8: Emptiness and Rage

ATTICUS

I stormed down the hallway, rage simmering under my skin. I couldn’t remember ever being this angry before—furious with her, furious with myself.

My jaw was clenched so tight I thought my teeth might crack. How the hell had I let it happen? How did I lose control like that, especially with her?

Hera.

The same woman that was probably responsible for Rachel’s death. And I had touched her—worse, I had wanted her.

My body had betrayed me the second I laid my hands on her. I couldn’t fight the pull, the attraction. I had kissed her like a madman, like I needed her.

And I fucking hated myself for it.

The fact that the first woman I touched in years was the one responsible for taking Rachel from me—it made me sick.

And the worst part? The thing that made me want to punch something until my knuckles bled? I was turned on by the fact that I’d made her feel good. Her moans, the way she responded to me—it was burned into my mind.

I stormed into my room, my chest tight with anger and saw Lilith on the floor, sobbing. I hissed under breath and barely registered her presence.

It didn’t matter. Nothing she did ever mattered, not really.

Her tears were just another thing to ignore right now.

The only thing I could focus on was the boiling rage coursing through me, the way I couldn’t stop replaying what had just happened with Hera.

Lilith looked up when I stepped inside, her eyes red and swollen.

“Atticus…” Lilith’s voice broke through the haze, trembling and thick with emotion. She was still crying, still on the floor, her hands shaking as she tried to wipe her face. “Do you really intend to keep her here? The woman who killed Rachel… in the palace that should’ve been Rachel’s?”

I stared at her, unblinking. I didn’t care about her tears. I didn’t care about the way she looked up at me with pain and anger in her eyes.

The only thing I cared about right now was the mess in my head—the way I was still too turned on, too wired from what happened with Hera.

And I fucking hated it.

“You really think so low of me, Lilith?” I said, my voice cold. “You think I’d make her my mate?”

Lilith’s eyes narrowed, her voice rising.

“Then why did you bring her here?” She stood up, her hands trembling with fury. “I saw the way you looked at her, Atticus. You want her, don’t you?”

“Don’t mistake revenge for attraction,” I snapped, pacing the room, my blood still boiling. “I brought her here to make her life a living hell, Lilith. She’s not going to be my mate. She’s going to pay for Rachel. That’s the only reason she’s here.”

Lilith wiped her face, glaring at me through red eyes.

“So that’s it? You want to torment her?”

I turned to face her, my voice lowering into a growl. “Of course, do you really think I brought her here to make her a Queen?”

Lilith glared at me, her face twisted in anger.

“And her powers? You’re just going to let her have them while she stays here?” She demanded. “I know for a fact that she manipulated the ritual today. If she can fight Tanzu, she can do anything!”

“She won’t have them.” I took a step closer to her, my voice dropping. “From tomorrow, she won’t be able to use any of her powers in the palace. She’ll be completely defenceless.”

A cruel smile tugged at Lilith’s lips. Her tears were gone now, replaced by something dark and hungry. Something that I liked, as long as it was going to make Hera’s life hell.

“So… she’ll be mine to play with?”

I nodded and when I spoke again, my voice was cold and detached.

“She’s yours. Do whatever you want. I don’t care.”

Lilith’s smile grew, her eyes flashing with wicked satisfaction. She moved closer, her hands trailing up my chest.

“You always know how to make me feel better, Atticus,” she purred, pressing her body against mine. “Rachel would’ve wanted this, you know. She’d want us to make Hera suffer. Like Hera did to her.”

I didn’t react. I didn’t care about Lilith’s attempts to twist things in her favour, didn’t care about her warped sense of loyalty to Rachel. All I wanted right now was to get Hera out of my head.

She was still there, her face, her body—taunting me. Mocking me for how weak I’d been.

And I fucking hated it.

Lilith’s hands slid lower, her fingers curling around my belt, her voice dripping with that familiar sultry tone, the one she always used when she wanted something. The one she always used whenever she wanted to initiate sex with me. It never worked. I’ve never been able to fuck a girl after Rachel. The most use Lilith has for me was her mouth. I get off on fucking her mouth and I’ve never gone beyond that.

Until today! When that witch made me touch me, made me finger her into an orgasm. My noses flared in hunger. I wanted nothing more than to go back to her room and yank her head off her neck. But what satisfaction would that give me?

“I can make you forget about her, you know,” she whispered, her voice filled with a twisted sense of devotion. “I’ve always been here for you, Atticus, ever since Rachel. She would be pleased that I’m taking such good care of you. It’s been years, and you still haven’t touched me… but I know you need this. Rachel wouldn’t want any other she-wolf for you.”

Her words hung in the air, and I felt her warmth against me, but it didn’t reach me. It didn’t calm the storm inside. If anything, it made it worse.

I didn’t want her touch. I didn’t want her. What I wanted was to rip Hera out of my mind.

The way she’d taken over my thoughts since I touched her, the way I’d lost control—wanting her, when I knew I shouldn’t.

I hated myself for it.

And maybe that’s why I gave in. Not because of Lilith, but because I needed to do something—anything—to burn off this rage and disgust.

“Strip,” I said, my voice cold, detached, already disassociated from what was about to happen.

Lilith blinked, taken aback for a second. She clearly wasn’t expecting me to agree so quickly. But then that slow, smug smile spread across her face, her eyes glittering with excitement.

She backed up, slipping her dress over her head. Her body was bare beneath it, and she stood there, waiting for me to make the next move.

I didn’t wait.

I grabbed her roughly, pulling her toward the bed without a word. She gasped, a mix of excitement and surprise, but I didn’t care. It didn’t matter.

None of this mattered.

I wasn’t doing it for her, and I wasn’t doing it for me. I was doing it to drown out the thoughts that had consumed me since I touched Hera.

I couldn’t feel my wolf. I couldn’t tell whether he was hyped for this or not. For someone who has always been in a sour mood because I’ve abstained for so long, he sure was taking a neutral stand now.

I threw Lilith down on the bed, face down, her body sprawling across the sheets. She laughed, breathless, looking over her shoulder at me like this was some kind of game, but I wasn’t playing.

This wasn’t for fun.

This was a distraction.

I positioned myself behind her and entered her roughly. There was no pause, no foreplay. I didn’t care about her moans or how she arched her back, trying to meet my thrusts.

My movements were brutal, relentless, driven by the need to erase everything from my mind. To block out the image of Hera, the memory of how she made me feel… everything!

The anger, the guilt, the desire—it all churned inside me, and I was trying to bury it beneath something else.

Lilith moaned beneath me, her fingers clutching the sheets, but her sounds were background noise. I wasn’t doing this for her pleasure. I wasn’t even doing it for mine.

I was disconnected from everything, detached from her, from this moment. I thrust harder, faster, trying to lose myself in the force of it, to burn off the storm that had been building inside me all night.

But no matter how hard I went, no matter how much I tried to bury myself in this, I couldn’t stop thinking about Hera. Her body. Her scent. The way I wanted her, even though I shouldn’t.

Lilith’s moans grew louder, her body jerking beneath me, but I didn’t care. I didn’t even look at her. I was somewhere else, focused on trying to erase what couldn’t be erased.

When it was over, I pulled away from her without a word. Lilith rolled onto her back, her face flushed and her lips curled into a satisfied, almost victorious smirk.

But I wasn’t looking at her. I didn’t even care that she was there.

“Atticus,” she started, her voice soft and sweet, like she thought this had been something more than it was.

“Get out,” I said, my voice flat.

Her smile faltered, confusion crossing her face as she pushed herself up on her elbows.

“What?”

“Get out!” I repeated, more forcefully this time, not bothering to look at her.

Lilith blinked, her confidence crumbling. She sat up fully now, her posture stiff.

“I thought—”

My head snapped in her direction and the rest of her words hung in her throat.

“Are you fucking deaf?” I cut her off, my voice sharp. “I ordered you to get out!”

Her expression fell, embarrassment washing over her face as she scrambled off the bed, gathering her dress in a rush. She tried to maintain some dignity as she stood, but the way her hands trembled gave her away.

I didn’t care. I didn’t watch her leave. I only heard the soft click of the door as she walked out, leaving me standing there in the same storm of rage I’d been in before.

Only now, it was worse.

Because the memory of Hera was still there.

And I hated it.