JULIA

I sit in the corner of the crowded convocation hall, watching as graduates and their families celebrate this momentous occasion. The blue and gold of our colleges graduation gowns flash around me as people move around laughing, hugging each other and taking pictures. The air is filled with excitement and joy, but my heart feels heavy. I keep glancing at the entrance, hoping for a familiar face to walk through those doors, but time continues to tick away, and there's no sign of the one person I want to see. My father.

My father wasn't always present in my life growing up. He was always busy to the point were it felt like he was prioritizing his work over me. Despite that, he made an effort to be there for special occasions and important milestones. And so, today, on my graduation day, I had hoped he would surprise me, just like he always did.

As the ceremony winds down, my best friend Dio walks up to me.

“Happy graduation day, Jules!” he blows a party popper and the golden string and tinny sound brings a smile to my face. My mood lifts instantly.

Dio has always been the one person I completely trust and confide in. He was so good to me and I honestly do not think I could've survived college without him.

Today he is putting on a black turtleneck with dark pants and the blue-and-gold graduation gown. His black eyes sparkle as he takes me in where I'm seated.

“Happy graduation day, Dio,” I reply.

“You don't look like you just went through four years of college and came out unscathed. Why the long face?”

I sigh and look away. “My dad. He's not here yet.”

“Oh, that's right,” Dio nods with understanding and for some reason I get sadder. This was not how I pictured this day would go.

“Well that sucks,” he starts. “But it doesn't mean that you should be stuck here looking like someone stole your candy. What do you say you come with me? My family's over there waiting, we could grab a celebratory dinner,” he jerked his thumb to where his parents were standing talking.

I'd always liked Mr and Mrs Costa since I'd met them two years ago but I did not feel like interrupting their family time.

I shook my head. “Thank you, Dio, but I don't want to intrude.”

“You wouldn't be intruding, Julia. You should know that by now.”

“Yes I would. Besides, I can't leave right now. What if my dad shows up? I don't want to miss him.”

“But . . .”

“Go,” I insisted. “Go spend time with your family.”

I could tell he wanted to say something else but the stern look on my face discouraged him.

“Fine,” he relents. “I'll call you later, ok?”

I nod and he squeezes my shoulder. After he waves goodbye, he joins his family waiting for him and I see them share a hug before leaving the hall. I recline, holding onto the belief that my father would still make his grand entrance. The once-lively hall starts to empty of people and soon it's dark and I'm the only one left. I watch as cleaners move in to begin to clear the area, removing traces of this memorable day.

Some shoot me a sad look where I sit at the back and my heart crumples all over again.

Reality starts to sink in. He's not coming. A mix of disappointment, frustration, and sadness fills my heart, and instead of crying like I feel like doing a sudden wave of uncontrollable laughter tumbles out of my lips. It's a hysterical laugh, fueled by the absurdity of the situation and the helplessness that threatens to suffocate me. When I manage to get the laughter to stop I make a decision and stand up from the chair.

My butt and the muscles of my leg are sore from how long I've been sitting still so I falter on the three inch black heels that I'm wearing.

When I've gotten the feeling back into my lower body, I adjust my red dress and pick up my handbag seated in the chair beside me. I start out of the hall pausing only to take off my graduation cap and robe and carelessly toss them into a nearby trash can.

They were no good to me anymore.

As I step into the cool night air I blame myself for letting my hope overshadow reason. I should have known better than to expect my father to change, to put me above his work and be there when I really need him.

My disappointment and the overwhelming need to distract myself from these torturous thoughts, fuel my actions and I make to the nearest bar. Drowning my sorrows in alcohol was my newest hobby and I knew all the bars on campus better than my thesis.

As I walked I wished more and more that I had Dio with me. I really needed someone to talk to and I didn't have any other friends whom I felt comfortable enough to confide in.

But I didn't regret asking him to join his family. One of us deserved to be surrounded by people who loved us.

Entering the dimly lit bar, I take a seat.

“I'll have a glass of your strongest liquor, kind sir,” I order, taking the hair tie out of my auburn hair and running my fingers through it.

The bartender in the badly creased suit surveys me before turning and pouring me something in a shot glass.

He drops it in front of my and I take a few dollars out of my clutch and slap it on the table.

“Keep 'em coming, Bruce!” I read his nametag as I down the shot.

The fiery liquid slides down my throat with a fiery lick that I embrace wholeheartedly.

The bartender produces shot after shot, and I swallow them all very fast. The alcohol numbs my pain, momentarily providing solace in its embrace.

“You know that slimy son of a bitch has never said I love you,” I slur as the alcohol starts to take effect. “Yeah, my own father. That man hasn't ever put me first and I hate him. I hate him! I hate him so much!”

I raise the glass in my hand and find that it's empty. I beckon to the bartender.

“Yo, Bruce,” I hiccup. “Refill please.”

I watch the blurry figure of the bartender shaking his head. “'fraid not, ma'am. You've had enough of those now. I'm not giving you any more. Bar policy.”

“Buzzkill,” I blow a raspberry at him then start to giggle at the absurdity of the sound.

Glancing at the clock, I realize that it's time to leave. “Is that the time? I should be going. Later, Bruce.”

As I stand up my legs wobble and I nearly fall flat on my ass.

I manage to steady myself and I stumble out of the bar, the world spinning around me.

Unable to tell which way is up I teeter around on the street before unknowingly colliding with someone, a well-dressed man in a suit. As I raise my unfocused eyes up to meet his face, for some reason my restraint shatters, and I burst into uncontrollable sobs. Without thinking, I throw my arms around this stranger and sob big fat tears.