The pretence

Felix POV

I have to pretend that I am still interested in Ella. I just cannot heart break her like this. I still need her in my life, she is still my everything, what we shared was special, and it still is. Furthermore, I can't even imagine her and me separating. She was part of me and we share a strong bond that won't break easily.

Before going out of the office, I remember I had food that was prepared by Ella in my lunchbox. I feel so bad that she had done so much for me and I repaid her by ignoring her food and eating somewhere else. I decide that I cannot go with it at home because she will know I had not eaten it, she will feel so bad.

This is the first day that I had not missed Ella at all, it was like I never loved her. I feel like what I felt for her was just pure friendship and nothing more. But I could not call the wedding off. It has always been her dream for us to get married, and I can't break the promise I made to her. She had wasted enough time already, and I was unable to allow her to continue wasting more time.

As usual, Ella was just waiting for me to get home. I have always found this habit of hers attractive, but today I find it dull. It's like she was unable to do anything without me.

“Hey babe, I was waiting for you. You are late today.” She says. I knew she would ask the question. It was what she said every time I was late.

I was late because I had passed by the incinerator to throw away the food I had. I simply could not come with it at home. It will not be fair to her since she spent her time in preparing the meal.

“I am sorry babe, I had a lot of work today. That is why I am late.” I did not hesitate to find an excuse. This is the first time I ever lied to her. I just pray that it won't become a habit. I just can't be a liar. Likewise, I have always been an honest person.

“No, you don't need to explain, I understand, honey.” She said. “How was your day, anyway. I have prepared something for you to eat. Just go freshen up and then come join me, babe.” She adds. Ella has never been angry with me. Every time she got angry, she ended up forgiving me right away. We never had a real quarrel in our relationship.

“Alright honey. My day was so wonderful.” I reply.

Ella has always treated me right. I was so lucky being with her. But despite all this, I feel incomplete. I realized I was not happy with her at all after meeting Sarah. She had opened my eyes and I finally figured it out that what I felt for Ella was not love. Maybe I was just comfortable with her, and I mistook that for love. I think that is the best explanation.

Ella devoted her whole life to me. Just like now, she had already prepared me my meal. She was just waiting for me, so we could eat together. Without me in her life, I know she will not make it. I just can't leave her. My conscience won't let me.

Despite me having plenty of doubts, I still want to surprise her by proposing to her. I know I will get married to her soon. I will ask for a loan at the office, I hope they will allow me to have it because I have joined the office recently.

“I'm done babe, let's eat already before the food gets cold.” I say to her as I sit in the dinning area. She was always a good cook and I always enjoyed eating food that was prepared by her.

“Ok babe.” She says as she served me the food.

I had to work hard to pretend like everything was still ok. I don't want her to start having any doubts. Heartbreaking her is the last thing I will ever want in this world.

“By the way, babe, I will be going home tomorrow. I see you have already settled into your new job. I know you will manage without me. But when you need me, you will just let me know, and I will come running to you.” She says.

“Babe, so soon. I will feel so lonely without you.” I pretend to be hurt. Usually, when she said she was leaving, I would feel so terrible inside. It was like she was part of me which was being taken away. But today, I felt nothing. In fact, I was happy that she was leaving. I will be so free and make my decisions without even thinking about her.

“Babe, I will feel lonely too. That is why I badly want us to get married already so that I will stop this habit of coming and going. I want to settle permanently in one place, and that is here, babe.” She says.

“I will marry you, babe. That will be soon, I promise you that.” I say to her. Since it was always our dream to get married to each other, I will make sure that that dream happens. I know I will manage without me being in love with her. I just hope I will be able to make her the happiest woman in the world.

“Let me just wait. I know you always keep the promises you make to me. I am dying to be your wife, Hun.” She says while kissing me. I kiss her back anyway. I could not resist her lips.