Chapter 2

My tears kept on falling while I hear Atlas breathe heavily above me. He was enveloping me like he's afraid to lose me. Like I'll run away.

“Are you done?” I asked. I lifted my stare to him. His thick brows and creased forehead greeted me as his eyes raked at the face. I blinked a few times to pull my tears back.

Atlas removed himself and rolled to my side. I can clearly hear his sighs and silent curses. The face of an angry person and the actions of a person filled with hatred.

Sometimes, I ask myself if he ever regretted what he did, but I immediately push those thoughts away. Why would he regret? I know that he doesn't like me from the very start. He hates me, so why would I hope?

“I'm not going with you tomorrow. I have to go somewhere with Trina. Don't ever barge into her café again, got it? Isn't it enough that I'm still stuck with you even if I don't want to?!”

I don't know where I should look. I didn’t know if I should look at Atlas again and beg him to come with me. I also don't know if I'm really numb or I'm just pretending to be. Why did he still couldn’t see the things that has always been there? Always there that he just needed to open his eyes.

I love him.

Is it really that hard to believe it?

I sighed, forcing to remove the clog in my throat. I tried to calm myself for the upcoming bitter feeling. I didn’t want to feel and look pitiful. I'm tired of feeling sorry for myself.

“I know. I won't go near her anymore.” I shook my head secretly. I know Trina's version was different from what really happened earlier. Even if I tell Atlas the truth, I know he won't believe me.

I smiled bitterly. When did he ever believe me?

“I’m sorry,” I said instead.

“I hope you learned your lesson.” 

That's when I turned my head to him. My heart wanted to scream from what I said. Is that how low he looked at me? I want to hurt him and slap him but I'm too weak. I can't stand for myself because I know the truth. I know it's my fault. That I deserved what he did to me. A punishment for my selfishness.

Atlas left.me after saying those words. I remained in my bed and let myself stay naked. I felt so drained from what happened. My mind is also tired. Atlas can make me feel both physical and emotional pain. He can wreck me again and again. But I had to get used to this. I had to be numb to everything.

This wasn’t about me anymore. This is also about my career. The name that I've always been taking care of. The respect and inspiration that I was getting from the people. The trust of my father that has always been looking forward to my future and my children. This was about my whole life. The pain that I felt from Atlas lies from the things I didn’t want to be known and ruined. 

I sighed. I would just let myself be drowned from the pain. Maybe that way, I could finally forget the situation that I was in. I would just let myself fall into slumber and be numb. . . for a while. 

I woke up late the next morning. My head was throbbing in pain, and so was my body. I forced myself to get up and fixed myself. I have a very important patient for today. A VIP to be exact. 

I hurriedly got out of my room. I was wearing my usual outfit, skinny jeans and a sleeveless black ruffled blouse. I was carrying my shoulder bag using my right hand. I was stunned to see Atlas at our kitchen. He seemed like he also just woke up and decided to have a coffee.

“Good morning,” I greeted him. I placed my bag at the table and gently got some bottled water out of the fridge.

“You're not gonna eat?” 

I was stupefied. I turned to him from the doorway. My forehead was crumpled while he was busy with what he's doing. He's back was on me so I couldn't tell if I was just hallucinating things.

I wanted to open my lips and ask him if he was talking to me, but nothing came out of my mouth. It was like everything's hard to utter, like everything's impossible. In the end, I sighed. My shoulders were slumped as I walked out of the house.

When I got inside my car, I wiped all my worries away. I could never let myself be drowned in pain. I would always find a way on how to handle it. I would always be in composure and be professional. Why not? I already mastered the art of pretending.

Staying in love with the person who couldn’t love me back was a choice that I made. Staying with Atlas was the only option that I set for myself. Staying to be hurt has always been my consequence. I thought that just like me, other people also experience pain. Maybe my pain was just a little bit more than theirs.

I kept myself busy for the last hours of my work. I had a lot of clients. Different well-known personalities. There were a lot of visitors, relatives or acquaintances. There was also an invitation for a magazine at a guest interview from a medical show.

I shook my head while the time ticked fast. Some people needed me. They wanted me. But for Atlas, I was some random trash that could easily be thrown. Nothing. A burden. Unimportant.