Dane is cradled over me, trying to keep his weight from killing me. Neither moves beyond him sliding his fingers away from me and out of my shorts, and then he finally leans up and props his forehead against mine before gently kissing me on the lips. Taking a second to inhale slowly, he looks crazy sexy and mussed up like this. A gentle peck of reassurance that only further makes me feel like what we just did was normal and natural.His eyes are heavy and pupils large, lips swollen from using them all over me, hair chaotic because at some point, without knowing it, I must have dragged my nails through it. He looks so exceptionally seductive.He's breathing heavily, too, so his breath fans my face weirdly gently, and I can focus on him slowly. Seeing a sheen of sweat on his nose and forehead, given the fact he probably had his face buried in the pillows through most of that. It’s hardly a cool night.“That’s so not how I intended that to go….it was supposed to be a lot less…….just less
“Ughhhh…Kales, why are we doing this on a Saturday morning? It’s the weekend….. Who does homework on a Saturday morning?” Dane huffs, slumping over me, so I have to lift my laptop from my knees before he lays his head on it and end up holding it over my head while glaring down at him turning to get comfy on my lap. Sitting on my bed, crossed-legged, supposed to be doing an essay due on Monday, yet here I am, pandering to my boyfriend’s childishness.“Because if we don’t do it now, we have to do it before school tomorrow night. I would rather free up my weekend and not worry about being too tired to think straight.” I chastise him gently, trying to stay patient, given this is his third interruption. Laying my laptop back down at the side of his head, I absentmindedly rub my fingers through his hair and scratch his scalp. Even though it is irritating and disruptive, I can’t completely ignore how cute he is looking up at me that way.He’s been glued to me since we got up, and somehow, a
“Is it too soon to look?” I push Dane sideways, trying to peer around the wall into my patio doors, and get hauled back into his arms again. Manhandled back like a lightweight.“You’re worse than a child… give them some breathing space. Given Lees's slowness, Tyler is probably still in the ‘begging for a chance’ stage.”“She’s not slow; she's shy and cautious, and we’ve been out here for twenty minutes already.” I wriggle to be free of his muscular arms and aim for a head duck down into the glass, seeing only my sheers from this side. Even though they are semi-transparent, they do a great job of masking my room in broad daylight. I can’t see a damn thing.“Twenty-eight to be exact…he probably needs longer.”“Doubtful. Lees is probably praying we come back to save her from this mortification.” I huff at him, knowing he only wants to stay out here and keep making out, but my focus is being pulled to the happenings in my room. As much as I tried to kiss him, I wanted to be back there an
“She said Yes.” Tyler proudly declares, acting more like a guy who just proposed marriage than a relationship, and I find it oddly cute. Softening to smile at the way they're leaning in together. Only touching fingers, but the body language is off the charts obvious. Every part turned in towards one another, and Tyler cannot keep his eyes from wandering over her face as he smiles brightly. If I doubted his crush on Elisa before, then there is no question anymore. He looks like a guy with a severe addiction.“Guess we should go out and celebrate then, right?” I ask, knowing that zero homework is on the agenda now. Tyler and Elisa are too puppy love and smoochy, and Dane’s sudden healing of his piercing means he will keep pawing at me to make out until he gets it out of his system again. I haven’t kissed him enough or properly, and he isn’t going to let it go. Especially not with our Romeo and Juliet smooching across the room from us.I guess now, when we go out as a foursome, I won’t f
The past few days, life has been dull and quiet since Dane left. The school even seems lackluster, and classes I normally wish he would stop bugging me to let me work have been long and boring. I have found that my dedication has been wavering lately for someone who was once so focused on my studies and my future.I realize how much of a problem I have that it’s gotten to this stage. He goes away, and I become some moronic imbecile like that girl in the Twilight movies. Staring into space in one chair by the window for months as though I cannot get a grip. Loosening some of my grip on my career-orientated ideals and sitting daydreaming in school.I won’t be this way. It’s pretty pathetic.“Here.” Elisa slides me a piece of paper, which yanks my focus back onto the class at hand, and I notice we’re being passed assignments while I was zoned out and turn to catch Tyler staring at the back of his girlfriend's head like some love-sick puppy. Since the weekend, these two have been even mor
“Hey, Babycakes, what are you doing?” Dane’s honey-laden voice croons down the cell to me, a sign he’s not with his mom, seeing he's not trying to be quiet and sounds relaxed, probably in his hotel room.“Watching my best friend pretend she can’t throw a bowling ball so her boyfriend manhandles her while giving a lesson. I swear she’s not the same girl who beats me at this game every time we come.” Focusing on Elisa's play pretend inability is amusing, even if I am shocked she had the gall to put on the pitiful act to get cuddly.She sure is learning fast how to wind Tyler around her little finger.It's only mid-afternoon, but the ten-pin bowling alley is relatively busy, although we managed to blag a corner alley so I could hide in the shadows on the seats here. We’ve been here a while, on our third or fourth game, and I'm happy to sit back and let those two treat it as a date.“You should take tips from her…it wouldn’t hurt to have you soften up and act helpless occasionally to brin
I have a boyfriend to impress. I can’t have every other girl there look sexy for him and me being a frump in some boring outfit.“I’ll figure it out. What are you wearing?” I let it go for now, watching the two about fifteen feet away setting up for a new game with less interest and waving my hand in the air. I am so over playing now we’ve been here for hours.“Don’t add me in this time…. I’ll sit one out and watch you too,” I yell to them to catch Tyler’s attention and get a nod of okay. Dane calling me meant they took my turns the last few shots to leave me over here, so it’s not a shock. I want to sit one out and spend more time talking to him. I feel like a third wheel anyway, with how cutesy they are today. If I stay out of their way, they can forget I am here and have an actual one-on-one date. Something Elisa has been weirdly evasive of, so I guess her training wheels have not come off all the way yet. She likes me there as security even though she obviously doesn’t need me her
‘We’re in our street so I won’t be long. As soon as I get in, I’ll take my luggage to my room to give my dad time to go to bed, and then I’ll hop your balcony. Can’t wait to see you xxx.’It’s four am, and I have been dozing on and off for hours while watching my cell and waiting for Dane’s text. Unable to let myself fall asleep fully in case he thinks I’m not eager to see him, and I don’t want to miss his moment of getting home. I’m half asleep, and the vibration makes me jump, scanning the words twice and blinking as it sinks in that he’s here. He’s home or will be in a few minutes.Three weeks of endless waiting and my boy is finally back.I can’t wait. Scooting out of bed, I grab my short, baby pink lightweight robe to cover my skimpy vest and shorts and hightail it across my room. Open the door as quietly as possible because my mom is in bed across the hall and slide out before closing it tight. My nerves are hitched, which makes me weirdly breathless, and even though my heart is
“Mom is running late today?” I point out while packing away Bryan’s dishes from lunch. Slightly irritated by it. Eyes on the clock as I don’t want a repeat of yesterday and running into that jerk and his shadow again. I have decided that for my own mental state Dane is right and we should not intend to ever cross paths. Seeing him causes more harm than good and it reminds me everytime that I am no further forward in getting over him.My day, after seeing him, always goes to shit, and my ongoing crappy insomnia is so much worse now we are under the same sky. I might never sleep again. I’m just so emotionally exhausted by all of this and wish I could fall asleep and wake up when I am over it.“She’s been tired, maybe just on slow-mo. She should take more time to relax.”“Well she better hurry up as they are taking you for your scans and assessment in about five minutes. She’s normally here by now.” Not to mention Dane is due in twenty and I wanted to be long gone.“You don’t need to sta
Hearing Bryan about to out me is all the push I need, not wanting it to seem like I am hiding, and I yank the curtain back to reveal myself. Plastering on a blank expression cool manner and lift my chin a little higher. Eyes straight to Bryan to ensure I don’t stray their way completely, blanking the two figures lingering closely near his bed.Seeing them in my peripheral is enough. The sickening lurch of pain reminds me that it never goes away, even when I stop noticing it as much.“All done and tidy. My mom won’t moan about me putting them in the wrong place.”I catch the slight movement of surprise out of the corner of my eye and the way Hannah slides back to hide behind Dane at seeing me appear. Dane’s head had jerked my way before he quickly averted it, and I caught the subtle gasp from one of them.“Um…Hi, Kayla. You look pretty.” Hannah whimpers like some terrified child who has just come face to face with the grumpy old witch of the village. Fake compliments to try and befrien
“Lunch is served.” I smile brightly as I unpack Monique's food onto Bryan’s bed tray and set them out like a gourmet restaurant, napkins, and fresh cutlery included. Monique has it in her head that despite the hospital supplying him with meals, he will never get better if it’s not her cooking. So it’s my unofficial job to deliver three meals a day.“This looks delicious, thank Monique from the bottom of my heart. Tell her I can feel the effects already. You all spoil me.” Bryan shifts to pull himself higher in his upright position, looking better today with more color on his face. Day by day, a return slowly of the man we love and know so well.I can admit that now he seems more like his old self. That sense of heavy dread weighing on my heart every second has lessened somewhat. He is one less stress for me, one less tragedy of my life. I guess having a truce with my mom is second. We may not be okay by a long run, but not having to spit venom at her any time she gets close has been
His eyes lock on mine for a millisecond, registering shock at my presence, halting him to a sudden stop. He averts them to his feet, shuffling slightly backward to block the doorway with his arms outstretched, but whoever is behind him that he’s attempting to hinder shunts him forward with an ouch as they hit him. He doesn’t do a good job of stopping them from getting in.“Ouch…why did you stop? Why are you blocking me?” It’s a young feminine voice, and she slides under his arm and past him, giving him a weirdly confused glance as though questioning the sudden statue-like posture in the open doorway. I catch it from her side view, growing insanely jealous as she places a hand on his arm to bring it down from the door frame.Molten lava spikes in my belly at her very handsy motions.It doesn’t take a brain surgeon to figure out that this teen girl dressed in a similar preppy, neat, and almost upper-class style with a sleek ponytail and fresh face is Hannah. Her color scheme seems to de
“I’ll go to the pharmacy for some toiletries and bits and pieces while Bryan sleeps. You head off home for now, and I’ll see you this evening.” My mom is up and tidying Bryan’s new private room after we settled him in here, and now I am getting the strong vibes she wants me to leave. I know it’s because Dane is coming. I overheard Mom and Bryan earlier saying Dane would come around eleven after he was on a ward, and it’s almost that time. My mom thinks she’s being sly about the hints that I should go home for lunch but I am not leaving until I at least see him once. I want that face-to-face, that moment of closure.To see the person who vanished from my life so I can put a lid on what we were. I guess a part of me wants to see for myself if he has suffered, too. Because I will know by looking at him, I will be able to tell with one encounter whether he even missed me a little bit. I need it to quieten to anger in my head and the ache in my heart.Just once. Even if we say nothing to o
I’m so groggy when I wake up after finally passing out when I got home. I have no idea what time it is or what day it is, yet my bedroom is oddly bright. Last night at the hospital feels like a distant dream, and as I toss and turn to get myself out of bed, I catch sight of my alarm clock and pause in a shocked gasp.It’s four pm.I have slept for almost twelve hours. I have no idea how I even did that and Bryan will wonder why no one is there for his waking up. He probably woke up already.“What the fuck?” I shoot up, almost falling off the edge of my bed in sleepy clumsiness, aware that visiting at the hospital is at nine am, and I was sure I had set my reminder to wake me up. I don’t know if I slept through it or if, in my stupor last night, I didn’t save the timer.“Mom!!” I race into the hall, stumbling and banging into the wall because despite my energetic, alert wake-up, my body has yet to catch up. Calling frantically to rouse her, too, as I know she will kick herself for bein
“Here, drink something.” Tyler's gentle coaxing as he presses a warm cup into my hand snaps me out of my zombie state of staring at the blank hospital wall, and I blink back into reality. I wasn't even aware I was zoned out on another plain, as I don’t recall any thoughts. I don’t even know how long I was sitting immobile like this, unaware of the people around me.He's crouching in front of me, assessing my mental state, appearance, and expression and nods off towards my mom and Monique in the chairs across the room where they are now silent. My mom had been crying for the first hour here, but it seems she, too, has hit the silent numb. Waiting endlessly like we are. My mom looks shellshocked, pale, and lifeless as Monique cradles her in like she’s the child in this. Sitting a few feet away because of a gap in the chair layout.I wouldn’t expect anything else from my mom. I have always parented myself. Whenever I needed someone to lean on, it was him we should not name.“You all look
I don’t know what brought me in here or even remember walking in or climbing the stairs. But as Dane’s old room stretches out emptily in front of me, I spot the discarded hoody on the bare mattress where I threw it and idle slowly to retrieve it. It seems symbolic, lying here.An unloved, unwanted heap of fabric, left in here to exist alone in the nothingness of what he left behind.The hoody is me.Pulling it into my lap as I slide my butt onto the edge of the mattress with more effort than warranted, given I feel dead on my feet. Scanning the walls and furniture and the sheer emptiness of this room without anything of his. A naked shell, a box without personality. Everything is gone just like he is, and it fills me with a deeper, darker ache all the way down to my toes. Every day, a new wave of confusing feelings comes at me, always different from the one before, and each time, I am no more prepared to navigate it.I guess it’s like going through the steps of grief, and I am finally
“Are you sure it’s okay? Your mom won’t mind, given the weird atmosphere?” Elise looks borderline terrified as I lead her into the house after school and shrug it off. Not caring one iota if my mom minds. It’s been weeks since I had my friend home for dinner, and I want to get some sense of normal back in my life while it’s still in self-destruct mode.Home feels weirdly warm and inviting today as the delicious smells of baking bread hit us in the face as we yank off our school jackets and kick off our shoes. I guess Monique is in the mood to spend the afternoon in the kitchen, and I thank her mentally for the years she always made this fele like home. Her small touches, her constant presence, and today, the smell of her pouring love into our food has been the only thing to comfort me lately.“Kayla, you’re home. Elise…are you staying for dinner?” I don’t get to answer as my mom appears in the hallway as though she’s been waiting for the door to open and answers for me. She is seeming