I have a boyfriend to impress. I can’t have every other girl there look sexy for him and me being a frump in some boring outfit.“I’ll figure it out. What are you wearing?” I let it go for now, watching the two about fifteen feet away setting up for a new game with less interest and waving my hand in the air. I am so over playing now we’ve been here for hours.“Don’t add me in this time…. I’ll sit one out and watch you too,” I yell to them to catch Tyler’s attention and get a nod of okay. Dane calling me meant they took my turns the last few shots to leave me over here, so it’s not a shock. I want to sit one out and spend more time talking to him. I feel like a third wheel anyway, with how cutesy they are today. If I stay out of their way, they can forget I am here and have an actual one-on-one date. Something Elisa has been weirdly evasive of, so I guess her training wheels have not come off all the way yet. She likes me there as security even though she obviously doesn’t need me her
‘We’re in our street so I won’t be long. As soon as I get in, I’ll take my luggage to my room to give my dad time to go to bed, and then I’ll hop your balcony. Can’t wait to see you xxx.’It’s four am, and I have been dozing on and off for hours while watching my cell and waiting for Dane’s text. Unable to let myself fall asleep fully in case he thinks I’m not eager to see him, and I don’t want to miss his moment of getting home. I’m half asleep, and the vibration makes me jump, scanning the words twice and blinking as it sinks in that he’s here. He’s home or will be in a few minutes.Three weeks of endless waiting and my boy is finally back.I can’t wait. Scooting out of bed, I grab my short, baby pink lightweight robe to cover my skimpy vest and shorts and hightail it across my room. Open the door as quietly as possible because my mom is in bed across the hall and slide out before closing it tight. My nerves are hitched, which makes me weirdly breathless, and even though my heart is
“What about…Happy eighteenth, Kayla….Happy birthday, Baby. I was adamanet I wouldn’t stay longer than today.” He pecks me on the lips as the realization hits me that he’s right. It’s four am and my birthday. I went to bed, not even thinking about that, only seeing him and completely blanked midnight passing us by. I’m again the same age as he is and technically a legal adult.I think it’s the first birthday of my life. I wasn't sitting watching for my dad’s text in hopes he remembered or eagerly counting the minutes until I turned a year older. I didn't even think about it at all.“I am.” Even I sound surprised.“You are…we both are, and I have something for you.” Dane leans away further, forcing me to drop my hands back down onto the bed to let him go as he kneels up over the top of me. Legs on either side of mine but he puts no weight on me. Instead he unzips his leather jacket and crosses his arms in a cute little way so he points at each pocket on the sides. Seeing him with a litt
“Do I look okay?” Elisa blinks at me, the sweet, doe-eyed return of insecurity about her looks as I make her give me a twirl in front of my jeep. Admiring my goddess with the pride of a mother who may as well of birthed her myself.“Gorgeous, baby….. absolutely radiant.” Beaming, I take in the short and tailored dark green dress we picked for her. It’s flat, smooth satin, but the little cap sleeves and scooped neckline are green velvet in a shade a tad darker than the rest. Simple, elegant, and showcases her tall, lean figure and ample bust with curves in all the right places. Her red hair is a satin curtain of softness, held back from her face with a simple dark green velvet Alice band she chose, and her makeup is the trademark vintage I gave her. Tyler almost had an instant orgasm when he laid eyes on my beauty earlier, so I don’t know why she’s doubting her look now we’re here.“I don’t look immature?” She flushes a darker shade of pink and gets a hip nudge from me before looping h
The party is in full swing now it’s late, and despite my earlier weirdness over that girl, I am enjoying myself even if I have kept her in my peripheral way more than I should have. These people are easy to get along with, and despite this idea that I was walking into a frat party and bracing myself for it kicking off, it ended up being way more of a hang-out and chill session. It made so much more sense to me why Dane and Tyler frequently hang out with them because it’s nothing like teen boy chaos and wild orgies that I expected. Given Dane admitted most of his image was fake I can now see how he got away with it for so long without creating more mayhem. IF taking off for a party weekend was coming here to do this, then he’s way less rebellious than he pretended to be.Tyler, on the other hand, saying these parties get wild…was clearly joking.We started on the beach with food, music, and volleyball for a few hours. Laughing and getting sand in places that didn’t feel all that great
I mean, she’s smaller than me and tiny in frame, so there’s no way she was able to attack him to the extent of leaving kisses on his body and opening his clothes without his being able to stop her. I was in the bathroom for like ten minutes, so I'm sure he had plenty of time to get something started before I came out. Maybe he heard me coming, and that’s why he was cooling it off again.What am I thinking?Do I really think he would cheat on me?I don’t know anymore, not after seeing that.He’s been acting weird with that girl all night and has been actively avoiding her without any explanation about who she is. She's the one person he never introduced me to. Maybe those should have been the warning signs from the first minute she arrived. Maybe his distance and avoidance were to hide something between them and not that he didn’t want to see her.“Kayla, stop.” Dane tries to grab me from behind a second time as I get up into the room and twist out of his grip. I push him away as hard
“You’re scarily quiet. What are you thinking about?” Dane and I are lying face to face in the dark, under the sheets in bed, and curled up together so we’re nose to nose. It’s been maybe twenty minutes of this, and I’m frustrated that I don’t feel any better.It’s like my confidence and security have taken a knock, and my heart is yearning for some extreme way to feel back to how I was an hour ago. Some deep emotional need to have him wipe away my hurt.“I’m fine…just…” I exhale heavily and curl into his body some more, resting my temple against his neck and inhaling his familiar scent. I can’t put into words the weird residual melancholy that tonight has left me. Maybe it was the realization that Dane alone has the power to destroy my heart should he ever actually betray me like that, and it’s made me feel small and vulnerable. Trusting someone with your soul in that way.Maybe it's being slapped with the reality that he has had sex with girls before, had some connection and relation
Dane almost catapults out of the bed. Grips my shoulder with one hand as I move in and suck the tip into my mouth and lets out a groan that almost makes me climax. Its so primal and raw and empowering.He tastes slightly salty, smooth, hard, and yet also good. Hard and thick, and I can barely get comfortable around him with my lips as this is such an alien sensation for me. Not sure if I should be doing anything else except sucking him like a lollipop. It’s not like I have ever watched it be done and only heard girls at school talking about it.How hard can it be?“Kayla….you don’t have…oh fuck…” His words die off as I find my way around what I'm doing, having no clue if it's even right. I suck him some more, explore him with my tongue and lips and take moments to experience this new feeling. Mentally wondering how far into my mouth he should be because I don’t want to end up gagging and throwing up all over him. Better to play it safe and keep only the first inch of him in there and
“Are you sure it’s okay? Your mom won’t mind, given the weird atmosphere?” Elise looks borderline terrified as I lead her into the house after school and shrug it off. Not caring one iota if my mom minds. It’s been weeks since I had my friend home for dinner, and I want to get some sense of normal back in my life while it’s still in self-destruct mode.Home feels weirdly warm and inviting today as the delicious smells of baking bread hit us in the face as we yank off our school jackets and kick off our shoes. I guess Monique is in the mood to spend the afternoon in the kitchen, and I thank her mentally for the years she always made this fele like home. Her small touches, her constant presence, and today, the smell of her pouring love into our food has been the only thing to comfort me lately.“Kayla, you’re home. Elise…are you staying for dinner?” I don’t get to answer as my mom appears in the hallway as though she’s been waiting for the door to open and answers for me. She is seeming
Here I am, wallowing in pain and heartbreak, thinking that he, too, must be having a really hard time. It’s the only comfort I have been able to give myself in all of this, and yet it’s not even true. He’s over there living it up with another girl, making friends, and even going to school with her. The fact no one wants to tell me means it’s far from innocent, and I don’t want to believe he would move on so fast, yet something tells me this is his style.This is exactly the kind of shit Dane of the past would pull.Didn’t he try throwing all in with that shrew Charmaigne in an attempt to dislodge my feelings for him? Maybe knowing we can never be together, he has gone down the route of replacing me as fast as he can. Don’t they say the faster way to get over someone is to get under someone new?He slept with other girls in his past to try and forget me, and now here he has a ready-made wannabe girlfriend living in his new home. If he really wanted to get over me, she is the perfect st
School was tougher today than yesterday. I think it’s the inability to sleep and the slow loss of Dane’s belongings and possessions at home, feeling like I am trying to grasp onto fine dry sand and can’t keep it between my fingers. Every time I close my eyes, I see him, and the overwhelming sadness stops me from being able to shut off my brain and roll over this mess again and again until I feel like I'm going slowly insane.I never knew love could be so awful.“You okay?” Elisa interrupts my spaced-out mood and pulls me back to the burger in my hand that I have barely touched. Sighing as I stare back out the window blankly at my jeep parked nearby and nod.“A million miles away. Sorry.”We decided to come out and eat after we dropped off my paternity test at the lab out here, only ten miles from home. Tyler had something to do with his friends, so Elisa and I decided to hang out here, take in some scenery, and try a burger bar to take my mind off of things.It wasn't hard. I put a sw
“I know, I know…I’m working on it. I never thought your mom would take it as badly as she is and dig her heels in. I’m sorry it seems like we’re stalling but it’s just you know how she can be. She needs time to calm down and change her mind.” Bryan looks weary all of a sudden, and now my anger dims a slight tiny fraction at his attempts to douse my fire, I cannot deny that he seems unnaturally pale today.A tiny hint of empathy and maybe even concern peeks out, and I try and push it back down into the pits of hell and remind myself that these two humans deserve anything they are going through. I don’t want to feel anything for either of them.“Maybe you should ask yourself why she is stalling….maybe you need that test as much as I do.” I point out, appraising his expression and seeing real fatigue etched on his face for the first time in as long as I can remember, and I wonder how much of a mental toll it's taking on him, too. Maybe he does have doubts, or maybe losing Dane this way h
I’m tired already, and it’s only eleven AM, and another class is starting. I regret coming back today, given last night I barely slept and instead cried myself raw on Dane's empty bed. Draped in the hoody that he wore the first time we took Elisa to the cove and staring at the mountain of boxes Monique packed up to send abroad for him. A symbolic tower of everything that is him ready to be sent far away.His room felt like she had stripped all personality that was Dane from its very air, as though he never existed in this space. Even his smell was gone, and as I lay there on the uncovered mattress, I couldn’t move or leave, and sleep wouldn’t take me. Just a useless heavyweight of flesh tethered to the last place he dwelled and unable to move on.I feel like I am now existing in an eternal zombie state, caught between numb and excruciating pain at any given moment, and my mind is anywhere but on school. But I know I cannot keep existing this way. Dragging out and holding onto nothing.
“She went to the airport early to wait for Bryan…to avoid me, I guess. Things here have been strained and hard, and we have come to a silent cold war. I can’t stand being in the same place as her, yet she insists now we eat together again and won’t let me stay locked up in my room. She had a carpenter come and remove the locks….who does that?” It’s a tired accusation, lacking real vavoom, even if it still angers me that she did it. I have long since lost the fight I had to stay away from her at all costs. She is like a buzzing fly around my head, and it’s easier to obey and eat silently while ignoring her presence than have her hammering down my door.If she’s trying to force normalcy back into this house, then she shouldn’t hold her breath for it to happen.“Sounds like something your mom would do.” Tyler snorts, and I am starting to see that all these years, Dane has definitely colored his friend’s view of my mom. As polite as Tyler was when he was here before, I have never actually
“Oh my god, I missed you so much.” Elisa catapults herself into my arms, almost knocking me into our pool with the enthusiasm of an over-excited puppy, then nearly strangles me to death while simultaneously crushing my ribs. Her excitement is palpable, and her hug is overdue. I regret now giving her the silent treatment for ten days before being able to find the mental strength to tell her everything in a phone call. I had no way of verbalizing things without breaking down in hysteria until last night, and I knew Tyler would have told her already, but she needed to hear it from me. I have never gone silent on my best friend in my whole life or hidden away Dane style like his, but I needed time to process and grieve. This was such a huge thing that I spent too many days crying in bed until no more tears fell. I am exhausted and now exist in some odd dreamlike reality where nothing seems real.I think I am finally spent. Tears have dried up, and instead of the constant agonizing pain of
“You have to eat, open the door. We need to talk.”“Go away…. Leave me alone.” My anger and venom have not dissipated any; instead, it grows by the hour. Irritated by my mom’s lingering presence because she just won’t leave me alone.Her whiny, pleading voice only riles fresh anger in me, and I throw my pillow at my bedroom door in frustration. Annoyed by her presence, and go back to staring at my cell, waiting for a reply that hasn’t come. I feel like I am going silently insane, and time has come to a standstill. I don’t know what else to do but sit here and wait given my entire existence has been turned upside down and my hope for any future is so far away I cannot reach him.Dane has been gone for days, yet he hasn’t called, he hasn’t texted me back, and Bryan has been silent, too, like they were sucked into some soundproofed bubble where all contact has ceased. For me, anyway. I don’t know if my mother speaks to them because I can't stomach her at all, even for a second, to have o
“Bullshit…this is bullshit. You’re lying.” Dane erupts before I can really swallow down the words that have wounded me with a sucker punch to my heart. “You’ve always hated me, and I wouldn’t put it past you to stoop this low and lie….so I break up with Kayla.” He half yells, half accuses, straining forward to get in her face, and I can taste the growing despair and anger circling him like a cyclone. “I don’t believe you.”“This isn’t true…you would have told me…dad would have….” I trail off, whimpering the words as something clicks in my head and slices through me with speed and severity, making my legs tingle, and my limbs grow weak. “Is that why? Why has he been this way towards me for the past ten years?”I don’t want to believe this or swallow it down, but it’s like something just smacked me in the head and woke up the underlying doubts.It races through my brain and thunders through my entire body like a shocking cold wall of ice. Tingling my brain through my scalp, and even my