Then why do you act like it every time I so much as come close to you. You've been tense since coming in here, like you're scared I'll bite."I try to deny his accusation but the words wont just come."Matt...."I whisper, even though I imagined his name sounding more firm and sure before I said it."Just say it's a lie, pancakes, tell me you've not flinched every single time I came close and even now when you did force yourself to close the distance, you are so stiff it's like I'm physically hurting you.""I'm just not used to the company." I say in my defense."What do you mean?"He asks, showing genuine interest in my troubles, something I've looked for for a while now.I try to explain to him that it's not him but me, that I've not been this close with anyone in my life and it feels a kind of foreign and weird.I mean, I shared a suite with Caden but we never shared each other's bed, so doing it now, with him, it just sets off my default panic.But the words to explain just wont c
JADE'S POV I came to school this morning to find the word "whore" boldly spray painted on my blue colored locker in bright red paint.And every fucking person in that hallway just stood there, shamelessly gawking at it and laughing......again.God, for once I just wish I can snap a finger, blink an eye or do something, anything and things will change back to the way they used to be.Yeah, I said it, I wish I can just go back to the times when no one knew my name and Ches was all i had and we had our own little table at the end corner of the cafeteria, away from the rest if these nut jobs.I just want the times when I had a semblance of peace and quiet and a slice of my sanity too because I'm beginning to loose it honestly.The stupid tears won't stop coming, so I remain in the janitors closet I'd crawled into earlier to hide from the mocking students.Liz has gone far with her parlor tricks and notes and threats, and I just wish I have even the smallest piece of proof that she's my t
JADE'S POV"Are you okay?"I've heard this question like a gazillion times in the space of this week and to all of them I've smiled and lied and claimed to be okay, but right now, that answer eludes me.I'm not okay, how can I be when this kind of shit keeps happening, how can I be when being here is slowly becoming a hell loop for me.This isn't even the worst thing that's happened to me here, yet it feels like the most invasive, like I was just offensively strip searched."Did you find a note?"Caden asks from behind me, peering into my locker from above my head, trying to figure out what it is I found that has me so ashen and distraught.Well, in this case it's what I didn't find."There's no note Caden." I sigh in dejectedly, my temples drumming st my temple suddenly presenting itself and hurting."Then what's the pr......""Your book is missing." I snap, cutting him off.Just like everything else between us in recent times, the words hang between us, as if untrue, maybe not under
JADE'S POV"What are you doing here?"That's what he asks me when he finds me standing outside his door like a fool, and for the life of me, I couldn't find the words to answer that question.I've been here, to this house, to the door of his room like a million times and in all of those times, I've never had to explain "what I'm doing here" to anyone.So maybe that's why no plausible answer came to mind as I stare morosely at him, my mind occupied with certain other questions like why are his eyes wet, had he been crying?"I'm sorry." I mutter because those are the only words that comes to mind, escaping my lips without permission when I part them, sounding flat and bare even to my own ears.At first he stares at me like he's not sure what to do with me now and then later, he just watches me with that look on his face that worries how much of his just concluded phone call that I heard.He says nothing and just stalks back inside his room and I just follow because I have no idea what
CADEN'S POV"I kissed Matt."This is the last response I expected to hear when I asked where she slept over last night and while I waited for her to burst out laughing and confirm she was just messing with me, it doesn't come.She just stands there looking at me and waiting for me go say something, I'm not sure what."I just wanted you to hear it from me and I'm not even sure why but there you have it."She says again and this time, her eyes avoiding mine and the first question that pops in my mind to ask is if she enjoyed it, if she liked kissing Matt instead of me.But I guess that's my jealous side fighting for dominance in my head so I take my time instead to digest the news before I choose my words."Cupcake....." I start to say but she cuts me off."He didn't force me if that's what you want to ask, I guess I kind of wanted it then but now....I don't know. Maybe it's because of that night, maybe my subconscious hated not remembering and wanted to know what it was like and.......
JADE'S POV I can't believe he liked me back then, almost as much as I like him and said nothing.All those years ago and he'd let some stupid thing he heard me tell Ches out of resignation ruin all of it for both of us.I mean, she and I had been what we thought of as pretty obvious in our crush on him, she, the more obsessed one and me, more the best friend that knows for sure that she'll never have the guy but he'd not once seen through any of it?Wow, I can see now why most people would easily agree that most guys can be so fucking clueless, annoyingly so, when they want to be."So when you returned, started a new school and found out I was there, why didn't you try to talk to me about it, or say something at least? Why did you just continue ignoring me, barely answering my greetings and rolling only with your new circle of popular friends?"He has the decency to look sorry about that, like he just realised now too how much of a bitch hindsight can be."I'd just gotten out of very
CADEN'S POVI know what she's asking but the answer to her question is lodged in my throat, not coming up and not going down, only suffocating me like those nightmares I beg to wake from and hear nothing in response except my own thudding heart and my laboured breath.Time pass, the question condensing in the air, getting thicker and heavier in its entirety and I just feel so small, s feeling I've avoided like the plague in these recent and brighter times.She sits up on the bed, dropping my hand eventually like I'd wanted at some point, but the waft of cold breeze that cools it off of the tiny balls of perspiration that had built in them from contact, reminded me why this is the last thing I want.She says nothing, doesn't ask me again or try to push me fo tell her about the hellish years that had followed leaving here and the nightmares that had built after it.Just nothing.She just hugs her knees to herself and watches me and I see it in her quiet gaze, the resignation and resolve
CADEN'S POV Richard was a portly man, a little too young to be imagined a close friend of my dad's and always overly excited with his beady eyes and warm hugs.......but I don't tell her this.I don't say a word about how I hate the smell of musk and spice to this day because of him and I don't mention how terrifying I find anything served unsealed or in a glass.I dont say shit to her anymore than I already did because even that is too fucked and too much to dump on someone.There's no point burdening her with the whole story now of how he'll come home from work early every other day, always glad when he finds me home alone.He'll always smile like he's the good guy and ask how school was, even though I never bother to answer any of his questions. All I wanted at that point in my life was for my mom to not be.....gone and for my dad not to always be gone, not some man always prying into my business every now and again.Her sobbing, faint now but still there, racking through her petit
CADEN'S POVI know what she's asking but the answer to her question is lodged in my throat, not coming up and not going down, only suffocating me like those nightmares I beg to wake from and hear nothing in response except my own thudding heart and my laboured breath.Time pass, the question condensing in the air, getting thicker and heavier in its entirety and I just feel so small, s feeling I've avoided like the plague in these recent and brighter times.She sits up on the bed, dropping my hand eventually like I'd wanted at some point, but the waft of cold breeze that cools it off of the tiny balls of perspiration that had built in them from contact, reminded me why this is the last thing I want.She says nothing, doesn't ask me again or try to push me fo tell her about the hellish years that had followed leaving here and the nightmares that had built after it.Just nothing.She just hugs her knees to herself and watches me and I see it in her quiet gaze, the resignation and resolve
CADEN'S POVI know what she's asking but the answer to her question is lodged in my throat, not coming up and not going down, only suffocating me like those nightmares I beg to wake from and hear nothing in response except my own thudding heart and my laboured breath.Time pass, the question condensing in the air, getting thicker and heavier in its entirety and I just feel so small, s feeling I've avoided like the plague in these recent and brighter times.She sits up on the bed, dropping my hand eventually like I'd wanted at some point, but the waft of cold breeze that cools it off of the tiny balls of perspiration that had built in them from contact, reminded me why this is the last thing I want.She says nothing, doesn't ask me again or try to push me fo tell her about the hellish years that had followed leaving here and the nightmares that had built after it.Just nothing.She just hugs her knees to herself and watches me and I see it in her quiet gaze, the resignation and resolve
CADEN'S POVI know what she's asking but the answer to her question is lodged in my throat, not coming up and not going down, only suffocating me like those nightmares I beg to wake from and hear nothing in response except my own thudding heart and my laboured breath.Time pass, the question condensing in the air, getting thicker and heavier in its entirety and I just feel so small, s feeling I've avoided like the plague in these recent and brighter times.She sits up on the bed, dropping my hand eventually like I'd wanted at some point, but the waft of cold breeze that cools it off of the tiny balls of perspiration that had built in them from contact, reminded me why this is the last thing I want.She says nothing, doesn't ask me again or try to push me fo tell her about the hellish years that had followed leaving here and the nightmares that had built after it.Just nothing.She just hugs her knees to herself and watches me and I see it in her quiet gaze, the resignation and resolve
CADEN'S POVI know what she's asking but the answer to her question is lodged in my throat, not coming up and not going down, only suffocating me like those nightmares I beg to wake from and hear nothing in response except my own thudding heart and my laboured breath.Time pass, the question condensing in the air, getting thicker and heavier in its entirety and I just feel so small, s feeling I've avoided like the plague in these recent and brighter times.She sits up on the bed, dropping my hand eventually like I'd wanted at some point, but the waft of cold breeze that cools it off of the tiny balls of perspiration that had built in them from contact, reminded me why this is the last thing I want.She says nothing, doesn't ask me again or try to push me fo tell her about the hellish years that had followed leaving here and the nightmares that had built after it.Just nothing.She just hugs her knees to herself and watches me and I see it in her quiet gaze, the resignation and resolve
CADEN'S POVI know what she's asking but the answer to her question is lodged in my throat, not coming up and not going down, only suffocating me like those nightmares I beg to wake from and hear nothing in response except my own thudding heart and my laboured breath.Time pass, the question condensing in the air, getting thicker and heavier in its entirety and I just feel so small, s feeling I've avoided like the plague in these recent and brighter times.She sits up on the bed, dropping my hand eventually like I'd wanted at some point, but the waft of cold breeze that cools it off of the tiny balls of perspiration that had built in them from contact, reminded me why this is the last thing I want.She says nothing, doesn't ask me again or try to push me fo tell her about the hellish years that had followed leaving here and the nightmares that had built after it.Just nothing.She just hugs her knees to herself and watches me and I see it in her quiet gaze, the resignation and resolve
JADE'S POV I try hard not to look at him differently, not to feel so much hurt on his behalf and not blame myself so much for not being there when he needed someone the most, but it's sooo fucking difficult not to, not after listening to everything he just said.I had no idea all he'd gone through, alone and now all the times I spent hating his guts and resenting him seems a waste and stupid.Every day, I imagined he was enjoying his super perfect life, looking down his nose at the rest of us measely teens but his life had been anything but perfect.It'd been all bright on the outside and yet very dark, lonely and hollow on the inside that it must have been so fucking difficult.Somehow, I'm glad I skipped school today and is spending the day with him, a weak attempt at making up for lost times and a silent apology for....everything.Silently, I'm grateful that his book went missing because he would never have told me any of this if it hadn't, though I hope to hell and back that it do
CADEN'S POV Richard was a portly man, a little too young to be imagined a close friend of my dad's and always overly excited with his beady eyes and warm hugs.......but I don't tell her this.I don't say a word about how I hate the smell of musk and spice to this day because of him and I don't mention how terrifying I find anything served unsealed or in a glass.I dont say shit to her anymore than I already did because even that is too fucked and too much to dump on someone.There's no point burdening her with the whole story now of how he'll come home from work early every other day, always glad when he finds me home alone.He'll always smile like he's the good guy and ask how school was, even though I never bother to answer any of his questions. All I wanted at that point in my life was for my mom to not be.....gone and for my dad not to always be gone, not some man always prying into my business every now and again.Her sobbing, faint now but still there, racking through her petit
CADEN'S POVI know what she's asking but the answer to her question is lodged in my throat, not coming up and not going down, only suffocating me like those nightmares I beg to wake from and hear nothing in response except my own thudding heart and my laboured breath.Time pass, the question condensing in the air, getting thicker and heavier in its entirety and I just feel so small, s feeling I've avoided like the plague in these recent and brighter times.She sits up on the bed, dropping my hand eventually like I'd wanted at some point, but the waft of cold breeze that cools it off of the tiny balls of perspiration that had built in them from contact, reminded me why this is the last thing I want.She says nothing, doesn't ask me again or try to push me fo tell her about the hellish years that had followed leaving here and the nightmares that had built after it.Just nothing.She just hugs her knees to herself and watches me and I see it in her quiet gaze, the resignation and resolve
JADE'S POV I can't believe he liked me back then, almost as much as I like him and said nothing.All those years ago and he'd let some stupid thing he heard me tell Ches out of resignation ruin all of it for both of us.I mean, she and I had been what we thought of as pretty obvious in our crush on him, she, the more obsessed one and me, more the best friend that knows for sure that she'll never have the guy but he'd not once seen through any of it?Wow, I can see now why most people would easily agree that most guys can be so fucking clueless, annoyingly so, when they want to be."So when you returned, started a new school and found out I was there, why didn't you try to talk to me about it, or say something at least? Why did you just continue ignoring me, barely answering my greetings and rolling only with your new circle of popular friends?"He has the decency to look sorry about that, like he just realised now too how much of a bitch hindsight can be."I'd just gotten out of very