Chapter 03 Memories, regret and pain.

~Sebastian~

My hands trembled as I cupped her face, my heart pounded wildly against my ribcage. I couldn't recall when was the last time my heart pounded this hard. I couldn't help but feel scared as I waited for her response. 

Her silence was killing me.

"Hazel, please say something. "My voice was almost a whisper and shaky. She closed her eyes and heaved a deep sigh.

"I don't want to fight a losing battle, Sebastian. "She said and shook her head, then her lips curved into a bitter smile.

'She's giving up on us. Our sweet Hazel is giving up on us. 'Knight howled inside my head, the pain was too much to bear. It felt like my heart was being pierced by a silver dagger.

"Are you giving up on us. "I asked her and I was met with another heart-wrenching silence.

"I have no choice, Sebastian. I'm on the loosing end.  I'm bound to lose. "Her voice a whisper. I looked deep into her brown hazel eyes that I loved so much as though searching for some answers, but all I could see was sadness and unspoken fear.

I didn't know what to do anymore. I didn't know how to convince her anymore.

"Please excuse me. "My sweet Hazel said and walked away from me. This time I didn't hold her back. I let her go. She was hurt and I was the one to be blamed for everything.

I watched as she sauntered to the closet and picked up her nightgown then slid into it. I lusted over her sexy body. However, I didn't dare to touch her or do anything because I didn't have the courage to.

She walked to the bed and crawled under the white sheets and turned her back on me. It was evident that she didn't want to see me. I stood in the same spot, lost and helpless.

Heaving a deep sigh, I walked to the bathroom to freshen up. I wanted to get rid of my fated scent because it made me sick. It reminded me of my weaknesses.

I turned the shower on absent-mindedly and walked under the warm running water with my clothes on. I closed my eyes and all the memories that I shared with Hazel began to haunt me.

"I don't know what to do, knight. I have tried my best to bring her back to me but...I have failed. I don't know what to do anymore. "I confessed to my wolf and he was silent.

For the first time in my whole life, I was helpless. I didn't know how to deal with this situation.

I wished Hazel and I would go back to our normal life. To live our lives like before. I wanted us to laugh, tease each other and do everything together like we always did before fate fucked up our lives.

We have spent more than a decade building our relationship. Learning to understand each other. Studying each other's likes and dislikes...

I still can't believe that it only took a few seconds to ruin our perfect relationship. Our perfect life and our perfect marriage.

Everything we worked so hard to build crumbled into dust. The trust was destroyed.

Hazel is a good soul. She's the best woman anyone could ever wish for. We grew up together and I knew her too well. Her father was a beta and my father was the Alpha of the mountain pack.

I used to have a crush on her since the age of ten. However, I never confessed to her until she reached the age of sixteen and I began to court her and got married when she was eighteen and I was twenty years old.

Since finding your fated was rare in our world, we decided to make our destiny and promised to love and cherish each other for the rest of our lives.

Hazel was a tough girl. She trained daily to become strong so that she could be the strongest Luna and balance the power. She sacrificed her medical career to take the Luna duties.

She did everything for me, for our pack and that's why we're the strongest pack in the east. But what did I do? I broke all the promises that I had made to her.

I closed my eyes and tears flowed because I couldn't hold it anymore. The water washed away tears as soon as it came out of my eyes.

I punched the concrete wall countless times, hoping that doing so would ease the pain that I was feeling deep down and make me feel less guilty. The pain of losing someone so dear to me was unbearable.

Even though we're living under the same roof and we're still married. I know I'm losing her, she's slipping away from my grip slowly.

Hazel is not only my mate, she's my best friend and my strength. She helped me build the pack and conquer the neighboring packs to acquire more land when I lost my father.

"Please hazel..."I tried to reach her through the mind link but she had shut me down. Which was not normal for her. It only meant one thing. That she had given up on me, on us.

Although we disagreed sometimeswe always found a way  back in each other's arms.She had never mind-blocked me.

I don't know if this time we'll find a way back in each other's arms because the issue is so serious. Will she trust me again and believe in whatever I tell her?.

I don't know because I have already broken all promises that I made to her. I just hope that she'll find it in her heart to forgive me and offer me another chance.

"You deserve it, Sebastian! You deserve it. "I told myself. I leaned on the wall and slowly slid on the floor because my legs couldn't stand my weight.

All the good times that I shared with Hazel clouded my mind. The way we could make love in the shower, train together, watch the moon at night…

It made me feel guiltier because it's all my fault that things turned out this way. I wasn't strong enough to fight the mate bond.

"Damn Alexa! Why did you show up in our lives and ruin everything? "I cursed under my breath and ran my fingers through my wet hair, holding onto it tightly with my eyes shut.

Hazel and I were dancing on the dance floor when I suddenly smelled a sweet scent. She smelled of mint and apples.

Mints, my favorite  scent. Knight growled in my head as he fought for release.

"Hazel, hazel, hazel."I tried calling the name of my wife in my head. However, it didn't make sense anymore. Her name sounded blunt.

I felt Hazel touch my face as she said something to me. However, I didn't feel her touch like other days. Her touches were so cold against my skin, they didn't hold any warmth. They didn't make my insides tickle or turn on Knight.

"Hazel…"I called, looking into her eyes and saw fear flush in her eyes. She was aware of what was going on.

Hazel pulled me by my hand and I followed her lead. The scent got even more stronger with each passing second and I couldn't ignore the scent anymore.

I stopped in tracks, then pulled my hand from her tight grip and turned around, following the scent without a care in the world. I wanted to stop in my tracks and run back to my wife but it seemed like my legs had a mind of their own.

I thought I was strong enough to fight the bond but...it was so hard. That's because the bond between Alpha and his mate is so strong compared to other werewolves.

The Alpha is the strongest amongst all, making the bond strong. For the first time in my entire life, I hated being an Alpha.

I followed the scent, passing through the narrow hallway. I didn't care if I was being led to hell or the moon goddess, I kept on walking.

"Mate..."That was the only word that was ringing in my head. I walked out of the massive building and headed to the small flower garden where the scent led me and there she was.

Her back was facing me and I couldn't tell what her face looked like. She was dressed in a white, backless satin dress which hugged her so tightly.

The scent was even more strong with each step I took towards her. Knight growled in my head and my canines elongated, ready to sink into her flesh and claim her.

"Mate" I called, standing a few meters from her and she turned around to face me. She had brown hair and blue eyes just like mine.

The pale light from the moon shone on her face and she looked so beautiful.

"Mate. "She called in a low voice and I groaned. Her voice was so sweet and soothing. I walked to her and wrapped my arms around her so tightly.

She was so small in my arms and she hugged me back, tightly. Her touch was magical that it set every part of my body on fire. My eyes flashed and I closed them, my teeth itched to sink into her flesh.

"No, this is wrong. "I tried to say it under my breath. However, I didn't let go. It was easier said than done.

"This is right. You are mine and I'm yours. The moon goddess destined us to be together. I'm rightfully yours and you're rightfully mine. We were meant to be. "She said in a lovely voice and I groaned in return.

I grazed her neck with my canines and sacked on her neck, fighting the urge to sink my elongated canines into her flesh. She moaned and her soft moans were like melodious songs in my ear. I wanted her to moan more, to moan for me.

Why did it feel so good when I was doing something wrong?.

I hoisted her and she wrapped her legs around my waist tightly. I touched her bare back and she moaned, kissing me on the neck.

She ran her fingers in my hair, sending my spirits soaring in the sky. As though she was not getting enough of me, she slid her hands under my shirt and touched my bare chest, running her hand on my abs and upward my chest and I groaned. Knight fought for release, he wanted to be released so that he could meet his mate.

His destined mate. His Gift from the moon goddess.

"Alpha, Where are you?" I heard Matteo's voice in my head.

"Luna has left the ceremony and I don't know where she went. She was already gone when I I went to look for her outside. The car is in the parking lot, meaning she left on foot. "My mind jolted back to the present when I heard those words and fear crept into my heart.

That's when reality hit me harder. I let Alexas go and she looked at me in confusion, her eyes were misty. I wanted to touch her face and kiss tears away but I stepped back, away from her.

"Please don't reject me. "She pleaded, closing her eyes and tears ran down her cheeks. I could feel the pain and fear in her voice because of the mate bond.

I wanted to reject her like I had told Hazel so many times but I couldn't bring myself to utter the words. My tongue became heavy and the words were stuck in my throat. I turned around and walked away without saying anything to Alexas.

I stopped in my tracks and closed my eyes when Alexas wrapped her slender hands around my waist tightly from behind.

"Please don't leave me. How am I supposed to forget about you after sharing such a steamy moment?. Why are you doing this to me? .Are you going to leave just like that?. "She asked, her voice almost a whisper, tears flowing down her cheeks.

Knight growled in my head. Fighting for release so that he could go to comfort his mate.

"Are you going to leave without telling me anything? Without telling me whether we'll ever see each other again or not? "Her hands tightened, making it hard for me to walk.

"Please… don't do this to. Please…don't leave me. "She cried and Knight growled in my head. Closing my eyes and inhaling deeply, I pulled her hands from my body and turned around to look at her.

"I already have a wife and I have already claimed her. She's my Luna and I love her so much. I chose her and we have been married for six years now. There is no chance for us. "I told her and tears flowed from her eyes like a waterfall. I saw hope leave her eyes and I couldn't help but feel bad and guilty.

"What? I have been waiting for my mate my whole life. I have been waiting for you…Why didn't you wait for me?."

She asked and I could feel torture and betrayal in her voice. She felt like I had betrayed her.

However, I didn't say anything because I didn't know what to say. I turned around and walked away without looking back, knight howled in my head. However, I didn't give him the opportunity to overpower me.

I couldn't tell how many hours I had spent in the shower. I stood up and removed the clothes, then began to wash away Alexa's scent.

Her scent was the reason why I'm going through this pain. It's her scent that led me to her. I despised myself for falling into her trap. Her sickening sweet scent lured me into a world of misery and I don't know how to get out of it.

I'm stuck. All I can see is darkness. All the bright days are gone and now I'm drowning in regrets and pain. I wish I could listen to Hazel when she asked me to ignore the invitation so that we could celebrate our sixth marriage anniversary.

The day that was supposed to be joyous was now filled with agony. I turned off the shower and walked out of the bathroom. 

I raised my head to check on the digital wall clock. It was past midnight, I couldn't believe that I had spent three hours in the shower. Cursing and blaming myself.

My heart twisted inside my chest when I turned to look at the bed and laid my eyes on Hazel. She was hugging the pillow so tightly as though it was someone. I felt jealousy.

She looked sad even though she was sleeping. Dry tears were on her cheeks, it was evident that she had cried herself to sleep.

I walked to the bed and looked at her, and tears flowed from my eyes. I couldn't recall when was the last time I saw her  this vulnerable.

I vowed to make her happy the day of our wedding. I swore to protect and take good care of her heart. I bowed my head in shame when the words echoed in my head.

"It's all my fault. "I blamed myself for the millionth time. I knelt on the cold concrete floor and stretched my hand to touch her face.

However, I couldn't find the courage to feel her angelic face. I didn't deserve it. I'm the reason why she's sad and broken.

I fisted my hand in the air and pulled it back.

"I'm so sorry Hazel..."I said in a low voice and bowed my head in shame.