate and around the house so I can leave. I walk a few streets down as I text my dad to see if he's awake to come get me as I have no way to get home.

My dad replies and I send him my location to come get me. I start shivering from the cold air and keep looking out for my dad's car. I'm glad it's nighttime so no one can see me out here dressed like a slut.

My mind reels as I wait for dad to show up. How can she go from my lovely girlfriend to a homophobic asshole in a few hours? Maybe it's the drugs she did. I don't know much about them but maybe they mess with her like alcohol does. Even then it's not an excuse. What the fuck am I even doing? I'm so confused.

My dad's car pulls up next to me and feel myself blush with embarrassment as I get in the passenger seat. He stares at me for a moment before he bursts out laughing, his loud laugh catching me by surprise.

"Stop laughing at me," I say and he doesn't stop.

"I'm sorry it's just so funny," he says without signing as he starts the car. "You're dressed like a slut."

"Yes I know, just take me home please," I say as I try to smile but the realisation I'm single again makes me frown.

"So what happened?" Dad asks. I explain it all but I don't sign anymore because he's driving and won't see anyways, I make sure to speak loudly because even with the cochlear implant his hearing still isn't 100%.  I don't mentioned the drugs but I tell him about the homophobia and the slap.

When I finish explaining what happened my dad has a frown on his face and a concerned look.

"I'm glad you aren't with her anymore, she seems like an asshole. So what if you're bi? You chose to be with her. She's just homophobic and you don't need anyone like her in your life," he says and I nod as I looks at my hands in my lap.

"I just thought she was the one you know? I don't want to be single again," I say sadly.

"I know son, but it's better to be single than in an awful relationship that won't go anywhere. At least now you can focus on finding the right person for you."

"I guess. Thanks for picking me up."

"Anytime, we're nearly at your place now anyways."

He pulls up outside my flat block and I get out the car, but before I shut the door I sign i love you and he smiles.

"I love you too son, now go get some sleep and I'll call you tomorrow to check up on you," dad says and I thank him. I go inside and it feels empty without Lady. She's at my brothers house because I didn't think I'd be home tonight. I contemplate getting something to eat but decide I don't deserve it and it's not worth the time it'll take to eat so I go straight to my room and strip off naked.

Once I'm in bed, I pull the duvet up to my chin and sigh, my eyes sting with the build up of tears but I try to hold them off. It seems impossible as salty tears start falling down my face and onto my pillow.

What's wrong with me? Why does this always happen? Am I not handsome enough? Is my body not good enough? Is it my personality? I wish I wasn't bi, why can't I just pick a side and stick with it? Why can't I just be gay or straight instead of this stupid in the middle place? I'm so pathetic, I can't get enough love so I'll sleep with anyone to feel like I'm wanted. And even then it's never enough.