CHAPTER 4

BACK HOME

IVY'S POV

The flight from Europe to Los Angeles took forever, almost a whole day. I didn't plan on staying long, so I only packed a few things for me and Noah. I didn't want to spend more time here than I had to.

When we finally got off the plane, everything looked so different from how I remembered it seven years ago. Nicer, somehow. We grabbed our bags and Noah couldn't stop bouncing with excitement. He's always wanted to be a pilot, says they get to travel the world and see so many places. I never argue with him about it. I just want him to be happy.

I got us a cab to the hotel I booked. I wasn't about to stay at my dad's house, not when I knew I wasn't welcome there. Plus, I figured some of my aunts and uncles would be around. I didn't need them looking down their noses at me.

It took me two days to work up the nerve to see my mom. She kept calling, asking if I was coming, but I couldn't bring myself to pick up.

When I finally got to the house, I rang the doorbell and waited. You're not supposed to just walk in here if no one answers. It means you're not wanted.

I nearly fell over when my brother opened the door. He didn't have that look he always used to give me, the one that made me feel about an inch tall. Maybe he didn't recognize me. Or maybe he forgot he hated me. I couldn't stop wondering about it until he spoke.

"You can come in," he said. Just like that. My brother, inviting me inside. I half expected the sky to fall.

The second I stepped through the door, my mom threw herself at me, sobbing like the world was ending. I couldn't believe it. She never wanted anything to do with me, and now this? I saw my aunts and uncles out of the corner of my eye, but I didn't really know them. They never wanted to know me either. The whole thing left me feeling like I'd walked into the Twilight Zone.

I was so caught off guard, I almost forgot Noah was with me. I didn't plan on explaining him to anyone. As long as he behaved himself, which I knew he would, I figured we'd be okay. He wants to meet my family, but he knows it has to be on my terms.

"Mom, is that my grandma?" Noah whispered from behind me. That's when my mom finally noticed him.

"Did he just call you mom?" one of my aunts asked. Auntie Rose, I think. I've heard stories about her, but I didn't care to share.

I ignored her and turned to my son. "Yes, Noah, but she wished I was dead." I said it loud enough for everyone to hear. I didn't care.

"That's an awful thing to say to a child, Ivy. Whatever happened between you and your mother shouldn't involve him," my aunt scolded. I pretended she wasn't there.

My mom looked like she might faint, all pale and weak, like she wanted me to feel sorry for her. But how could I, when she never once treated me like a daughter? Not even when I needed her most, when I was pregnant with Noah and had nowhere to go?

"Ivy, I'm so sorry for everything. But please, don't keep me from my grandchild," she begged, tears in her eyes. Since when did I matter so much to her? If Noah was really her grandson, why did she throw me out when I was carrying him?

"Your father and I, we know we treated you badly. But please, try to forgive us." She took a step closer, but I couldn't move.

"I didn't come for your apologies. I came because I was told to, because he's dead. He wouldn't want me here if he was alive. I didn't even want to come." I stood my ground, my voice hard. "And Noah is nobody's business but mine. I don't owe anyone an explanation."

But my mom wouldn't let up. "I understand you need time, Ivy. But I'm the only grandparent Noah has. Please, let me be part of his life."

I knew she was trying to get to me, to find the girl I used to be. But I'm not that person anymore. I won't let myself be used like that again.

"If there's nothing else, I'm leaving. I'll see you at the funeral." I turned to go, heading for the door even as they called after me. I didn't care anymore.

I yanked the door open, ready to make my escape, and froze. Standing there, staring back at me, was the last person I ever wanted to see.

"Ivy?" he said, his eyes wide with shock. But then his gaze landed on Noah, peeking out from behind me, and I saw the question in his eyes.

My heart dropped straight into my stomach. No. Not him. Not now. I thought I'd never have to see him again, that I'd left Rowan Douglas and all the pain he caused me far behind. But there he was, looking just as stunned as I felt.

"Rowan," I managed to choke out, my voice barely above a whisper. "What are you doing here?"

He blinked, shaking his head like he couldn't quite believe it either. "I... I came for your father's funeral. But Ivy, is that...?"

I pushed Noah further behind me, shielding him from Rowan's searching gaze. "Don't. Don't you dare ask me about him."

Rowan held up his hands, taking a step back. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to... I was just surprised."

"Yeah, well, I'm full of surprises," I snapped, the bitterness welling up like bile in my throat.

How dare he show up here, today of all days? How dare he look at Noah like he had any right to know about him, about the piece of my heart that I'd protected from him all these years?

I felt my mom's hand on my shoulder, trying to pull me back into the house. "Ivy, please. Let's just talk about this."

But I shrugged her off, my eyes never leaving Rowan's face. "There's nothing to talk about. I came to bury my father, not dig up the past. And I sure as hell didn't come to see you."

I pushed past him, dragging Noah with me down the steps. I heard Rowan call my name, heard my mother pleading with me to wait, but I didn't stop. I couldn't. If I did, I knew I'd fall apart right there on the sidewalk.

Noah stumbled along beside me, confused and scared by the tears streaming down my face. "Mommy? Mommy, what's wrong? Who was that man?"

"Nobody, baby. He's nobody." But even as I said it, I knew it wasn't true. Rowan Douglas would never be nobody, no matter how hard I tried to pretend otherwise. He was the man who'd shattered my heart into a million pieces, the man who'd given me the most precious gift in my life and then tossed us both aside like we were nothing.

And now, after seven long years, he'd come crashing back into my world like a wrecking ball. I didn't know if I was strong enough to survive the rubble this time. All I knew was that I had to get away, had to get Noah away, before the truth came spilling out and destroyed the careful life I'd built for us.

So I ran, my son's hand clutched tight in mine, Rowan's stricken face haunting every step. I ran from my past, from my pain, from the love that had almost ruined me. And I prayed that somehow, someday, I'd find the strength to stop running and finally face it all head-on.

But not today. Today, I just needed to breathe. For Noah's sake, if not for my own.

We'd come back to bury the past, but it looked like the past wasn't quite done with us yet. I just hoped I could make it through the next few days without losing myself completely again.