Mixed Feelings

“Why did I ask him that? Why does this disturb me so much?” Leah muttered as she tossed and turned in bed that night. The room was quiet. Derek had walked out after their argument, and he never returned.

Leah ran her hand over Derek’s side of the bed. As expected, it was cold. It had been cold for a while.

Over the last couple of months, despite sharing the same bed, Derek’s warmth had faded. He didn’t hold her to sleep anymore as much as he used to. Leah could feel their connection slowly slipping away, but she did not know why or what to do, and now… Now she could not help but think that this all had something to do with Chantelle’s return.

Her mind raced with guilt and confusion, “Did I push him too far? Am I overreacting?”

A soft knock on the door pulled her out of her thoughts. She froze, and the faint hope that it might be Derek disappeared the moment she heard Sylvia’s voice.

“Good evening Ma’am, Mr. Johnson has asked me to inform you that he’ll be staying over at the office tonight.” The housekeeper announced politely from the other end of the door.

Leah heaved a deep sigh, “Thank you, Sylvia.” She replied calmly.

‘Of course, he wasn’t coming home.’ she heaved disappointedly. Her fingers traced his side of the bed once more. Deep down, she wished that Derek would come home like he always did after a fight. They’d kiss, make out, and have some of the best sex, but this time it was different. She could tell.

Her heart sank in sadness when she realized there might be more and more nights like this. Now that Chantelle was working under him, Derek would have less reasons to come back home.

A tear slid down her face, she was losing him to her right before her eyes and there was nothing she could do. Wiping away her tears, she stepped into the shower,

“Get it together Leah,” she whispered to herself, took a quick bath, and changed into something comfortable for the night.

****

The door swung open and Valerie walked in. She had always been Leah’s doctor and good friend since she got married to Derek.

“How are you doing today, Leah?” She asked with a soft smile, approaching her.

Leah nodded in response. There were no words to describe how she’d been. Derek had not called to check in since last night and she was getting a little worried.

“So I’ve been going over your test results and nothing looks out of place.”

“You said you’ve been getting sick a lot?” She asked, staring inquisitively at her.

“Yes, I’ve been dealing with frequent cases of nausea, feeling very weak and sometimes I get a little lightheaded too.”

Valerie suddenly stopped, her eyes narrowing in suspicion.

“When was the last time you got your period, Leah?”

“My period?” Leah recoiled in confusion.

“What’s that got to do with anything?” She asked, her heart racing at the thought that suddenly crossed her mind. She quickly dismissed it, not wanting to give herself false hope. She’d done that many times already and every single time, she’s had her expectations crushed.

She just started adjusting to the reality that she might never have a family with Derek. Over the years, they’d visited several doctors and they all reported the same thing, she and Derek were a mismatch and the chances of them ever having a child were slim.

Instantly, her hand moved to her stomach, “You think, I’m-?” She started to ask, but Valerie interjected softly.

“I can’t say anything definitively until we’ve done some tests.”

A little excitement crept on Leah’s face but faded away almost as quickly. As much as she wanted to be pregnant, this did not seem like the perfect time to have a baby, not with everything going on between her and Derek.

****

Leah sat in the bathtub for what felt like hours, holding the test results in hand, filled with confusion and an overwhelming sadness. This was something she had wanted for so long, so why did she feel so sad now? ‘Should she tell him?’ She wondered. Derek may have been indifferent and slowly pulling away, but maybe having this baby would change things between them.

But before she could convince herself of anything, she heard the front door click open and immediately got out of the bathtub, quickly dressed up, and rushed towards it. Her heart stopped as she saw Derek. For a brief moment, their eyes locked. Neither of them said a single word.

Staring at him now, she was even more confused about what to do. She bit her lower lip and prayed a little, hoping she could gain the courage to tell him what she needed to say.

Yet, she was afraid to tell him about the pregnancy. She didn’t know how he would react, especially with how he’d been lately.

What if he got mad? What if he told her that he didn’t want the baby? What will she do if this makes things worse between them?

The thoughts ran through her mind, leaving her overwhelmed. Having a baby was something she hoped could fix their marriage. She knew their marriage was not as strong as it used to be, and with Chantelle’s return, Derek had made it clear that he didn’t know where he stood with her.

What if he rejected this baby the same way he’d rejected her? Her child deserved to be surrounded by a loving family, or at least grow up around a father that wants him.

Finally, she took a shaky breath and spoke, her voice barely above a whisper, “We need to talk, Derek.”

Derek was about to speak but before he could say anything, the doorbell chimed again.

“I’ll get it,” Leah said and walked toward it.

As soon as she opened the door, her heart stopped and a sudden anger flared within her as she saw Chantelle standing on the other end of the door.

“What are you doing here?” Leah snapped angrily.

Chantelle flashed an arrogant smirk, “I came to talk to Derek. There are some things we didn’t get to discuss last night.”

Last night? Leah’s heart skipped a beat. Did she just say she was with him last night? Her eyes widened, and she just stood there staring at her in disbelief. But her shock faded quickly, replaced by a darkened expression.

It felt like all her fears returned at that moment.

When Derek came back today, he seemed calmer and she had hoped they’d be able to have a talk and figure things out, but realizing that the reason he did not come back last night was because he was with her. The reason for his calm was because of her. Leah felt her blood boil.

She took a step forward, forcing herself to keep a neutral face and not give Chantelle the satisfaction of seeing her riled up.

“I see he didn’t tell you where he was last night,” Chantelle said smugly,

“Huh. Looks like you and your husband could work on your communication skills.”

Chantelle’s eyes gleamed with mock sympathy, “You guys aren’t having problems, are you?”

Tilting her head, Leah observed her slowly. Chantelle had practically damaged Derek when she met him, but she helped him heal and get himself back together. She had no right to show up after all these years and act like Derek was still hers.

“My relationship with my husband is none of your concern,” she replied firmly, despite the storm raging inside her. “What I would like to know is why are you here, Chantelle? Why have you come back after all these years?”

Chantelle chuckled and stepped closer with a cruel glint in her eyes, “Isn’t it obvious, Leah? I’m here to get Derek back.”