Chapter 1: A Night with Him

Everything stopped when these two red lines showed up. My dreams, my life, and my priorities changed just because of these two red lines.

Hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin ko, di ko alam kung ano ang uunahin ko. Maraming tanong ang bumabagabag sa isip ko. But I know that I only have two choices, keep it and hide it from him or tell him, even though I know that he would never choose us since he already has her. From the very start, it's her, I’m just a mistake that he wishes never happened.

"Ken Lazlo Marquez," I muttered in my teary eyes as his tiny little hands held my index finger.

I never imagined this little angel would come from me. I never thought that just hearing his cute little laugh would take away the hardships I encountered.

Once again, I look at my son in my arms, who's slowly opening his eyes. All I can see are Ken’s amber-brown eyes, it's like I'm staring at him right now. I chuckled, as I slowly touched his nose. And realized How could I hide him when he looks exactly like his dad? At one glance, Kenji or our friends will know who Lazlo’s dad is.

"You got everything from him." Nauutal kong sambit dahil sa luha ang nag aambang ng tumulo ulit.

Mabilis ang tibok ng puso ko sa sa kakaibang pakiramdam nararamdaman ko, I feel needed. Masaya ako na dumating ka sa buhay ko, pero nalulungkot ako dahil hindi ko kayang ibigay ang kumpletong pamilya na alam ko na kailangan mo.

"I'm sorry, my love. Mommy can't give you a complete family, but I will make sure that you won't feel incomplete. You won’t feel the same way I did.” Sabi ko at unti-unting ng tumutulo ang luha sa pisngi ko. You cried again, it's like you also know my pain.

Ngayon masasabi ko na I already found someone who will stay with me for the rest of my life. Someone I can call mine.

"Shhh. Tahana, mahal ko. Mommy won't cry anymore." Pagpapatahan ko sa kanya. Moments passed and he stopped crying. I don't know but I feel like he understands me. I laughed at that thought.

Staring at his innocent face, I smiled sadly. Anak, ayoko na maramdaman mo, iyong naramdaman ko. Pero anong magagawa ko alam ko na kahit anong pilit ko mahirap na piliin niya tayo.

Dahan-dahan akong tumayo at inilagay siya sa crib. Staring at him, I decided that I would maintain this peaceful look that he has. Pinapangako ko at gagawin ko ang lahat para hindi mo maramdaman na may kulang. Paano nga ba humantong sa ganito ang buhay ko?

—---

A Friday night that turns my world upside down. It was supposedly the most memorable night of our lives, and I guess it was indeed memorable, but for me, it was a lifetime, not just a memory that can be forgotten and set aside.

My girls and I planned to have a short vacation after a break from work, sa isa sa mga beach resorts ng Ferrell, and then out of nowhere, we encountered Kenji and his friends who are also currently on vacation. So, since we are also close with them we decided to stay in their Resthouse.

Habang lumalalim ang gabi, dumadami ang alak na iniinom namin, we decided to have a bonfire for our first night here in La Ferrell’s. I have a low tolerance for alcohol, I know my limit, but it seems like this bottle likes me a lot. We're playing 2 truths and 1 lie, and FMK (Fuck, Marry, Kill) na ang pasimuno ay si Nicko isa sa mga kaibigan ni Ken.

"Mackie, ikaw na naman!" malakas na sabi ni Mia sabay tawa.

"I swear, that f*cking bottle likes me!!" I chuckled

"FMK, choose from Kenji, Nick, and Ethan." Rhina said, tinignan ko siya ng masama. Sht bakit ganyan ang choices.

"After I answer that I'll quit, I swear." I jokingly said, "Kill, Nick" I look at Nick who was currently acting like he was hurt. Natatawa ako at nagpatuloy, "Marry, Ethan, and Fuck, Kenji" I look at him, he's currently talking to someone right now on his phone. It's her, I know.

Malakas na sigawan ng piliin ko ang pangalan ni Kenji, they know that I like him but he didn't.. I just laughed at their reaction and stood, I wanted to take a dip for a bit. Baka sakaling mabawasan ang tama ng alak sa katawan ko.

I removed my dress and revealed my red two-piece bikini. I confidently walk towards the beach not minding his stares. I can't really understand boys and their mixed signals. Fck them.

"Mackie, wait for us!" Sumunod pala sila, so I stopped and looked back. He stared at me, I smiled at him but he didn't smile back, I pouted. Bahala siya diyan, I looked at my girls who are currently removing their cover-ups to reveal their bikinis.

"Rhina, why do you still have that?" I said, pointing at a bottle of alcohol in her hands.

" This is for us!" She said then ran towards the sea. We just laughed and followed. I hope hindi ako malasing ngayong gabi.

Lumipas ang oras ay halos maubos na namin ang alak na dala ni Rhina so i decided na iwan muna sila saglit at lumangoy palayo papunta sa malaking batong sa hindi kalayuan. I was enjoying watching the moon nang biglang may humawak sa paa ako. I was about to kick it and shout so loud nang biglang umahon si Ken. What is he doing here?

“I saw you swimming over here so I followed, medyo malayo na ‘to Mackie.”

I know he's just kind and caring pero hindi ko maiwasan hindi kiligin sa mga ginagawa niya.

“The moon is beautiful, isn’t it?” I said wishing that he doesn't know the meaning of it

Baba na sana ako sa tubig uli pero nadulas ang tanga. Ken caught me and his toned arms encircled my body.

“Careful”

His deep baritone voice gives shivers to my entire system, idagdag mo pa ang malapit niyang mukha at ang hininga niyang tumatama sa batok at tenga ko. Fck he smelled nice, a mix of mint scent and alcohol. Hindi ko maiwasan na hindi siya amuyin, sht. Pinitik niya ang noo ko, I pouted.

"It's your fault." Lasing na ata ako

"You girls, drink enough already. Let’s go, ihahatid na kita" He said and grabbed my hand. I just nodded, I don't know what to say. I'm still mesmerized by his beauty.

"Let me down, Nick!" Napalingon ako kay Mia na buhat buhat na parang sako ni Nick.

Rhina and Ethan, her brother are currently fighting, mukhang ayaw pa rin ni Rhina na umahon. I laughed and looked at Stormy na nasa pangpang na kasama ang kanyang iba naming kaibigan.

***

As I open my eyes, mukha niya ang bumungad sa akin. What happened? I closed my eyes trying to remember everything.

Nang makaahon kami sa dagat ay saka ko lang naramdaman ang pagkahilo kaya napakapit ako sa braso ni Kenji. He looked at me, at umiiling na hinawakan ang bewang ko para maalalayan akong maglakad ng maayos.

"Are you okay?" He asks in a soft voice. I nodded and continued walking when suddenly muntik na kong madapa. My feet hurt.

"Fuck" he said and looked at my feet that's currently bleeding dahil sa pagkadulas ko kanina. He immediately carried me in bridal style and rushed towards the house.

"Let me down, Kenji. I'm fine" I said and looked at him. Naka igting ang kanyang panga at seryosong nakatingin sa daan. He ignored what I said.

Nang makarating kami sa resthouse ay agad niya akong dinala sa kwarto niya. Hala bakit dito? Baka hindi ako makapag pigil at makain ko siya, Kidding. Pinaupo niya ako sa sink, habang hinahanap niya ang first aid kit. I had the chance to stare at him when he knelt down and cleaned my wound.

"Does it hurt?" Sabi niya ng matapos niyang linisin ang sugat ko.

"No." I said. Hindi ko alam kung dala ba ng alak o dahil sa nararamdaman ko, I kissed him. After the kiss, I looked at him. He's staring at me, hindi ko mabasa ang expression niya.

"I'm sorry, I…" Hindi ko natuloy ang sasabihin ko ng bigla niya akong hinalikan ng marahan. I responded to his kisses and put my arms around his nape.

"Fuck" He said in between our kisses as my hands slowly travels on his body reaching the bulk in between his shorts. His partner right here, is ready to fight.

"Mackie, you're making me crazing." He said at pinutol ang halik, I may be a virgin but I'm not that innocent. I looked at him, he was looking at my hands holding him down there, then look back to me again na punong-puno ng pagnanasa ang mga mata.

"Fck damn it" He said and claimed my lips and lift me up dahilan para mawala ang hawak ko sa alaga niya.

"Oh..." I moaned when the bulk in his shorts touched me down there. I heard him cursing and he put me gently in his bed.

I stared at him and caressed his face gently, I still can't believe that this happened. Mali, pero bakit masaya ako na si ang nakauna sa akin? Masaya ako na may nangyari sa amin... Maybe because I love him too much, to the point that I can do everything for him.

I slowly get off the bed, baka magising ko siya. Hindi ko alam kung anong pakikitungo ang magagawa ko kung sakaling makita niya akong ganito. I'm not wearing anything underneath this blanket. I picked up my clothes scattered on the floor.

Tumingin ako sa bintana, wala pang sumisikat na araw, mabuti na lang. Siguro ang nangyari saaming ito ay ibabaon ko na lang sa limot. I'm hoping na wala siyang maalala paggising niya.

I immediately stormed out of the room and headed to the sea. I want to clear my mind and think about what I should do next.

Time passes, I didn't notice na sumikat na si haring araw, I was drowning with my thoughts. Pabalik na sana ako sa resthouse ng biglang may tumawag sa akin, boses niya pa lang alam ko na. Takot akong lumingon sa kanya, afraid of his reaction dahil sa tono ng boses niya alam kong naalala niya ang nangyari sa amin. I've been thinking and practicing at this moment, but my mind went blank.

"Mackenzie, Let's talk." He said in a deep voice. I just stared at him.

"About what happened, I..." I cut him off.

"Let's forget about it." Then I smiled at him na para bang walang nangyari.

"We're both drunk, we don't know what we're doing, Ken." I said and walked back to the seashore and sat. He just stood there, nagulat ata na ganun ang desisyon ko. Maybe he was expecting that I'll be hysterical and yell at him

"Let's be honest here, Ken. I know you don't have feelings for me so let's not make this a big deal." I calmly said, not looking at him.

"Okay. Don't tell anyone about this, please. I don't want her to know. This is a mistake, I'm sorry." He blankly stared at me and left.

Tumingala ako sa langit para pigilan na tumulo ang mga luhang nag-aabang pumatak. Masakit pala, "I'm sorry." "Mistake?" Parang libo libong karayom ang tumusok sa puso ko. Ganito pala kasakit magmahal. Masakit na sa kanya mismo galing na isa lang itong "pagkakamali".

Ibang Kenji ang nakita ko kagabi, biglang nawala yung Kenji na nag aalala sa akin. Siguro dahil he love her so much, and ofcourse he will always choose her over me.

Pinalis ko ang mga luha ko, ayoko na makita nila akong ganito. Nung kumalma na ako ay dumiretso na ako sa resthouse para mag impake. I can't stay here any longer.