I wasn't ready to face Mike. My emotions were over the roof, I wasn't sure am I sad or confused, am I angry... I wasn't happy, that's for sure. Not knowing whether to call him or talk to him, should I apologize, should I make him apologize?"Miss?" Some nice old lady spoke as she saw me by the elevator. "Are you going?" She smiled politely. I just simply nodded and entered the elevator. She pressed her number and I pressed mine. Neurology. John. I am so glad he woke up. I thought I lost him. Again, one hundred small memories started rapidly going through my head, making me dizzy. It doesn't necessary means I still have feelings for him, but I can't say I don't have. Seeing him in this positions, seeing his condition has me shattered in little pieces. "Your stop miss." Nice old lady spoke again. I twitched and smiled acidly. "Sorry. Thank you." I Said quietly, adding a little polite bow. As I was getting out, I nervously repaired my uniform. I was walking slowly, with my heart bea
"Any news?" I asked Hannah when I called her from my office. I returned to my table one hour ago, and I still couldn't breath properly, my body was still numb but I knew I have to pull myself together. I have a shift to end and my patients to care about. When did my life became so complicated? Life was so much easier in Cairo. I was with my dad, I worked, occupied my head with things that really mattered. Now? Am I still going steady with Mike? Are we stil a thing? What is happening with John? Will he be okay?My forehead started itching, I rubbed it really hard. "I need to focus." I said to Hannah, but it was more of thinking out loud."I will inform you, don't worry." Hannah said. She was in the gallery, wathcing John's surgery. "He is steady." She said encouragingly. I just closed my eyes. I imagined him on the operation table, opened. His head opened and his brain pulsating, his body fighting to stay alive. I never want to see anybody I know in that position. On that table, in
This has been the worst shift I had since I came back. Honestly, I never felt more exhausted and weary...As I waited Hannah by our black Volkswagen 5, I was feeling cold breeze on my tired face. I was so happy and gratefull to be here, healthy and alive. Wathcing people being here, with day to day struggle to survive has made me look at life from a different perspective. I should have been a teacher."Hi." Hannah came to me, looking half dead from fatigue. I just smiled to her, quietly entering the car."He is alive right?" I asked her, wanting to get that straight."Yes. He is." She said, slowly carressing my leg. That felt good. I felt relief. I can finally breath properly. He is good. He made it! For now...I shook my head on that thought."You okay?" I asked her when I started driving. She leaned her head on the seat, looking really tired. "My patient died..." She said barely audible. I closed my eyes for a second. I heard her breathing, I know she has been crying... I wanted
"Are you coming in?" He asked me when I entered my room. His shirt was already off, revealing his perfectly shaped abdominal muscles. I couldn't help but stare which made him smirk."So?" He asked huskily. As he smiled, he raised his one eyebrow, so I nervously caughed."In the shower?" I asked, feeling stupid and embarrassed. I felt heat and redness on my face when I finally met his gaze. Why do I feel like some hormonal highscool girl?!He didn't say a word, he just smiled. He came closer to me, putting his hands very slowly on my hips. When I felt his touch, my knees trembled. I think he noticed that because he huskily smirked as he leaned towards me. I sighed deeply, closing my eyes. I was so eager for his touch, I forgot where am I or what happened with him before. When he kissed me, world stopped. His warm and soft lips touched mine, and it instantly made me feel the way I wasn't feeling in a very long time! I felt wanted again. I felt good. He slowly broke our kiss and moaned
"Dr.Miller?" I heard a voice, small voice which woke me up from my daydream.I've been absent since yesterday. Mike and I had the best time, I felt like everything has returned into normal again. Like we were a happy couple again, if we ever were. I'm just so used to being not good, feeling so bad about our relationship that when it comes to this, to the day that everything is okay, I feel insecure and nervous. Anxious about so many things... That's toxic and I shouldn't feel that way..."Yes?" I looked up to see Darla, my intern."I'm just letting you know that Peter wants to see you before the surgery." She said very slowly and quietly. Why is she so afraid of me?"Okay." I said as I stood up. "Lets do this." I said as I passed by her. She backed off at first and I closed my doors behind me, but I heard her little steps walking near me. I couldn't help but shook my head and smile."How is the most prettiest boy in the world today?" I asked smiling, as I entered Peter's room. I regre
I was so happy! My first solo surgery here and it was successful. I had an intern, I was number one in that OR. I was feeling so fulfilling, so gratefull to be here! It was an amazing morning! I grabbed a cup of coffee from our Cantina. I was chanting a song in my head and I was visibly good. It felt awesome! "Something good happened?" I heard a familiar voice behind me. When I turned my head, I was puzzled. Delia Care. John's mom. I smiled lightly, she did too."Hi Delia. How are you?" I asked politely."Been good. Thanks." She said quietly, barely audible. I nodded, without saying anything. We started walking towards an empty table. She sat with me, with her cup of coffee."John was under another surgery." Delia said sadly. I closed my eyes, trying to block those horrible memories."Yes. They are waiting for him to wake up." I said quietly. We were sitting in silence for a few seconds. The awkward tension between us could easily be sliced with a knife!"I'm sorry I didn't came m
I was thinking about Mike a little longer then I wish. I need to concentrate on my work. Which I had a ton, to say at least. I was thinking about Darla too. She is a very strange girl. I know I'm strange too, but she is somehow misteriously awkward. She is either very quiet, very sad or very weird. I managed to caught her acting normal, and that was when I was eavesdropping on her and Peter talking. I shook my head, trying to go back to my work. In front of me was Ada's files, Peter's files and a lot of other paperwork."No fun." I said out loud. I looked up at the clock on my white wall. It said 2 pm. Few more hours. Well... I guess I will have to do this."Hannah?" I said after she picked up her phone. I thought I give her a call, I haven't seen her since we clocked in."I didn't even eat lunch." She said quietly, barely audible. I laughed silently and she just sighed. "Are you ok?" I asked her, still smiling."Yes but I have tons to do before this day is over." She growled anno
Why am I really doing this? I know Stephanie is not going to be okay, I know things will only get worse so why did I just put her on Hydroxyurea? "Poor girl..." Veronica interrupted me in my daydream. I shook my head and sighed. "I know..." I said sadly. "Does it get easier?" I asked her, leaning with my both hands on her desk. She smiled lightly, making me warmer. "No honey. It doesn't. You will have to get used to this." She said. I took Stephanie's files and still with my one hand leaning on Veronica's desk, I started writting my report."For all it's worth, you are doing pretty good!" She said reassuringly. I smiled. "Thanks." I said as I stopped writting. "You know, in Africa, my dad and I couldn't help all of them. There was hundreds of kids every day. Not just small incisions, or simple diseases. Not curable, non operative, it was so hard..." My voice drifted off. There was at least tousands of flashbacks in my head. I will never forget those kids. Never.