0.6

Amber's P.O.V

     I sit on the bed fully unclothed as an overwhelming feeling of embarrassment and shame wash over me.

I wipe away some tears that had fallen as I quickly grab my clothes and change into them before stammering out of the room. As I make my way through the halls, I desperately try to find someone that I know as more tears start to fill my eyes.

I feel so dirty, so pathetic, so used and unwanted.

I didn't think that if Sam were to use me that I would feel this way.

I thought I would be happy and proud of myself for getting the guy I so desperately wanted.

But I don't feel that way at all, I feel so naive. I can’t believe I allowed this to happen.

        As I push past a group of drunken people who were grinding against each other, I eventually spot Nina straddling Jack as they interlock lips with each other. Despite not wanting to see or interact with Jack in this moment I desperately need to speak to Nina so that we can leave.

I couldn’t stand to be here even a second longer.

                      "Nina, can we please go?" I sniffle as I go up to her before tapping her on the shoulder.

         I stand a few steps behind her, waiting patiently for her to respond as I keep my head down in efforts to hide my tears. She soon turns around, having me lift my gaze to see her blood and sunken eyes.

.

                    "Hey biitchh what happened with you and Sammy?" She slurs, her face lighting up with excitement as she attempts to stand but instead stumbles to the ground.

                    "Please, can we just go?" I question as tears brimmy eyes.

                    "Amber? Are you crying?" Jack asks as he grabs my chin before turning my head and forcing me to look at him.

      His eyes analyze every feature of my face before scoffing and forcefully pushing my head away from him. I immediately wiped away a tear that had fallen as I see Sammy coming towards me. I thought he was going to come and spark a conversation with me. But instead, he walks right passed me like I didn't exist and sat by his friends before taking a hit of the blunt that had just gotten passed to him. Jack then leaves our area before going over to where Sam and the other guys are.

      I watch as Sam whispers something to Jack, causing Jack to laugh slightly to himself. They both then look over at me before shaking their heads and going back to smoking. More tears threatened to fall as Sam just confirmed all of the negative thoughts that were forming in my head.

                 "Nina get up, we're going." I say as I try to hold back my tears.

       Nina soon start's to realize that I was upset, having her quickly oblige before stumbling out of the house with me by her side. I grab the keys that were in her purse as I swing her arm around my shoulder, helping her into the car. As I begin to drive away from the busy party I couldn’t help but break down from my incredible sense of stupidity.

I did not think that being with Sammy would cause me to feel like this.

This is what I always wanted so why do I feel like I just made the biggest mistake of my life??

           "You're so stupid Amber!!!! How can you be so fucking stupid?!!” I yell at myself as tears continue to flow.

        Realizing that I wasn’t alone, I push away my urge to scream before looking over at Nina to see that she was asleep. I begin to grow thankful for this because I didn't want to answer any questions or even speak about what the fuck just happened. We eventually arrive at my house, having me go to wake up Nina as I didn’t want to carry her in.

         She very drunkenly sits her body up before trudging her way into my house. I slowly and carefully guide her through the foyer before leading her into the downstairs restroom where she immediately falls to her knees before puking in our toilet. I release a huff of air, putting my problems to the side I go to hold her hair up for her, not wanting her to spoil her perfectly curled hair with vomit.

         As I stood behind her, I couldn’t help the tears that fell as more thoughts of what just happened between me and Sam fill my head.

                "I’m such a fucking idiot.” I mumble to myself as I close my eyes and replay everything that just happened over and over again.

     Nina looks over at me for a split second before gagging and quickly turning to puke again.

              "Is everything alright?" My mom questions in fake concern as she walks into the restroom.

     I inhale a Sharp breath, growing agitated by her presence and passive-aggressive remarks as I keep my attention away from her.

If you want us to get out, just say that.

Her face scrunches up in disgust as she cringes at the piercing stench of vomit.

               "Mom everything's fine, just go back to bed." I say as I wipe away my tears to avoid any further conversation with her.

               "Honey, you're crying." She points out as she walks further into the space.

               "MOM! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!" I yell, growing overwhelmed as I brush past her before running upstairs and leaving Nina alone in the guest bathroom.

     I run into my room with tears blurring my vision as my emotions begin to feel completely overwhelming for me. Anger, frustration, shame, and embarrassment continue to flood my consciousness all at once, causing me to internally scream as if I just needed some type of release from all of these uncharted emotions.

       My eyes scan my room hysterically as I look for something, anything that could possibly take this edge off. I begin to rummage through my drawers, completely emptying all of my clothes as I search desperately for my hidden stash of pills. I go through each drawer, creating a huge mess as I eagerly try to find something to relieve me of the panic attack that I feel beginning to arise.

       After searching every possible crevice of my room, more anger starts to flood through my body as I already knew my mother had taken them. Feeling blinded by rage I find myself grabbing onto a glass vase on my dresser before completely throwing it across my room in a fit of anger.

Tears stain my cheeks as I bring myself over to my long body mirror in order to face my reflection.

       My hair is completely disheveled, mascara has completely tainted my face and my lips are swollen and bruised. More shame and anger fill my spirit, having me immediately kick my mirror in response, causing my reflection to immediately shatter and fall to my feet.

                      “I hate myself.” I cry

         My thoughts get interrupted by the series of notifications being pinged to my phone, having me immediately go to check it.

@sammywilkins: @babyamber, you were such a good fuck. I had fun spanking you, hope we can do it again sometime.😏

       Panic immediately starts to fill my bloodstream as my body begins to involuntarily shake while my breathing grows hollow. Hundreds to thousands of hate comments begin to fill the thread, having more and more tears fill my eyes as I begin to read over them.

@queenCarastella: fucking slut.

@carsenscurse: wow, your so disgusting. Go kill yourself already.

@dvmn_alexis: if you were to die nobody would miss you.

@lovevictoria: wait… isn’t that the same girl who called me a prostitute for KISSING someone? Lol look who’s the prostitute now bitch🤣🤣🤣

I hate myself, I went and gave my innocence to some boy who had no feelings for me at all. And then he goes and does this? Blasts it all over social media for everyone to judge me and make fun of this mistake?!

       Without thinking I immediately go to punch my wall with full force, all my emotions flood through my body only fueling my enraged fit. Flashbacks of me and Sammy continue to cloud my mind and I found myself not being able to stop. Blood seeps from my hand as I fall onto the ground, crying and screaming out from the physical and emotional pain that I am in. My body felt weak but I somehow managed to pull myself up and onto my bed. More tears fall as I cradle my bruised and swollen hand.

Nothing is worse than the intense feeling of wanting to die.

     As I close my eyes in attempt to finally get some sleep from this horrific night, I then hear a door open and then slam shut from downstairs. The sound of heavy footsteps doesn’t go unnoticed as I listen to the trail growing closer and closer to my room. Within seconds the door to my bedroom is flown open and that’s when I see two tall figures standing infront of my door.

"Fucking whore." One deep voice says before stepping forward, coming into perfect view.