Gramps’ house had never looked more daunting. The house I really grew up in and the only home I’ve ever known was now one of the scariest places I’d ever have to face.Inside this happy place was a box full of demons ready to be unleashed on the world, and that was something I couldn’t think about. I couldn’t think over whether or not it was a good idea for me to be here. I couldn’t decide if this was the right decision for me right here, right now.I just knew this conversation had to happen. I couldn’t stay locked in my past but I’d never be able to move on if Gramps can’t. I won’t be able to get past it if it was my own damn ignorance keeping him locked in place.“What you doin’ here in the middle of the week?” Gramps grumbled as I pushed the door open and walked into the house.“Come to talk to you,” I replied, dropping onto the sofa next to him.He dragged on his cigar, the smoke swirling, and pierced me with his eyes. “You’ve been sittin’ out there in that pretty boy car for lon
My mouth dropped open, not from what he said, but because he threw it out so carelessly in front of the others – especially Jack.Austin grinned and winked at me. He turned, stretching his arms over his head as he walked in the direction of the house. I watched him go, strucked into silence, and ignored Leila’s gaze burning into the side of my head.“His last offer?” Jack said tightly, his eyes resting on me.“He offered to teach me the difference between a slapped ass and a spanked one,” I muttered. “He’s a prick.”“Caveman. Rein it in,” Sandra ordered, tapping his cheek and standing up.“In,” he muttered in response.“Good. Keep it that way.” She kissed his cheek, and Josh and Leila stood.“I’ll see you after class, Maggie.” Leila looked at me pointedly, and I nodded. Yep. I was so in for tonight.We sat in silence as the others disappeared, and I stared into the distance. It was the first time I’ve been alone with Jack since me and Austin got together, and for the first time in my
“That was awkward today,” Leila commented as she entered the room.I looked up from my book. “Welcome to my world.”“A world you created.”“Your tact amazes me,” I said dryly. “Really, Leila, just remind me. It doesn’t play on my mind or anything. Nope, I’m totally oblivious to it.”“I don’t get why you don’t just admit it.”“No one asked?” I tried, shrugging. I sighed. I didn’t know either. “I wish I knew, I really do. It’s not as simple as it looks from the outside. You see it as a simple secret, something hidden for a simple reason. Simple. And it’s not. It’s not just boy meets girl and they fall in love. Its boy meets girl and all hell breaks loose, in his head and in reality.”“So you’re telling me that Austin’s head is stopping you being honest?” She raised an eyebrow in
One tear fell, and another, and another.The pain was real. It was old but real, always there, and it was finally breaking through. It was been held back for so long, but it was finally out. I was starting to let go of the things that have killed me for years.Maggie’s touch was warm and soft, comforting and safe, and as she pulled me into her, I let her. She didn’t speak. She didn’t do anything but just hold me. She reminded me I was not alone, that I was safe. As much as I needed to hold her, I needed her to hold me just as much. She grounded me and kept me here. By focusing on her I was reminded that I was not six years old and afraid anymore. She stopped the flashbacks consuming me. She made that pain bearable.“That’s why I major in psych,” I breathed out after a while of her holding me. “Because it means I can help kids like me that have all this shit in their heads. If I’d had someone to talk to when I was younger, I probably wouldn’t be this fucked up now.”“You’re not fucked
I jumped away from Austin, my hand flying to my mouth when I saw Jack standing there. His eyes flicked between us, the blue in them slowly getting icier, his expression getting harder.The tension in the room rocketed. I could almost feel Austin tensing next to me, saw the anger and realization flooding through Jack’s body. I was standing frozen, unable to do anything but wait. Unable to do anything but look at the anger and betrayal firing up in my best friend’s eyes.There were a thousand excuses rolling around my mind, but the cat really did have my tongue.There was nothing than could excuse this.And it was time to be honest.“Josh thought he saw you follow Austin up.” Jack focused his eyes on me. “I thought he was crazy. I told him it was some other poor fucker, but when a couple of the other guys agreed I said I’d come up just for a laugh. Because I didn’t actually fucking think I’d find you up
He tightened his grip on my hands slightly, and my body shook. Gentle footsteps on the stairs announced Sandra’s arrival, and my eyes slid to hers. I didn’t see the anger or annoyance I expected.I saw understanding.“And you, Maggy?” Jack questioned.Deep breath. “I love him, Jack. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, I am. Both of us tried not to let it happen but it did, and I’m not sorry for that. I’m just sorry it hurts you so much.”Sandra slid her arm around Jack’s, leaning against him, and he heaved out a breath.“Y’know what hurts the most?” He looked at me, anger gone from his eyes. A hint of defeat replaced it. “You’re my best friend and you didn’t think you could tell me. You didn’t even feel for a second that you could tell me. Maybe that’s my fault, but that’s what gets me. Am I pissed you lied about it? Fucking right I am.
My heart was in complete contradiction of itself. Lying there in Austin’s arms, half of it was lighter than it had been in the last few weeks. The lightness came from the truth being told. But the other half was heavy, like a lead weight was holding it down and pinning it to the ground.I shifted, and Austin’s grip on me tightened. I ran my fingers through his hair, smoothing it back from his face, and studied him. Now he looked like he was at peace. The lines on his forehead I had seen so many times were now completely smooth, his mouth was slightly open, and his breathing was even and steady.But his peace had come at the torment of my best friend – who was somewhere in this house, probably awake. He’d be hating himself for being mad at me, happy I found the love he had, and guilty I felt like I couldn’t tell him.In fact he wouldn’t be at the house. I knew exactly where he’ll be.I climbed out of bed, and there
The rough bark of the tree dug into my back. Apart from with Maggie, outside was the only place that gave me peace. Even as I waited for the inevitable conversation with Jack – the one where I’ll have to admit why I need her so much. He deserved that much after what we had done to him, and I was ready for it. Because of Maggie I was finally ready to start opening up about my life.“Still a spacey bastard.” He smirked.“No fist in my eye?” I smirked back at him.He shrugged a shoulder. “I considered it. Several fucking times. Then figured it just ain’t worth it since I’d probably get more punches from those damn girls than it’s worth.”He was probably right.“But that doesn’t mean I won’t kick the shit out of you if you break her fucking heart.”“I wasn’t joking when I said I loved her yesterday,” I said bluntly, staring him down with t