Hope in the Air

BLAKE

“Wouldn’t you like to stay in one place for a while?” He paused, pushing his glasses up onto his forehead to pinch the bridge of his nose. “I’m worried about you, son. Always on the road, always traveling, never taking the time to stop. I wish you would consider just taking a break every once in a while.”

The corners of my mouth pressed in. I’d always hated seeing my dad worried. It was an occupational hazard, given that he was now the CEO of a multinational company, but it had only been us and him for years.

Danny was always more focused on what people thought about the public image of our dad than the man himself. It left me to be the one to take care of the man behind the business.

Traveling didn’t bother me. It never had. I checked in with my dad often, and spoke to him at least once a week. I didn’t realize the traveling was a problem for him. “I love doing what I do, Dad. You don’t have to worry about me. I don’t need to stop or take a break at all.”

A grim smile crossed his features. “I know, I don’t have to be concerned, but I am. Settling down wouldn’t be a bad thing. Choosing one place to call home. A place where you wouldn’t have to drink hotel coffee or order breakfast through room service.”

I laughed, shrugging. “I love ordering breakfast through room service. I don’t need to cuddle with the guy who delivers it and I can get whatever I feel like every morning instead of having to eat whatever is put in front of me.”

“Don’t you miss having a place to go home to at the end of the day?” I’d never seen my dad like this. I knew he still felt guilty about our mom leaving him because of the business. She had no qualms about taking the money it made him, but claimed she couldn’t play second fiddle to a company.

Dad never really got over it, or her. Danny and I both suspected he dated casually, but like me, he kept his private life private. I knew he hadn’t been in a serious relationship since Mom left. He’d never gotten onto me about entering into one either.

“You don’t have to do this. I’m happy, I promise. The thing is Dad, if I ever did choose someplace to settle down—it wouldn’t be here.”

“I know, and I wouldn’t ask you to settle here. You’ve made your feelings about the state very clear, though I don’t understand it. You say you’re happy, but I don’t want you to waste your life without ever taking the time to find someone to share it with.”

So, this was about Mom. I exhaled on a deep breath, letting my cheeks puff with air for just a second before releasing it.

A part of me wondered whether this was the right time to talk to him about Mom. It was time he let go of his guilt and move on with his life. Fuck, it was long past time and had been for a while.

The blue smudges under his eyes told me he’d been working too hard again. I thought it yesterday, too, but knew there was no point in talking to him about it. Especially not while Danny was there.

All I could do was be there if he ever decided to talk to me about whatever it was that drove him to work as hard as he did. I’d always thought it was because Mom left him for the company. I wondered if in his mind he had to keep pushing the company because he had failed to do so with their relationship.

I ended up letting it ride. I wouldn’t push him. “Like I said, Dad, I really am happy. I don’t need to settle down and I don’t need a woman to fulfill me.”

Sighing, he nodded and finally took a sip of his coffee when he sat down. “I’ve never hounded you boys about marriage, but I’m starting to feel like maybe I should have. Not all marriages end up like Mom’s and mine did. I just want to see you both happy. I’d like to still be able to walk by the time you get married and I sure as hell want to meet my grandchildren. Mom and I might not have made it work, but plenty of other people do.”

“I think the national divorce rate says otherwise.” I appreciated that my dad didn’t hound my brother and me about our relationships and I hoped to hell that wasn’t about to change. I had abandoned the man-whorish ways of my youth a few years ago, and while I wouldn’t mind companionship, my lifestyle didn’t really allow for relationships. But I meant it when I told my dad I was happy with my job the way it was. I would hate to have to start justifying my life and the way I chose to live it. I also wasn’t anywhere near ready to talk to him about marriage and grandchildren. No way. “Thanks Dad, but you don’t need to worry.”

For a second, I thought he was about to push the issue but then he let it go. “Maybe California will change your mind about settling down. When are you flying out?”

I glanced down at my watch. “About four hours. Just a warning though, I’ve been to that property many times and so far, nothing about California has got me thinking about settling there either.”

There was something different in my father’s expression, but I couldn’t place it. Hope maybe? He stood up when another knock sounded at the door. Finally, my fucking pancakes! Unless it was my brother coming for a heart to heart. Honestly, I’d had my fill of deep conversations for one morning.

My father opened the door and thankfully, a waiter was waiting behind it with my breakfast. Turning before he left, my father gave me a quick wave. “You never know, son. Something could be different about it this time. Enjoy your trip.”

With those cryptic words, he left. Unless he was talking about a California located in a parallel universe I hadn’t yet visited, nothing could possibly be so different it would convince me to give up what I already had. And it definitely wouldn’t convince me to settle down there.