After a few hours of trying to make the perfect pizza, Neal and I sat upon the sofa laughing over the movie we were watching. He was only about a foot away from me, and even though two different blankets separated us, I still felt closer to him than I had to James in a while.More than once over the last few days, I had wondered if I had decided wrong when I gave James another chance. James was the man I loved and, more than anything, he was the man I wanted to be with. But I questioned whether I was making the right choice because James's life was complicated, and Neal was just so much more. He cared about me and was there for me when James wasn't.James's words rattled through my mind as I thought about what he had said about Neal. Neal had told him he cared about me, but he never said he loved me. Yet, no matter what I thought, I knew I was still curious."Neal, can I ask you something?"Without missing a beat, he looked at me with a Cheshire grin and nodded. "You never h
BeccaWaking up the next morning, I couldn't stop thinking about how the tension between Neal and I was so high. Last night, he made me feel in a way I hadn't felt in a long time. I felt wanted and desired, and even though I was with James, I couldn't help but contemplate what a relationship with Neal would be like.It was wrong of me, and I was so terribly wrong for even considering things like that.The guilt weighed heavy on me, and I knew for a fact last night when I dressed my door was cracked, and I heard Neal's door shut, so I knew he had seen me, yet he said nothing.Did that make me a whore for being in that kind of situation?Did that make me a worse person because I allowed something like that to happen, knowing full well I wasn't single? God, everything happening to me was turning me more and more into somebody like Tally, somebody who couldn't be trusted, and it was horrible.Standing in the kitchen in front of the coffee pot, I waited for the dark brew to f
Two days later, I fell back into a normal routine. The last thing I wanted was to sit around and preoccupy my mind with things I couldn't change. Instead, I had to focus on school and all the different exams coming up soon.Like a paper I had to write for one of my classes that was literally almost a mile long.To say I had a complicated situation would be an understatement. However, the coffee was finer at the cafe down the street from my home, and what better way to study for the long exam than to surround myself with a comforting atmosphere?I embraced the coziness with coffee, a muffin, and warm inviting aromas of the local cafe.For someone in my situation—alone–this was the perfect place for me to be. I was glad for the atmosphere, and tapping on my keyboard, I searched for the answer I needed.At least that was what I was trying to tell myself.Part of me wished it was a glass of whiskey I was drinking right now, considering how stressed I was. While the other part o
At a loss for words, I stared down at Tally, who sat on the floor with a black eye, a busted lip, and a cut to her head. She literally looked like she went ten rounds with Mike Tyson and came out on the very bottom end of the pole."Oh, my god." I ran to her, quickly unlocking my door and helping her to her feet. As soon as the door opened, I helped her inside and realized by the look of her, she was far more pregnant than she initially had thought she was."Tally, we have to call the hospital. You need an ambulance."Shaking her head, though, she took a seat on the sofa. "No, I can't go to the hospital. I'll be okay. This isn't the first time I've gone through this, and he never hurts the baby, so it's just me, my face."Stepping back, I stared at her in complete shock, not understanding how she had found me and how she had even gotten up here, considering you needed a key card to get in. "How did you find me?"Staring at me, her mouth opened and closed before a heavy sigh l
JamesAnger coursed through my veins as I stared at Tally sitting on Becca's living room sofa. I hadn't expected to see her in Becca's living room, but fate had other plans. Instead of me coming here to search for her—she found her way towards me."Thank you for not going out there," Tally whispered, staring at her feet.I wanted to wring her neck and tell her how stupid she was being. Before I could, the front door opened, and Becca walked into the apartment slowly, her eyes not meeting mine.Casting her eyes towards the floor, she passed by me, making her way towards the stairs. Guilt rolled through me at how I had spoken to her. I realized now I was wrong for speaking to her as I did. She wasn't the reason I was angry, but she was the only outlet I had when I unraveled.That was no excuse. I had been a complete asshole. "Becca—" I said, grabbing her arm gently, stopping her in her tracks. I didn't get a chance to continue as she held up her hand, stopping me from con
Becca.After everything that had happened with James, I let myself succumb to the lust that took over on very often occasions. I loved him, but loving him wasn't good for me. At least, I wasn't sure if it was. I wanted him to stay, but I was so far past having the effort in this anymore.I just wanted to sleep. Curl up in my bed, and hide away from the world.There was no point in exhausting myself mentally, emotionally, and physically by fighting for a relationship that just could not work. At least, not right now. Perhaps when everything was said and done with my schoolwork and Tally had the baby, and James had figured out whatever else he had going on… then he could work towards something more.Maybe anyway… who knew what the future would hold?Laying In bed naked, I stared at the ceiling, trying to move around all the vivid thoughts I had. James and I had once again done what we usually did, and with as many questions as I had, I wanted to know what the truth was. I ne
BeccaTwo weeks went by before I was actually able to find myself in some kind of contentment. The moment I broke it off with James, I went upstairs and cried my eyes out, unable to focus on anything, and even when Monday came around, and my classes fell back into session, I just couldn't get myself together.Everything, instead, went by in a blur. I felt trapped within my mind, trying to pay attention but doing so numbly because I had ended things with the man I loved. I couldn't deal with the complications. I couldn't keep dealing with the unassured way my life was going, the chaos constantly consuming me.That was no way for any woman or man to live.And though he wanted to keep a hold of me, I couldn't do that.Looking at my phone, I stared at my missed calls from the day. Every day he called me, he would call twice or three times, trying to get me to pick up. Sending me text messages telling me not to do this, and I at first replied. But now?Every time my phone ran
BeccaThe weekend came quicker than I imagined and before I knew it, I was in my car driving to New York City. Even though Neal had absolutely refused for me to do so. He said he would have me flown down here, but I enjoyed driving. It gave me time to clear my mind and relax in the scenery.That is, of course, until I actually got into New York City and then reminded myself why I did not enjoy living in a city, nor driving in one. It was nothing but utter chaos.The bumper to bumper traffic was crazy, and nobody knew how to drive. Nobody used turn signals. People just walked right out in front of you in the middle of the road like they owned the damn place. I don't know how many times I had to slam on my brakes because I almost hit somebody.But as I pulled into the parking garage of Neal's building and found the lovely parking space he had reserved for me, I couldn't be happier.This was going to be an absolutely amazing vacation.Regardless of how the past few month