[02]

AUTUMN:

I knew deep down that Trisha had already accepted this rejection. That she had foreseen this one. 

She had already sensed that something was off the moment Beta Maddox called us, but still, both of us were surprised at the rejection. Then, an unbearable feeling washed inside me as if something had snapped. Our severed connection. This was only the start. If I accept the rejection, it will become a thousand fold and then you will no longer like to live. 

I drew a sharp intake of breath and my knees gave out. Tears welled in my eyes while staring at Beta Maddox in disbelief. Pain and surprise were mixed together. 

“Why?” I whispered, gritting my teeth as I was continuously attacked by the waves of pain. Unlike me, Beta Maddox did not even feel it. Not unless I accepted his rejection. Both of us would suffer. 

“You don't need to ask why, Autumn. All you have to do is accept the rejection. Not everything needs to have an explanation.”

My vision blurred and stumbled forward. I was thankful I was able to grab something. If not, I would fall on the ground, face first, and Beta Maddox will not even help me at all. 

I put my hand on my chest when the pain won’t subside. It. Fucking. Hurt. So. Much. I wanted them to stop. 

Still with tears in my eyes, I lifted my gaze and stared at him. My vision was blurry at the attack of pain. It will take some time before it will even disappear. “You want me to accept the rejection because you don’t want others to know?”

Images of our happy childhood flashed inside my mind. 

No. 

How could this happen like this? How? 

Maybe he was only scared that I would also murder him, like what my packmates believed. He was scared of what I was capable of doing. 

With a cold voice, he answered, “Yes. That’s why I am rejecting you right now before others will know.”

I sucked in a breath and exhaled. Inhaled. Exhaled, until the pain slowly faded.

“You’re scared that your pack will no longer trust you because of me?”

Why do you keep on asking him? Why don’t you just accept the rejection and run away? Why do you keep on talking to him? You’re only hurting yourself in the long process, Autumn. You should walk away while you still have some ounce of self-respect. Walk away.

“Yes,” he replied, averting his gaze. “I don’t want this to be more difficult for you, Autumn. Accept the rejection and let’s pretend that this did not happen at all.”

Hot silent tears fell down from my cheeks and laughed.

He might think that I was crazy already, but I did not care anymore. 

He did not even give me a chance. He just rejected me.

'I told you earlier,' Trisha exclaimed. 'You should have run away so that he won't reject you at this moment.'

'He would reject me anyway. He did not want to associate with me.'

“Fine. I will give you what you want, Beta Maddox. I am easy to talk to.”

He returned his gaze at me and said, “Good. That will make everything easier. I’m sorry that it led to this, Autumn. Our childhood  was one of the best things that happened in our lives, but…we are no longer children. We need to forget those things.”

Angrily, I wiped the tears from my eyes.

“You don’t demand those things from me. Those were the only things that keep me sane right now. I have literally nothing in this pack. No friends. No family. I am all alone, Beta Maddox. The two friends who promised never to leave me were already gone from my life. I am now pretending that you two are dead. You want me to forget those experiences, forget it yourself. You’re not going to dictate what I should do or what I should not.”

Beta Maddox stares at me with pity.

All my life, everyone was either staring at me with pity or mockery, or even anger. 

“Autumn. Don't you understand?”

“Make me understand. Fuck you!” I cursed. “Make me understand because I don’t know why you two suddenly left me alone when I needed you two the most.” 

When my parents died, no one approached me. No one visited the wake except for my parent’s relatives. But all of them were watching me with anger or even disgust. They believed that the murderer did not deserve any respect. They never wanted to associate with a murderer. 

“Like I said, you should forget about the past,” he stated.

I scoffed. “That’s all you can say? Forget about the past? That’s fucking bullshit.”

His eyes narrowed. “Cursing will not make me change my mind.”

“I don’t need you to change your mind. I am fine with the rejection.”

The one who was rejected would suffer the most while the one who initiated the rejection would still be in pain, but not that much. Later on, Beta Maddox would heal from the pain, while me? I will forever carry it. Except when my second chance arrived.

“If you are fine with it, don’t you think you’re making this conversation long?”

He did not know that the reason why I was keeping him here was because I wanted to stare at him for a long time. He may be a beta here, but he was always out of reach. He was near but seemed so far.  

Beta Maddox looked around. Probably because he was scared that others would find out that he was asking me out. In this secluded part of the pack house. Only a few or none of my packmates would come here. No. Except for those few who would pee here or those lovers who did not want to get caught.

Inhaling deeply, I uttered, “You really wanted to eradicate me as soon as possible.”

“I have no use of you.”

He was telling the truth, but it fucking hurt so much. 

It felt as if there were tiny knives plunged into my chest multiple times. He did not even bat an eye. He just said whatever he wanted. 

He was no longer the Maddox I knew when we were kids. 

‘Accept his rejection. We don't need assholes like him.’

‘What would happen to us, then?’ I asked Trisha. ‘We will be completely alone. I don't want that to happen.’

‘We will be alone if no one will accept us and our past. We are already branded as murderers. No one would accept us that easily. So you let go of that bastard, okay? I don't want him. We don’t want a mate who doesn't have the balls to spend the rest of our lives. We do not need him, okay?’

Trisha sounded so brave. But I knew deep down she was hurting inside too. She appeared strong to me. If Trisha would be gone, I did not know what I would do. 

‘How could you be so brave?’ I asked.

‘I need to be brave because you are weak,’ she answered without hesitation. 

“Autumn, I don’t have the eternity for you to accept my rejection. You need to do it right now. I need to see Alpha Hugh in his penthouse.”

He was right. Hugh was now residing in his penthouse outside the pack house. Half an hour if driving from here if they hit the maximum speed. No one was allowed to go to his penthouse unless they were permitted to do so.

“You’re killing me, Beta Maddox. But then again, you don’t care about it. In your eyes, I’m nothing but an omega and slave who did not even deserve you. I am garbage in your eyes. Easy to be tossed aside,” I declared with full bitterness.

His face hardened.

Where was the sweet maddox who promised to take me as his mate in the past? They were gone.

‘I’m the only one you have right now, Autumn. So I’m the only one you should be listening to, alright? Accept the rejection. Give him what he wants and be done with it.’

‘What if we will regret this in the end?’ I whispered to Trisha.

Her eyes narrowed.

‘I will make sure that we will not be the one who will regret in the end, but it will be Beta Maddox.’

‘How would you do that? We are not powerful.’

‘Are you sure we are not? They are scared of us. That’s a start,’ she declared with a smug expression on her face. It looked like Trisha was planning something. I wanted to know, but I was certain she would not tell me about it.

Facing the beta once again, I said, “Do you want me to reject you that bad?”

“I’ve been waiting, Autumn,” he muttered, full of annoyance in his voice.

“I, Autumn Kim, accept Beta Maddox’s rejection.”

At that instant, Beta Maddox and I shared an immeasurable pain of the complete severing of the bond.