Chapter 9

Ignoring my broken toes, I hobble deeper into the woods with Edric by my side, my heart nearly banging out of my chest. Why did I agree to shift? Of course, my wolf is elated – I don’t blame her, she rarely gets a chance to be herself, but I’m already regretting my decision. Who knows what she’ll do when I’m forced to the background and she takes control?

When we can’t hear the laughter and talking of the gathered pack anymore, Edric stops and turns to me. “What do you usually do when you shift? Do you take clothes with you, or go back to the place where you shifted before you turn back to human?”

“Huh?”

He chuckles softly. “Most of us will carry clothes with us – so we don’t walk around naked when we shift back to human form. We’ll shift back when we get to…where we’re going, so I think you should bring your clothes with.”

“How?”

I’m starting to realise that not only do I know nothing about being part of a pack or werewolf society, I also know nothing about being a shifter. “I usually just tie a pair of shorts around my leg. Others sometimes carry their clothes in their mouths, but I find it inconvenient.”

“How am I supposed to do that?”

“What?” he asks confused.

“Do I tell my wolf to remember the clothes before we shift?”

“I don’t under— Maya, do you give your wolf full control when you shift?”

“You don’t?” I ask, very surprised.

“Of course not. Our wolves are our…animal side. If we let them take control, we’ll become more beast than human. That’s not a good thing.”

I shuffle around uncomfortably. I didn’t know. “Well, it’s just once a month, so…”

“On the full moon right? Yes, that’s probably the only reason why you’re not more wolf than human by now.”

I blush, feeling stupid. “How do I stay in control?”

“How do you not?”

I shrug. “I don’t know – I’ve always just moved to the back of my…our mind. Go to sleep, I guess. Last night was the first time I was awake while in wolf form and could see and hear what’s going on.”

Edric stares at me for a long time, his eyes pensive. “Okay no, we’re not doing this today.”

I am relieved, not gonna lie, I don’t want to shift, especially not in front of Edric, but I can also see that he’s disappointed. I open my mouth to agree with him, but something else entirely comes out, “Well, why not? How will I learn to control my wolf if I don’t shift and try?” I’d blame my wolf for that little statement, but I’m one hundred percent sure that it’s my idea. Shit. Stupid mouth.

He smiles, and I feel the darkness around my heart lift just a little bit. “Can you shift back at will?”

“I did last night. Well, after my wolf gave back control.”

“So you do know how to do it?” He still looks so uncertain though.

“Yes.” It’s not completely true, I’ve only controlled the shift a grant total of two times, but I think I can do it – done it once, you can do it twice, and three times right?

“But you are unsure.”

It’s not much of a question. He’s observant – but I suppose as an Alpha he has to be. This time I answer honestly, "Yes."

“Then I guess this is your first lesson,” he smiles.

“Did someone teach you?”

“Yes, of course. We need a little help in the beginning, though it’s mostly instinctual. My father helped me…and my mother taught Jolie. You had no one…I can ask a she-wolf to help you if that would make you more comfortable.”

“No,” I don’t want anyone else to know what a completely hopeless wolf I really am. It’s bad enough that Edric knows.

“Your instinct was to hide from your wolf, right?”

“I hate her,” I whisper.

“She’s a part of you – hating her means hating yourself. Do you hate yourself, Maya?”

I don’t answer him. He’s right, but I don’t want to tell him that. He already makes me feel so vulnerable and weak, giving him all my secrets would be giving him more power over me than he already has. ~ He makes us strong, not weak, ~ my wolf says. ~ I’ll give you control over the shift. ~

“If the wolf is a part of us,” I ask, “why can we communicate with them? Or are we just talking to ourselves?”

“No…they are separate, but part of the whole. Honestly, Maya, I never really gave it any thought. The right person to ask would be a priest.”

“A-a-a priest?”

“Yes, a priest of the Goddess.”

“You have your own priests?”

“Of course we do.”

“Where can I find this werewolf priest?”

“Where you usually find a priest. At the temple. Are we gonna try this or not?” he asks, a little impatient.

“I wanna talk to the priest,” I say, ignoring his question.

Maybe this priest will have some answers for me. I have heard about The Moon Goddess -- all the werewolves that cross my path talk about her and believe in her. I don’t, but I’ve come to learn it’s dangerous to question her existence in front of other wolves … it really pisses them off for some reason.

Edric smiles indulgently. “I’ll take you to see him tomorrow.”

“Okay. So what do I do? With this shift thing.”

“When you are in human form, you can control your wolf right?”

“Yes.”

“So that’s what you must do when you shift. Don’t let her force you to the background. Stay in the forefront: go where you want to go, see what you want to see, smell what you want to smell.”

“Won’t my wolf hate it?”

“You are the same being, Maya.”

“But a dual consciousness.”

He looks at me, very surprised by what I said. “Yes, exactly. The human consciousness is the rational part, and the wolf consciousness the animal – the instinctual part.”

“My wolf isn’t always animalistic. Sometimes, she really knows what she’s talking about.” I blush, and look down. It’s the first time I say anything positive about my wolf, and for some reason it embarrasses me.

“I did not say that she’s unintelligent, just that wolves tend to give in to their baser instincts. Before you shift, decide that you are going to stay in control. Your wolf will try to push her way to the forefront – don’t let her. You are in charge; you always have to be in charge.”

“Are you? Always in charge?”

It is his turn to blush, and despite the man’s massive size, or maybe because of it, it is altogether adorable. “I’ve lost control once or twice. It does happen to the best of us.”

He pulls a rope with clips on the end from his pocket. “A bungee cord,” he explains, “it’s more flexible.” Without a hint of shame, he shrugs out of his shorts, standing there in just his boxer briefs and t-shirt. Crouching on one knee, he folds his shorts and secures them with the rope, clipping it in place. “So when I shift from wolf back to human, I’ll have my clothes ready.”

He releases the clip and hands the rope to me. “What will you use?”

“I have a mouth,” he says, with a grin, his eyes sparkling.

“So do I.”

“But less control over your wolf.”

“Okay, okay,” I give in. We’ll argue about this little piece of rope all day if I don’t.

He turns his back on me. “Give me a nudge or a growl or something when you’re done.”

I guess that’s my cue. I’ve gotta shift. I look around me. I think we’re alone. My senses aren’t as acute as other wolves’, but I’m sure Edric would not let me get undressed if he thinks someone’s watching.

I pull the dress over my head, feeling vulnerable and uneasy. It does feel like someone’s watching me, but I’m sure it’s just my imagination. I fold the dress as neatly and small as I can, then tie it to my leg the same way Edric did, except that I have to wrap the cord twice around my leg, instead of once. Well, of course, it wasn’t made for me.

I stand up and look at Edric. He had taken off his t-shirt and is walking backwards towards me, until he’s uncomfortably close. “Maya,” he whispers. “I suggest you shift. Right now.”

“Why?”

“Someone’s watching us.”

With that, he pulls down his boxers and shifts into the most beautiful and magnificent wolf I’ve ever seen, but I barely have time to admire his beauty. Next to me, I hear a growl and something crashing through the undergrowth. Without thinking about it, and driven by fear, I shift.