Steve is leaning against the lockers, Annie Jacobs, the most popular girl in school, with her perfect long blond hair, standing in front of him. She keeps moving closer and closer to him. Steve’s popping gummy bears like they’re going out of style. Is it me or did he just move away? No, why would he? And why do I care?Just then, he looks up, his bright-blue eyes snaring me. When I start to turn away, he calls out, “Emily! About time you got here. You’re late. ” Then he says something to a pissed-off-looking Annie before coming my way.I keep walking and he files in beside me.“Thanks for the save, pottery girl. That chick’s a few cards short, if you know what I’m sayin’. ”It’s never stopped the other guys from caring. That’s what guys like, right? I mean, almost every boy in this school has gone after Annie at some point or another, even Ian on one of our breaks. “Pfft. Like that matters. ”“You go for girls who aren’t playing with a full deck?”I look at him and roll my eyes. “I’m
My attention is quickly pulled to Emery's stomach when she places a hand there. "So, do you think he likes you? And now when he's angry because you harmed him, do you feel bad?He doesn't like me, therefore no. Furthermore, I don't believe I injured him; I was merely a bitch. I don’t know if that’s why he had a bad day but—”Emily," she cuts me off. "Not everything is about you, I promise, and I mean that in the greatest manner imaginable. You might not be the cause of his meltdown, as you claim.I feel my cheeks warm as I acknowledge her accuracy. Steve kind of told me earlier that I make everything about me, which very Edwarde-like. When you put it that way..."I'm not saying that's the cause or not, but unless you're sure it is, don't be too hard on yourself. You and I probably have a lot in common. We already have plenty to worry about; we don't need to invent additional justifications.She is correct once more. When she says it, it makes so much sense that I ponder why I didn't c
She says, her shoulders swaying, "Busted." Compared to Steve, she has a more ethnic voice. His voice has a Hispanic lilt, while hers is deeper. "Is there a possibility we can keep this under wraps?" Her cigarette is raised.I can tell it's the same Edwarde as Steve's when she smiles.They appear lighthearted, joyful, and carefree. It makes me want to perform the Edwarde for some reason. “Umm…sure? In any case, I'm not sure who I would inform. Talk about a strange request coming from a mother.“Shh. Steve has the back room and is a light sleeper. My son dislikes tobacco use.Steve, go! Even so, it's odd that she's keeping it from him. I mumble, "Sorry," half intending to giggle at the way she checks behind her to see if Steve is approaching."Don't worry, Mija. You are not at blame. I'm too old to be sneaking cigarettes around, but I'm only smoking one now a day. Not too awful, in my opinion. But my son is a harsh critic.When I look back to that day in the hallway, I want to say, "Yeah
Dolcezza, do you...do you want to talk about it?.I can't help but question if it's odd that I am unable to communicate with my own father. How on earth would I ever attempt it? Tell him that I initially believed I was in love. That even though I wasn't ready to have a baby, I had sex and became pregnant, and now that it's abruptly gone, I feel a little hollow. Simply poof! akin to magic. No, not magic—Mom was magical—but rather, a terrible force that swept in and devoured me.However, I kind of want to speak with him. I want him to at least ponder. Even if he can't have his bella signora, I hope he can have his sweetheart, therefore I want him to ask, hold me, and call me dolcezza. I sincerely hope I am sufficient. I want to alleviate his sadness the most of all. At night, I have a dream that I have a large eraser that I can use to erase the moments in our past when things first started to shift.Is it as a result of that boy, Ja—? His voice suddenly becomes tense, and despite the hu
I can only nod while pondering what just occurred. I will undoubtedly attend brunch tomorrow.Brenda calls as I walk with Steve to the door, "See you at nine."Okay, many thanks.Steve halts as soon as we step onto my doorstep. You'll be alright?I enter with a nod. Yes, I'm OK. Fortunately, we don't reside on Elm Street. Then I might force you to spend the entire night up with me.My stale joke earns him a smile. I wouldn't have to be forced by you. I would safeguard you from Freddy. Or have my mother keep us both safe.Big powerful boy needs his mama, I see. I can see you're a brave person. My tummy is fluttering, and I try to ignore it.She is strong. When you come to know her more, you'll understand."I'm sure your mother is a tough cookie,""Wise girl. " He turns his attention to his home. I better leave. We'll see you later, Bryntastic." Steve does a U-turn and runs home again. I keep an eye out until he enters.I quickly go upstairs to brush my teeth and grab my pillow and blan
My eyes are also watering. Despite not knowing what is wrong with her or what to do, I find myself approaching and sitting down on the chair next to her. I wrapped my arm over her—something no one ever done for me—and I let her cry. Dad tried, but he couldn't bring himself to.And she complies. So many tears, I'm unsure if she still has any.I just sit there, encircling her with my arm, hoping I'm acting appropriately. Because it feels nice to help someone else when I am unable to help myself, I hope that this somehow helps.She wipes her eyes with her sleeve when the tears eventually cease, and her expression instantly transforms. “Wow. I completely lost it on you there. I apologize for it. She gives me a smile. She recently shed a lot of tears, therefore I can't believe she's smiling.I'm doing foolishly, she says. "I just got into an argument with my lover and temporarily lost it. I'm all right now."I believed you lacked a boyfriend?"She opens her mouth as if she just made a mist
It was his, and maybe Emery’s, Brenda’s, and…In a way, I think it was mine. Mine because I took the step to let him in. Or maybe I’m being crazy, trying to look for something that isn’t there. Some part of me I never realized still needed someone the way I obviously thought I needed Jason.Rolling over, I let my eyes find the red numbers of my clock. I stare at them until they start to blur. It’s a little after 4:00 a. m.Riding my new burst of courage, I sneak out of bed, downstairs, and out back. My heart drops when the porch on Steve’s side of the fence is empty. It only takes a few seconds of my standing there and wondering what I’m doing before I hear a door opening quietly. Brenda steps on the porch, pulling out her secret cigarette.A heavy breath finds its way from my lungs. I don’t know why I need to talk to her so badly, but I do.She walks toward the fence, and I do the Edwarde.“Couldn’t sleep. I felt like a little fresh air. ” Which isn’t the truth at all. I came out her
Steve mumbles, “Shit,” under his breath before walking over and sitting beside me. We swing for a minute, no noise besides the creak of the chains and the occasional car purring by. I try to work through my thoughts so they make sense. I just swing, and sit, and be with him until I decide to just speak whatever comes out.“I’m sorry. This isn’t me. The bitchiness. I’m just—”“All mixed up,” he continues for me. My head whips to the side and he’s smiling that Steve smile, and I return it.“I’m not always happy, Bryntastic. I’ve dealt with shit, too. I just got to the point where I was over it. Tired of letting anger and pain run my life. I’ve seen what it can do, caring so much what other people think. ”Because of what he went through with his sister.Another eternity passes before I find the courage to speak again. I’ve already admitted a few things to Steve this afternoon that I never would have before. I decide here and now to keep going. Even if it’s baby steps. “I need a friend.